I started using ‘self harm’ since my infantry. It helps to distract my inner feelings with the outside pain. I cut myself occasionally. Most of the time, I will bite myself, try to break my fingers, scratch myself, or just use a knife or blade, and make continuous cuts. I have always been the good girl. I have always been the smart girl. The “perfect student”. One day, me and my friend thought it would be fun to skip school for a day. So, we did. I lied to my mom, and she lied to hers. We both lied a lot just for missin those six and a half hours of school. About a year ago, I started smoking. My mom didn’t mind. She just didn’t want me out there doing other kinds of things. So, on a daily basis if she had a cigarette she would give one to me. I have normally been favored as the smart girl in our family. Now, I am “stupid”, “making bad decisions” and “don’t make my family mad, but disappoint them”. Now my mom has found out about my serious issues, and refuses to believe that I just may need help. Oh, look, there goes the psychotic nerd. I am one who always has made sound decisions, and had no problem with people liking me or trusting me. Now because of only a microscopic percentage of my life, did I not be where I was supposed to be, I am irresponsible, and not going to make it in this world because of a friend, and six and a half hours of my life. I have always had rashes underneath my coverings. This is from my scratching. I get Pitteris Rosias, or something to that effect. The doctor told me that they are a lot like stress scabs. They are these big, painful scabs, that I dig under, to feel the pain and forget all of this inner pain. I just want to be alone, and die.