The Real Me
My smiles are just like masks plastered onto my face,
They’re not real
They don’t show how I really feel
The hidden emotions eat me alive.
My insides are slowly rotting away with the lies.
Yes I’m okay.
Yes I’m fine.
If I tell my friends they’ll hate me
I am who I am and I cant help that
I still smile every day
Hoping to fake some people out
Hoping the lies will not show through.
Behind my mask is a face
Ugly and horrible to look at
That is why I keep it so hidden
Away from sight
Away from the pain that laughter brings
When you are the one they are laughing at.
When I see people look at me
Smiling and pointing
They may not be talking about me
But I feel always watched
Every move I make is followed
Ever breath I take is monitored
Don’t mess up, don’t break, don’t crack
I try to cry for help,
But this mask is blocking the noise
From exiting my mouth.
Instead comes out another lie leaves these fake lips,
A laugh this time, it sounds so real.
I want to hit myself. Cut myself.
I want to feel the pain and the warm blood running out of my body.
Have the physical pain carry away the mental pain.
I know my thoughts are wrong
But they are safe inside my head
I know that I should not do what I do or be who I am
God please help me now.
I’m not okay.
I’m not fine.
Forgive me of my sins, for I have lied
The Real Me
The drops of blood
The tears I
Cannot and will not cry
In front of you or anyone
I cry alone
I tell no one my secrets
Hidden deep within me
Is a soul hollow and empty
A heart, all-alone
holes shot through it
but the pain of this is too much
And yet, not enough
The blood I see keeps me
From revealing the truth
It keeps me
From getting too weak
But I am not strong
Because I can not resist the urge
Cut the skin make it bleed
Make a scar to remember
I am not perfect and I will never be