I dragged the blade across my bloody arm, pushing deeper and deeper into my skin. I closed my eyes and sucked in my breath, the release of stress felt good. The feeling of metal against my skin was indescribable and the blade was my only friend. No one else understood my pain, even my close friends didn’t seem to know how I felt.
I’ve been taking medications for depression for about a year. Last January I was put in the hospital because my school thought it was unsafe for me to stay at home. I do not trust people as well as I used to because of all this. Even my best friend of eleven years decided not to be my friend anymore because she thought I kept “dropping” her for other people.
A lot of people have told me they know how I feel, and I’m shocked with them. No one can really know how I feel… considering all the crap me and my family has gone through. My dad overcame cancer, and now he has diabetes. My mom has depression and bipolar. I have clinical depression and an iron deficiency and my younger sister has bipolar and ADD. Life can be really hard for me sometimes… my dad and my mom expect me to be their perfect little angel, and it’s not easy! They want me to have perfect marks and never argue with people. When I came home drunk one night, I paid for it the next day. My mom almost wanted to kick me out of the house. At one time I didn’t cut for 7 months, but then after one brutal day, I fell back into the blade’s grip and I slashed again. If I could go back in time and stop myself from cutting, I would have. Now I have to live the rest of my life with deep scars and the memories of loosing all my closest friends. I have tried to kill myself about ten times and hopefully one day I will finally succeed in it and be happy for once…