I’m only fourteen now but back in October I met this girl Dana and she was known for sharp things in her room. Thats were I first thought about it. Then a little later I met the most awesome girl named Kathleen and we were like best friends and I was going through boyfriend problems with Mark and then I started cutting myself. A little later I stopped but then not long after I kept doing it. I still am. My next boyfriend Kyle let me do it to myself with him too and it got really worse and then he lived with us because of family problems. And two months later we broke up and it got worse and worse. A couple of weeks I was with Graham and he was my best friend and we broke up then my last boyfriend Cody, he found out I was doing it and he took all of them away and now I’m left with nothing and I hate it. I want them. We broke up two days ago and it hurts a lot because he says keep your promise, but I haven’t. And I want to ask for help and stuff but I don’t. I had taken up smoking too, and I hated it. Now that I have no one to tell me to stop I find my self doing it more and more. But now there’s no one in my house. I didn’t just start because of Mark, I started because of the stress because I started high school. But I thought it was OK because everyone I new was doing it. Kathleen, Kristen, Dana, even Kyle was. And we usef to do it together. I’ve tried to stop over and over, so I’d write my music and poems but I found everything was ‘slit your wrist’ and ‘hope to die’ Craddle of Filth songs. But I want my music to be more. I plan to do something. Mark found out just last night that I had been cutting my wrist and he’s given me one last chance to stop. I think I’m going to take it. But it’s hard.
Put a Smile On
my scars are there I see them each day
the blade I had I threw it Away So no more tears
for today & no more blood.
Put A smile on thats what they tell me Eachday
just let me Lay in the dark
I want to see the blood but I am trying not to
its calls me every night So farther I stay
Put a smile on So no one can see the bleeding heart on my sleeve
I hide and hide but I want to see
Put A smile on they tell me Each day.
i hide in the dark.