My depression, anxiety and rage started at four years of age. At age six I would stop breathing until I would turn blue with rage. When I was seven I would cry myself to sleep every night. I was bullied at school and abused at home. When I was fifteen I moved to my dad’s because I couldn’t take my mum’s abuse anymore. I started cutting and other forms of self abuse. I was in an extremely deep depression. I left school and stayed in my bedroom, on my computer, doing nothing but spiralling into my depression every day. I want to keep this story short because I want to share the way out, not dwell on the pain I had. I was one of those who for four years wanted nothing but death, my own destruction. I never thought there would ever be any way out and if there was, I didn’t want any part of it. I didn’t want to get ‘better’. In 2004, my only friend, told me she was a Christian and told me about what that entailed. I was so furious, I couldn’t stand her talking about it for a very long time. One afternoon she was so desperate to pull me out of the deep black hole I was in, that she told me how to get out of it. I was so enraged, that I cut myself the worst I ever had. Afterwards, I was so freaked out, that I accepted Christ as my Savior. In the six months from then until now I have changed dramatically. It is unbelievable. I no longer want to die, and I no longer want to hurt myself.
My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org and I want to invite anyone who is looking for the way out to email me anytime. Hold on, because you can get out of this. There is hope.
I just found this site and before I thought I was one in a very small group of people that cut them themselves, but now I feel so much better to know there are people out there that want to help each other deal with the pain and stress of life.
I cut myself and so do other people. I have been gang raped and sold to people for sexual favours that I do not consent to and to keep me from telling they cut, burn and abuse me. I need help, my parents don’t know and I’m so sad, so numb I cut to feel something, anything. One of my friends found out and she told the whole school. I’m very sad and lonely, but thank you for letting me know that the world is there and I’m not alone.
My story, so far
I started cutting when I was 14 years old. I’m now 23. At first it was a take it or leave it kind of thing. But as I got older, it became this habit that almost killed me. It has taken over my life. I now have a therapist and live on my own, but there are times I have to be remitted into the psych. hospital to be watched. I try not to let it get me down, but it’s hard. I can’t say if 6 months down the road I will be cut free. This last year the cutting has gotten much worse. For the last 3 times I’ve needed stitches and staples to close my wounds. But there is always hope in the future I can control this beast within me.