Not The Way
All my friends are fake,
All my loved-ones are gone away from me,
I drown in my sorrows like a lake,
I cry out like a banshee,
I find all my emotions drawn,
out of my mind and become openly shown,
but this only seems to spawn,
feelings of loneliness when I’m all alone, my heart starts to sink like a stone,
It almost seems that my sorrows drown me, but no one seems to see,
That I am living on the edge of a knife, and that I could choose to end my strife,
I could end it all now, It’s not like anyone would care why or how,
I could just lay on the bed, and then slowly spread,
my skin and my veins, to end all the pains,
my heart then would slow, and the blood then would flow,
from my body and heart, and then likely start,
my last thoughts before I die, and among them would be why,
I made this impulsive move, and had not tried to improve,
the quality of my life, and why it had seemed rife,
with thoughts of death, and of not drawing breath,
I would see that suicide was not the way, even if my life is in disarray,
I would think of what I could have done, or finished that I had begun,
and then I would take my last breath, and then would lie still in death,
and finally discover that more people care, more than I was aware,
I didn’t know I had so many people who I would affect, or that I wasn’t such a defect,
my life would be mourned and friends would be near, more friends than I knew were here,I never knew that I wasn’t alone, I never
thought I wasn’t on my own,
these people can push and pull, but I’ll never be there or ever be full,
‘cause I made the choice to take the easy way out, I’ll never again kick, scream, or shout,
I wish I could take it all back, I would never again be in moods just as black,
I would be thankful for every moment, and never again be abhorrent,
I would never again wish to be alone, but for everything I would atone,
but I know that I am loved more than I know, and I just don’t let it show,
so because of this knowledge I will never be, one of those kids whose parents you see,
mourning and regretting all they said and did, to push away their only kid.
My wrists I cut to make them bleed.
My pills I pop I feel the need.
To end this thing we call a life.
It all could end with this knife.
I could end this living hell.
Instead of just stopping it for a spell.
I hope in reading this you can feel my pain.
The pain that could end with the slice of a vein.
I use small cuts to prevent the thoughts.
The thoughts that make me sit and dwell.
To sit and dwell on the thoughts of this hell.
I cringe at the thoughts of horrible things.
And with the thoughts the pain it brings.
It gets so bad I start to moan.
At such times I cant be alone.
Sometimes its very hard to be me.
Sometimes my pain I wish you could see.