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ThisBrokenKillSwitch

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Copyright, ThisBrokenKillSwitch

I was depressed. My friends left me for boyfriends and my boyfriend left me for my friend. My mom started to notice things that she didn’t approve of. Doing drugs. Lying. Staying home from work. I wouldn’t give hugs or say I love you. Like I used to. “What°s wrong with you Jennah?” And I’d reply with a simple “nothing.” It worked for a while. But one night I started to cry at the dinner table for no reason at all. “Something is wrong with my baby girl.” The next day I went to the doctor’s. She made me put on a gown. That’s when my life fell apart. My doctor called in my mom. I begged her not to. I said it happened a long time ago. But the blood was fresh. The look on my mom’s face ripped me apart. A look of shame. I am sorry mom.

I knew it was eating her up. I could hear her cry every night. It’s not like I meant to hurt her. It’s just, seeing the blood flow out of my arm was like seeing all my anger flow away. It was such a relief.

After that, everyone treated me different. Nobody was supportive. “She’s doing it for attention.” I heard that for 8 months. That made everything worse. July 22nd 2001, 4:32pm. I had an awful day, I forgot to take my “happy” pills and that triggered my razor blade. 3 days later I woke up in the hospital. My arms and legs strapped to the bed with big bandages on them. I was clinicly dead for 9 mins. I sliced 3 main veins in my left thigh and both veins in my wrists. I went to rehab for 6 months.

I no longer cut. For all you who do: Don’t let a near death experience be the thing that stops you. Because you may not be as lucky as I was.

 

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