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Home > Personal Stories > My Personal Story

My Personal Story

Copyright, Jenny

I dont even know why you would care, but I feel like writing right now, so I might as well.

My name is Jenny, and I am 15 at the moment. I have been self-injuring for 9 years... since I was 6. The first time I did it, I drank half a bottle of shampoo, but I never did that again. After that, I scratched and bruised (more of the later) myself for many years. When I moved from Illinois to Michigan when I was 9, I moved to trying to break my arms/fingers (although never succeding) and suffocating myself almost to death, while still scratching and bruising. During 4th and 5th grade I had many short bouts of anorexia. I kept up the scratching (although it was always getting worse) and brusing until 9th grade. At the beginning of 9th grade, I began to experiment with drugs, and soon found myself fighting addiction to marijuana. Once friends realized it though, they began to wean me off of it. I am very thankful to them for being there for me.

In November of that year I began to cut myself with scissors. Still, I didnt think about what I was doing. In January/February a friend of mine approached me about the scars on my arm and told me that I was self-injuring and that it was a major problem. I had never even thought about doing it before. It was just a natural reaction to stress that I had used all my life. This information, though, made it worse. Once I realized that I did have a release, I only wanted to use it more. In May, I progressed to using my shaving razor to cut myself, then I purchased razor blades. I am getting much better though. I have cut myself only 2 times in the past 2 months, which is much better than my 8-15 times a week record in the past.

Hmm... my parents are my major triggers, and sometimes movies with a lot of blood in it can trigger me, but I am getting better about controlling myself and my urges. Luckily, I have kept them pretty much completely oblivious to my whole situation. I never want them to know.

Wow... sorry that was so long. It was a great release for me, though, so I am thankful that I had the oppurtunity.

Love and Light,
Jenny

© 2002 Ratatosk

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