I resent the fact that I ever lowered myself to harming my own body, what I did was stupid, and I’m faced to live with the scars of the past nine months. When I was in seventh grade, (last school year) I had two close female friends, Danielle, and Courtney. In fifth grade, Courtney had started cutting herself for reasons, I don’t quite understand; she quit until seventh grade, when Danielle cut her stomach horribly with scissors over a dumb guy. I believe that Courtney was the first to tell me about Danielle, and I made her show me her stomach in homeroom one day. I was afraid. She begged me not to tell the counsellor, but I cared for her.
I told Courtney that I wanted to tell, and asked her to go with me. We told at school, and Danielle left the school when I was sick one afternoon. I found that she’d moved to Florida because, of her dad and her mom’s divorce. I was pained, I felt guilty. I thought that somehow, maybe I’d caused Danielle leaving us? I was wrong of course, but I went into a depression, I hung on Courtney for support but, we couldn’t really help each other that much.
I was bored one day, and I decided that I wanted to see what the fuss was all about, this whole self-injury shit that everyone was going on and on about. So, I tried it. I cut myself. I didn’t really like it at first, so I didn’t do it again, until later in the year. In January, I came forth with my friends, and my mother that I had been seeing things that weren’t there. A man. The same man all of the time, and he had sharp things in his pockets. I was afraid.
My mom took me to a psychological clinic, and they put me on Seroquel and Prozac. The self harm got worse.I cut myself once, and I hated it, so I started burning myself.
They sent me to an outpatient treatment program, that didn’t help. I got ideas there. I was going out with a guy whom I thought I’d loved, it was fake. He didn’t love me, and I didn’t love him. But, I figured that one out too late. On his birthday, I tried to kill myself. I had no scars yet, but I took five thousand milligrammes of Tylenol. (Ten extra strength.) I was almost dead. I was smart, and I went to my mom’s friend, Lisa. I told her, and she told my mom, we went to Genesys, the hospital.
They treated me, and at four in the morning, I was transported to Havenwyck, from Genesys, Havenwyck is a mental hospital. I stayed a total of four days, I made friends, and I was sent back home. I went into a depression. Cutting myself worse, and now I have a total of twelve nasty life long scars. I quit, and now after nine months of hell. I met another younger girl, who wanted to die, she was jealous of her twin. She was a cutter, and I told her mom, and I feel better about it, and I’ve quit cutting for good, even though I still get urges.
Now, I’ve come up with the idea of an organisation, Defeating Self-Injury and Suicide, New Youth Crazes (DSISNYC). I want to help people help themselves. I am available for talking, help, suggestions, or anyone wanting to become a member of DSISNYC, all they have to do is email me at Cookyelf92@yahoo.com and say ‘I want to be a member’ and spread the word about DSISNYC.