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Threads 651 to 700

PEOPLE WHO CAME AND WENT
Posted by MELISSA on Sat Dec 30 06:00:09 2000 (#2363)

ODESSA, GIANNA, DARK ANGEL, KAYLA, (SHORT TIMERS) MIARA, LIA, KATHERINE J, OH I REALLY REMEMBER MOO, REYNA, THE ONE WHO OPENED THE BOARD, SONORA, I QUITE OFTEN THINK ABOUT HER (PEOPLE I NEVER EVEN SPOKE TO.) THERE IS PLENTY MORE I WORRY ABOUT THEM. DOES ANYONE ELSE? THEY COULD BE IN HARM OR WORSE,...OR BETTER...? WELL JUST A THOUGHT.

Re: PEOPLE WHO CAME AND WENT
Posted by Linda on Sat Dec 30 15:29:38 2000 (#2372)

Kathrine J. is doing well. She has a new job and is very busy. Moo.....was really someone else who will remain nameless but she is doing well. I corresponded with Kayla for a while and with Reyna. You have forgotten Dana...(sabertoothtiger) Yes, I too, remember many and wonder!

Re: PEOPLE WHO CAME AND WENT
Posted by blue rose on Sun Dec 31 10:37:16 2000 (#2408)

I remember them too. I should apologize to Moo, whoever she may be, I was unkind. You should email me, I'd like to talk to you.

I miss Kathrine J. but I'm glad she's doing well. I miss Kayla Marie too, she is such a sweet girl.

Hi everyone who came and went, I'm sure you come back every once in awhile.

Re: PEOPLE WHO CAME AND WENT
Posted by rachel on Tue Jan 2 21:45:17 2001 (#2474)

oh and by the way, sonora isnt doing 2 badly either. i speak to her occasionally.

I FEEL BAD IF I DONT MENTION
Posted by MELISSA on Sat Dec 30 06:19:01 2000 (#2364)

MALLORY, CHRISTINE, RACHEL, KRISTINA, THERE IS JUST SO MANY. NO ONE EVEN PAYS ATTENTION TO THEM OR DID. MIARA POSTED LIKE A FEW MONTHS AFTER SHE LEFT. IT SAID THAT SHE JUST GOT OUT OF A HOSPITAL AND I THINK THAT IS THE LAST WE HEARD. I KNOW IM ASKING ALOT HERE BUT CAN YOU JUST TAKE SOME TIME OUT AND READ ALL THESE POSTS IT MAY TAKE HOURS BUT ITS PEOPLES LIVES THAT IM TALKING ABOUT AND I THINK THEY DESERVE IT. I DO IT EVERY NOW AND THEN LATE AT NIGHT I READ ALL THE OLD POSTS. IT REALLY TOUCHES ME. WELL I GUESS ILL GO NOW SORRY FO BABBLING.

YOU KNOW WHO. i hope EVERYONE reads these, well the ones who do let me know by posting to me...and i will truely respect you and thats alot. believe me!!!

Re: I FEEL BAD IF I DONT MENTION
Posted by Lost on Sat Dec 30 06:59:19 2000 (#2365)

how are u going to say that we NEVER payed attention to them? I swear some of you guys are trying to make it seem like we're heartless bitches for not keeping up with EVERY SINGLE person that has ever posted on this board! If I were to do that, I wouldn't even have time to go poop or anything bcuz I'd spend the entire day here. Everyone has to understand that EVERYONE is welcome here... and that we want everyone to stay here... but NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO STAY. And that is usually their choice. I can't spend my life chasing after people who used to post here. If anyone thinks I'm heartless or evil or a bitch then so be it. I'm not going to bite my tongue.

Re: I FEEL BAD IF I DONT MENTION
Posted by Maggie on Sat Dec 30 14:14:38 2000 (#2369)

I know that Dark Angel is fine. She has stopped cutting completely after her therapy turned out well. She isn't allowed to post on this board anymore (or to write to me) but she drops me a note from time to time.

I was really worried about what happened to 'who cares'. If you go back far enough you will find her last note that said she was gonna kill herself. I wrote back, but she never replied. I know what you mean about people that came and then disappeared... I pray for these people every night. I do care!

I'm sorry if some people are disappointed that few people reply to their posts. I read every single one, but to be honest I only reply to the ones that I feel I can contribute something worthwhile to. But if other people have already said something that I would've said, then I don't. I don't have time to reply to every post. I have enough trouble reading them all each day. I also reply to those that don't have any reply's to them, because that way every one will be answered by someone.

Anyway I'm just rambling. I'll shut up now.

Re: I FEEL BAD IF I DONT MENTION
Posted by Linda on Sat Dec 30 15:31:58 2000 (#2373)

Melissa.....I have read all the posts except the ones below here....am doing that now. I have been doing this for 9 months or so. When I came on there were less than 70 posts!

Re: I FEEL BAD IF I DONT MENTION
Posted by Linda on Sat Dec 30 15:35:36 2000 (#2374)

After reading Maggie and Lost posts, I just had to add another. I feel the same way they do. It is the time issue. I get so burdened sometimes but I must realize that maybe my only contribution must be the prayers.......It's good to know that Maggie is helping me with those prayers!!! : )

Re: I FEEL BAD IF I DONT MENTION
Posted by Fran on Sat Dec 30 17:59:23 2000 (#2377)

I try and read everyones posts but like Linda I feel sometimes there just aren't enough words........ P.S I wrote a post to you but you didn't respond (it's okay though !)

Re: I FEEL BAD IF I DONT MENTION
Posted by Nuni on Sat Dec 30 23:48:57 2000 (#2383)

Hey you all, We all do our best, and we all care. Maggie, Linda, Lori, Laura, Neal, Dark Angel, Michael, Simon, we have exchanged e-mails (whew i think) anyway. It does mean lot. In our hearts we do what we can handle, and that should be good enough. I often feel as if I carry a heavy burden, and I feel guilty enough as it is offloading on you all sometimes. But its the way this works. We arestill here fighting for the cause. You all are wonderful, I love you! Nuni

Re: I FEEL BAD IF I DONT MENTION
Posted by SImon on Sun Dec 31 01:33:12 2000 (#2393)

Yo dudes! soz bout that but im feeling very 80's at the minute. sorry that i have not sent much elaberate postings recently but i was actually feeling (dare i say it?) haaapppppp...no, its no good cant say that anymore - feels wrong in the same sentance as 'I'. but basically the last couple of days have been less of guilt-ridden, self-hating psudo-depression hell than the other 363 of the year. i have still been reading a little every now and then but i did not want to push it by talking about all that emotions shit (it gets me thinking and THAT'S never a good thing) i figure that this not-feeling-too-bad notion will evaporate in a short while (its strange but i can usually feel depression comming ages before i feel miserable - not just things start not going my way again but something changes inside me - something chemical maybe. who knows) I hate having to sound like a big girls blouse (no offence to any big girls here :) ) but i was really toutched when Nuni put me on the list of board regulars. i was paranoid as ever and assumed (like i tend to for most things) that everyone was just being polite as you cant really say something like 'sod off, we dont care' well its the little things etc, etc. well i hope u all have a....er...safe new year and maybe even have a nice time (u never know - stranger things have happened)

P.S. GOD! i just thought...imagine if my band mates got hold of this address. i think theres a clause somewhere that clearly states that punks are not allowed to be depressed and deeply emotional and worst of all..the big G - guilty. u just have to look argry and spit a lot and shout all ur songs out of key (well i get that bit spot on!)so yeah anyway thanx for the mention Nuni)

Bye

SImon

Message for Simon
Posted by Frannyh40@hotmail.com on Thu Jan 4 21:52:40 2001 (#2502)

Don't be so stupid of course you're wanted here . I want you here... I can't solve problems though because I feel so awful but I want you to post soon. Keep going FrannyXXX

MELISSA-slut-whore-monkey-anus-poop
Posted by Lost on Sat Dec 30 07:01:09 2000 (#2366)

how come ur never on aim anymore. u've been posting all day today but I haven't seen u online! whats up with that thug girl? I haven't talked to u in a while... and i miss ur smelly ass!

Know what makes me mad????
Posted by Lost on Sat Dec 30 07:09:09 2000 (#2367)

What totally pisses me off is when everyone expects ME to care about everything and everyone! For example... my friends cat died a while ago and she came to be crying about it... and I totally didn't give a shit... she called me a heartless bitch and all that great stuff BUT she seemed to have forgotten that when I had a misscarriage at her house and I tried to TELL her about it bcuz I was crying and I was so upset that I had lost the baby... she told me to make sure I didn't leave a mess in her bathroom and then she changed the subject and started talking about some guy that she thought was cute! She never asked me if I was ok or anything she was just concerned that her bathroom was clean. So can someone please tell me WHY I am supposed to give a shit about things that happen to people who don't give 2 flying fucks about what happens to me? Everyone can turn me away in a time of need and act like i don't exist and not offer any support.... BUT oh my god! what happens when they need someone... they come running to me and expect my arms to be open. Well they're not. i'm getting sick of being treated like shit and then called evil when I return the favor.

Re: Know what makes me mad????
Posted by Maggie on Sat Dec 30 14:06:10 2000 (#2368)

There is one golden rule that I live by:

Don't have any expectations, and you'll never be disappointed.

It's true that the world is cold, heartless and very selfish. Most people just live for themselves, to make their lives as great as possible, and walk over others on their way.

That's why I come here. Because you people are different. I know that my uni friends only 'care' because they feel obligated, and i don't think my psychologist would give 2 flying f#$!s about me if i didn't pay him $85 dollars to sit down and act supportive.

Because I know how you feel, I care about you, and I assume that because you can empathise with me, you care for me too.

I think that it was super-heartless of your friend to be so insensitive after your miscarriage, and to be honest if my friend were that nasty, I wouldn't be there for her after her cat died though. (no offense to the cat).

So your friend has no right to insult you, and you should remind her of her insensitivity. But I don't think the people on this board are like that. I think we really do care for each other. Look at the way we all tried to pull together for Laura Rose...

Re: Know what makes me mad????
Posted by Linda on Sat Dec 30 15:41:47 2000 (#2375)

(((((((((())))))) Girl, you know I am completely wiped about your situation. What Maggie said was good. My only other comment is....and you know this is how I believe.......If everything you do, you do to honor and glorify our Heavenly Father, then so what is no one understands......HE DOES!!! That is the hope that gets me through the day. Trying to get attention and appreciation from sinful human beings is going to be a let-down most of the time!

Re: Know what makes me mad????
Posted by Baleigh on Sun Dec 31 00:36:33 2000 (#2391)

Dude... why even bother with assholes like that? Just tell her to shove the carcass up her ass and see how she likes it.... cats are stupid anyway!

Sarah Maclauchlan
Posted by Maggie on Sat Dec 30 14:20:42 2000 (#2370)

Haha. Do you know what I tried to do... I tried to find Sarah Maclauchlan's email address on the net, to ask her if she would write something to Laura Rose. But I couldn't find it... I thought that would cheer Laura up...

I would keep looking, but tommorow I am going on holiday to Asia for 3 weeks, and wont have access to the net. So if anyone else thinks this might be a good idea, then could they please try do it for me instead. Thanks heaps...

Re: Sarah Maclauchlan
Posted by Kate on Sun Dec 31 00:14:05 2000 (#2387)

i will look you might have spelled the name wrong. I am also a fan of hers and she is so awesome. I will try to do something.

Yeah... okay!
Posted by Baleigh on Sat Dec 30 17:31:35 2000 (#2376)

I FEEL UNLOVED! Oh well... what else is new? WHy should I have expected ya'll to miss me anyway? The trip wasn't good... I wanted to cut super bad one night.... (I saw the CrazyTown video on MTV... at the end where the guy is kissing that girl OMG! I wanted him so bad! Christ I miss kisses!) Anyway... yeah I'm home! I would offer something towards the whole Laura issue... but everything I say only makes things worse... my luck I woudl say somehting that would push her over the edge. But hopefully she knows that I care about her... soon and so forth. Now I sound like a bitch but oh well... I'm in a foul mood and I doubt anyone gives a rats ass to what I have to say anyway...

Re: Yeah... okay!
Posted by Nuni on Sat Dec 30 23:54:50 2000 (#2384)

Hey Baleigh, Sorry to hear you had a bummer time. Things are shaky as you noticed. people are a lot lonelier nowa days. Hmmm, I never forgot you sweetheart...Im glad you fought the urge with the blade, and I hope you won. Hugs to you! Nuni

Untitled
Posted by Fran on Sat Dec 30 18:23:07 2000 (#2378)

'untitled poem' /=new line.*=new stanza In this poem I wrote about how I saw my place in this world and the way I wanted to to leave it.

I wait alone/I wait/but I do not know where *I am being taken/I am searching/I search/but I never find what I am looking for/the world surrounds me/but I am fading away from it's grip/ *the pain it makes me numb/I am paralysed by the pain/my lips are blue and frozen/the glitter has dissolved into ice/ *but now the water surrounds me/the water surrounds my pain/the blade is sharp but my blood is purity/it flows into the water as dark as night/I feel my long hair on my skin/and the blood pour from my veins/As the water surrounds me/ *I am fading away/today is the day I just fade away

Re: Untitled
Posted by Nuni on Sat Dec 30 23:56:21 2000 (#2385)

WOW!! That is way powerful...I liked it..Hugs nuni

PREGNANCY
Posted by MELISSA on Sat Dec 30 18:45:04 2000 (#2379)

OK I THINK IM PREGNANT. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LAME BUT OH WELL. I TOLD MY MOM HOPING THAT SHE WOULD UNDERSTAND BUT SHE IS JUST FORCING ME TO DO THINGS I DONT WANT TO DO. SHES GETTING ALL PISSED OFF AND SHES TELLING EVERYONE. I MEAN I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO TELL HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. MY DAD I S BITCHING ABOUT DRIVING ME AND AMRCUS TO SEE E/O. SAYING THINGS LIKE HES NEVER GONNA FUCKING TAKE TIME OUT OF HIS DAY FOR THIS STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT JUST TO MAKE ME HAPPY. YET IM NOT ALLOWED IN A CAR W/A TEEN DRIVER AND HIS PARENTS ARE IN CHICAGO. HE MOVING IN LIKE 20 DAYS ... GOOD BYE, NO MORE MARCUS. SO NOW THERE'S LIKE A 95% CHANCE IM PREGNANT MARCUS IS MOVING MY MOM IS A BITCH MY DAD IS AN ASSHOLE IM STILL A FREAK AND I WANT TO DIE. EVERYONE IS PISSED AT ME AND NO ONE EVEN WANTS TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND HOW IF FEELS TO BE ME FOR A CHANGE, ITS ALL ABOUT ME HUH? IM SUCH A SELFISH SPOILED BRAT. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CAN ALL FUCK OFF AND KISS MY ASS. I CANT WAIT TO GO TO SLEEP AND NEVER WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!

MELISSA

Re: PREGNANCY
Posted by Baleigh on Sat Dec 30 20:19:44 2000 (#2380)

Wow... I'm really sorry about all that. Do you want a baby? And how old are you again? I hope everything gets better... I really do! : )

Re: PREGNANCY
Posted by boark lurker on Sat Dec 30 20:55:19 2000 (#2381)

I'm sorry, but if there is a good chance that you are pregnant and the only thing you can think is you cant wait to go to sleep and never wake up, maybe you are a selfish spoiled brat.

boark whoever the hell u are
Posted by Lost on Sat Dec 30 22:14:56 2000 (#2382)

Ok well MAYBE you don't know melissa and MAYBE you have no right to say that and MAYBE you don't understand what the fuck is going on... so MAYBE you should have an EDUCATED opinion before you comment on someone who you don't know. but then again... those are just MAYBE'S. Don't come here and insult people. that MAY BE pretty damn LAME!

Re: boark whoever the hell u are
Posted by Nuni on Sat Dec 30 23:59:51 2000 (#2386)

You obviously dont frequent this mess board, and judging by your comments you probably found this board by mistake. You are an idiot, and havent a clue about what you are commenting on. Go away lurker. Be nice or go away!!!!! Nuni

AWWW YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!!!
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Dec 31 07:13:39 2000 (#2402)

I CANT BELIEVE YOU STUCK UP FOR ME...YEAH I CAN, I WOULD DO THE SAME. YOUR THE BEST!!! MUAH XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO MELISSA

READ THIS BOARK LARK WHOEVER THE HELL YOU ARE
Posted by Fran on Sun Dec 31 11:35:09 2000 (#2409)

I couldn't believe what I was reading. Do you have any idea the effect your selfish , unconstructive, unthought out comment could have on not just Melissa but anyone. People like you just don't think . The damage you can cause. WHO ARE YOU TOO JUDGE! LOOK AT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU JUDGE OTHERS!. Some advice for you never e ver give advice to anyone ever.......EVER EVER EVER. You should THINK more! not just about yourself.

Re: PREGNANCY
Posted by kate on Sun Dec 31 00:17:01 2000 (#2388)

Don't you mean board lurker you dumb fuck. Go to hell.

Re: PREGNANCY
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Dec 31 07:14:16 2000 (#2403)

LMAO/ HEHEHE HAHAHA

Re: PREGNANCY
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Sun Dec 31 00:42:58 2000 (#2392)

Okay, I'm gonna have to rant on your sorry ass. You don't know Melissa so don't presume that you are qualified to judge her, so don't even try it. Melissa is a self-LESS person who has never seen a day where she was a brat! It never fails to amaze me at how ignorant some people can be! Don't you dare come here and criticize anyone! People come here because it feels safe and you are trying to destroy that. I have yet to meet a selfish person on this board. Why don't you just go away and crawl back under the slimy rock you came from? It's more your kind of place anyway. I hate it when damn idiots try to be smart!

Re: PREGNANCY
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Dec 31 07:16:28 2000 (#2404)

IM CRYING AND LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUZ YOU GUYS MADE ME SOOOO HAPPY BY DOING THIS AND IM SORRY IF I EVER SAID ANYTHING TO HURT YOU, I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! AND IM LAUGHING CUZ YOUR ALL REALLY FUNNY.

it happened
Posted by kate on Sun Dec 31 00:21:43 2000 (#2389)

I cut again last night since four months. I was so angry and alone last night. I was at a bar with my friends and someone pissed me off. I started crying in the corner and some guy bought me a shot. I then became drunk and went home and cut. I then passed out and woke up cutting again today. I don't think I am ever going to get better. There was a moment when I wanted to kill myself last night. I have nothing to live for. I feel out of place in front of girls, guys don't like me, and I pursued the wrong carreer. I really wanted to be a singer like Alana Morrisette so I can get my anger out. But I am afraid people will laugh at me. I hope everyone else is doing better than me.

Re: it happened
Posted by Baleigh on Sun Dec 31 00:33:53 2000 (#2390)

I haven't even payed attention as to how long it has been since I last cut... it's probably been almost a month... but still. If it makes ya feel any better you're notthe only pissed off person around here. First of all... that Boark cunt pissed me off... then I went out in the garage to look for a real razor (probably the kind every one of you has.. I'm the only lamer) with like... the little I dunno how to explain it. but last time I was out there i saw a box off them and now I can not find that freakin box for the life of me. BLEH. I know this probably hasn't helped you at all... hope it hasn't made things worse. but get better! So what? You cut... and you went 4 months without it... just think... nexttime you may go 6 months... and cutting every 6 months is better than everyday... ya kknow? So don't feel bad about it.. and please don't die! :P

Important
Posted by Kate on Sun Dec 31 04:00:10 2000 (#2396)

I am so sorry to everyone that i have not bonded. You guys have seemed to have form special friendships with eachother. I feel a little left out but that is my fault. I am afraid of getting close to people. Even on line. Even my friends don't know half of my problems and the ones that do i don't like to burden. I guess I am trying to say that I have trouble making friends and I feel awkward. I still want to post here and help but I always feel like the dork of the board.

Re: Important
Posted by SImon on Sun Dec 31 04:36:03 2000 (#2398)

Dork of the board? u cant be that's MY job :) Anyway i know what u mean cos i really feel out of place. i find it really difficult to justify the whole SI thing and being a non-rape victim, male and 18. i feel like i should have grown out of it by now - i mean no disrespect to any older SIers its just the way i feel personally about my own SI not other people's. GOD that made no sense whatsoever (mental note - when in hole, stop digging) i want u 2 know though that, speaking for myself, there is one person who officially accepty you in2 the er....gruop?...inner circle?....club? i dont know! but anyway i still kinda feel like an outsider (but i usually do) but i can still say from the little contact i have had with the group that we are all there for u.

LOL - this was only meant 2 B a one-liner. never mind

SImon (the token bloke)

Re: Important
Posted by Kate on Sun Dec 31 04:41:07 2000 (#2399)

Talk about feeling old. I am 22 but a female and a non rape victim. So we have that in common. Thanks for replying.

Re: Important
Posted by Fran on Sun Dec 31 11:53:02 2000 (#2410)

I read your first post...I always cut after a night out I think I feel like I have to punish myself for having a good time. The worst cuts I have made were after coming down from speed-I wanted to cut and cut and never stop. I'd cry solidly for hours. When I was on speed I felt free, free from it all, even happy, I felt alive.. it's the only time I ever felt normal. my friends are hedonists...always in search of the next thrill...you can't tell them about problems it's just not done. Everyone takes drugs so no one notices if you are taking them for a reason. Are your friends like this?. As for the board it takes time to get to know everyone...at first it's hard but everyone cares SO MUCH. Share all your thoughts because everyone tries to read all post they just can't always respond. Post/email me or anyone at any time Love FranXXX

some one pls respond to my postings!!!!
Posted by Ang on Sun Dec 31 04:43:59 2000 (#2400)

i havn't cut my self in exactly a week!!! i'm so proud of my self its hard to keep my self from doing it but not doing it feels so good! but reqad my outher postings pls i never get responces why is that?

Re: some one pls respond to my postings!!!!
Posted by Maggie on Sun Dec 31 05:54:01 2000 (#2401)

Good on ya babe! Congratulations... hopefully you can extend it. At least might let some old ones heal. I had to give up once because i ran out of space under my sock, and that's the only place that i always have covered.

Take care. Luv me.

Re: some one pls respond to my postings!!!!
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Dec 31 07:17:55 2000 (#2405)

YAH!!! AND IM SORRY. ILL BE NICER

MELISSA

Re: some one pls respond to my postings!!!!
Posted by Fran on Sun Dec 31 11:55:32 2000 (#2411)

Well done power to Ang!!!!. I've read your posts just can't always respond Love you FrannyXXXX

Re: some one pls respond to my postings!!!!
Posted by Kate on Sun Dec 31 16:04:23 2000 (#2414)

I am so proud of you. Keep it up!

POSTINGS
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Dec 31 07:22:17 2000 (#2406)

I READ EM ALL I SWEAR ON MY LOVING RELATIONSHIP TO MARCUS. SOMETIMES I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR IF I SHOULD COMMENT AT ALL. AND YOU KNOW HOW WHEN YOU HEAR SOMETHING A WHOLE BUNCH OF TIMES HOW IT STARTS TO SOUND MEANINGLESS LIKE TOTAL BS, WELL I TRY TO THINK OF THE RIGHT WORDS SO THAT IT DOESNT SOUND LIKE THAT AND SOMETIMES I JUST DONT HAVE THE RIGHT WORDS ... JUST THE WORDS THAT YOUR TIRED OF HEARING. SO EVEN IF I DONT POST (RESPOND) TO YOUR "ENTRY" I ALWAYS READ THEM AND YOUR ALWAYS IN MY THOUGHTS. ALWAYS!!! THIS GOES TO EVERYONE.... LOVE PEACE N CHICKEN GREASE, ME XOXO

Re: POSTINGS
Posted by Lost on Sun Dec 31 10:14:06 2000 (#2407)

you smell!!! :) and by the way, do u hate me now or something bcuz i NEVER EVER EVER hear from u.... just let me know. don't leave me hangin

Re: POSTINGS
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Dec 31 21:09:26 2000 (#2417)

GRRRIL!!! DONT EVEN START!! I LUB YOU KID!!! I DONT HAVE AOL ANYMORE I HAVE SOMETHING CALLED "POW WOW" ITS WEIRD AND ITS MESSED UP, IT DOESNT ALWAYS LET ME ON. AND I ALSO HAVE LIMITED TIME TO CHAT W/PEOPLE. ITS MY MOM SHES WEIRD. BUT I DO HAVE THIS THING CALLED PALTALK, YOU HAVE TO DOWN LAOD IT, ITS REAL COOL. YOU GET TO LOOK AT THE PERSON IF YOU HAVE A CAMERA AND TALK IF YOU HAVE A MIC. YOU NEED TO GET IT. I NEVER EMAIL YOU CUZ I DONT REMEMBER YOU E MAIL ADDRESS: SOMETHING LIKE GHETTO..... LET ME KNOW AND EMAIL ME. AND GRRRRIL!!! DONT EVER SAY THAT AGAIN YOU SILLY GOOSE YOU!

LOVE PEACE N CHICKEN GREASE YOU STANKY FUNK FART SMELL LUNG DIEASE WHORISH BIATCH!!! HEHEHE, MELISSA

New Years Eve is strange
Posted by Fran on Sun Dec 31 12:16:51 2000 (#2412)

In some ways I love New Years Eve it's the start of new beginnings...a chance wipe the slate clean. A chance to start again.. to have the night of your life with so much to look foward too. That's it though, the expectations of New years it's supposed to be wonderful and put all the wrongs right... but this isn't always possible and this leaves me feeling empty. seeking out this unattainable perfection. I feel alone at new years surrounded by all these people but SO ALONE. Last year my resolution was to stay alive...it was hard but I made it, I kept it. I want to do the same this year but whats there to look foward to? empty hope..I'm running out of reasons. Reasons are the things that keep you going . Does anyone else on this board feel like this at new years. New Years as a complete juxtaposition!!!

ATTENTION ALL BOARD --LAURA ROSE
Posted by fran on Sun Dec 31 14:28:24 2000 (#2413)

HAS EVERYONE EMAILED LAURA ROSE ASKING HER TO COME BACK? PLEASE DO IT AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY THANKS FRANXXXXX

Oh God...
Posted by fjdkfjdskfj on Sun Dec 31 18:08:10 2000 (#2415)

...what have I done? I did it. I oculdn't hold back anymore. And it hurts. I promised you, DB, that I would take care of my cuts form now on... so I put this gooey shit on them and now they sting like a bitch. I wish I hadn't done it. I was looking forward to being able to wear a different sort of bathing suit than wha I've worn to cover them up this summer (I always wear the boycut bottoms... which only make my ass look bigger) I didn't want to do it... but i just og tin this weird ass frame of mind and went at it. See, there's this guy... I broke his heart earlier this year and after 6 months he pops up outta no where last ngiht adn starts shitting all over me about what i did to him and I oculdn't hlp it. He made me feel like crap. I mean... I was online for 6 hours fighting with him. Eventually we worked everything out... he doesn't hate me anymore... but by them it was oo late. Bloood was all over the place and now my thigh is uglier than ever and I don't want them to scar... I really don't. What can I do? I'm more worried abotut he scars than anything else... I can handle the pain but I just don't want scars. I don't ever pick at the scabs... but I still have a few old ones. God... some one please know what to do before I have a nervous breakdown and just cut off my whole thigh to get rid of them... please!

Bae

Re: Oh God...
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Sun Dec 31 22:13:24 2000 (#2418)

Baby, it's okay. Everybody slips up. I have lots of times you know. The important thing is that you tried your best. Getting into arguments is a good trigger, so don't be so hard on yourself. You lasted a pretty good while! I'm proud of you for putting medicine on the cuts though. It will help you heal faster and you're less likely to get infected. That means the scars won't be as prominent, hopefully. That's how it is for my cuts anyway. You know I love you and nothing you will ever do will disappoint me. If you're online, I'll talk to you. You'll be okay and you're most likely not going to have a neervous breakdown. Ater I broke my abstinence period back in October, I felt the same way. It'll pass in a while. Till then, here's a *HUGE HUG* for you.

Love, DB

AIM
Posted by Linda on Sun Dec 31 20:56:28 2000 (#2416)

Nuni and Maggie, I have just added you to my AIM list. Hope you don't mind. My name there is Svdbygs2341. Hope to see you on someday.

heh... thanks guys
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 1 00:33:12 2001 (#2419)

Um... hm... I don't really know what to say... My head hasn't been right for a long while now.. and my thoughts have been too messed up (yes.. even for you guys)... Um.. has anyone seen the cell? I just saw it last night... and my god... it did a number on me... Melissa..I suggest you see it.. actually ... all of you... I suggest it to you. Um.. any way.. I haven't read any posts here... but I just want to thank you guys for the emails.. hehe.. Sweet... *HUGE HUG TO ALL OF YOU*.... I hope you are all doing "okay".. I don't know if I will be back here or not or whatever... (right now, I'm sitting up in my room in Canada).. Hopefully some of you will come in and say hi to me or something (lost... don't you dare fart in my face)... But thanks guys.. from the bottom of my black, rotted heart.. thank you....

~laura rose (ps.. lori.. yvonne.. nuni.. kay.. and fran... =) you know what that's for)

Re: heh... thanks guys
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Mon Jan 1 00:57:04 2001 (#2420)

It's so good to see your name here again! We all missed you like crazy and want you to stay. Oh, and if I've been annoying with all the e-mails and stuff, too bad, cause I care! I know you'd do the same for me. And I'm gonna rent the Cell. I'm so curious now! I LOVE you!

Love, DB

Re: heh... thanks guys
Posted by Fran on Mon Jan 1 21:03:08 2001 (#2430)

Love you LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS HAPPY NEW YEAR LOve FranXXXXXX May all your dreams come true!!!!

Re: heh... thanks guys
Posted by Nuni on Mon Jan 1 21:03:26 2001 (#2431)

Hi Laura, Im glad youre back (in a sense) We've missed you, I have missed you! We will talk again, and I want you to feel free to AIM me any time...Hugs back at you!! nuni

Personality
Posted by Kate on Mon Jan 1 02:38:09 2001 (#2421)

I used to be the nicest sweetest person in high school and college. In high school I was voted nicest person. But people walked all over me. Lately in the last few months I have been trying to be a hard ass. My friends think it is funny but one friend hates it. She lectures me all the time. I don't know what to do anymore. How should I act? I don't like myself either way and I don't know how to be in the middle. I am going through a huge identity crisis. I am not getting along with my best friend of 20 years. I am angry all the time. I don't know what to do if someone starts with me. Should I tell them off or ignore them? I need help.

Re: Personality
Posted by Ang on Mon Jan 1 03:11:52 2001 (#2424)

hay kate...i knmow what u mean about the nicest person...i am that girl...always have been...i lost my best friend when i tried to be nice she like dme always beeing nice becasue it allowed her to walk all over me once i stoped letting that happen she WAS NOT HAPPY i hope thst not whats going on with u and nur friend but if it its better u end it then given in to her love, Ang

MWAAA...GRRR
Posted by Ang on Mon Jan 1 03:05:57 2001 (#2423)

u guy are way to nice and i don't give enough to our little community i will try harder though. Now fornteh GRR part...me and my bf joke around a lot and some times he says things rthat are totaly wroing out of teh blue just to get a recation out of me witch is totaly fucked up i know and i always tell him it is well last night we were joking around and i was joking to then for some reson i stoped finding it funny and hung up with him and pulled out my favortie litle blue x-acto knife and slowly ran i tacross the surface of my skin only to relise how prod i was that i hadn't cut in exactly a week thank god i only left a small scratch i still was up set so i took my frustrations out on paper...i wrote with my exacto knife how i felt tehn i just cutt and cutt and cutt untill i felt better...i was cutting paper from 10pm till 1am :S oh well love always, Ang

Re: MWAAA...GRRR
Posted by Kate on Mon Jan 1 16:21:52 2001 (#2427)

I am sorry if you are having trouble. But don't worry it is always hard to quit the first time. Don't worry about giving in to the community, everyone here is very understanding. I cut last night too. I got into a fight with my sister, I shoved her very lightly and she was so drunk she fell into a table at a bar. I told her I was sorry but she is still mad. This year has already started off to be a shitty one.

oh yea!
Posted by Ang on Mon Jan 1 03:13:54 2001 (#2425)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

i think my name says it all
Posted by Ang (dumb idiot) on Mon Jan 1 06:14:03 2001 (#2426)

well happy fuckin' new year to meu know that week i was so proud of...well its over i cut myself tonight i felt better at teh time but afterwards i just layed there like a zombe thinking "oh my god" but we all have our slip ups unfortinatly i think this is a perminate slip up...night i love you all Ang

Re: i think my name says it all
Posted by Kate on Mon Jan 1 16:30:45 2001 (#2429)

Don't worry I cut too. I don't care anymore about it. It is not hurting anyone. You are not an idiot.

Love ya, Kate

Re: i think my name says it all
Posted by Baleigh on Mon Jan 1 23:19:28 2001 (#2435)

I did too... : ( I'm sorry though

horrible night
Posted by Kate on Mon Jan 1 16:29:19 2001 (#2428)

Last night sucked. I was at a party and I saw a sort of ex boyfriend of mine making out with some bimbo. I was talking about it with a friend and my sister interupted saying who cares. I told her to mind her own business. She wouldn't so I shoved her lightly she was so drunk that she fell against the table at the bar we were later at. I told her i was sorry but she is still mad and her finance is mad. I didn't have anything to cut with but I went home and cut. This year is already a shitty one. I don't want to enter another year.

Re: horrible night
Posted by Nuni on Mon Jan 1 21:18:59 2001 (#2433)

Sounds like it was rough. Things like that happen when people are drinking. Hang in there Sister bonds dont break easily. Its ok that you cut, it doesnt make your year shitty, its reality and you cant escape it. You are loved here, no matter what you do!! Nuni

Canada (all are welcome)
Posted by Nuni on Mon Jan 1 21:15:17 2001 (#2432)

Hey You all, Happy New Year, or how about I wish you a balanced New Year and that all good things come to you, and whatever is haunting us can release us (at least for a while)!! We are currently holding a reunion at the House in Canada (home) Laura Rose is up in her room listening to Sarah I suspect. I came by and gave her a hug earlier. Everyone find some time and stroll on by. I would love to see everyone and I would like to meet a few of you too. I am known as the Big Sister around here so feel free drop me a line anytime. MY room has plenty of sitting space. I love bean bags and have extras, a Papasan Chair that fits two. Just come over. I love you all, HUGS!! Nuni

knock knock!
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Mon Jan 1 22:15:05 2001 (#2434)

Hi! Just read the invitation and thought I'd stop by! Loving the bean bag chairs by the way! Yeah, Laura's in her room with the music blasting as always! Anyway, I'm gonna hang out with you a while!

Love, DB

Re: knock knock!
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 2 02:23:27 2001 (#2439)

Come on in!! Been expecting you. Hugs first then..whatever. Sit tight I want to start a pot of tea. My pref is Apple Cinnamon. Luv Ya, Nuni

Re: Canada (all are welcome)
Posted by Baleigh on Mon Jan 1 23:27:30 2001 (#2436)

Can I come and cry? LoL... I cried all night the other night... but it was one of those terrified cries because someone was threatening with suicide... bleh! Anyway! Ummm... anyone can come to my room when they feel like being all down and shit (remember mine is the spooky room with cauldrons and fires and velvet and darkness... : ) such a room of joy -for me it really would be) Oh well though... if you're in for a spook then come see me!

Re: Canada (all are welcome)
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 2 15:43:54 2001 (#2451)

Who wants to come and look at the stars with me?. You can see them so clearly from my balcony.

Re: Canada (all are welcome)
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Thu Jan 4 06:36:11 2001 (#2498)

I'm coming to your room and bringing Bae and Nuni!

Love, DB

How many???
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 2 00:31:03 2001 (#2437)

i was just wandering how many of you cut on new years eve or day. I did, and a couple of others. This was such a fuckin stupid holiday and night. It was just an excuse for couples to make out in front of everyone. my ex included. I blame cutting on New Year's Eve, that may be naive but oh well.

Re: How many???
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 2 02:28:41 2001 (#2440)

I went out with my husband, my brother in law and his girlfriend. I got pretty trashed, anyhow...I found a broken shot glass in the bathroom. I picked a few pieces and cut my arms, legs and stomach. Enough to leave scratches but nothing too serious. I remebered today when I awoke from my drunken stupor!! The holiday in itself isn't stupid, I think its the NEWNESS of it, the opportunity to start out FRESH...AGHHH not us. We live tis day in day out, it really doesnt matter what day of the year. Dont worry... really...... I didnt want to cut either but it had been almost a month and I couldnt fight the urge any longer. It will be okay!! Nuni

BY the way it isnt NAIVE its how you feel and that matters. :)

Re: How many???
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 04:42:23 2001 (#2444)

I DID. HOLIDAYS SUCK ASS. BUT HEY THE MIKES HARD LEMONADE WAS GREAT.

My Toes
Posted by Bae on Tue Jan 2 02:20:43 2001 (#2438)

My toes are purple. I think they have frost bite or something... thought I'd share

-baleigh

Re: My Toes
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 2 02:30:07 2001 (#2442)

WOW! Come in my room and have some hot tea. Seriously though....are you going to be okay???

Re: My Toes
Posted by Baleigh on Tue Jan 2 02:33:31 2001 (#2443)

I think LOL... but thank you! I'll bring some lattes (tea isn't my thing... but thank you all the same!)

My obsession
Posted by Baleigh on Tue Jan 2 02:29:40 2001 (#2441)

okay... I dunno if I've ever mentioned this or not... but I'm overly in love with Orgy... the band DUH. Have been for 3 years... ANYWAY! I'm in love with Jay. In my eyes he is the perfect man. He's hot... he's got THE sexiest voice (OMG... makes me shiver) GOD... he's just all around perfect and sexy. They're in the new Alternative Press. Man-o-man... I want him. But on with the point of my post. I got the Crazy Town CD today... I just put it in and was listening to it... this one song comes on... I'm not really paying attention to the words... then OH MY GOD! It's the voice. The most super sexiest voice in the universe. JAY. I have a new favorite song now! : ) I also got the Lifehouse CD... that song... 'Hanging by a moment' so discribes how I felt about that DICK I was involved with. Well... I know this was pointles... along with the color of my toes in the previous post... DEAL WITH IT! : )

-Bae

Re: My obsession
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 04:46:15 2001 (#2445)

HEHEHE. I LIKE EM TOO. MELISSA

I HAVE A SICK OBSESSION
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 04:49:44 2001 (#2446)

I THINK THIS IS A REAL ISSUE, IM LITERALLY OBSESSED WITH SEX. I KNOW IT DOESNT SOUND THAT BAD I MEAN I DONT SLEEP AROUND OR ANYTHING BUT. WELL I WANT IT EVERYDAY ALL THE TIME. I BEG MARCUS FOR IT I THINK IT REALLY MAKES HIM UPSET. I MEAN I LOVE MAKING LOVE THATS THE BEST. but it doesnt ALWAYS mean something sometimes its just sex u know? well anyway i think this problem needs serious help.

Re: I HAVE A SICK OBSESSION
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 2 19:52:34 2001 (#2460)

I think you are so normal. I have heard about this kind of thing. NOt that i am an expert I am a 22 year old pathetic virgin who guys hate. But my sister told me it is healthy to want sex in a relationship. her and a couple of friends had sex early and are fucked up. They feel like sex isn't about love with their boyfriends it is duty. But another one of my friends waited unitl she was 21 and with someone she really loved and she loves sex and has a healthy attitude about it. It don't know how old you are but it seems like you are in a loving relationship or were and thats why you want sex. You want it out of love not obsession. I hope this helped Love Kate

Re: I HAVE A SICK OBSESSION
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 20:13:29 2001 (#2465)

THANKS

i fucking knew it
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 2 08:27:56 2001 (#2447)

I knew it you guys.... I wasn't going to come back here.. but i want to die tonight.. my fucking life is pathetic.. it's hell... fucking hell.. and I want to die.. my loser husband stole my car and used it to walk out on us... he left around noon yesterday.. and cameron and i are sick... no medicine.. no money... no food.. nothing.. and he left us here.... life fucking sucks and these cuts can not be deep enough tonight. I'm sorry

~laura rose

Re: i fucking knew it
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 2 15:39:56 2001 (#2450)

Oh Laura I'm so sorry I really am Have you ever thought about a complete change..like Kate Winslet in Hideous Kinky when she moves to Morocco with her daughters .I'm not suggesting Morocco But is there something you've always wanted to do? like live by the ocean or the mountains. This is a time to do something for yourself nothing is out of the question...maybe this is the time for a drastic change. Do you have Family that can temporarily lend you some money? keep me posted with your plans Laura and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP!!!!All my thoughts are with you.

Re: i fucking knew it
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 2 19:43:57 2001 (#2458)

Why did he do such a thing. I don't know what kind of husband he is. But is there maybe an explanation does he know you cut? If he does has he been supportive? Maybe he feels threatened that you might find support else where if he hasn't been. Maybe you should seek marriage counseling. if he turns out to be a deadbeat husband then get rid of him. it is not fair for you or your son. My mom was married twice before and there is no shame in divorce. Good luck, I will be thinking of you.

Re: i fucking knew it
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 20:16:43 2001 (#2466)

I HOPE I AM NOT TO LATE. LAURA WE ALL LOVE YOU AND WE WONT WALK OUT ON YOU. IS CAMERON YOUR SON? HOW IS HE? YOU NEED TO BE THERE FOR HIM, DONT YOU THINK? YOUR NOT ALONE YOU KNOW BUT IF YOU LEAVE CAMERON WILL BE. WHAT ABOUT THAT? I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO WANT TO DIE AND IM PROBABLY BEING REAL HYPICRITICAL BUT I THINK YOU ARE MAKING THE WRONG CHOICE...

MELISSA

Thought I'd say hi
Posted by Christine on Tue Jan 2 11:32:58 2001 (#2449)

well its been a while.I just havent had time to stop by.I feel like I kinda dont have the connection to u all like I did.I almost fell like an outsider I spent the last hour and a half reading all the posts scence I'v been gone wow was that alot of posts!I havent cut in 2 weeks.I lost count and it doesnt bother me as long as I dont do it. I dunno but I've been having really wierd dreams.Last nite I had a dream about having sex w/ my best/f's ex but the thing is hes a total wack job!its really wierd and I think I might tell my friend she wont care she hates him if anything she'l be grossed out well I'm just talking out my ass gotta go.BYE!

Re: Thought I'd say hi
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 2 15:55:06 2001 (#2452)

I was away for a week and I felt like a complete outsider too BUT no one is an outsider because we all read everyones posts . I was wondering where you had gone , I remember reading and replying to your post 'Christmas dinner' it was quite close to my heart. Well Welcome back....keep in touch All my love FranXXXXX P.S Happy New Year!!

Re: Thought I'd say hi
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 2 19:55:51 2001 (#2461)

Hi I am glad you are doing better. don't worry about your dream. I think we have all been thinking about sex. i am just lonely and want a boyfriend. I hope you stop by again but not becuase you started cutting. Keep up the good work

Love, Kate

Christine smells
Posted by Lost on Tue Jan 2 19:59:36 2001 (#2463)

Hi. :) Thats all I wanted to say.

Re: Thought I'd say hi
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 20:19:28 2001 (#2468)

WELL HEY GIRLY GIRL. UMM I JUST WANTED TO SAY WE MISSED YOU AND HI SO "WE MISSED YOU AND, HI" THERE MELISSA

thankyou
Posted by hannah on Tue Jan 2 16:10:11 2001 (#2453)

Hello my name is hannah and i self harm. i know it's stupid but i can't stop it. i'm only 16 but feel very lonely even though i have great friends and family. this site has helped me feel not alone. i didn't know that other people do this, but now i know i'm not alone. thankyou luv hannah

Re: thankyou
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 2 17:18:11 2001 (#2454)

Hi, Welcome!! By the way it isnt stupid to SI. It how we deal. Keep posting, we take care of eachother here, no harsh words. Plenty of understanding. Love, Nuni

Re: thankyou
Posted by Fran on Tue Jan 2 18:58:17 2001 (#2455)

Welcome and lots of love to you Hannah. You can post or email me anytime. Ask and write as much you want. You are wonderful don't let anyone tell you otherwise Hugs and Kisses FranXXXXXX

Re: thankyou
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 20:20:47 2001 (#2469)

NOPE YOUR NOT ALONE IN THIS. IM ALMOST 16 MY NAME IS WELL ^ ITS UP THERE.

I WANT A LIFE!!! WHY CAN@T I HAVE ONE?
Posted by FRAN on Tue Jan 2 19:10:53 2001 (#2456)

I want out , I want a life, a REAL life. I want out of my fucking head. I can't escape my mind I'm in a perpetual black hole and there's no light. I'm screaming so loudly. I want a FUCKING life.... no one understands what it's like to be imprisoned by your mind. I dream of happiness I want it so badly but I can't have it. WHY CAN'T I HAVE IT? TELL ME WHY. I used to believe in it..I'm losing faith

Re: I WANT A LIFE!!! WHY CAN@T I HAVE ONE?
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 2 19:48:04 2001 (#2459)

I do and probably everyone else does on here too. But the problem is that people in our life don't. It is such a shame that all of us aren't in the same place. FOr real. I can seriously see my self friends with you, Nuni, Butterfly, Laura, and even the girls younger than me like Christine who has the same taste in music as me. Blue Rose seems like she would have a lot in common with me. There are so many of you I would love to meet. Don't worry you will find the life you want. Most people are not deep enough to search for one.

Love Kate

Blood
Posted by rachel on Tue Jan 2 19:21:56 2001 (#2457)

hey,

have ne of u had blood poisoning? apprently i have it, im worried. my hands are green alot of the time and apprently this is a sign. does anyone have n e info. on it? thanx.

Re: Blood
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 2 19:58:20 2001 (#2462)

What is it from. Maybe lead or something. Have you been cutting. Oh sweetie maybe you should go to the hospital. I would take you myself but I don't think we are from the same area. I am from Fairview Park Ohio right outside of CLeveland. Where are you from. Write me back to tell me how you are doing.

Re: Blood
Posted by rachel on Tue Jan 2 21:37:44 2001 (#2473)

im from the uk, so yeah not the same area. i cut with razor blades, but i havent cut for about a week. im under 16 so i dont think they would do nethnig at a hospital without my mum would they? thanx for caring. x.x.x

Re: Blood
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 20:22:35 2001 (#2470)

WOW THATS SCARY. I DONT HAVE ANY INFO IM SORRY. BUT I HOPE YOU CAN GET SOME HELP.

MELISSA

Please read this... it's important
Posted by Baleigh on Tue Jan 2 20:11:03 2001 (#2464)

Okay... no one take this the wrong way... PLEASE! But isn't it odd how we are super strong for each other... but when it comes to ourselves... we do nothing but shit on ourselves. You know? Take Fran and Laura Rose for example (I'm not picking on you... you've just been the most resent) Laura came back to tell us what has happened with her husband... and how she just wants to get rid of everything. Fran was very supportive... and gave very good ways to make the situation better. Then the next post from Fran says that she's trapped in her head and is losing faith within the next 4 hours of her reply to Laura's post. I think support is VERY important for us to give each other... but at the same time I think we need to give ourselves even more support. Fran... perhaps you should try and take your own advice. Perhaps if you get away from your current surroundings... the crazy things going on in your head will clear up. I hope no one took this the wrong way. Especially you, Fran. I think this goes for each and every one of us.

Re: Please read this... it's important
Posted by Kate on Tue Jan 2 20:18:54 2001 (#2467)

You are right, but we are really selfless people which isn't exaclty good. FOr me it is easier and more fullfilling to help someone than myself. I guess we could give two shits about our selves. I am not sure if I am right.

Re: Please read this... it's important
Posted by MELISSA on Tue Jan 2 20:26:49 2001 (#2471)

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BUT I THINK ITS EASIER SAID THEN DONE, YOU KNOW? LIKE YOU CAN SAY IT BUT YOU CANT DO IT... BUT MAYBE SOMEBODY ELSE CAN. I RARLY EVER DO THE RIGHT THING FOR MYSELF. AND I NEVER FEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT THE THINGS I SAY TO OTHER PEOPLE SO I GUESS ITS DOESNT DO ANY GOOD. LIKE IF I SAY SOMETHING TO SOMEONE ELSE BUT DONT FEEL THAT WAY INSIDE, HOW IS IT GONNA HELP THEM IF IT DOESNT EVEN HELP ME? WELL LIKE I SAID IM HYPACRITICAL, VERY!!! MELISSA

Re: Please read this... it's important
Posted by Sharon on Tue Jan 2 21:09:24 2001 (#2472)

i guess sometimes it's easier to be there for someone else y'know? i feel like i always have to be there for my friends when they have problems and stuff. i always feel bad for taking time for myself. also, to me, it's easier sometimes to try to fix up everyone else's problems cuz they're less screwed up than me. well, that's it for me. hugs to everyone, sharon

Re: Please read this... it's important
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 2 22:45:51 2001 (#2475)

Hey guys, This part of our personalities. Like one of you said Being selfless is who we are. We carry the burden of others problems, feel guilty if we get cared for. Because others should always come before us. This is why we relate to one anohter. Why we cut?? Its how we cope, either to punish ourselves or even reward ourselves in a morbid kind of way. What I am trying to say is we cant find the inner strength to like or care for ourselves but we do it for others to reveal we have some life left in us. It is hard to explain but we all do it, one time or another. This is why we keep coming back. Ok, Im off my soap box. I hope I was able to help someone (because I dont think I ever do) Take care you all! hugs, Big Sis, Nuni

Re: Please read this... it's important
Posted by Baleigh on Wed Jan 3 00:47:17 2001 (#2476)

Oh well... it was just a thought... I didn't mean that we should stop caring about each other... but... bleh... just nevermind all of it

Re: Please read this... it's important
Posted by Fran on Wed Jan 3 16:21:59 2001 (#2487)

I wish I could take my own advice too. I read psychiatry books for hours and hours...I study psychology but I can't take my own advice. I feel like I don't deserve my own support. love you lotsXXXXXXX

I'm depressed
Posted by Kate on Wed Jan 3 00:51:15 2001 (#2477)

I am so depressed. I just needed to write. I feel so unconnected to my friends and family. I want to end it but I can't. Everything is going wrong. All I always wanted to do was write songs and be a singer. But it is too late. I don't even know who i am anymore.

db... i need you
Posted by laura rose on Wed Jan 3 01:29:50 2001 (#2478)

Lori... hersh... the whole thing.. it's over... nothing anymore.. gone... God.. you know how I feel about him... and now i just want to die.. why doesn't he want me?? God.. he won't even talk to me... some bullshit about him not having his meds... God lori.. you know how I feel.. this is going to end.. i want to die right now.. take pills, slash my arms, legs, throat.. anything... just to end this fucking pain.. i need you lori.. help me...

~laura rose

Re: db... i need you
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Wed Jan 3 06:01:32 2001 (#2483)

Hang on, baby. I'll try to help you. You have to tell me what happened. He's crazy about you. Let me talk to him. Write me okay?

Love always, DB

shti
Posted by laura rose on Wed Jan 3 01:57:35 2001 (#2479)

guys... these bpills are floatingg thrrough this bodyy... pleasee tell hershi that i loves him. im jsut bleadingig too badddly rigbht now.. ehis eamil addyy is um.... hersheycandydrj@hotmail.com . god that wasd fuking hard to tyep.... heh.. i loveeeee you guyds okay??? maybie i' ll waek up.. butt if not.. iilv oe you jgusy..

!luara

Re: shti
Posted by Kate on Wed Jan 3 02:06:50 2001 (#2480)

What did you take? Are you okay? Please come back. Talk to me. Email me or something.

Re: shti
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Wed Jan 3 06:11:23 2001 (#2484)

Laura,

Don't end it like this. Come on, look how hard you've worked. Don't let this shit win. I want you to take all the pills out of your house now! Throw them in the toilet and flush them. I don't want you to take anything stronger than a baby asprin from now on. And for Cameron's sake, go to the doctor about your kidneys! I bitch because I love!

Love, DB

Angels and the other side
Posted by Fran on Wed Jan 3 16:34:17 2001 (#2489)

Oh Laura please don't leave like this.Please please please thats all I can say. I'm running out of reasons myself and I badly want to give you them . I don't know what to say other than Make yourself sick..call 911 ..check yourself into hospital. Like DB said you've made it this far. 'Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue.... There must be hope....oh may be I should do the same I've allways dreamed of dying in my bath letting the blood flow from my wrists. The bath looks like an array of poppies bright bright red. The blood flows and flows and I slowly fade away. I'm at peace at last.I'm walking on the other side it's calm and I am floating above the weight of life. I have flowers in my long hair and I sit with angels. They wipe away my tears, they assure I will never be hurt again.

Help
Posted by Kate on Wed Jan 3 02:09:47 2001 (#2481)

Someone should help Laura Rose, I don't know how. She wrote a very scary post and I don't understand why. She might have taken something. I know she wanted DB or Lori. I don't know what to do. I am in a deep depression also so if I can't help myself how am I going to help someone else.

Re: Help
Posted by Fran on Wed Jan 3 16:42:44 2001 (#2491)

I feel the same as kate I'm too deppressed to be optimistic and I feel so helpless sat at my computer. I can't help Laura Rose In any way it's so awful. Kate whats making your deppression worse? can you talk about it or email me. xxxxxxxx

Re: Help
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Thu Jan 4 06:34:07 2001 (#2497)

Hi chicky's,

I'm talking to Laura right now on IM and she's okay. She's been going through some weird shit and is coming out ahead, i think. She's a tough bitch to take down! I say that with love cause strong girls are bitches and I'm proud to call you all bitches!

Love from another bitch, DB

I'm a MESS!
Posted by fran on Wed Jan 3 16:05:13 2001 (#2485)

I got involved with a guy in september... he came back for Xmas he just went back to Edinburgh university(8 hours drive away from me). He said he couldn't commit to me and I thought I could do the same but I was so wrong. Last night we all went out to say goodbye , I was so deppressed and I got so so drunk I could hardly walk. The alcohol AND antideppressants were not a good combination I was fucked. He's shared my bed and then he's so distant, blowing hot and cold i never know where I am.He has this other girl too. thats another story I'm such a mess....I didn't realise how much I liked him. I've lost him.he knows I'm there if he wants me ,that makes me sick, but I need him to want me and to find me attractive..it's my validation. I feel so awful so so awful and ill. I wanted to cut last night but I passed out by the time I got home from the club.This is makiing my deppression so much worse. I don't know how to cope. I'm exhausted emotionally fucked I can't live like this anymore

I'm a MESS!
Posted by fran on Wed Jan 3 16:06:50 2001 (#2486)

Re: I'm a MESS!
Posted by Kate on Wed Jan 3 16:27:57 2001 (#2488)

I know how you feel, i drink on antidepressants also. You have to be careful becuase it makes you more drunk. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I have been feeling depressed also. I think it is the new year. I cut New Years Eve and so did a lot of people. I think also this is the time when a lot of people are having trouble with guys and are feeling lonely. I hope I helped you. Write back love, Kate

Re: I'm a MESS!
Posted by Fran on Wed Jan 3 16:38:24 2001 (#2490)

Thank you for writing back I was just about to read your posts when you posted this. So I'm going to read them know. I'm so sorry you're feeling bad too...but I can say I know how you feel we have that at least!!

(TRIGGER?)A stupid poem about how I feel.
Posted by Nyt Myst on Wed Jan 3 21:21:50 2001 (#2492)

I must apologize for the poetry, it's the only way I can express myself.

The darkest shadows held within, taunt me "commit the exquisite sin," flames engulf me, pain arise, the depths of hurt within these eyes, love is lost a heart gone cold, feelings are numb to the secrets untold, no light still shines at the end of the path, all that is left is the blades silver wrath, savor the addiction, savor the affliction, blood will flow as destiny's prediction, last drop has fallen, yet still in hate, live with the scars, as is my fate.

Re: (TRIGGER?)A stupid poem about how I feel.
Posted by Fran on Wed Jan 3 22:16:30 2001 (#2493)

Apoligise!!!!!! you don't need to apologise. I too find poetry is one of only ways I can truly express myself.It's wonderful, Keep writing P.S I wrote 'Untitled' a few days ago

GO AWAY! GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Posted by Fran on Wed Jan 3 22:26:00 2001 (#2494)

I have his fucking face in my head ...I can see him smiling at me whilst thinking about all the others he's had. I want the image to go away. I haven't been out at all today I can hardly move ...I'm so hung over. I don't want to care about him ..I swore I wouldn't..I swore I wouldn't get my emotions involved but there he is in my head. I have no idea what he's thinking. He has his whole other life...why do I like him so much? Why can't I be MORE like HIM?. I hate that I'm like this. I wish he'd get the fuck out of my head GO AWAY GO AWAY. I know I have to move on but I wasn't ready to do it at this moment and I feel like I can't .

Re: GO AWAY! GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Posted by Kate on Wed Jan 3 22:43:45 2001 (#2495)

I know how you feel. I see him kissing the blonde bimbo on New Year's over and over again. It is painful. I don't know if you do this. But i am constantly comparing myself to other girls thinking they are prettier than I. I have been I am beautiful but can't see it. I bet you most of these girls on this page are gorgeous but don't know it. I hope you feel better. It is hard to get over. Keep trying.

Love ya, Kate

Re: GO AWAY! GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Posted by laura rose on Thu Jan 4 05:31:23 2001 (#2496)

Fran... I love you... when i was off on my whatever i was off on... you were sooo there for me... and you emailed me almost every day... PLEASE.. be okay... don't hurt yourself... I love you to death.. and I want to be here for you.. email me and let me know what I can do.. please? talk to me hon....

~laura

AAAAAAGH!!!
Posted by sharon on Thu Jan 4 21:32:31 2001 (#2499)

i feel like shit. i cut again last night after going for two full weeks. yeah, i know that's not long but i used to cut every day. i seriously thought that i wouldn't screw up this time, but here i am! the cuts aren't deep or anything but aaaaaaaagh! this sucks! i was at school today and it was all i could think of. i feel all crappy and depressed and i'm just really really scared that the whole depression/si cycle is gonna start again and i don't know what i'm gonna do when it does. -sharon

Re: AAAAAAGH!!!
Posted by Fran on Thu Jan 4 21:46:23 2001 (#2501)

I wish I could help but I'm screwed myself Thinking of you FranXXx

Re: AAAAAAGH!!!
Posted by rosemary on Fri Jan 5 00:04:51 2001 (#2509)

Sharon,

Hey girl why didn't you call me. I am always here for you. I know how you feel honestly I do. Is it because Tim's birthday is coming up? I am getting really depressed about it. I will probably cut myself on his birthday. I had a dream about Tim last night and it was kinda weird. First of all because I can rarely remember my dreams and second because I never dream of people I know. It had a lot to do with Peniel and Jesse and Robert and stuff. Call me or email me or post me or something. Do you like the cd I got you? I haven't been feeling to awfully well lately either. Well remember you are my bestest friend in the whole wide world and I lobe you.

see you in june!
Posted by Fran on Thu Jan 4 21:44:36 2001 (#2500)

The last words he said to me were? "see you in June". SEE YOU IN JUNE , I don't why those words hurt so much but they STUNG. Maybe it's not even about him ...everything is so fucking shit anyway... I don't know if I really do miss him or if he was something to take my mind off my life. I feel my hearts going to explode from pressure.. I have so many deadlines and college exams. I don't know what I want anymore I really don't know what I want . I am no help to this board.. I can't help anyone... May be I should visit him , he invited me a few weeks ago . But then again he has this other girl at university. I can't work out if it's him or me. I probably make it worse travelling 8 hours to see him knowing all it is to him is sex. There's really no point is there? who am I kidding. I need to sort something out I have to get somethings clear in my mind. I'm already crazy...I'm getting worse. What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. PS Where's Marie She hasn't posted for ages..she posted when I first wrote about this guy. I'm worried but I'm not in a state to find her

Re: see you in june!
Posted by Baleigh on Thu Jan 4 21:57:25 2001 (#2503)

Yeah... hunny... I know how you're feeling. I'm just now getting over a crappy thing with a guy... we haven't talked for almost 3 months. But I know what you mean when you say he's stuck in your head. I can't close my eyes without him being there... and things that he said to me replay over and over in my head. The things he said... the way he moved... felt... smelled... how much fun I had with him. Bleh... perhaps someday we will rid of our mind-guys.

Bae

Re: see you in june!
Posted by Kate on Thu Jan 4 23:47:53 2001 (#2507)

Hi i am standing in line with you guys on this subject. Guys suck. There like a bad drug you want them so much but they are so bad for you. Maybe Marie is doing better so she hasn't posted. i hope I helped.

Bleh... where is he?
Posted by Baleigh on Thu Jan 4 22:00:59 2001 (#2504)

Just where the hell is SImon? Hmmmm??? Where is he? we haven't heard form him in like... forever! Perhaps he went somewhere for the holidays... LOL... the holidays SUCK. Anyway. Even though I know this has nothing to do with anything... showing off your boobies really gets male attention. That's my life lesson for today. : )

Baleigh

Re: Bleh... where is he?
Posted by Nuni on Fri Jan 5 02:41:03 2001 (#2520)

Ummm lesson? heres a hug. its all good!! SImon where are you????

low self esteem
Posted by Kate on Thu Jan 4 23:57:19 2001 (#2508)

Fran and I talked about this. Do you guys feel like you are attractive at all. I bet everyone here is. but we all feel ugly. I do especially. Do you compare yourselves to other girls. I do constantly. People tell me that I am beautiful but I don't see. It is scary. I rather be ugly and think I am beautiful. but what is beauty anyway? what is ugliness? I just wanted to ask advice. Thanks

Kate

Re: low self esteem
Posted by Baleigh on Fri Jan 5 01:35:29 2001 (#2515)

Here... I cannot help you. Not on this subject. I am probably the MOST vain person you'll ever meet. I don't want to sound conceited... but let me TRY to explain. I 'know' I'm 'hot'... but uhhh... like you, I 'think' I'm 'ugly' Like... people tell me all the time that I'm pretty. I don't think my looks bother me that much though... it's more like that FAT that's all over the place. And once again... people tell me that I'm not fat... ummmm... yeah... they may think it but only because I walk around holding in my stomach all the time. It's sad... I've trained myself to do that... at this point I can't relax whatever muscles hold my tummy in. Bleh! You know what I think? Personally it bothers the piss out of me when I don't know what the people I talk to look like... so how about we get a list of everyone's email that wants to participate... and we can send out our pics if we have them. Silly idea... but it's something to do.

Re: low self esteem
Posted by Lost on Fri Jan 5 01:44:25 2001 (#2517)

krazienghetto@yahoo.com I have a picture. But So far out of all the picture's of u guys that I've seen, I'm DEFINATLY the ugly one!

Re: low self esteem
Posted by Kate on Fri Jan 5 02:37:24 2001 (#2519)

I'll do it but how do we do it. I am the stupid one.

KATE read this NOW
Posted by Nuni on Fri Jan 5 02:52:18 2001 (#2523)

YOU are not stupid. None of us are!! We are so aware of our inner emotions it isnt funny. The whole beauty is in the eye of the beholder, WELL Bull shit. People look at everyone differently especially when they first meet them. For all I know all of you are beautiful to me already. Becasue of all the things we share. As for me, my husband tells me how beautiful he thinks I am. But he's my husband, he's suppose to say that!! anyway... Itsa not what you look like...(convincing myself?? Not) still...Kate, you have the right idea. and if someone tells you how pretty you are. They are telling you the truth!! (sorry for talking out of my ass) and Lost no fart comments PLEASE!! Love, ~Nuni

Re: KATE read this NOW
Posted by Kate on Fri Jan 5 02:58:59 2001 (#2525)

thanks so much. i really appreciate.

Beauty
Posted by Linda on Fri Jan 5 04:13:47 2001 (#2526)

Have you ever REALLY looked at people. There are very few beautiful people in the world....I mean if you took all their features apart and critiqued them there would be something wrong and yet to me it's the personality that makes someone beautiful. I can't just leave it at that though........I think beauty comes from within. AND it's wonderful to know that you might be extremely ugly on the outside but that is only the shell that makes you visible to us. The inside is the real you!!

I can't take this I'm going to CANADA
Posted by Fran on Fri Jan 5 00:08:37 2001 (#2510)

I'm going to Canada where the house is light and beautiful, from the balconey there is a wonderful dusky pink sunset. The house is peaceful and I'm running around in a white nightdress...like a fairy ight dress..I want flowers in my hair. In the house the floors are wooden, covered in petals, the walls have pictures of faires and cherubs on them so they can protect the house. The landscape outside is beautiful consisting of grasslands and trees and the forrest in the distance. the rooms are lit with candle light ..there is a gentle breeze. I am free and everyone is free with me. I am thinking about the day we've just had , laura Rose and I spent all day in the meadow picking flowers for the house. We had a dinner party everyone helped cook a wonderful meal..I couldn't eat it but I watched everyone else enjoy it and that made me happy. Tonight I look at myself in my mirror and I believe what they tell me...I believe I am beautiful and thin. Everyone in this house believes they are beautiful. I can't go to sleep alone tonight because I don't want to wake up crying. So someone watches over me, if no one can I have a guardian angel....

Re: I can't take this I'm going to CANADA
Posted by Kate on Fri Jan 5 02:43:46 2001 (#2521)

I would go to Canada for real. Maybe someday most of us could meet up there. I know it sounds crazy but most of you are from the UK right? well Canada is a neutral place i guess. I don't anything about geography so I don't know. but i never have been to Canada and would like to go. well talk to you later.

Re: I can't take this I'm going to CANADA
Posted by Nuni on Fri Jan 5 02:45:56 2001 (#2522)

I will be there while you leep. I will reassure you of how Not alone you are, and tell you, you are thin. I cant claim to be that angel because of all this inner turmoil I have, but i will be your friend and offer a hug if needed!!! later, Nuni

Re: I can't take this I'm going to CANADA
Posted by Linda on Fri Jan 5 04:18:26 2001 (#2527)

Awwwwwwwwwwww Franny (((((((((((((((()))))))))))) I told you all that in my room there would be a big king size bed and anyone that was scared could come crawl into bed with me for the night. I will take care of you and pray for you all night.

Dead Person's B-day
Posted by rose on Fri Jan 5 00:10:47 2001 (#2511)

Happiness it is my dead friends birthday on saturday and I am starting to get really depressed about it. If anyone has any suggestions they are definitely welcome. I am trying to stop and I really have to because if I do it again my parents won't send me away for the summer which is what i really really want to do. They are going to send me to china to get fixed and that is perfectly fine with me as long as I am away from my parents. I would kill myself if I had to spend the whole summer with them. Thats all. rose

Re: Dead Person's B-day
Posted by fran on Fri Jan 5 00:16:05 2001 (#2512)

Why are they sending you to China babe?. I'm so sorry about your friend. Maybe she's in a more peaceful place than her life..did she take her own life?. When you say you want to stop do you mean cutting?. I don't have any suggestions so come to imaginary Canada with me. All my love Fran PS email me anytime

Re: Dead Person's B-day
Posted by Kate on Fri Jan 5 01:18:36 2001 (#2514)

How did he or she die? I am so sorry about that you have every right to be depressed. But don't kill your self it would be even more sad for friends and family.

Re: Dead Person's B-day
Posted by Lost on Fri Jan 5 01:47:04 2001 (#2518)

they are sending u to get fixed???? what does that mean?? like FIXED like an ANIMAL gets fixed??? or fixed like mentally or something?

Re: Dead Person's B-day
Posted by Nuni on Fri Jan 5 02:57:08 2001 (#2524)

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with. Talk to us about your friend (if you like) share with us how you miss that friend. We will share in oyur sorrow. It seems also that you going away to china would be better. Do you practice Chinese beliefs that may help you? We are here ok??

Re: Dead Person's B-day
Posted by MELISSA on Fri Jan 5 22:39:55 2001 (#2531)

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY BUT ABOUT DEAD FRIENDS AND BIRTHDAYS I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. TWO DIFFERENT SUBJECTS: MY FRIEND JUST GOT SHOT AND KILLED TWO DAYS AGO AND MARCUS IS LEAVING THE DAY AFTER MY BIRTHDAY. IM SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I KINDA KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.(HER NAME WAS MELISSA TOO)

Re: Dead Person's B-day
Posted by Sharon on Sat Jan 6 04:21:16 2001 (#2536)

hey girl. i can't seem to get tim outta my head today. it was hell on his b-day last year. call me ok? we can do the whole crying, remembering, crying thing. please please don't do something dumb ok? crap, i'm so freaked out of water now, after what happened to him and sonia. it was hell on her b-day too. well, i don't think this morbid depressing stuff is helping any, but i'm here ok? call me or something. just remember that you're my bestest friend in the world and i lobe you. -sharon

Re: Dead Person's B-day
Posted by melissa on Tue Jan 9 16:08:25 2001 (#2613)

Hi Rose...I am sorry to hear about your loss..I find that when the anniversary of a certain classmate of mine's death is near that I too start self injury..I think it is so that I can still feel the pain as if they had left just yesterday. I personally up to two years ago would go to the cemetary where he was buried and place one single rose on his grave. He had committed suicide...and I felt so bad for so long and every year I think of him and what the night before his death must have been like for him. I pick at wounds and I find that if I go to the cemetary that I dig less because I am preoccupied with placing the flower on the grave and remembering the postives about him and what he gave to me...I hope this helps a little...best of luck to you and if you would like to write to me and talk would love to hear from you...take care bye

Neal, are you okay?
Posted by laura rose on Fri Jan 5 00:33:12 2001 (#2513)

Hun.. where are you? Please be okay... and Sara... where are you, hun? Please guys.. at least email me or something.. I'm worried... I haven't heard from either of you in soo long and it makes me nervous.. speaking of which.. has anyone heard from SImon either??? I hope you all are okay.. I love you guys.

~laura *you jump and I do too.. remember that*

Re: Neal, are you okay?
Posted by Baleigh on Fri Jan 5 01:37:12 2001 (#2516)

SEE!! I'm not the only one missing people!

Re: Neal, are you okay?
Posted by SImon on Sun Jan 7 04:13:34 2001 (#2552)

Hello laura. U SEE? its not nice when someone suddenly dissapears is it? Not mentioning any names or anything. GRRrr. just clownin' im not cross really (honest) u worried a few of us before u know. i have not posted in a bit cos i thought i was not depressed for a change and i didnt want to tempt fate by spending hours talking about depression and self abuse if u know what i mean. i think i was wrong about the being over everything thing cos i ended up cutting my arms more than most times i care to recall. and i started doing all this shit like carving 'pain' and 'sin' and err 'evil' into my arm. seemed like a good idea at the time but, come to think of it, if i ever get my life sorted i bloody hope i dont end up with that scared into my forearm (is that the end bit of the arm??) and i managed to top that all of by, instead of my usual calculated cuts which go in far enough but not too far, just grabbed the razor, closed my eyes and slashed at my wrist not caring if i cut 'too' deep or not. i have started to do that kind of stuff instead of suicide attempts in more recent years. sort of give myself a toss-of-the-coin style 50/50 chance with dangerous situations. its like the time i took an overdoes - i knew the pills were potentially very dangerous but i had no idea how many were laethal so i just took the lot and it turned out not to kill me. i dont think im in any real danger of suicide anytime soon (although i promised myself that, unless i went through some huge change, i would be dead by 26. not sure why 26 but it sounds like the right age. just feels like a good age to die) anyway i cany pop my clogs before the gig next week. especially given that the posters i designed say that the gig is a tribute to us cos we all died in a 'tragic coach crash' he he - wonder how many will fall for that! i know i go on but just think of the bloody internet call charge - even if i never manage i thinky my folks may kill me! :)

Well anyway, yeah, im still around but i dont know about anyone else

Bye

cut my thigh
Posted by Fran on Fri Jan 5 17:32:37 2001 (#2528)

I just made a cut on my thigh with my razor blade. I swore I wouldn't because of all the scars. I feel dead

scary stuff
Posted by Meg on Fri Jan 5 19:18:34 2001 (#2529)

Hey is there someone out there that can help- me?...I'm really scared about what's happening... all this blood and disconnection stuff. I really want help but am too scared to ask for it...somebody, please, please help me...

Re: scary stuff
Posted by DeliriousButterfly on Sun Jan 7 03:16:16 2001 (#2549)

It's awful to feel that way, huh? Just know that you're not alone. We care and we'll help in any way possible. Can you talk to a counselor maybe? The one I go to is really good about talking about cutting, so if you consider it, make sure the counselor has had experience with SI before. And as usual, e-mail us if you need anything or have a problem you don't know how to deal with. We try really hard!

Love, DB

Re: scary stuff
Posted by Fran on Sun Jan 7 13:13:16 2001 (#2554)

I'm here if you need me ... Email or post me ANYTIME. Love Fran

Re: scary stuff/ thank you Fran and DB
Posted by Meg on Tue Jan 9 19:27:00 2001 (#2618)

Dear Fran and DB, as you call yourself, Thank you for your messages. I have found so much support on this website, and I am so grateful. I am still not better, but am seeking help in the best ways I know how. I haven't cut myself in a week... I will email you both if I have a chance. Again, merci beaucoup. Thank you. Love always, Meg