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Threads 251 to 275

she killed herself!!!
Posted by Laura on Sun Sep 9 21:05:26 2001 (#872)

My friend Claire recently committed suicide. she slashed her throat i wanna die aA WLEL

Re: she killed herself!!!
Posted by Tara on Sun Sep 9 22:59:07 2001 (#873)

don't be hard on yourself.you don't need to die.you may feel that way but you still have a life ahead of you.it may not seem like it right now but you do.i used to think the same way.i never did have a friend commit suicide though.i am really sorry about that.it must be tough.but live on in her memory.she will always be with you in your heart and in spirit.never forget that.well i am gonna go.e-mail me if you want to talk to someone.i am here for you and everyone else to.

LOVE YA LOTS,

TARA BUTTERBAUGH(SIS)

Re: she killed herself!!!
Posted by Aspen on Tue Nov 27 02:02:23 2001 (#1069)

I know how hard it can be to have a friend commit suicide, my friend killed herself last year by turning on the car in the garage and I have never felt so lost, what you have to remember is that she didn't mean to hurt you and did it to get away from the problems that life were causing for her. She is now probably with you in spirit, there for you everyday, and you should also remember to be strong, if for nothing else, for her. Take care, Aspen

"i hate myself and i want to die"
Posted by not worthy on Mon Sep 10 05:10:11 2001 (#874)

im going to do it. im sick of living with myself. and what hurts the most is that i have no one in the whole entire world. i know someones going to think oh your mom cares or oh you have friends or someone cares about me but its not fucking true my own fucking brother cant even stand to look at me what the fuck does that say about me and my fucking mom jesus christ what a fucking selfish cunt im going to fucking kill her too. my god listen to me i am sickening, lower than a piece of fucking dirt i hate myself so fucking much it hurts just listen to me thats the most sickening thing of all

Re: "i hate myself and i want to die"
Posted by heather on Tue Sep 11 01:36:28 2001 (#875)

hey!!! omg dude please tell me your ok!!!! i was totally like you just three weeks agao!! i would cut all over my arm just b/c i was mad about a friend going out with a guy i liked!!! it was so dumb..the things i would cry over and cut over!!!! but im getting better..i get sick of myself to and cry when ever i find poems and letter's i wrote when i was dieing inside! but im liveing proof it does get better and yeah maybe you have no one but hey if it helps im here just email me to talk or post here..k? well im gonna go...i care about you and everyone else that post here and we dont wanna lose you!!! please calm down and try not to do anything stupid!!! luv ya's!!

...
Posted by black rose on Sat Sep 15 02:34:28 2001 (#876)

ummm....nm....

Re: ...
Posted by Alana on Sat Sep 15 17:45:12 2001 (#877)

My feelings exactly.

Re: ...
Posted by elle on Sat Sep 15 22:51:20 2001 (#878)

yeah, well said...same here

Fade
Posted by Alana on Sat Sep 15 23:30:31 2001 (#879)

"I just needed someone to talk to, you were just too busy with yourself You were never there for me to express how I felt, I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I should let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching is the bed that I have made."

~Staind - Fade~

Re: Fade
Posted by heather on Sat Sep 15 23:49:47 2001 (#880)

OMG!!! that is one of my fav songs!!! i to can relate to that song..hint the reason why i love it so much..ok well g2g heather*

Re: Fade
Posted by dave's beer. sdhjfshfj on Sun Sep 16 03:16:08 2001 (#881)

I know exactly what that feels like! - but it's also about the people that aren't there. You need friends to support, but we all know it's us that has to change coz the world can't at request.

If someone was always there it would never heal a thing, just protract the pain. Use everyone you know you can to lean on - but rely on anyone 2 much & you'll hate them for eternity coz they are fallible also. Use what you need, but when you hate the world with a passion - hate it's guts back!! Let it know you're gonna do your stuff!!!!

I've talked & certainly IM'd enough to have a reasonable idea about what you is - it isn't as pessimistic as my summation by far! Be a right boring lass with bitch in your brains & revenge in your gut - but then, I'd still like you from what I've seen - but that isn't you at all.

If you respect me you'll respect my opinion - you're worth a damn site more than you'll know for a good few years yet.

sorry, condescending carl on the ball again - drunk, but it hurts to see yuo feel so pathetic

speak soon

love

xx

mental breakdown
Posted by Alana on Mon Sep 17 22:01:06 2001 (#882)

I don't know if thats what you call what I experienced last night. It was just fucked. I can't explain what I was going through. But I will try. I was actually in good form last night. But one thing just turned me around into this big ball of freaky shit. I don't even remember what I was thinking - actually I do...death. I was scaring the people I was talking to on msn, not making and sense and going on about suicide. I get panic attacks all the time, but this one was different, if it was even that. I was crying but my face was stone cold with no expression, I was uncontrollably shaking, and rocking back and forth (its a security thing ya know) I was numb. I felt physically ill, like I was just going to explode. My heart was aching. I then went outside to get a few breaths of fresh air and it go worse. I started to talk to myself over and over (sounded like a nutcase), saying "I'll never tell" again and again, for about 20 minutes. It's true. I will never tell. I will never open up to anyone...too much crazy stuff in my head. Thats what was so bad about last night, it all came out and my friends were there with me. I'm so fucked.

I want to overdose. But this time, I don't wanna wake up. I need to let go.

Re: mental breakdown
Posted by heather on Mon Sep 17 22:20:03 2001 (#883)

hi...my name is heather. i know what your going through i have been there so many times. i know that lost feeling. i was dif tho i didnt talk to myself..i screamed, thats how i let my feelings out..i would fall to my knees and scream out loud everything that was on my mind. im better tho i still cry but i dont cut or think of dieing anymore. i use art to let my feelings out instead of cutting. i hate to think back to when i did all that b/c it was the hardest thing i have ever been through. it makes me sick to think that i used to be that way..but i have found god!!! with you it may be dif. i dont really know you but i do know what your deeling with..i understand. but you gotta think about good things dont let yourself get like that..i used to say i didnt have control of that..but we do..we can stop ourselvs if we really wanted to. but we dont. i hope you have the courage to stop and think about what you would be giving up..i dont meen the bad things..i meen think about the good things you will loose. please try to help yourself i know you can..you know you can!

love ya...heather***

just another stupid story
Posted by Angel on Wed Sep 19 20:49:17 2001 (#884)

I'm 17 years old. You've probably have heard it all by now butI just need to get my feelings out. I have been suicidal for about a year and a half now. I've kept it all inside the whole time. I'm on the verge of giving up. I've been holding it in for so long now that it almost seems impossible for me to let it out. Should I tell somebody? If you have any advice or anything please let me know -k-? Thanks for listening. -Angel-

Re: just another stupid story
Posted by Alana on Thu Sep 20 00:29:33 2001 (#885)

You should definately tell someone. For sure.

Re: just another stupid story
Posted by Doris on Thu Sep 20 02:26:29 2001 (#886)

Hey Angel (love that name, by the way... I have two angel tattoos :) )

I was suicidal and SIing for about a few months before I told anyone. I finally, with God, worked up the courage to tell my family. When I did, they were so grateful and understanding and they kept on telling me that they were so incredibly proud of me that I could be so brave.

I think it takes time to work up the courage, but you should definitely tell someone. When I told my family, they knew I wanted to get better and, with their help, I got the help I needed.

I will pray you find that courage.

Love and strength and hot cheesy pizza,

Doris

Re: just another stupid story
Posted by Peepers on Fri Sep 21 21:48:32 2001 (#889)

I think you should just kill yourself you aint worth it anywayz.

BYE

Re: just another stupid story
Posted by Alana on Fri Sep 21 22:09:18 2001 (#891)

Bitch. All I have to say. Chillax man.

Anyone from Michigan
Posted by Dead Inside on Thu Sep 20 22:49:11 2001 (#887)

I think I am the only one in Michigan who is insane. Who is a victim of SRA and self injures. Flashbacks, nightmares, and toying with death. Well I am done being the freak of the week. I can't find anyone to talk to other than my psychologist who is awesome but will call the police on me if I tell her what I am going to do. I am mental in Michigan and all alone

Re: Anyone from Michigan
Posted by Alana on Fri Sep 21 06:45:00 2001 (#888)

I'm not far from Michigan. Ontario - I know its not the same. I'm sorry you feel so terrible. All I can say is that whatever you decide to do, people will remember you. Alright, alright?!

Love, Alana

Re: Anyone from Michigan
Posted by Doris on Thu Sep 27 03:23:26 2001 (#898)

Alone? Never.

I'm from Boston, MA but I go to school in Ohio (Columbus). Where in Michigan are you? My brother and his wife live in Ann Arbor. I know you probably don't care... just thought I'd share.

You are not alone. Email me anytime.

Love and strength and warm summer nights,

Doris

just a thought*
Posted by heather on Sat Sep 22 02:11:19 2001 (#892)

LOVE

Love tells a story..a story about God.

God tells a story..a story about life.

Life tells a story a story...a story about us.

we tell a story a story about love.

hmmm..just a thought,luv ya's heather*~*

Re: just a thought*
Posted by Doris on Thu Sep 27 03:20:56 2001 (#897)

Heather, that was beautiful. Did you write that? I liked it a lot :).

How have you been lately? I'm praying that all is well. Write back if you get a chance.

Love and strength and fuzzy white snowflakes,

Doris

I wrote it...
Posted by Alana on Mon Sep 24 20:48:29 2001 (#893)

I wrote a suicide note today. Its quite long. About 4 pages. I must revise though. Dave, you're mentioned in it. Just cuz I love you more than anything.

Love, Alana

Re: I wrote it...
Posted by dave on Tue Sep 25 20:34:31 2001 (#894)

what????????!!!!! As far as things go this is most definitely not pleasing. Already had me mentioned in one suicide note - they didn't kill themselves thankfully, this isn't a record I'm going for.

How serious is this? I use to fanatsize a lot about my death & the funeral & what people would feel or say. What did I mean to them etc.. realised I desperately wanted the attention for my pain & I wallowed in it in my head - but then I wanted to undo my death as it wasn't death I wanted, just a different life. How does anyone justify it ok for a teenager to commit suicide? Hard enough to try with a 90 year old with alzhiemers.

well, I hope you're feeling less despairing very soon. Even a mental alcatraz has escapees against the odds.

love xxxxxxxxxx

Re: I wrote it...
Posted by me on Fri Dec 14 06:54:55 2001 (#1091)

and some just don't care or dream that it could be better...and it doesn't even matter b/c they want out of even the good

Re: I wrote it...
Posted by Doris on Thu Sep 27 03:04:05 2001 (#895)

You better burn that suicide note, Alana. Or I'm gonna come up to Ontario and kick your ass. :)

Love you

Don't do anything I wouldn't do. :)

Doris

...
Posted by Doris on Thu Sep 27 03:05:02 2001 (#896)

I don't want to die thinking I could have done more.

Re: ...
Posted by KAT on Mon Oct 15 03:47:18 2001 (#920)

then dont!!!!!! dont die when its not your time....
:(

why?
Posted by Doris on Thu Sep 27 03:33:12 2001 (#899)

Why do people tell you you're good at something when you're NOT? Why do people tell you that you can do anything you want when you CAN'T?

There is no such thing as talent.

We are all stuck in "today".

I'm done
Posted by Doris on Thu Sep 27 03:46:41 2001 (#900)

I will reply to everyone on this board until my f*cking fingers fall off. But I'm done with this "all about me" bullsh*t. I'm not supposed to be suicidal anymore, right? So I'll stop talking about me.

Love and peace and strength and joy and courage and love and love and love,

Doris

Re: I'm done
Posted by black rose on Thu Sep 27 23:12:03 2001 (#901)

I love to hear about u Doris...how everything's going and how u want things to be!! I love u w/all my heart and wont ever forget about u!!! e-mail me *hugs*

Re: I'm done
Posted by KAT on Mon Oct 15 03:44:59 2001 (#919)

you help us all and now we can soooo help you. well at least we can try and Im sure we all would love to. Doris you are awsome...dont give up on yourself, you need to take care of yourself before you start on anyone else bc your the most important to you..well you should be!!!! -LOVE KAT

-
Posted by - on Thu Oct 4 20:54:31 2001 (#902)

and then there was nothing

Re: -
Posted by * on Mon Oct 15 03:48:27 2001 (#921)

you can only go up from here

to everyone that posts, has posted, or will post..
Posted by black rose on Fri Oct 5 00:23:14 2001 (#904)

if u ever need ne thing just IM or e-mail me at my sn...I'm on alot...don't be afraid to...I'm here...but if I'm not...I'm soOo sry! *hugs* Christine(Kittie)

Re: to everyone that posts, has posted, or will po
Posted by Doris on Fri Oct 5 23:22:31 2001 (#905)

You're just a sweetheart, Christine. Love you. *hugs*

Re: to everyone that posts, has posted, or will po
Posted by KAT on Mon Oct 15 03:36:45 2001 (#915)

Hi Christine...how are you??? Im alright...Im glad to see your doin well.....take care sweetheart-LOVE KAT

anger
Posted by Kat on Mon Oct 8 07:01:22 2001 (#906)

i'm just feeling like i am not worth anything. I have no friends and i feel like crap all the time. I've been institutionalized 13 times and i hate that i'm hurting my parents they are near there 50's and i'm 18. I see their eyes are o tired but i know they love me. I can't stop cutting i hate my therapist. I push my friends away i want to be like everyoine else at my college. They seem happy and talkitive, I'm silent and reserved. Social anxiety disorder and on Paxil but i'm depressed. I am just cutting to release the anger inside of me

Re: anger
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 9 19:01:47 2001 (#907)

I am 19... my father is 62 and my mom is 58. My dad's convinced that he's dying and I get to hear about all his symptoms.

I had SAD and was on Paxil too... your story sounds so much like mine. My SAD progressed to "Severe Major Depression Disorder with Pyschotic Symptoms" and I progressed to Prozac. I depise therapy and medicine... so I swore them both off a few months ago and I feel great.

My point here is that: don't let 'them' tell you who you are with a stupid diagnosis... only you know who you are. And no one is happy... those talkative people are hiding their discontent. I know it sounds pessimistic, but it's something I've come to realize. When you realize everyone else around you feels just like you do, you don't feel alone.

I think you should look to yourself to be happy - not other people at college, not a therpist, and certainly not pills. Find completion within yourself - it's really not that hard afterall. Use art- poetry, photography, creative writing, drawing as a release and not cutting. It worked for me :). I've become some what of a poet. :)

Anyway, if one word of this rings a bell and gets you thinking, I've done my job :). Just look inside. :)

Love and strength and innocent little meows,

Doris

Re: anger
Posted by KAT on Mon Oct 15 03:40:06 2001 (#916)

Hi kat this is KAT..haha two KAT actually my name is Jessica. I wanna give you a hug and tell you everything will be okay bc it always will be no matter what no matter how fucked up things get, it can only get better when your that low!!! take care of yourself, you seem like a smart girl. Friends dont make you..... I didnt have friends for years I know how it feels....friends come w/ the happy territory if your happy youll attract good vibes. hang in there sweetheart

no cure
Posted by Doris on Thu Oct 11 19:16:37 2001 (#909)

There is no cure for an emotional illness. Doctors can remove a tumor, cure an infection.. but when it comes to an infection of the mind - there is no cure. That leaves me feeling so incredibly hopeless. They said I was cured... I'm not.

Doris

Re: no cure
Posted by black rose on Fri Oct 12 02:13:04 2001 (#910)

there is no real cure...ur right about that...but don't be hopeless!!

Re: no cure
Posted by Alana on Mon Oct 15 03:32:57 2001 (#913)

I feel your pain. The only way to cure an infection of the mind (I use cure very lightly) is to work on things yourself, and turn to God to help you through the hard times. God is our father and he's there to help us with the problems we cannot face on our own.

Good Luck Love!

Alana

Re: no cure......DORIS!!!!!!!!
Posted by KAT on Mon Oct 15 03:41:42 2001 (#917)

DOOOOOORRRRRRRIIIIISS......... SWEETHEART

Re: no cure......DORIS!!!!!!!!
Posted by KAT on Mon Oct 15 03:43:00 2001 (#918)

DOOOOOORRRRRRRIIIIISS......... SWEETHEART..(oops I pushed enter) heres my real message.

mental illness is like any other its just cured with medicines and it takes a long time , its not a fast curing illness.. years years maybe even a life time but meds can only do so much. Youve gotta work with them! hang in there...please and take care -LOVE KAT

Blood is black
Posted by KAT on Mon Oct 15 03:34:48 2001 (#914)

how are you all doing, Im sorry I cant remember everyone but I do remember Barbara doris alana...how are you all? Im alright....so far. tell me how your doin...and if I dont know you hi Im jessica I go by KAT. how are you?? -love KAT

Re: Blood is black
Posted by Shawna on Tue Oct 16 02:36:33 2001 (#925)

Hullo I'm.... well.... Shawna. I dont really know you but i hope to talk to you soon!

~*~Shawna~*~

Hi KAT.... thanks
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 16 22:19:37 2001 (#928)

Hi KAT, honey...

It's been a while, where ya been? :)

Thank you so much for yuor responses. I'm in a pretty weird place right now. I'm seriously considering dropping out of college. (My mother would disown me if I did that.) I'm extremely discontent and I'm not really sure why. I spilled some water in my boyfriend's apartment last night and started crying. And I couldn't stop, I was weeping all night. I really scared him :(.

Anyway, I'm really glad to hear from you. How is everything in your life? I know you said you're doing well, but I want DETAILS!!! :-P

Love and strength and fuzzy warm memories,

Doris

Re: Hi Doris :)
Posted by KAT on Wed Oct 17 01:20:09 2001 (#931)

Hey, oh Ive been here and there and a little bit of everywhere. Ive been keeping in touch w/ Dawn..( if you know who that is) shes over on the SI board. but thats about it. I sure hope you dont drop out of college, well I mean I just dont want you to regret it bc you are obviously a really smart woman. ahh....you had a crying spell! Girlie..I think your depressed( duh kat!) sorry..I mean if your not already on some meds I think you should start. do you take any, I take zoloft and seroquel....they work great for me (although I gained a few lbs) I hope your taking good care of yourself, theres only one of you and there never will be another. Im alright, kind of in a bind about schools..wanna return to my old school to graduate w/friends but I wanna stay in my current school bc the low level of stress. Oh well Im sure it will all turn out good..supposively go off my meds in Jan. and I see my therapist once every three weeks now ( it used to be once every week). so yay! I hope your feeling okay, please take care!! much love&Hugs-KAT

Re: Hi Doris :)
Posted by Doris on Thu Oct 18 07:29:23 2001 (#936)

Funny that you should mention that. I was diagnosed with Severe Depression Disorder with Psychotic Symptoms. Don't let that scare you, it's all mumbo jumbo. I was on Paxil for about three years and then switched to Prozac. I've been in therapy for as long as I can remember. But, I recently stopped all that shit - all the pills, all the therapy. I want to live my life instead of trying to figure out what's wrong with it. I'm fine. :) I have crying spells and bad days, but who doesn't? I'm really okay, thanks you.

Love and strength and furry little kittens,

Doris

Wow.... Anyone remember me?
Posted by Shawna on Tue Oct 16 02:34:13 2001 (#924)

Anybody??? Because I havent been here lately... lotsa homework and everything like that... four projects due this week that are major grades, not that i give a shit.... I also got grounded. Long story.

So does anyone remember me??????

Hope all is well, sorry i havent been around!

~*~Shawna~*~

Re: Wow.... Anyone remember me?
Posted by KAT on Tue Oct 16 04:46:06 2001 (#926)

I dont remember ya, but Im glad your back. Its good to know how people are doing. I have alot of homework and projects due, school is fucking tough these days. anyway, Im jessica. Nice to meet you take care!

Thanx :D
Posted by Shawna on Tue Oct 16 20:44:15 2001 (#927)

; )

OF COURSE!!!! :)
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 16 22:31:19 2001 (#929)

Hey Shawna!

Of course I remember you. I was the one who asked you to spill your guts to us! :) You had that sticky situation with your boyfriend - how did that end up? You SO do not have to answer... if it's painful, or if you don't want to talk about it or something - totally okay! :) Good to hear from you! Come back if you need a friend - there are some really great people here! Take care, hun.

Love and strength and overcoming horrible odds,

Doris

Thanks guys
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 16 22:36:34 2001 (#930)

Thanks, everyone. For the posts, for being there, for loving people you don't even know. I have never known a better group of people. Thanks. :) I love you guys so much.

Here for you always,

Doris

TALK!!!
Posted by Matt on Wed Oct 17 09:12:04 2001 (#934)

For anyone who is thinking about commiting suicice, please do me one favor. Talk to someone first. If that doesn't work, write down all your anger and pain. Let it out in some form, but please don't do it by killing yourself. You may relieve your pain, but your pain, and then the pain that you're gone will just be inflicted on everyone who cares about you. PLEASE DON'T BECOME A STATISTIC!!

Re: TALK!!!
Posted by Doris on Thu Oct 18 07:30:32 2001 (#937)

Well put, Matt. Amen, brother. :)

Doris

Alana? bARBARA?
Posted by Doris on Thu Oct 18 07:34:32 2001 (#938)

Hey guys

If you're reading this, please post. I've been wondering where you guys have been and if you could drop in a line telling us how you are I would appreciate it (and I know everyone else here would too). I miss you guys!

tons of love

Doris

Re: Alana? bARBARA?
Posted by Alana on Thu Oct 18 21:59:25 2001 (#940)

I'm ok. A little twisted. But I always was.

Re: Alana? bARBARA?
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 23 05:22:32 2001 (#954)

I love you, hun. Stay strong.

DORIS!!!!
Posted by Shawna on Thu Oct 18 22:11:30 2001 (#941)

IM SO HAPPY YOU REMEMBER ME!!!!!!!!! YAY! : D and well we ended up breaking up anyway and im ok with it! I feel so happy now! Probably one of the only times i've felt happy today... my bffe is moving! FUCK IT!

and this happened too!

me and my friend angie got SO BUSTED TODAY! I wrote her a note in Alg 1 and she read it and didnt realize Connon was standing behind her. She took it and folded it and put it on her desk, and it was all gothic like "I just want a razor right now, I wanna feel the relief i'm so used to feeling when the blood oozes out of my skin, the burning pain when my sleeves brush against my wounds.... Grr" stuff like that and she was gunna read it after class and i KNEW she was gunna call my grandparents about it so later when she opened the door for the next class, i went to "get a tissue" and YOINK! right off her desk and magickally appearing in my pencil box.... *grins evilly* then later she went into my Bio class and asked angie if she took it....

ANGIE: LALALALALALA *she was realy hyper* CONNON: Angela, did you take that note off my desk? ANGIE: LA- No.... what are you talkin about?! *shrug* LALALALALALALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Connon gave up after that, then later asked her again......

CONNON: angie, you took it. ANGIE: No i didnt CONNON: Well who did? ANGIE: I dont know! *SHE DID KNOW* CONNON: Who wrote it ANGIE: My friend CONNON: Who? ANGIE: SHAWNA! CONNON: Fine. SHAWNA COME HERE PLEASE! Did you take that note? Me: What note CONNON: The one u wrote angie Me: No, i didnt even know you had it i swear.

LALALA HEHEHEHE IM A GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! bwahaha

Re: DORIS!!!!
Posted by KAT on Mon Oct 22 02:10:21 2001 (#944)

ha something like that happened to me in 9th grade (2 years ago) and my teacher read it to the class. Needless to say I dont go to that school anymore Be careful!

Re: DORIS!!!!
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 23 05:25:43 2001 (#955)

Hey Shawna,

You're very silly. KAT's right... be careful with those notes, girl. School counselors usually suck.

Glad to hear you're doing well. Sorry about your boyfriend, but you don't seem to care too much. :) I'm really happy that you're happy. Please keep posting here whenever you can. Love tons.

Doris

I wish...
Posted by Alana on Mon Oct 22 04:33:19 2001 (#945)

i wish people would post here more. it seems that everyone ignores my presence on the self injury board. Maybe thats just my place in this world.

Love, the ignored one

Re: I wish...
Posted by ~~~ on Mon Oct 22 05:38:51 2001 (#946)

I rarely post on either board..... but Hello :)

Re: I wish...
Posted by KAT on Tue Oct 23 00:39:27 2001 (#949)

I dont know if it makes an difference. but I notice you on the SI board and I try and answer every question that I can w/ o sounding like a total retard. heh I dont know if its a good or bad thing that more people dont post here...its a toss up. anyway take care Love Jessica (KAT)

Re: I wish...
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 23 05:27:40 2001 (#956)

Alana, honey, please don't say that. I don't know about the SI board, but here we could never ignore you. Everytime I come to this board, I think to myself, "I hope Alana posted... I hope she's okay." Seriously. You're a very good friend to me and it hurts me that you feel ignored. Whoever ignores you is missing out. It's just that simple. :)

Love and strength and good friends,

Doris

why to I keep doing this?
Posted by becky on Tue Oct 23 00:17:22 2001 (#947)

I don't get it. I've tired committing suicide 3 different times all by having really crazy overdose. During all of them I should have gone to the hospial, but only once did I actually go. (I had no choice cause I was rushed in an ambulance.) But I have done any of that for a while, but now the thoughts are coming back full force. I can't stop them either I try to think of other things, but somehow I end up where I began. Why do I have these reocurring thoughts and how do I stop them from tormenting me everytime I'm faced with something I can't handle. I've crave (written what ever) KILL ME and DEATH on my body to try release some pain, but it never works. (Yes I SI alot.) Well I best go for now. Becky

Re: why to I keep doing this?
Posted by KAT on Tue Oct 23 00:44:06 2001 (#950)

Becky....if your not taking medication..please get on some soon! It really does help despite what people say.Youve just gotta find the one that suits you the best. I know I have the thoughts the cuts the scars the carvings, and sometimes I think its what makes me me and sometime I wonder where I would be w/ o it all. Obviously you are wanted here on Earth ( sorry I dont mean to talk about god) but you are still breathing (thank god) and you are still here. so please make the best of it and take care of yourself sweetheart. Love KAt(Jessica)

Re: why to I keep doing this?
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 23 05:42:59 2001 (#960)

hi becky,

Just thought I'd suggest something that helped me when I was in your place. I kept a journal, in which I poured out all my emotions and thoughts (so I would stop letting them out by SIing). I also kept "Reasons to Live" pages in my journal. On these pages I put pictures and names of people who love me, words that remind me of happy memories, and any words or ideas that would keep me alive if I felt like I wanted to die. Please consider it.

Love and strength,

Doris

Everyone pisses me off.
Posted by becky on Tue Oct 23 00:36:44 2001 (#948)

Everyone I know freakin pisses me the heck off. (I'm trying to stop the cursing thing.) I don't get it I hate all my friends and I push them away all the time. I hate everything that I once loved. All the sports teams, I've quit. All the school activities, I've quit. My grades are at a all time low. I skip socail gathering because I just want to stay home and cry. (Even though I don't cry because I've been taught that it's a form of weakness. At least try not to cry, but I often spend hours at a time curled in a little ball crying my eyes out like a stupid little screwed up retart.) This suckes why am I like this. I think of sucide all the freakin time and wonder how wonderful it would be to finally be free for his form of hell. I have so many urges which are almost uncontrolable to just go in my medicine cabinet and take every pill possible and then drink all the crap that's in there. I figure it won't really matter. What difference would it make it I took another trip to the freaking hospital to get my stomach pumped from all the drugs before I kill myself. Sorry but I'm in a pissed off at the world kind of mood. No offence to anyone in here because I don't know yous. Whatever. Becky again

Re: Everyone pisses me off.
Posted by ~~~ on Tue Oct 23 00:46:39 2001 (#951)

I feel like that a lot too :(

Don't be so hard on yourself, everyone cries sometime.

I don't know what to say, I'm crap at helping people, sorry :(

Take care - stay outta that medicine cabinet!

Love and hugs, Butterfly

Re: Everyone pisses me off.
Posted by KAT on Tue Oct 23 00:47:10 2001 (#952)

Hi Kat again.. fuck, its amazing how much you sound like me. well Im sure you sound like a lot of us. I dont know what to say Becky, I dont wanna fill you w/ junk thats not true, but I can tell you that feelings as bad as those do come and go and they dont stay forever. I hope you are feeling better very soon and I hope you continue to fight this shit!!! Please take care Love Jessica (KAT)

Re: Everyone pisses me off.
Posted by Doris on Tue Oct 23 05:30:34 2001 (#957)

becky,

Don't do it. If you kill yourself, you're letting your sadness win. Please don't let it win. You are a very strong person, I feel that in your words. Be strong and fight to live. You deserve a life as much as anyone, please live it. Live, love, and be happy. It doesn't have to be as hard as it sounds. I made it, you can too. Please stay strong.

Love and strength and laughing in the face of depression,

Doris