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Threads 151 to 200

miscarriage
Posted by lost on Sat Aug 19 01:59:56 2000 (#541)

Hi. I am REALLY upset right now. I am in the process of a miscarriage. The worst part came this morning and I am still hemoraging and I am soooo beyond depressed! I was 4 1/2 months pregnant. Although I'm only 17, I wanted my child. I've been through one miscarriage already at the age of 15 and I don't think I can survive through it this time. I feel so alone now. I can't tell anyone because no one knew about the pregnancy... not even the father. I kept it from everyone for fear that my parents would find out (they hate me enough as it is) I have to go through this by myself. I can't do this. goodbye.

Re: miscarriage
Posted by Christine on Sat Aug 19 07:50:41 2000 (#543)

You aren't alone if you ever need to talk you can e-mail me .I understand you don't think you can't talk to anyone but you can talk to me or your closest friend.Just know you can tal to me any time and I wont pass judjment on you . e-mail me any time I'll be on vacatoin for a week but I'll write back as soon as I get home

What if u dont wanna stop
Posted by Amber on Sat Aug 19 05:39:54 2000 (#542)

I just started cutting myself i really like it, my mom and youth pastor knows and are trying to help, and i know i need to stop....but i just dont want to!!!! Can n e one talk to me???

Confused,

Amber

Gianna
Posted by Kathrine J on Sat Aug 19 20:37:09 2000 (#544)

Hi it's me, Does anyone know the email address of where Gianna is staying.The hospital in Rock creek.I lost the address I had and i've tried to find it on the internet but can't.She hasn't posted on here has she? I might have missed it.I want to know desparately how she is doing and if she is ok.We haven't heard anything and I'm starting to worry.I hope she's doing good.Anybody who knows anything please post a message to let me know.Or Gianna if you happen to read this I'm thinking of you let us know something about how you are doing. Be strong Kathrine J XXXXX

What if......
Posted by wish-i-could on Sun Aug 20 04:38:10 2000 (#545)

I'm new here and would really like to talk to some one.......I just started cutting myself i really like it, my mom and youth pastor(really good friend) knows and are trying to help, and i know i need to stop....but i just dont want to, i like doing it to much!!!!i want to cut again but my mom seriously checks up on me every 1/2 hour to see what i'm doing, so i dunno what i'm doing anymore...... Can n e one talk to me???

Re: What if......
Posted by Katie on Sun Aug 20 05:07:03 2000 (#546)

I empathise with your situation. I know what its like to not want to stop. People don't understand that self injuring allows one to cope with their emotions. It gives the harmer a sense of power over their problems. I don't presume to tell you what to do, I'm not the best one to give advice on such matters, but just know your not alone. It took me a long time to realise this myself, but it has helped me greatly.

Re: What if......
Posted by wish-i-could on Sun Aug 20 08:23:54 2000 (#547)

thank you for answering me. yes i know i'm not alone but in my home i am, but it does make me feel better. i think i've come up w/ a pplan though, i can just cut in more descreet places besides my arm...i guess it'll work. thanx!!!!

Am I the Only one?
Posted by Heidi on Mon Aug 21 10:14:38 2000 (#548)

BOY oh boy, y'all might wish I hadn't of found this site..lol...But, i was wondering If I was the only one that tears skin? i don't cut myself, I tried burning when I was very small, (I didnt even know I was trying to injur myself, I just thought it was cool to see how long I could hold my hand on the stove) But, for as long as I can remember, I have torn big patches of skin off my legs. Some say "I pick" and to a degree, they are right, but it starts as literally peeling the skin off my legs. I can't remember when I started, hell, I dont remember a time when I didnt. But, I want so bad to stop, I have a wonderful man in my life, for the first time ever, and he wantsto help. but he takes it personally everytime i do it, and I cant convince him, that it isnt him, that it is me. My mom says it would take skin grafts to cover the scars, but isnt that just another peeling? i know it looks so nasty, and it imbarrasses me to no end when someone says "what it wrong with your legs?" I just want to scream at them, nothing is wrong with my legs, my legs are fine, unfortunately, they are attached to my head, and THAT is where the problems are. Well, I am not sure if i said anytihng productive, just rambling I guess, I am real good at that..lol...anyone care to talk, or offer advise or suggestions, please fell free to e-mail me.

DEPRESSION CHAT ROOM
Posted by anon. on Wed Aug 23 07:15:10 2000 (#550)

hey everyone who is going through the same shit i am... someone wrote that they wished there was a chat room so i created one called depression support its a private chat so u will have to type that name when u go to find a chat. i just made it so theres no one in there but i hope that after a while people will start going there and are able to get help from fellow sufferers. please try it. tell me what u think

Re: DEPRESSION CHAT ROOM
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 2 05:11:51 2000 (#657)

Where is it?

IM BACK WHERE IS EVERYONE?
Posted by MELISSA on Fri Aug 25 01:11:09 2000 (#551)

I LEFT FOR A WHILE, I KNOW. BUT IM BACK AND EVERYONE ELSE IS GONE. I DIDNT SEEK HELP BUT I HAVENT CUT IN 10 DAYS. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY BUT I WISH YOU ALL WERE HERE TO TALK TO. WELL ANYWAY MUHA (ITS A KISS) I LOVE YOU ALL BYE.

~~~~MELISSA

Re: IM BACK WHERE IS EVERYONE?
Posted by blue rose on Fri Aug 25 07:57:52 2000 (#555)

I'm still here, but I have nothing to say.

Congratulations on 10 stars.

Re: IM BACK WHERE IS EVERYONE?
Posted by Skye on Fri Aug 25 08:07:12 2000 (#556)

I'm here..although you probably don't want to talk to me,lol...I'm semi-new...hmmm

Re: IM BACK WHERE IS EVERYONE?
Posted by Kate on Mon Aug 28 23:48:08 2000 (#588)

I am glad you are back. I was worried. How is everything? Write me.

Friendly support...
Posted by Skye on Fri Aug 25 07:50:28 2000 (#554)

LoserBabydoll: mmmmm.... LoserBabydoll: i cant do it in little cuts anymore..... Anon.Friend: then cut big! who cares Anon.Friend: its just a way of reliving pain Anon.Friend: who f*ckin cares

BTW:She mean't Relieving pain-hrm,seem like friendly support to you??She does it too,but she cared before and did offer support....mmm whatever happened to the good ole days when people *cared* about other people??Anyone remember that?!

New round here
Posted by Rich on Sat Aug 26 00:00:11 2000 (#557)

I was reading the page, and thought I might say hello. I used to SI, I dont anymore, but I find myself wanting to alot. Theres no real point to this post, I was just passing. Goodbye

Re: New round here
Posted by Christine on Tue Aug 29 07:16:57 2000 (#593)

Even if you just want to talk about nothing at all you can e-mail me or what ever k ~bye~

its getting harder
Posted by Paula on Sun Aug 27 08:43:40 2000 (#558)

The more I do it the more people find out the more stupid ass people who have no clue try to "help" me. They just don't understand. THey don't know how it feels to have complete control over themselves. I cut because it shows me that no matter what they do I can hurt myself ten more times. The physical pain takes away from any emotional pain. I can handle it. They have started to check my arms after I get out of the bathroom .they took away all the razors. NO when I get angry I crave seeing the blood feeling the pain. Its getting harder to fight the urge to cut. I just don't see why its so bad. If people can do drugs or drink then I think I have the right to cut. But when I think back to when I didn't cut and when I first met someone who did, I thought they were disgusting and horrible. But now that I do it myself, I block out what other people think. I just wish that there was a way to help people understand.

Re: its getting harder
Posted by Alicia on Sun Aug 27 09:11:50 2000 (#559)

i do understand now. I have talked to people trying to understand. I wanted to tell you earlier, but i couldn't. My mom's best friend, Someone i have grown up w/ my whole life was a cutter. I think it's more serious than you think. That's what i want you to understand. But no matter what i say, you never listen. I want to talk to you, i want to help you, ut first you need to help yourself. You need to find different ways to deal w/ your pain. The next time you pick up that razor, i want you to try cutting something else. I want you to stab it into the floor, and tell yourself you are better than that. People love you. It hurts them to know that you hurt yourself.

Re: its getting harder
Posted by blue rose on Sun Aug 27 16:59:02 2000 (#561)

Sounds like you have a good friend, Paula. You should accept the help because you are worth it.

Alicia- A good friend is hard to find. It's really great that you offered an alternative and told her that si is dangerous. Only one thing, try not to make her feel guilty for what she does. Guilt is a trigger. No one should feel guilty about it, but I do think people should try to stop because it is dangerous. And remember, as much as her cutting is hurting you, it's hurting her much worse.

Re: its getting harder
Posted by paula on Sun Aug 27 22:51:59 2000 (#568)

blue rose, you made good points. Thank you

Re: its getting harder
Posted by Linda on Sun Aug 27 23:26:10 2000 (#569)

So, are you saying that you were introduced to this action by friends and you first found it repulsive but then after trying it, you became addicted to the feeling of control it gave you? I'm not here to get help because of my own si problem. I am here to gain insight so that I might help others. Would appreciate any comments.

HI
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Aug 27 20:16:06 2000 (#567)

MY SISTER JUST HAD A BABY HIS NAME IS SEAN KEVIN BIRMINGHAM 2ND.HE'S SO CUTE. MARCUS AND ME ARE DOING WONDERFUL I HAVENT CUT IN A WHILE BUT I WANT TO SO BAD, ITS REALLY HARD. I'VE BEEN HAVING THESE REALLY CRAZY DREAMS. IN THEM IM SLICING THE CRAP OUT OF MYSELF AND STABBING AT MY STOMACH AND STUFF. THE REALLY CRAZY PART IS THAT IM NOT SCARED OR MAD OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT IM CALM AND ITS LIKE I WANT TO DO IT. ITS NOT A NIGHTMARE ITS JUST A DREAM. I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS BUT ITS MAKING ME WANT TO CUT SO BAD. MY FRIEND JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. SHE DOWNED SOME LIQUOR AND A BOTTLE OF PRZAC AND SHE ALMOST DIED THEY HAD TO PUMP HER STOMACH. SHES DOING GOOD NOW THOUGH. SHES BECOME A REAL SLUT SHE HAS SLEPT WITH LIKE 10 DIFFERENT GUYS SINCE SHE LOST HER VIRGINITY LIKE 3 WEEKS AGO. SHE TURNED 15 WED. ANYWAY, I GUESS THATS ALL THERE REALLY IS SO I TALK TO U GUYS LATER.

~~~~MELISSA

-----------------
Posted by MELISSA on Mon Aug 28 02:49:28 2000 (#570)

IM GONNA CUT. I DONT KNOW Y IM TELLING U THIS BUT... I AM, I WANT TO. I DONT WANT TO TO BE STOPPED.

Re: -----------------
Posted by mallory on Mon Aug 28 04:47:16 2000 (#572)

I want to talk to somone, so I picked u, please talk to me, no one will write back to me

Re: -----------------
Posted by blue rose on Mon Aug 28 05:20:21 2000 (#574)

WAIT!!!!! STOP!!!!!! IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE STOPPED YOU WOULDN'T HAVE POSTED. PLEASE, PLEASE TALK TO ME.

YAHOO MESSANGER: rain_dropps AIM: rose aik

PLEASE, STAY SAFE. I CARE.

nothing
Posted by manda on Mon Aug 28 04:44:17 2000 (#571)

I was at my aunts funaral, and all I could think about is how much fun it would be to kill the preist. and have his blood all over my hands, is this normal, help me

Re: nothing
Posted by blue rose on Mon Aug 28 05:15:29 2000 (#573)

Not normal. Definitely not. Explain more, why were you feeling this way? Do you feel guilty about what you thought? Do you think this about a lot of different people or was it just the priest? I'm catholic, but I don't take any offence. I've often thought of how it would be to hold a holy throbbing neck between my clenched fists, but not literally. I want to help, talk to me more.

Re: nothing
Posted by manda on Mon Aug 28 06:48:42 2000 (#575)

well, yes I do think about killing other people,and it realy scares me somtimes,its like somone is putting the thaughts in my head.and somtimes I am really determind, is there any medication for this. I was born into catholicism, butI kinda have my oun beliefs now.

Re: nothing
Posted by blue rose on Mon Aug 28 07:10:32 2000 (#578)

I don't think medication is really the answer. In my opinion, medication is just a band-aid to cover up the real problem. Don't get me wrong, some people really need it. But, most just need to sort out their thoughts. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I used to have a lot of thoughts about killing people I loved, then I turned on myself. I don't know if this is normal for most self injurers, but i'm kind of curious.

stay safe

Re: nothing
Posted by mand on Mon Aug 28 07:19:19 2000 (#581)

I am 14.

coffee flavored homicidal telephones
Posted by mallory on Mon Aug 28 06:57:28 2000 (#576)

I cut for the first timeon my arm sinceschool ended, in the summer I dont cut on myarm cuz I wear tank tops.I did it on a part of my arm that I never cut on before so the cuts were kind of wimpy. but thats the way I always am with new areas. I just need to get used to cutting there and then I can go deep. I think I am going crazy, I am starting to crave killing other people. I need to talk to somone that feels the same way.

Re: coffee flavored homicidal telephones
Posted by blue rose on Mon Aug 28 07:06:06 2000 (#577)

Do you want to keep cutting? I know it's easier said than done, but maybe you could find another way to deal with your feelings. I've always hated when people told me that but I know they're right. There is some smidgeon of a reason to care about yourself. Cutting really isn't the answer. It sounds like you are quite confused. Are you? It might, and I HATE to say this, but it might be a good idea to get professional help. If you don't want to or can't for whatever reason then you can talk to me. Either here or on e-mail. Don't go to deep dear, i fear for you.

Re: coffee flavored homicidal telephones
Posted by mallory on Mon Aug 28 07:15:29 2000 (#579)

I allready have help, and it is helping me understand my sickness , and I have been in hospitals,but I am starting to have bigger panic attacks and I know when school starts, then ...............well, all hell is ganna break loos, i'll probably end up in another hospital

Re: coffee flavored homicidal telephones
Posted by manda/mallory on Mon Aug 28 07:16:48 2000 (#580)

by the way I am manda too

Re: coffee flavored homicidal telephones
Posted by blue rose on Mon Aug 28 18:12:27 2000 (#585)

I suspected. ;o)

Re: coffee flavored homicidal telephones
Posted by Christine on Tue Aug 29 07:29:36 2000 (#594)

You arent alone SOmetimes I have crazy dreams .If I'm mad at someone I have vivid dreams of hurting them and sometimes I think of the way I would kill someone and what I would do with the eveidence .My therapist said its normal as long as you don't feel the need to go out and actually kill anyone if you ever need to talk to me you can e-mail me any time I'll always write back asap try not to cut God I Sound like a hipocrite but you can do it I have held out for a month stay safe don't cut e-mail me bye

split
Posted by mallory on Mon Aug 28 07:22:04 2000 (#582)

I have been feeling realy strange. I feel like there is another person inside me. and I find myself talking to her. she tells me i am stupid and that I deserv to be cut and molested.

I want but I dont
Posted by mallory on Mon Aug 28 07:38:47 2000 (#583)

I fanasize about walking up in class and shooting myself in the head. and I would luv just to down some tylonal and vodka, I am tremendously tempted. I have been to a hospital and done the tharipist thing and stiil now one really understands and knows. I dont want to die. I just want people to realy take me seriously.thats why I luv hospitals. cuz I feel safe and at the flick of your anxiety they take you realy seriously.

Re: I want but I dont
Posted by Kathrine J on Mon Aug 28 14:19:58 2000 (#584)

Manda, you sound to me like you are in desparate need of help.It seems this goes a lot deeper than just self injury.I suffer from bad depression, been a cutter for about 7 years but you sound very confused and very ill.I've had thoughts about death concerning other people but only fleeting rage which everyone has.But yours seems quite serious and premeditated.Do you realise what you are saying.This message board is for ill people who cope by cutting themselves, alot of us have some form of mental illness, manic depression,anxiety etc but yours needs medical help before it gets out of hand.I'm not saying you're weird or a psycho but you are very disturbed by the sounds of it.There is a difference between being the way the majority of us are on here and being a very disturbed strange person who should be treated properly and watched by someone which you will sound like to others.I'm not sying that to be nasty or anything you just have to put yourself into perspective.Please get some help before you're in prison for mass murder and brandished an evil sick murderer.That's something i think deep down you are probably not! you have to rationalise what you are saying.Get help.I hope this doesn't trigger or anything but it had to be said. Be strong Kathrine J XXXXX

how do u......
Posted by wish-i-could on Mon Aug 28 22:20:50 2000 (#586)

I just wanna know something really quick here..i've gotten into cutting myself..so everyone is telling me that i need to find the 'root' of the problem and thats how i will get over this, but i just dont know how to do that!!! I've tryed to think of when it all started changing and i started thinking about suicide ( i think its when my parents split up) but i dont know when and why it all really started. so how do u find out? and i have tryed some of the alternatives, but nothing really helps. see before to realease all my anger i'd write poems....but i'm just never up for doing that n e more. so i dunno n e more...please help me!

------------------ confused w/ tears, Amber

Re: how do u......
Posted by Linda on Tue Aug 29 05:28:38 2000 (#592)

Amber, It sounds like you are a very sensitive and talented person. Your talents may be covered right now because of the deep hurt you feel over losing your parents in the stable way you wanted to have them. Please don't believe the lie that their break up was your fault. You were a product of their love. It was their choice to produce you and it was their choice to go back on their commitment to one another. If you could forgive them for what they are doing, maybe you could use your sensitivity and ability to write poetry to help them through this time that is probably very hurtful to them to. Hope this helps.

MANDA/MALLORY
Posted by Lost on Mon Aug 28 23:37:38 2000 (#587)

Well, in this board you said you were at ur aunts funeral... in the suicide board you said your grandmothers funeral. I find it hard to mix the two up. If you are trying to be funny or if you think what you're saying is a joke, than I pity you. IF you ARE telling the truth than I agree with katherine that you need serious help. You are a danger to yourself and others (5150) and that is NOT a good combination.

All of your posts were made within an hour of each other.... how come in just one hour, all of a sudden you are "hearing voices"? I find your stories hard to believe. I think you want attention.... If I'm wrong, then sorry, but I don't think I am.

Re: MANDA/MALLORY
Posted by mallory on Wed Aug 30 05:30:29 2000 (#598)

well, I think you are missunderstood. 1. at the time I realy wanted to talk to somone so I was franticly writeing messages to a lot of people to see if enyone would talk to me. 2.I noticed that too, after I entered my message. my grandmother just died, so I am used to saying my grandmother died,a typo. my aunt died a year ago. sorry. and it was my grandmothers funaral that I felt this way.3. I had a lot to bitch about at the time so a lot of my issues are scatered in self injur and suicide. so i hope I kinda summed this up. and have to give you credit for your observation. now, if you were a realy deppressed person and a realy know what its like, then you would understand why I wrote a lot of messages and so on. looks like you were just trying to pic somone apart, ho, look theres the little homicidal grrrl, shes not like us, i'm ganna bring the bitch down. thanx for your fucking time mal

Re: MANDA/MALLORY
Posted by blue rose on Wed Aug 30 06:35:10 2000 (#604)

Okay now, we all have our problems and there is no need to be fisty about it. We're here to help and support each other not rip each other apart.

First off, Lost: I read your post this morning and I agreed with it. She does seem to be quite an attention seeker. But then again, aren't we all?

Okay then, Mallory/Manda (by the by, I'd like to know your real name): You do have to admit that your posts were sort of confusing and could lead someone to believe that you were making things up. BUT, before you get angry, you explained yourself very well and it's obvious that you are hurting very much. We all have things in common but we have more differences than things in common. We're just desparatly trying to find help in someone who could possibly have an idea of how we feel. To me Lost's post sounded like an observation more than an accusation.

Well, I'm done with my little talk. I hope you feel better. I always feel awful when people fight.

Stay safe and ILU both.

Re: MANDA/MALLORY
Posted by Lost on Wed Aug 30 08:52:56 2000 (#606)

Yeah! That's EXACTLY what I was trying to do! "bring the little homicidal bitch down!" yeeeaaaahhh! "If you were really a depressed person then....you would understand" WOAH! You know nothing about me girl, so back up off that. I know how it is to be in your shoes and I know how it is to want to kill people for no reason... so don't try to say that I don't understand. And like rose said, I wasn't making accusations, just observations, so get over it. And your welcome for my "fucking time"

Re: MANDA/MALLORY
Posted by mallory on Thu Aug 31 16:15:12 2000 (#627)

okay, grrrly , you are the one who started this. and you expect me not to say or explain. and I dont realy want to fight. so you back the fuck off.

Re: MANDA/MALLORY
Posted by lost on Thu Aug 31 17:09:29 2000 (#632)

listen, me and you arguing isn't going to solve anything. I've been here for months and I've never had a problem... you came here to get help and so I'm gonna leave you alone about it. Stop being so defensive about it. Other people don't need to waste their time reading our stupidness... if you want to say anything else that is rude or anything that send it to the address above. This is an SI message board not an "i hate you bitch" message board. thank you

I quit for now.
Posted by Kate on Mon Aug 28 23:52:08 2000 (#589)

I have not cut for a month. I feel really good. I just got tired of feeling like crap because of other people bothering me. I am not going to let them get to me, by making me cut.

Re: I quit for now.
Posted by Lost on Tue Aug 29 02:45:15 2000 (#590)

GOOD GIRL!!! I'm very proud of you(even though I've never talked to you or anything)! That is the first step... hopefully you can keep going and never add another scar on your body. I wish everyone had your strength. Keep your head up and you'll be fine!!!! :)

Re: I quit for now.
Posted by Kate on Tue Aug 29 23:13:39 2000 (#595)

Thanks, I appreciate your concern. I hope I can stay strong.

How the hell.....
Posted by wish-i-could on Wed Aug 30 00:36:01 2000 (#596)

I just wanna know something really quick here.....everyone is telling me that i need to find the 'root' of the problem and why i started cutting, and thats how i will get over this, but i just dont know how to do that!!! I've tryed to think of when it all started changing and i started thinking about suicide (i think its when my parents split up) but i dont know when and why it all really started. so how do u find out??????

------------------ confused w/ tears, Amber

Re: How the hell.....
Posted by chris* on Wed Aug 30 05:51:30 2000 (#600)

i wish i could give u some advice about how to figure urself out. but im in the same position ur in. i have no reason to be doing this, and sometimes i do it very badly. i dont know, maybe its a way that u can make urself and others take u seriously... maybe nobody believes ur really depressed? i think that could be it with me but i really dont know.

I thought I was the only one
Posted by Shannon on Wed Aug 30 04:06:51 2000 (#597)

I am a cutter, self injurer, self mutilater, whatever label you want to give me... I don't care. I've dont this most of my life, I remember doing it at 12. Don't know if I did before then or not.

I have recently (within past 2 weekss) decided this "thing" I do is not all that great and I need to stop. So I tried to stop which lasted all of 4 days and I think made things worse. So I guess I have to get help.

I keep trying to justify everything, like the cuts don't even require stitches and no one 'cept my hubby ever sees them. And he has researched this alot and wants me to get help, but knows i gotta do it on my own time and what if it just aint my time, ya know?

Well, time to go. Take care.

Re: I thought I was the only one
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 2 05:44:32 2000 (#659)

I know how that is. I thought I was one of very few, like twenty or thirty at most. Then I found out that around 2 billion ppl SI! I have also found out that whenever I try to stop, it comes back worse. Like a few weeks ago I cut deep scratches with a razor. Then I didn't cut for a week and it really got to me. So I cut with a knife now, I sharpen it all the time, and the cuts are deeper and longer. I just can't stop.

fucking bitch
Posted by mallory on Wed Aug 30 05:50:51 2000 (#599)

god damit I just got a message saying to me that I was a lier. wow. that is just what I am, a lier. yes I went to seton mental hospital, yes I see a phsycologist, yes I was molested, yes somtimes I fantizis about killing people. I AM A BIG FAT LIER,that is it, you have solved my life long misery, I am a LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER LIER FUCKING LIER. well I feel so refreshed and understood, dont you all feel the same way. wouw. hhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, (exhale)

Re: fucking bitch
Posted by Lost on Wed Aug 30 08:56:18 2000 (#607)

its spelled L I *A* R

Re: fucking bitch
Posted by mallory on Thu Aug 31 00:02:52 2000 (#609)

oooooooooooooooo, you got me there grrrl. damn i am hirt. wouw that must have strained you. gatta save that energy though.

Re: fucking bitch
Posted by lost on Thu Aug 31 01:46:29 2000 (#611)

really though, this is VERY childish and I'm not going to waste my time anymore. I hope you get your problems solved and that you get help for whatever is needed. Stay safe.

Re: fucking bitch
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 2 05:52:52 2000 (#660)

What is it with you two? You are always fighting! I thought this was a self help board not a self destruct board. Please stop swearing, it's making me depressed. I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but this is really getting out of hand. If you have to swear and fight, please do it by e-mail. I am pretty sure that others are disappointed because of this. I know I am. Almost all of us here are hurting and I just hurt more to see you fight. Try to settle your differences or just forget about them. I know what it's like to fight, and I have hurt pretty badly as a result. I hate to see others fight, it breaks my heart knowing that you both SI and won't help each other. Please try to be nice.

Re: fucking bitch
Posted by lost on Sat Sep 2 16:32:54 2000 (#668)

we already settled it....

Re: fucking bitch
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 2 17:56:45 2000 (#670)

I know. I didn't read ahead before I wrote it! :)

cutting
Posted by shaz on Wed Aug 30 05:53:14 2000 (#601)

I have been cutting myself badly from january and i have stopped for 4 and a half weeks again. I have stopped for 4 weeks before and i don't know if this is the end. I'm getting help my doctor is very understanding and my theropist deals with other adolencents with this problem. i'm only sixteen but i don't wear anything execept paints and a jumper because my limbs are covered in scars. My stomach is scared with cigerette burns and fuck they hurt. There is help for us out there seek and u will find. Don't feel to ashamed of it it is a mental illness a lot of aas have and with help it will hopefully go away. Good luck and god bless

does everyone know eachother?
Posted by kristina on Wed Aug 30 05:56:34 2000 (#602)

hey, i was lookin at some of the messages and i was wonderin, does everyone already know eachother? cuz i think thats great for support and im hoping to start visiting this a lot more often for support from other cutters. kristina

Re: does everyone know eachother?
Posted by shaz on Wed Aug 30 06:00:18 2000 (#603)

Hi there kristina, I like getting support from other cutters to so feel free to email me on shaezo@yahoo.com. I have two other friends on the net that cut but one of them has disappered and i'm scared for her safety. I would love to help me and i can do with teh support myself

Re: does everyone know eachother?
Posted by blue rose on Wed Aug 30 06:42:58 2000 (#605)

Hi Kristina, I'm Rose. I've been posting here for about 4 months. Some of us know each other but there are a lot of new people lately. So, jump in, it's great here. A lot of people to talk to that really understand. Take care and stay safe.

Re: does everyone know eachother?
Posted by mallory on Thu Aug 31 00:10:14 2000 (#610)

hey Kristina, this site is great. its realy simple to get around and has a lot of support. so you are welcom. (im the one with the shity spelling) and its a place were you wont feel crazy.

mallory

Re: does everyone know eachother?
Posted by Lost on Thu Aug 31 01:49:36 2000 (#612)

Its totally ok if you're a new person. We welcome everyone here. We're all pretty much fighting the same problem... and most likely you'll find someone with a similar situation to yours. It helps a lot when you can vent to people who don't judge... so thats what we're all here for :) Stay Safe

Re: does everyone know eachother?
Posted by kristina on Thu Aug 31 04:15:51 2000 (#617)

hey everyone thanks for the replies! i guess now i should tell u a little bit about my situation. ive been cutting for about four years, im 17. i dont really have anyone to talk to cuz not many people know and the ones who do kinda deny it u know? they just push it to the baCK of their minds cuz its easy for them to just forget. lately ive been having some trouble like, putting up with everything but im workin on it and looking for alternatives to like, suicide and stuff... well, thanks for the support

What Time?
Posted by Dark Angel on Thu Aug 31 02:46:50 2000 (#613)

What time of day do you usually cut? I do it at night. I was just wondering if you do it at night, afternoon, evening, early morning, etc. Or do you just do it whenever? Please respond.

Re: What Time?
Posted by kristina on Thu Aug 31 04:17:23 2000 (#618)

i usually do it at night also. i think its cuz thats when i feel the worst and im least likely to get disturbed... maybe thats ur reason too?

Re: What Time?
Posted by blue rose on Thu Aug 31 06:19:59 2000 (#622)

I cut whenever I need to, morning, afternoon and night. I even carry around an x-acto knife in my purse (not a good idea, by the way.) The good news is that I haven't cut in almost 2 weeks, the longest I've gone all summer. So, yay for me. I'll fall though, I always do.

Re: What Time?
Posted by kristina on Thu Aug 31 06:53:17 2000 (#623)

that's good, its been awhile since i have also. mostly cuz im too tired to... dont people wonder y u have an exacto knife in ur purse?

Depression
Posted by Dark Angel on Thu Aug 31 02:55:36 2000 (#614)

Hey Everybody! I just found a way to stop being depressed! Get a prairie dog! I know it sounds strange but they will love you to death! I just got one and it loves me and makes me feel wanted. They are easy to care for, kind of expensive(to me, a thirteen year old), but adorable. I might stop cutting, I don't know, but she saw my cuts and started licking them and patted me then fell asleep with me! It is a great way to stop being depressed. I would definitly reccomend them to anyone, especially if you're depressed! They are so funny and cute! Beg your parents (if you live with your parents) do anything! It's definitly worth it.

Re: Depression
Posted by kristina on Thu Aug 31 04:19:25 2000 (#619)

im happy that u found something that makes u happy, sounds adorable, whatd u name it? i never heard of anyone having one of those for pets

Re: Depression
Posted by Christine on Thu Aug 31 06:15:59 2000 (#621)

I didn;t know you could have those things as pets how expencise it sound so cute .I have a kitty hes the best when ever I cry he comes over and likes my hands its weird but the cat is like my baby and sometimes when I cry my dog comes over and tries to lick my tears that always makes me laugh I think any kinda pet is good because they are so cute and you can always hold them and feel better I think cats are the easyest though and they always want to play and cuddle look in the want adds you can get free animals w/ shots and every thing SO If You Dont Gota Pet GET ONE

Re:Depression
Posted by kristina on Thu Aug 31 06:55:03 2000 (#624)

yeah, i have 7 cats! lol, so i kinda agree with the cat thing, but i also have four dogs

.
Posted by Lost on Thu Aug 31 07:56:38 2000 (#626)

The other night my parents started trippin on me HARDCORE because they say I don't do anything all day. They say I need to get a job. OK I clean the house EVERYDAY *AND* I've been a full-time COLLEGE student since the age of 16. (I'm only 17 now) I used to have a job last semester... I got fired. Anyway, it wore me out too much and I don't want one again. I'm getting kicked out when I'm 18 and I don't have any money saved up so I'm screwed. My boyfriend is in jail for 1-3 years and I'm already chemically imbalanced. Its hard for me to stay off drugs and not drink... but I guess my parents don't think thats enough for me to deal with because they constantly remind me of how useless and worthless I am and how I just take up space.

Re: .
Posted by mallory on Thu Aug 31 16:57:46 2000 (#630)

no you dont want attention at all.

Re: .
Posted by mallory on Thu Aug 31 16:58:30 2000 (#631)

sorry sorry I will shut up now.

Re: .
Posted by lost on Thu Aug 31 17:34:38 2000 (#634)

"I dont want to die. I just want people to realy take me seriously.thats why I luv hospitals. cuz I feel safe and at the flick of your anxiety they take you realy seriously."<------- that right there is the reason why I said you wanted attention (just to let you know!)

Anyway, I have decided to stop this retardedness... I will no longer post or respond to anything you say. You can say whatever you want to my postings and you can call me anything... but you will not get a respons out of me. It is now a one-sided arguement. Enjoy yourself. I apologize if I misunderstood you and your illness... I just wrote what I thought... and I see that I might have been wrong. Well, like I said before... I hope you get the help you need and I hope your life gets better. Stay safe.

Re: .
Posted by Christine on Fri Sep 1 06:30:47 2000 (#649)

Your not useless I think your parents just don't understand do you ever try to just talk to them or are they like mint they just wont listen .Maybe you can go see a therapist they can really help mine is more like a friend then my dr. I can tell her anything and she cant tell my mom cuz of confidentiality wow thats a long word well if you dont want to go to the dr. or yo ualready have one you can e-mail me any time i'll always write back your not worthless

my name is realy mallory
Posted by mallory on Thu Aug 31 16:23:14 2000 (#628)

okay. my mother checks all the sites i have been to and I didnt want my name being on some crazy message i wrote. so I tryed to switch my name, sorry that it caused so much trubble. and I looked back on all my emails. and it did kind of sound like I was just asking for attention. and I was. but that wasnt at all the whole reason. I wanted to get some feed back. and maybe help people that are in the same situation as i am, and exchange addvise. i am not a total bitch okay. I think this site is great and I realy took addvantage of it I geuss.

attention attention
Posted by mrranda on Thu Aug 31 16:51:28 2000 (#629)

hi. i am new here. obviously. i've cut for about two years, but i was recently discharged from a hospital, so i've been under closeobsevation for about two months(i guess i didn't JUST get out). i have a psycohtic(spelling) level of deppression, i see things, i have extreme paranoia, and other stuffthat i don't have time to say or i'll forget the purpose of this message. i just wanted to get that out there before i continue, this is ganna be a long one boys and grrls. well to cut to the chase i just read over the majority of the messages posted, and i must say i am really(i don't mean to cause a stir) turned off by the way you have discrimanated those diffrent than you. there may be people you will encounter that have a case slitly more serious that you and(this really dissapionts[sp] me) and you mock them at the time when they need help the most. and as for labling this mallory/manda grrl as an attention-wanter/getter-whatev er-er is disgusting! you are here to get the attention when you need it from other people who just may have a little feedback for ya. i hope i can safely say that we are all here to get the attention that we so rightly deserve.

xoxo, mrranda

Re: attention attention
Posted by lost on Thu Aug 31 17:22:00 2000 (#633)

Well, since you are referring to me, I will explain myself. (NO MALLORY... I DO NOT WANT YOU TO RESPOND TO THIS SINCE YOU'VE BEEN ON MY ASS!) The reason for that was because when I first read it, it seemed to me that SHE was mocking US. I know that people can find a web site and start posting messages thinking they are funny or whatever (i've seen it done) and at first that is what I thought it was. The first message I posted for her wasnt even rude (in my eyes). It seems as though I might have been wrong about her and/or her problems... but hey that's alright. Well now it has turned into a full blown war... which, in my opinion, is stupid because people don't come here to read arguments, they come here for help. As for me wanting attention... EVERYONE wants attention... but i don't come here for it. The only reason I post is to vent. I figure its a safe place to get things off my mind when I have no one to talk to. In the four or five months that I've been here, I had never mocked anyone until now... and that was only because it SEEMED as though it was someone trying to be funny. Well, we all make mistakes I guess... and I'm not sorry for any of them.

Re: attention attention
Posted by mrranda on Thu Aug 31 19:00:53 2000 (#636)

well i hope we didn't get of on the wrong foot(if i used that in the correct contects) didn't mean anything by it, well i ment what i said, but.....im ganna shut up.

Re: attention attention
Posted by lost on Thu Aug 31 19:44:16 2000 (#641)

well, we all have our own opinions and I guess ours are just different when it comes to certain things. No, we didn't get off on the wrong foot. Like I told mallory, I'm not here to argue... just to offer advice and maybe get some myself. thats all :) stay safe

SORRY, MESSAGE BOARD
Posted by LOST on Thu Aug 31 17:39:55 2000 (#635)

Well everyone, I apologize for all the drama thats been going on between me and mallory for the past couple of days... I know you guys don't want/need to hear us argue or whatever. I know *I* don't come here for that, and I don't think you guys come here for it either. :) It was childish on my part to keep the arguments going. Well, I just wanted to say sorry to all the people who had to read all the stupidness.

Re: SORRY, MESSAGE BOARD
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 2 06:02:16 2000 (#661)

Thank you, Lost. I am tired of the arguing and whenever someone fights I feel like getting involved and trying to stop it. I have done that in the past and ppl have ended up hating me for trying to help. (My reason for SH). So thank you very much. Any longer and I might have gotten very annoyed and/or depressed. PS. For anyone that didn't know, SH stands for self-hatred.

Re: SORRY, MESSAGE BOARD
Posted by Christine on Sat Sep 2 07:37:06 2000 (#666)

I don't hate you and if you love your self it wont matter if others don't like you

Re: SORRY, MESSAGE BOARD
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 2 17:55:37 2000 (#669)

Thank you. I don't think anyone hates me here, please tell me if you do. My friends are different. They're always arguing. I hate fights. I always seem to get involved and then I feel like it's my fault. I don't even know what I did, I just feel really bad.

snot rockets
Posted by mallory on Thu Aug 31 19:06:20 2000 (#637)

some realy attractive guy asked me out.

Re: snot rockets
Posted by Lost on Thu Aug 31 19:42:28 2000 (#640)

I think you should get to know him first and see if he's worth your time. Feel him out and see if he's a nice guy... because if he's not and he ends up hurting you, then it will end up making you feel alot worse about everything. When you're a depressed or suicidal person and something bad happens (a break up) then it usually hits you 50 million times worse than it would someone whos not depressed or suicidal. But then again its so hard to be lonely. I have to stop myself from getting attached to guys quickly because in the end I always get hurt and it makes my life so much more complicated and it makes my depression and suicidal thoughts intensify. Just watch out for yourself and your heart. :) If you think he's worth it then go for it :)

Re: snot rockets
Posted by mallory on Fri Sep 1 16:26:56 2000 (#650)

no no no, he just askeed me out. just to hang out or somthing. I would never just say yes to someone I hardly know. a lot of people my age do that and it pisses me off.

clear it up
Posted by mallory on Thu Aug 31 19:15:13 2000 (#638)

well I have found the root to all this. I sespect it was my homicidal message that sturd it all up. I came here so I wouldnt feel crazy. and Lost I realy respect the apolagie. but just one more thing. about the thing that I like hospitals. how the hell is that asking for attention. k bye

Re: clear it up
Posted by lost on Thu Aug 31 19:38:16 2000 (#639)

I guess now that i think about it i can kind of relate. when I was in the hospitals I was at peace (that doesn't make sense) but i guess it was because everyone there understood me... and in a way I felt like I fit in. on the outs you can't say certain stuff or you'll be judged but in there whatever i was feeling, they were too. sorry for interpreting it the wrong way... i was doing exactly what i hate being done do me... Judging people. sorry

Re: clear it up
Posted by Linda on Thu Aug 31 20:29:24 2000 (#642)

((((((((((Lost & Mallory))))))) I don't know about everyone else but, as for me, it is a pleasure to see you both speak the truth as you see it. Confront, face reality, and then apologize and make peace. It shows some maturity on both your parts. With that kind of insight, I am sure you both can face bigger and better fights and come out the winner! Here's rooting for you both!!!!!!YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY

Re: clear it up
Posted by lost on Thu Aug 31 20:49:15 2000 (#643)

linda, you're a sweetie :)

Re: clear it up
Posted by mallory on Fri Sep 1 16:30:00 2000 (#651)

thanx linda. god i luv it when it ends this way

I CANT STOP
Posted by MELISSA on Fri Sep 1 02:08:02 2000 (#648)

I CANT TALK LONG BUT I THOUGHT I SHOULD CHECK IN HERE W/U GUYS. I CANT STOP CUTTING IM SCARRING MYSELF UP. I DONT EVEN WANT TO GO OUT OF THE HOUSE. I HATE SCHOOL AND MARCUS MAKES ME FEEL SO AWFUL SOMETIMES. I REALLY DONT FEEL LIKE TALKING SO E-MAIL ME OR SOMETHING...1LUVMAC1@YAHOO.COM .

~~~~MELISSA

Re: I CANT STOP
Posted by mallory on Fri Sep 1 16:33:15 2000 (#652)

is marcus your boyfriend. if he is, if you dont mind me asking. why does he make you feel bad. does he know that you cut.

I drempt
Posted by mallory on Fri Sep 1 16:37:12 2000 (#653)

I keep on haveing these realy scary dreams. this time it was about my father trying to kill me. he was a seriol killer. and he made gifts for the people he killed. mine was a plastic doll coverd in blood all raped up in a cloth. i hate it. i'm afraid to go to sleep now

Re: I drempt
Posted by lost on Fri Sep 1 20:53:26 2000 (#654)

when I was really little (about 5) I used to have these dreams that my family would be sitting in like a 50's style ice cream parlor and I would come through a hole in the wall or something with a shot gun and shoot them all. I had that same exact dream numerous times. I guess its kind sad that I've had these problems and thoughts in my head for so long.

About your dream... does your father hurt you for real... or has he in the past? Thats what it might be... just being fearful because of past or present situations. I think thats the reason for my dreams like that.

Re: I drempt
Posted by mallory on Fri Sep 1 23:06:29 2000 (#655)

actualy no, he would hurt a masqeto. I realy dont know why i drempt that.

Re: I drempt
Posted by Christine on Sat Sep 2 04:39:16 2000 (#656)

Maybe you don't feel safe in general you dont have to be afraid of your dad hurting you it could mean you are afraid of hurting him or yourself normally it means you dont feel safe w/ something around you maybe you should talk to someone like I said on the other board if you want to talk to me you can i wont judge you or critisize you I only want to help you can write any time I offer you all the support you need and that goes for every one on this board any of you can e-mail me any time you want Sweet Dreams honey try to stay positive think of bunnies &kittys and all the pretty little aminals

Re: I drempt
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 2 06:09:07 2000 (#662)

Do you think it could mean something? One night I had a dream that some person was raped, and the next day my mother told me that she was raped! Another night I had a dream that my friends got in a fight, and it happened!Are you sure that it was your dad in the dream and not someone else? The dream might be a warning of some kind. I believe that God sends warnings of things that might happen. Try to stay safe!

Re: I drempt
Posted by Christine on Sat Sep 2 07:31:30 2000 (#665)

Dreams can have different meanings they can mean something or they can just be parts of your day that your brain photograghed are you afraid of someone hurting you or you maybe hurting someone else I dont really know to much about you so I dont know your situation lots of libraries have books on dreams maybe you should ckeck out friud he had some good work on the subciontiouse mind well what ever the dream means I hope it isn't bad have sweet dreams e-mail me if you want

Re: I drempt
Posted by mallory on Sat Sep 2 21:34:39 2000 (#671)

well I am always scared that my dads ganna hit rock bottom and just loos it. becuase he is so deppressed. but i totaly balieve that to. dreams are messeggs from god or who ever looks over us. but, yeah, some are just memmorys mixed together. I have two realy thick dream books. they are great and somtimes realy scary. but I recomend them to eny body. but i rememmber. well i'm ganna tell you this cuz i feel a lot confortable talking to people like this. but when i was like eight i got malested by my cozin. and i know i was by somone els, becuase i get flash backs of a diferent person. but after that happend I was always so horrifyed to be with my father or eny man. or hug my father. i felt so guilty. becuase I know my dad didnt do eny thing to me, he would never. but just the fact that he was a man. but i dont know. if eny one would like to talk with me about sexual abuse or what ever. trust me you can talk to me. there is no way i could think your crazy. i would just be a hipocrit if i did.

Re: I drempt
Posted by Dark Angel on Sun Sep 3 05:40:37 2000 (#676)

Sometimes the mind just shuts off things it doesn't like. Some witnesses have been known to get amnesia after seeing murders.Maybe you were old enough to relize what happened, but no able to handle it.That may be why you can't recognize the other person. I may be wrong, it's just a theory. :)

Re: I drempt
Posted by Christine on Sun Sep 3 05:42:34 2000 (#677)

I cant be near my dad sometimes I know he didn't abuse me and never would but I always get freaked out when its just the 2 of us home I get nevuse arond men in general expesally older men guys my age aren't a problem for the fact that it was an older man Did you ever tell anyone abut the abuse if not maybe you should if your some what close to your mother you should tell her or someone older that you trust talking can really help you and you wont have flashbacks as often and if thats the reason you cut it can help you stop well see ya later stay safe

Re: I drempt
Posted by mrranda on Tue Sep 5 18:17:46 2000 (#685)

i hate my dad for various reasons, but one of them is because, and this happened on more than one occation, when him and his friends would get drunk they both would chuck full beer bottles at me, he was an asshole, but he's manic depressive, and now that he's in jail(not for that reason) he's obsessed with my brother and i and send me perfume spraied cards. he's just gross! yr dad seems like a real nice guy, takeing you and yr friend to an ani concert! but i know why you would feel uncomfertable around men if that had happened to you. that sucks.

Every new begining...
Posted by blue rose on Sat Sep 2 05:19:10 2000 (#658)

...comes from some other beginnings end.

I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm going to college. I'm leaving behind everything I know and everything I've ever known in this small secluded town and moving to a huge city. I'm going from my graduating class of 75 and being thrown into a sea of humanity. 40,000 people are students at the U of Minnesota and I will be one of them. Just a number amoung numbers. I'm so excited and scared at the same time. I feel like I'm being shot to the moon and being told I can never return. Yep, scared.

I'm going to try my hardest to get better. To not be so desparate and depressed. And, especially not to cut. I don't know how well it will work for me but I'm going to try. So, fare well all, I'm going to stay away for awhile. Not too long, but awhile. I wish you all the best and I hope you all overcome... well, whatever it is that plagues you. Overcome. I love you all.

Take care and stay safe.

Rose

Re: Every new begining...
Posted by Dark Angel on Sat Sep 2 06:14:09 2000 (#663)

Can't you write at the collage? Please say that you'll write. Your words have such meaning. I'll miss you even if we don't know each other very well. Try to write at some point. Have fun and try to stay safe. ((((((((((Rose))))))))) :* :) ;) :p Bye,

Re: Every new begining...
Posted by Christine on Sat Sep 2 07:18:10 2000 (#664)

Even if you dont write every day can you at least write and tell us if everything is ok I wish you luck and hope you can deal w/ every thing and not cut think of the things you have dont in your life you did something write if you got in to collage good luck

Re: Every new begining...
Posted by mallory on Sat Sep 2 21:40:32 2000 (#672)

yeah, your going to a collage. there has to be internet. but you probebly will be bissy getting all smart and stuff. but checkin once in a wile. good luck. mallory what are you studieing

Re: Every new begining...
Posted by kristina on Tue Sep 5 04:18:05 2000 (#681)

good luck in college! and good luck working on a new life. i wish u the best, and ill pray for u!

BLUE ROSE
Posted by MELISSA on Sat Sep 2 16:32:42 2000 (#667)

YOUR THE REASON I STARTED WRITTING AND YOUR WORDS ARE THE REASON I HAVE HOPE. I WILL MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH AND EVEN THOUGH WE DIDNT REALLY KNOW EACH OTHER YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WITH ME. I BELIEVE YOULL DO GREAT AT MINNESOTA AND I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN. DONT WORRY TO MUCH AND VISIT US SOON. IN THE WORDS OF A WONDERFUL PERSON "STAY SAFE"

~~~~MELISSA

Blue Rose & Gemma
Posted by Kathrine J on Sat Sep 2 23:12:44 2000 (#673)

Blue rose, i wish you all the luck and best wishes in the world.Keep us informed of how you are doing in your new home and indeed life.This can be a totally new start for you.I hope you finally erase all the demons and start a fresh new succesful life. So does anyone know where little Gemma has gone.She hasn't posted for ages.I hope your're ok Gemma.Let us know how things are. Be Strong Love Kathrine J XXXXXXXXXX

Paranoia
Posted by kate on Sun Sep 3 01:46:12 2000 (#674)

I am doing better but I still have this paranoia. i feel like people talk about me. i went to a concert last night and some gross guys were staring at me and my friends. I got really paranoid, I felt like all the girls were giving us dirty looks because we were dressed up. I even heard a guy say this isn't a glamour show its a concert. I was the only one that got upset over that. What is wrong with me? Of course i didn't have anything to cut myself with so I didn't cut.

Re: Paranoia
Posted by Christine on Sun Sep 3 05:31:33 2000 (#675)

I'm glad you didn't have anything to cut w/ and you didn't cut I have to give you credit for that and so what if you were dreesed up is it a crime to look nice. The paranoia thing I think its normal I'm always parinoid people are talking about me or looking at me even when I'm alone at home I get it. my friends do to so I think its just an active amagination bye

Re: Paranoia
Posted by Kate on Wed Sep 6 01:16:06 2000 (#686)

Thanks, I appreicate the advice. I feel better now.

new
Posted by afaraidandalone on Mon Sep 4 09:57:34 2000 (#680)

i'm new hear. i was just wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to stop the part of yourself that keeps doing distructive and hurtful things

Re: new
Posted by kristina on Tue Sep 5 04:24:14 2000 (#682)

hey, welcome to the board, im new myself. its great to read about other's experiences and to talk about it so openly. if i knew what would stop me hurting myself believe me, i wouldnt need to be visiting this site. i guess all i can tell u is not to give up, and find people who will support u no matter what. and go to a doctor if u havent and maybe get some meds or therapy. good luck!

oh no
Posted by mrranda on Tue Sep 5 17:32:49 2000 (#684)

well the other day my mother left me home with my brother while she went tostay at some hotel with her shit head boyfriend, and well i had the chance to flip out, and i did, i cut my arm for the first time in a month. im afraid my mom will find out and send me back, but you've got to understand i don't remember doing it, i remember right before and after. and anywho i went over to this guys apartment that i kind of have a thing for, and i was careless and he saw my arm, and got all sentimental and sweet, but this sucks! every guy that has ever found out has tried to like save me from myself, and i'm afraid that he'll do the same and i'll mistake it for something else, thats just the kind of person i am. im going to be more aware this time.

xoxo

mrranda

Re: oh no
Posted by diane on Wed Sep 6 15:54:29 2000 (#688)

glad to see you are getting more aware of your patterns. I am married , but i even had the same deal. Husband would feel worry for me and take all the weight off and do anything fo rme not to do it. But that was jsut temporary and it wasnt healthy for me to not soothe myself and like myself. Plu she abuses me and so i mistake his tendernesss that he wold never harm me again. Well I am a long way from not cutting I think...and that stinks I hope the best for you!

Re: people suck but dont blame yourself
Posted by YVON on Fri Sep 15 12:39:55 2000 (#733)

write me anytime. been there done that. its not your fault grown ups have a lot of problems and don't know how to handle them please write yvon

cut again
Posted by diane on Wed Sep 6 16:02:08 2000 (#689)

I lost my post...so here is a shortened version. I am cutting more than ever. I was hoping for a si free autumn! I was on suicide watch last wed -friday. My cutting is less relieveing now and I wonder if I will quit it , or take up something more severe. I am in Therapy and I jsut feel so needy and helpless.

Re: cut again
Posted by mallory on Thu Sep 7 06:28:33 2000 (#690)

hi, i have been feeling the same way. cutting is still relieveing, but not half as much. I feel like i wanna hurt myself from the inside. but dont you try enything. so i wont mention eny ideas. but i know how u feel. you can email me enytime i will always get back toyou. mal

Re:IM HERE
Posted by yvon on Fri Sep 15 12:36:03 2000 (#732)

PLEASE WRITE TALKING HELPS ME TOO . I KNOW DEPRESSION ALL TO WELL AND I EVEN KNOW WANTING TO JUST END IT I UNDERSTAND

YVONNE

nothing, just worried
Posted by manda on Thu Sep 7 06:36:02 2000 (#691)

i just went on another date with a guy that i think i am starting to realy like a lot. and he told me that he was anerexic when he was younger. and for some reason i think he still has the potentul to be anerexic again. i realy dont want him to.i wish i could tell him that he is purfict the way he is. i will someday, but right no everything is so aquerd

HELP !!!!!
Posted by Christine on Fri Sep 8 03:44:44 2000 (#692)

I'm on the verge of tears my one good friend is pissed at me and I don't know how the fuck to fight the erge and I'm not to sure I can .Its pathetic when your afriad of your self and I couldn't feel any more god damn helpless.God how did Iend up here why cant I just stop cuttting why.Nothing works any more.The pain and blood is the only thing that can make me feel human.Its not human the things I do its barbaric and discusting. I feel so helpless and I am.My friend told me that I don't have friends cuz I'm phyco and inmature she goes off on me telling me I always hurt her fucking fellings like telling me I'm nothing but a fucked up phyco made me feel so lover I cant stand people sometimes.I'm sorry I just had to vent please write and tell me what to do

Re: HELP !!!!!
Posted by mallory on Fri Sep 8 19:27:11 2000 (#699)

okay,you need to tell your friend to shut up, she doesnt sound like much of a friend to me . that is a realy unhealthy relashonship. you need to get out of it. eather that or what will happen is youll just get prone to people like that. I know becuase i have been around people like that all my life that are soposed to be my best friends. and now i'm just prone to people like that. and i have seen others go through the same thing. and its okay to vent here thats what its for. mal

HELP !!!!!
Posted by Christine on Fri Sep 8 03:46:04 2000 (#693)

I'm on the verge of tears my one good friend is pissed at me and I don't know how the fuck to fight the erge and I'm not to sure I can .Its pathetic when your afriad of your self and I couldn't feel any more god damn helpless.God how did Iend up here why cant I just stop cuttting why.Nothing works any more.The pain and blood is the only thing that can make me feel human.Its not human the things I do its barbaric and discusting. I feel so helpless and I am.My friend told me that I don't have friends cuz I'm phyco and inmature she goes off on me telling me I always hurt her fucking fellings like telling me I'm nothing but a fucked up phyco made me feel so loved I cant stand people sometimes.I'm sorry I just had to vent please write and tell me what to do

Re: HELP !!!!!
Posted by kristina on Fri Sep 8 05:36:46 2000 (#694)

dont worry about what stupid people think. shes the immature one for making judgements about shit she doesnt understand. thats messed up. maybe u could punch a wall or something..(or ur friend... jk) its not barbaric and disgusting, its something that is really hard to overcome. u have support from everyone in here no matter what so dont worry bout it

Re: HELP !!!!!
Posted by diane on Fri Sep 8 12:35:14 2000 (#695)

DuH! that other person is cluelss..so their reactin is meaningless intheis case. Youdidn't choose to do this stuff, it is a pattern that you were set up for early on. NO one who comes here for help wpould have actually CHOSES to do this stuff. BUT we can choose to do something nicew for ourselves. What can you do tht you enjoy......one idea along with doing some nice stuff..cause you are SO worth it>>..is to write that person a letter andtellthem how cluless and ignorant they are and then crush it or rip it or what ever.Then write yourself a letter and tell yourself how NOT clueless you are and things you have learned along the way. but dont forget the chocolate and a nice walk or book or Cd or something too!

Re: HELP !!!!!
Posted by Dark Angel on Fri Sep 8 18:24:38 2000 (#697)

You sound just like me. My friends and I are always getting into fights. I don't know if I can help you, but what I do is if you're really mad at them or just depressed, write their name on a piece of paper and burn it on a red candle. I'm not sure if it matters what color candle it is, I just like red because it's like blood. When I see their name burning and the red wax rolling down the candle I feel like they can feel pain so I don't have to. It feels like they can hurt for me. Usually I get blamed for alot, and even if it's not my fault I blame myself. Hope I've helped you. E-mail me if you still feel bad. I've had tons of fights with even my closest friends.

Does anyone understand?
Posted by maggie on Fri Sep 8 13:45:50 2000 (#696)

I'm 19 and I only recently realised that what I have been doing to myself is called 'self injury' and that there are many others who do it... I've tried confiding in friends and they think I am psycho and have started becoming distant. I don't know what to do, because I feel so alone and lonliness makes me cut myself more. It's getting out of control. I need to talk to someone who knows what I am going through, and who wont judge me... I am so glad to have found this site. Please contact me at phrogphart@hotmail.com Love you all.

Re: Does anyone understand?
Posted by Dark Angel on Fri Sep 8 18:31:43 2000 (#698)

Hello Maggie. I haven't told my friends that I SI, but I have informed them about people that do it. I am kinda hoping they'll catch on, but they haven't. I feel so alone all the time. Some times I feel like its just my cuts and me. No one cares. But here, everyone cares and we all know what you're going through. You're not psycho no matter what anyone else says. None of us are. Don't worry about what your friends say. They have no clue why you do it or how lonely you are. And no matter what anyone says, you are special and we all love you even if we don't know you.:)

Re: Does anyone understand?
Posted by kate on Sun Sep 10 18:59:34 2000 (#703)

Hi Maggie. I completely understand. I'm 19 also and have been cutting since I was about 15, but I've only been open about it for a year. In the past year I've lost most of my close friends, the contact dwindled and then they just drifted away. It's hard sometimes,it feels like the loneliness swallows everything, but you aren't psycho, never let anyone tell you that. You just use your body as a canvas, that's what scars do, they tell a story.Everyone has scars, it's just that you put yours' on the outside too.

Re: Does anyone understand?
Posted by Kate on Mon Sep 11 23:01:45 2000 (#708)

Hi, Kate. I have never met you I just wanted to say hi. I just thought it was funny that we have the same name. Maybe we have a lot in commone. It might get confusing though. See you later.

Light
Posted by Linda on Fri Sep 8 23:06:29 2000 (#700)

I just wanted to let you all know that I just read the last few posts that were posted today and once again my heart goes out to ALL of you. If I could reach out and hug each and every one of you I would do it in a minute. I have posted several times in the last 5-6 months. I have communicated with many of you and found you to be wonderful, hurting people that need understanding. I confess I didn't understand at all when I first came here and I guess maybe I shied away from it because it was so foreign to me. I wanted to tell you all that so that you understand not to be angry at people like Christine's friend who thought she should confront her about it. I am sure she has no idea the triggering affect that can have and if she did she would never do it again. I feel that you must all understand that you are dealing with feelings that most of us don't deal with and many of us would help you if we could only just have more understanding. I suppose that if someone had set down with me and tried to explain it, I probably would have run from it but because my curiosity and need for answers stirred me, I researched it myself. So, to shed some light, I would say that you all need to be careful who you tell because it may be more than they can handle. But there are others that would listen and help if they only understood. I know....I've been there!!

Linda
Posted by Christine on Sun Sep 10 02:37:27 2000 (#701)

Linda I don't know you but I love you you always have something uplifting to say.I hade a long talk w/ my friend and we worked things out.I explained to her that I cant help the things I do and I wish I could. I didn't tell her that I cut and I'm not sure if I should.Oh and I heard about this scar therapy.I don't know exactly what it is but I'm gonna cheak it out and then when I stop cutting for good I'll get it done.My mom said she'd let me get it well bye

Love
Posted by Dark Angel on Sun Sep 10 15:30:02 2000 (#702)

I'm really depressed right now and I have been cutting way too much lately.My brother keeps calling me stupid and I feel so unwanted. I just want someone to love me and say they do. I want my parents to be proud of me but I just keep letting them down and I feel so bad. I cut because I am so sick of letting everyone down. I want to cry but I can't and I'm so disappointed in myself. How can anyone love me? I'm such a disappointment. My parents wanted such perfect children and I have disappointed them so much. I don't get any support from anyone where I live and no one cares if I cut. They think I'm insane. I want someone to tell me they love me. Sometimes support from the internet just isn't enough. I want to die, but then everyone will know I'm crazy and hate me and be so sad. But I would never do that so I wish I'd never been born. Maybe everyone would be much happier. Maybe they'd have their perfect life. I feel like my life is cursed. I just want people to love me and be proud of me. That's all.

Re: Love
Posted by Christine on Mon Sep 11 11:17:31 2000 (#705)

There is a reason your here.I dont belive in god but I do belive in a higher power than me and that higher power put you here for a porpose.People may not show there true emotions either and I think no matter what your parents love you they don't know how to deal or help you.If you try to kill yourself your only letting the world win.Maybe you can do something nice every day either for yourself or someone else like leave a flower on the table for your mom or make breakfast for her and your dad.When ever I do something like that I feel like I'm making up for what I did and didn't do and it makes me feel better.I hope you feel better soon *~hugs & kisses~*

Re: Love
Posted by Dark Angel on Mon Sep 11 17:01:46 2000 (#706)

Thanks for the advice. I feel better just knowing someone cares. :)

Re: Love
Posted by Kate on Mon Sep 11 22:58:30 2000 (#707)

I feel so so bad. I don't know what to say. I feel lonely sometimes but I was blessed with a good family. I can't even imagine what you are going through, but I am here for you and I will try to help in any way i can. I quit cutting so maybe you can too. Write or email me.

Re: Love
Posted by Dark Angel on Tue Sep 12 17:26:23 2000 (#712)

I know. I have a good family, but I just feel so lost and alone and I dn't know what to do. I have never been abused and sometimes I just wonder why I cut. Do I really have to or are there other options?

Re: Love
Posted by Christine on Wed Sep 13 07:01:29 2000 (#717)

We all feel alone sometimes even if we are in a crowded room we just need people that understand us & make us feel a part of things I think thats why most of us are here.There are other options but we chose the wrong one and thats the only way to handel things.Most people I know that cut were never abused and came from good families it doesn't matter why though all you should worry about it how to stop

Re: Love
Posted by Dark Angel on Wed Sep 13 18:56:08 2000 (#718)

I think the reason most of us started cutting is because we were either looking for attention or really angry and not able to show it. For me, it was probably both. Anger leads to depression which leads to cutting. If we could stop the angry feelings before it gets to the point of depression, then maybe we could stop cutting. Just saying we will stop won't help. We need to know how to stop before it gets to cutting. If anyone has any ideas how to stop anger and depression, speak up! We need to fight this face to face and not run away!

Re: Love
Posted by Christine on Fri Sep 15 05:57:59 2000 (#729)

I wish there was a way to stop.There is its just easyer to keep cutting than it is to stop.In someways I don't want to stop but I realize I will only get worse.I fight it every day the lonlieness the deppretion every day I force myself out of bed and try to make it threw the day.If you just keep pushing yourself and realize what your worth your on the wright raod and w/ alot of effort you can stop.Don't think cuz you give in once the fights over get up and start again.It can work but you need help from friends and family.Its hard but I did it I stoped for a year and a half I only had a couple minor relapsis but I'm back to fighting!e-mail me if you need help I'm here for u!

?????????
Posted by amy on Mon Sep 11 06:26:59 2000 (#704)

I am 17 and have been cutting my arms up for 2 or so years now and I can't stop no matter what I do I can't stop, when ever I do something stupid i get these images of my arms pouring out blood and those images Really scare me but at the same time for some reason it feels good to cut my arms up because I like to se my arms bleeding and the stinging pain that feels so good

Re: ?????????
Posted by kristina on Tue Sep 12 04:58:06 2000 (#710)

welcome to the club

Re: ?????????
Posted by kristina on Tue Sep 12 04:59:33 2000 (#711)

that sounded kinda rude, i didnt mean it rude

Garbage
Posted by blue rose on Tue Sep 12 03:42:11 2000 (#709)

I don't need an education I learned all I need from you They've got me on some medication My point of balance was askew It keeps my tempature from rising My blood is pumping through my veins

Somebody get me out of here I'm tearing at myself 'Cause nobody gives a damn about me Or anybody else.

Still you call me co-dependant Somehow you've laid the blame on me.

Re: Garbage
Posted by Dark Angel on Tue Sep 12 20:48:14 2000 (#713)

What?!