Copyright Fuck This
My soulmate died by suicide, my father abused me sexually and physically, my mom is dying of cancer, my brother is growing up to be like my dad, nobody notices my scars or fresh cuts, I have no friends, I hurt someone so close to me by accident, I smoke, I do drugs, I drink, I cut, I wear mostly black and people don’t ever give me a chance, I hardly ever talk, I hate people some times, I’ve tried to commit suicide like, let’s see:
- I jumped off a roof into a spikey chain link fence
- I ate bleach and ended up enjoying it. Now I lick it off my fingers some times
- I cut very deep
- I made my father very, very mad purposely because I knew that he wanted to kill me, he held me at gunpoint, decided that I didn’t deserve a quick death, then started slitting my wrists in the bathroom. He got far but my boyfriend walked in (the one who killed himself) and beat the hell out of him.
- I beat my head on a wall several times. I ended up bleeding a lot and getting a concussion but no death
- Cutting again
- Hung myself but the rope broke
- I drank and tried to OD on pills but it didn’t work
So eight times. I’m still only fourteen and I’m still waiting for my chance to be a kid for once. I’ll be fifteen August 7. I try not to ever cry, I try not to tell anyone all of this, nobody, not even my family knows about most of this. They know some but people can be so clueless most times that I don’t even try at life, it’s completely pointless, but yet, I know that the reason why I was ‘saved’ from all those suicides and shit was because of the boyfriend that I have right now. He says I’m his life force and that I keep him alive. He is the only thing that makes me happy and I love him. Some of life is trully exquisite but most is terrible and frightening. I guess we will have to live to found out how trully great we can be one day.