I don’t really remember the first time that I felt that bad. Probably I was about nine when I started having some trouble with food so from this moment on everything went worse.
As time passed by I was feeling more and more depressed feeling how my brain was bleeding painfuly. However, it was when I was twelve when I first thought about suicide. I felt I was too coward for doing it but instead of that I started with SI. At first it was nothing really important but now every time I cut myself the wound is deeper. And the most horrible of all is that I don’t wanna stop doing it because it’s only everytime that I do this when I feel free and I feel I’m not rubbish. Also when I feel bad because of my eating disorder I just harm myself and feel better, so SI is now somehow part of my disgusting and shameful life and I can’t get over it I don’t want to either, because it’s the only way to relieve my pain, it’s the only way of making my brain stop bleeding and aching.