I am currently sixteen years old. I first cut myself about seven months ago. That was when a girl that I was in love with completely dicked me over. She told me all this bullshit and I believed that she cared about me as much as I did about her. Since then everything has just been getting worse. I became very depressed, continued cutting and became bulimic. I always fought with my parents and they knew that something was wrong. Then they found my box which contained my bowl, some pot, cigarettes and a few different bottles of pills. After that I began seeing a psychologist. I continued using a knife to cut my wrists and side. I also was losing weight due to my throwing up. Then, a few weeks ago, I was ready to commit suicide. I took a ladder and climbed up top of my roof and sat there for a while. I realised that I wasn’t ready yet and then my family came outside looking for me. There was no way I would be able to die, with all of them down there crying and watching. I came down and cried the whole night. I am still cutting and throwing up, even though my parents think that I stopped. I recently cut the words ‘die hard’ into my stomach. I now use a razor and cut myself just about every night. I try to be such a happier person around everyone, even though it’s not even close to how I really feel. If they knew how I really am, maybe they would care a little more.
It seems like everyone has someone else that they belong with. I am alone. The person that I have ever loved more than anyone, doesn’t even want anything to do with me. She knows about all my problems, but she won’t do anything to help me. I was so happy with her and now that it’s over, I feel like I am too.