Personal Stories   Poetry   Pictures   Coping   FAQ's   Articles   Book Store

You are here: Home > Archive > Ratatosk.net Forum > Threads 1551 to 1600

Threads 1551 to 1600

School...
Posted by Kate on Fri Apr 13 23:48:11 2001 (#5992)

I love how we talk about different topics like music, tattoos, school, love and even tanning. Lets all be honest where is everyone in school, where are you going, what do you want to do. I'll start I graduated in December in education and I had a terrible student teaching experience. I don't think I would be a good teacher but maybe and counselor for younger children. Right now I'm unemployed until June then I work for the county as some clerical person. SO thats my pathetic story. IF anyone has any problems in high school come to me. I've been through them all.

Re: School...
Posted by WeaZLe on Sat Apr 14 00:40:22 2001 (#5994)

Im in yr 9 secondary school ( i dont know if thats a different grade in america) im 14, i am heading for rehab! lol joking, i wanna be a singer, and it sounds unrealistic...but i will be. im gonna be the next courtney love. im gonna rock! but im aiming for a lot of GCSEs and im hoping for 4 A-levels. im kinda a boffin lol.

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Sat Apr 14 00:50:46 2001 (#5996)

Oh my god so do I . Start now. I'm 22 and I just got back into singing. I sang when I was younger and quit. YOu're awesome.

Re: School...
Posted by gnimia on Sat Apr 14 00:42:59 2001 (#5995)

Um ok, ill go next! im in my first year of four at university, in the north of England. i hated middle/high school too. bullies, teachers the resat of it, but getting out the other side is worth it. i think. i took a yeasr out and now im back in the education system somethinmg i thought id never do. xx

Re: School...
Posted by sara on Sat Apr 14 01:05:32 2001 (#5997)

right now, i am a junior in high school, but also technically a freshman in college (i'm taking general classes at a local college). i want to become a pediatric neurologist (and a flute player, too, we can't forget that one). my dream would be to go to harvard, but i'm looking at georgetown, columbia, and cornell. i know that my options are open, and for that i am grateful. but i'm finding myself, one step at a time...-sara-

Re: School...
Posted by Doris on Sat Apr 14 01:11:12 2001 (#5999)

Hey sara,

I'm in Boston so I can tell you about Harvard if you want (well, the campus). AND my mother, my brother, AND my sister ALL went to Cornell!!!! So I can tell you about that too!!! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: School...
Posted by sara on Sat Apr 14 03:19:23 2001 (#6003)

thanks..i just got back from visiting georgetown. and i'm going to go visit cornell and columbia over the summer and harvard before the end of this year. busy, busy, busy! i can't wait! i'm ready to go to college and start my life (i just have to make myself do my honors physics homework...)! bye! -sara-

Re: School...
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 05:42:08 2001 (#6016)

oh my god sara, you sound so much like me! overachiever, musician. I am in 5 APs this year...going to an ivy next year (again i am worried who could find this sorry)

Re: School...
Posted by Doris on Sat Apr 14 01:09:15 2001 (#5998)

Hey Kate,

You COULD be a counselor! You're so good at answering posts! As for school...

I started college last September in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I was studying computer science. I was there for about six months and I left. :-P I decided I wanted to journalism instead. So, I'm going to start a school in May in Ohio and study journalism. I LOVE to write and that's what I want to do with my life! I, too, have considered being a counselor - some people tell me I'm good at listening and offering good advice. I dunno, I was thinking maybe doing a "Dear Abby" type thing for a magazine. That way, I could write AND I could help people! hehe.

For the record, I love that we talk about different things too. I love finding out that we have more in common than SI. I love you guys!

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Sat Apr 14 16:11:32 2001 (#6031)

I live in ohio. Where in ohio are you going to school?

Re: School...
Posted by Doris on Sat Apr 14 21:05:47 2001 (#6055)

Capital University in Columbus. Is that close to you?

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 01:28:10 2001 (#6107)

I live in Cleveland. But I love Columbus. ITs so fun. We have friends there.

Re: School...
Posted by Doris on Sun Apr 15 07:12:47 2001 (#6158)

Oh cool! Columbus is fun? That's awesome. I've been there a few times but never really had time to just roam around. I can't wait! Thanks! :)

DOris

Re: School...
Posted by *me* on Sun Apr 15 18:54:37 2001 (#6184)

Hey Kate! Fellow Clevelander here! Just thought I'd share. But I've never been to Columbus....

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 21:46:48 2001 (#6202)

Are u kidding me. Where in Cleveland?

Re: School...
Posted by *me* on Sun Apr 15 22:53:34 2001 (#6203)

Nope no kidding here. West side. Well I'm actually in a suburb of Cleveland. But I'm purty darn close! And my BFF lives IN Cleveland. But if you don't mind, I'd rather not give out too too detailed info (I am a paranoid freak when it comes to giving out info online! hehe.) How bout you? Where do you live?

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 23:38:22 2001 (#6213)

I'm from Fairview Park. I'll admit it. I understand you want to not give out to many details. Everyone from white trash Fairview KNows I'm fucked so are they. Sorry if you are from there but I doubt it you seem cool. Email me.

Re: School...
Posted by *me* on Mon Apr 16 03:26:48 2001 (#6238)

KATE! DUDETTE I want to email you soooooo bad but you gotta give me some time because I'm having a dilemma over here trying to decide whether or not to give my email address out to you. I'm sorry - don't take this the wrong way or anything, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I kinda want to stay 100% anonymous on this board. Hahahaha I'm weird, I know I know.

Fairview Park! That is so freaking close to me! Goodness.

Do you have AIM? Maybe we could talk that way. I'M SO PARANOID! I'M SORRY!

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 03:30:43 2001 (#6239)

No I don't have Aim but I want to talk to you too. You can email me.

Re: School...
Posted by *me* on Mon Apr 16 20:32:37 2001 (#6319)

Ok I know you are probably going to think I'm very weird (and I'm ok with that hahaha) but I really want to stay 100% anonymous here, including my email address. And really, for all I know, we could somehow know each other and not even realize it. I mean, you could know my family, or be, like, an older sister to one of my friends. We probably have passed each other on the street a thousand times. So, at least for now, I'd rather not get into emailing. I'm sorry. Please please please don't be mad at me, I'm just very very paranoid!!

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 20:45:13 2001 (#6320)

How old are you? I'm almost 23 I probabally don't know you. But you could email would that work. If I did know you I wouldn't tell anyone about you I'm not like that. Don't worry we'll figure something out.

Re: School...
Posted by *me* on Mon Apr 16 21:14:59 2001 (#6326)

I'm 16. I trust you, I just, oh I don't know. I don't feel ready to give any kind of identifying info away yet. Please don't be mad! I really just don't feel comfortable yet being anything more than a poster here. I'm sorry. Maybe after more time...I don't know. I'm sorry. I feel really bad.

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 21:49:15 2001 (#6329)

I am not mad at all don't worry about it.

Re: School...
Posted by *me* on Tue Apr 17 03:26:24 2001 (#6354)

Ok good I thought you might think I was a freak and be really upset. I'm glad you're not!

Re: School...
Posted by Kate on Wed Apr 18 01:56:49 2001 (#6409)

I don't think your a freak at all. Here is my email address in case you need anything. K.lambros@att.net.

Re: School...
Posted by *me* on Wed Apr 18 02:37:17 2001 (#6412)

Thank you. Maybe once I get up some courage I'll email you! Thank you for being so kind though.

Re: School...
Posted by Suzie on Sat Apr 14 02:15:58 2001 (#6000)

well now, its my turn. Im a freshman (9th grade) and i am going to go to school for music. i play almost ALL the flutes (Recorders, heheh, C flute, piccolo, bass flute, alto flute),the Oboe the drums and im learning the Guitar. befor i graduate from highschool i hope to either Cran school of music (Potsdam) or Ithaca's school... my dream is like, Juliard, but there is no way i could EVER get there, i mean, HA! thats funny, oh well., I want to go in for Music eduacation. and i will get a minor in Anthropology (mainlu musical anthropology)

who's next?

Re: School...
Posted by *me* on Sat Apr 14 03:27:14 2001 (#6006)

Well I guess I'll share. I'm a sophomore (10th grade). I am looking into a few possible things to go into. I'm mainly thinking education. I did think about becoming a child psychologist, or a school counselor or something though. Because I don't think anyone should have to feel as messed up as I do and not have anyone to talk to. But I don't know yet.

Re: School...
Posted by Maggie on Sat Apr 14 04:54:30 2001 (#6009)

Ok my turn... I just 20 years old and I live in Auckland, New Zealand. I'm in my 3rd year at University. I'm studying Biomedical Science majoring in Neurobiology. Next year I will do my Masters hopefully in Self Injury (the biological side not psychological). I think I might focus on how some SI behaviour is a result of our bodies addiction to endorphins -our natural pain killers. I'm not quite sure how I can do laboratory experiments on SIers though ???

Re: School...
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 05:32:45 2001 (#6014)

i am in high school...last year. going to college in the fall...want to be a teacher or musician or psychiatrist or school social worker. used to know what i wanted from life...no clue now

OH GOODNESS
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 05:48:02 2001 (#6017)

oh wow, i read somewhere that most people who SI are in their adult lives teachers or counselors or musicians/entertainers.....THi s certainly seems to be true for all of us!

Doris is right...
Posted by Kate on Fri Apr 13 23:49:54 2001 (#5993)

High school is the worst part of your life. Get through that and you can get through anything!!

Re: Doris is right...
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 02:17:20 2001 (#6001)

who ever called HIGH school as the best years of your life should be beat up, lol

love

suzie

Re: Doris is right...
Posted by sara on Sat Apr 14 03:21:52 2001 (#6005)

(along with the guy who invented panty hose...that was random, but its all good)...sara

Re: Doris is right...
Posted by *me* on Sat Apr 14 03:29:37 2001 (#6007)

HAHA Sara! I think women everywhere should protest pantyhose. They're the worst! SO uncomfortable!

Re: Doris is right...
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 05:35:27 2001 (#6015)

yeah..ill beat them up, ok? little skinny me...gonna beat up the whole damn world! haha!

what ever happened
Posted by Meaghan on Sat Apr 14 03:30:29 2001 (#6008)

I've been visiting this board for about 1 month now, just not posting. I'm 18, living in CA, I was wondering what happened to all the interesting things that were going one. A few days ago this place was hilarious to come to. What happened to alana? She had some interesting things to say. What happened to you hun? I miss your presence here. You made it fun. So if you are reading this, please come back, I miss your sarcastic but true remarks.

I'll post again soon, Meaghan

Re: what ever happened
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 15:45:03 2001 (#6026)

hey i am glad you think our argument was funny, somehow laughter is never what i first associate with insults...hope you get a kick out of this.

Re: what ever happened
Posted by Meaghan on Sun Apr 15 01:15:06 2001 (#6101)

Its just that alot of the stuff being said by both sides, well Alana and the the rest of you, was true. I'd rather you all get it out, so you can all come out as stronger people. So you won't be going on complaining about stuff that really doesn't matter in this world

It was me
Posted by LOST on Sat Apr 14 06:02:06 2001 (#6018)

I DID IT. I AM TO BLAME FOR INSTIGATING ALL THE ARGUMENTS. I GET SO BORED I WANT TO GET DRUNK AND TAKE PILLS. I DONT BLAME YOU BITCHES IF YOU HATE ME NOW!!! BECAUSE I AM BORED I MAKE UP SHIT TO PISS YOU OFF AT EACHOTHER AND I GET GOOD LAUGHS OUT OF IT...

It wasN'T me
Posted by LOST on Sat Apr 14 09:06:28 2001 (#6019)

ok uhm HELLO obviously that wasn't me... its some bitch using my name thinkin they're cute. whoever has a problem with me and is using my name thinking they're funny can come to ME about it. thats lame.

Ok, if u guys don't believe me... WHY would i say that "i make up shit to piss u off and get good laughs" and "i get bored and get drunk and take pills" HELLO not me. #1 anyone who knows anything about me KNOWS that i have a life and better things to do than to talk shit about u guys (i was the one saying that it was lame to be bored and talk shit in the first place... so why would i say that *I* do it... DUH!) #2 i don't type in all caps. #3 i usually have something dorky or "funny" to say in my posts... (DUH whoever is trying to be me!) #4 i don't talk shit to anyone unless they talk it to me first, and i usually don't come out of no where and call someone a bitch. whoever wrote that doesn't even talk like me. its so obvious. please do a better job next time if u want to try to be me. oh yeah and #5 i'm not a pill popper honey... u should know that too.

So to whoever it is who is trying to be me... i know that u wish u were me and that u are secretly in love with me and probably stalking me and watching me through the window right now, but study me a little bit more next time before u try to be me, cuz u REALLY did a bad job at it :) goodnight

Re: It was me
Posted by Strider on Sat Apr 14 09:10:13 2001 (#6020)

Well, seeing as how I'm talking to LOST right now on AIM, and she just got home from work (at a sports bar/restaurant, so there's no way she could have posted it while there)then I guess that someone else must have posted under her name. Hmmmm.

love and prayers, Colin

Board Etiquette Issues!
Posted by Maggie on Sat Apr 14 09:13:32 2001 (#6022)

Ok.. I may be jumping to conclusions but this is either posted by a REALLY drunk Lost, or else by someone who is doing a real shit job at impersonating her. In my opinion, this does so NOT sound like something Lost would write, simply because she has a way better written expression than that, and why should she ever confess to something she didn't even do. So if this is a forged post, then whoever you are - you are REALLY REALLY sick. It sounds like you may have it in for her, because you are sarcastically mocking her.

Sorry Lost, if you really did post this... it just doesn't sound like you. And if it was some other f#!*er, then grow up and get your own life!

Re: It was me
Posted by elle on Sat Apr 14 15:47:41 2001 (#6027)

OH, i am getting so sick of people posting shit under other people's names and funky names...grow up, whoever you are!

my opion
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 17:54:20 2001 (#6038)

i personally think that it wasnt LOST, because, hello, Lost is wicked funny, and she woul come up with a way better subject name than that, and anyways, why would she do such a thing? huh, well thats my opion

love

suzie

IT WAS ME
Posted by NONAME on Sat Apr 14 18:08:05 2001 (#6044)

You are right! It wasnt LOST..it was me. I am a coward. I have problems....i play stupid childish games. Im sorry!!! Im never coming back here again I promise. Thanks for responding.. LOST im sorry you and I use to talk before..im glad you are all sticking together and sticking up for eachother. thats what this is about. PEACE out you all.I think I will got to sleep, hoping its for good this time.

Re: IT WAS ME
Posted by LOST on Sat Apr 14 18:19:36 2001 (#6046)

well who are u? if we used to talk, then u either know my screen name or my e-mail, so why don't u contact me again?... i have an idea of who it might be... i'm not gonna be mad at all, i just want to know WHY u used MY name thats all... but yeah, get ahold of me whoever u are.

Re: IT WAS ME
Posted by Kate on Sat Apr 14 18:30:16 2001 (#6048)

Not trying to bring anything up but are you Baleigh? If so stay.

Re: IT WAS ME
Posted by Suzie on Sat Apr 14 22:58:26 2001 (#6067)

well, uh, ok

are you the same cultrip (cant spell) who was "alana"?

just wondering

love

suzie

Re: IT WAS ME
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 01:17:53 2001 (#6103)

Me?

Re: IT WAS ME
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 03:32:20 2001 (#6111)

nooo, not you.

the person who was pretending to be Alana,

lol, nevermind, hehe

suzie

Re: It was me
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Apr 15 05:37:43 2001 (#6125)

FUCKIN LEAVE ALREADY BITCH DAMN, IS YOUR LIFE SO DISTROYED YOUVE GOTTA DO ALL THIS SHIT? ARE YOU THAT BORED? DONT ANSWER, JUST LEAVE!!!

Re: It was me.. melissa
Posted by NONAME on Sun Apr 15 06:17:53 2001 (#6140)

Gosh, I never knew you could be so mean. to think that i worried about you when you went to the hospital.

oh yeah...
Posted by LOST on Sat Apr 14 09:11:45 2001 (#6021)

its a lil past midnight right now... and my post says 9:06... the OTHER "losts" post was 3 hrs before mine which means it was posted at 9 o'clock at night (my time anyway) so my question is, how could i have posted that if i was at work? hmmmm i dunno....

HOLD THE HORSES
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 17:55:42 2001 (#6039)

woooo there, hold ya horses, i belive you, lol

love

suzie

Re: HOLD THE HORSES
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 04:28:56 2001 (#6114)

i believe ya too

Godsmack
Posted by Kate on Sat Apr 14 14:12:14 2001 (#6024)

Any Godsmack fans here? i went to the show. IT was awesome. But I lost a ticket had to scalp one and we all went to are seats anyway its all good but i'm a dumbass.

Re: Godsmack
Posted by ** on Sat Apr 14 15:10:08 2001 (#6025)

I like Godsmack but I'm like the only person in Belgium who knows them.That bugs me.

Do you also like godhead?

Re: Godsmack
Posted by Kate on Sat Apr 14 16:08:00 2001 (#6028)

I never heard of them. Do you like Skunk Anansie?

Re: Skunk Anansie
Posted by gnimia on Sat Apr 14 16:10:57 2001 (#6030)

Skunk Anansie are great! i saw them at Brixton last year and they were so good. Skin rocks totally, a diva! xx

Re: Godsmack
Posted by ** on Sat Apr 14 16:19:43 2001 (#6032)

I used to like them but their to popular. I don't like music that everybody knows.

Re: Godsmack
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 17:57:06 2001 (#6040)

is godsmack the people who sign fire starter, or somethinglike that, well if they are i saw them on tv and they are really cool

Re: Godsmack
Posted by Alana on Sat Apr 14 23:41:39 2001 (#6085)

kate, you definately listen to the best music...its all the same as me..you kick some major punk ass!

Alana

Re: Godsmack
Posted by muppet on Mon Apr 16 17:59:51 2001 (#6297)

you people have the worst taste in music, godsmack fucking sucks

Re: Godsmack
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 20:48:40 2001 (#6321)

Who do you like? Britiny Spears and all the cheezy little blonde girls. Listen you can not like Godsmack thats fine but don't say we have bad taste in music. Thats just rude.

I love him...
Posted by Kate on Sat Apr 14 16:09:20 2001 (#6029)

I love the leader of Godsmack. He is so fuckin hot. He's a warlock too.

Re: I love him...
Posted by VANESSA on Sat Apr 14 17:28:12 2001 (#6034)

on the subject of music, ANY GRRRLS OUT THERE HOW LIKE BIKINI KILL,TEAM DRECH, OR BRAT MOBIOL

Re: I love him...
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 17:58:44 2001 (#6041)

there are no such things as warlocks, i was a wiccan for the longest time, there are witches, but both men and women are witches, no warlocks:) owell,

love suzie

Re: I love him...
Posted by Kate on Sat Apr 14 18:32:02 2001 (#6049)

Oh my mistake. I though there were such things as warlocks.

Re: I love him...
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 22:59:46 2001 (#6068)

lol, its ok

love

suzie

Re: I love him...
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 01:16:28 2001 (#6102)

i think it would be cool to be a witch. There are witches at my church who practice white magic. It seems interesting.

Re: I love him...
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 18:14:45 2001 (#6179)

i wanna go to Hogwarts...now that would be cool. there the guys are wizards, are there wizards in real life or do they call them witches too?

Re: I love him...
Posted by ** on Sun Apr 15 18:16:02 2001 (#6181)

I think they call them witches

i just cant believe
Posted by Vanessa on Sat Apr 14 17:37:12 2001 (#6035)

i cant believe all the messages in only two days, i used to come here a lot and there would only belike five new ones in two days. i just think thats great. my mom is a flighty ideot when it comes to me, anyone els have that prob. and she is always in my face

Re: i just cant believe
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 18:00:33 2001 (#6042)

ya its awesome huh? ive been here for like, 5 monthes, and i cant belive how many people come and go, and how many people post and how many people i have met, its amazing really. simply amazing

love

suzie

Re: i just cant believe
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 04:31:48 2001 (#6116)

i HATE HATE HATE parents....my mom is always in my face too, never leaves me alone...i guess its just cause she loves me

Stupid Easter Eggs
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 18:06:05 2001 (#6043)

well, now all my fingers are blue, and pink and purple, and GREEN!!! its really annoying, i look like im a barbie doll or something,

DOSE ANYONE KNOW HOW TO GET THE EASTER EGG DYE OFF MY HANDS?

love

the momentarrly dyed Suzie

Re: Stupid Dye
Posted by gnimia on Sat Apr 14 18:08:15 2001 (#6045)

Thats really odd, cos ive got dye asll over my hands too! but its from dyeing clothes not eggs. hmm, try white spirit - diluted its magic stuff! xx

Re: Stupid Dye
Posted by Suzie on Sat Apr 14 23:01:52 2001 (#6070)

thanks!!!

love

suzie

Re: Stupid Dye
Posted by butterfly on Sat Apr 14 23:27:19 2001 (#6078)

i had hair dye all over my neck and face... i look good with blue/black ears..

ok i'll shut up now :)

love ya

Re: Stupid Dye
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 04:34:07 2001 (#6117)

i have easter egg dye all on my shirt becuase i didnt want to roll up my sleeves when i was dying them!

Interesting
Posted by Alana on Sat Apr 14 18:27:30 2001 (#6047)

So interesting, when someone else posts as LOST you all give a shit. Very interesting. Holy crap, what is everyone's problem.

Re: Interesting
Posted by gnimia on Sat Apr 14 19:01:52 2001 (#6051)

Some of us are depressives, others have different issues, i thought youd have worked that out. As my mother used to say, if you havent got anything nice to say, dont say anything. xx

Re: Interesting
Posted by LOST on Sat Apr 14 19:58:10 2001 (#6052)

girl, don't hate on me. it might be because i don't go around starting drama around here. u can't go around talking shit to everyone and being a bitch to people and then expect them to give 2 shits about u. but maybe i'm wrong. i dunno.... tooooo much drama for me

Re: Interesting
Posted by Suzie on Sat Apr 14 23:04:40 2001 (#6072)

maby its because LOST dosent take every Opportunity to cause hate and start a fight,

and lost hasnt been none to completly go off on people for no reason

love

suzie

Re: Interesting
Posted by Alana on Sat Apr 14 23:32:57 2001 (#6080)

If you think I take every oppurtunity to cause hate, well you are severley messed up, cuz if you didn't notice, I only say shit when you guys act like hypocrites, which is alot. Oh yes and LOST, do you actually think I want you guys to give two shits about me, only a select few do I, and all of them share the same opinions as me when it comes to you guys. If I actually cared, i would be crying about and cutting myself over it like you guys do about alot of stupid things.

Re: Interesting
Posted by gnimia on Sat Apr 14 23:34:48 2001 (#6082)

Surely "stupid" is relative. xx

Re: Interesting
Posted by alana on Sat Apr 14 23:40:08 2001 (#6084)

Sure it is, thats your opinion.

Re: Interesting
Posted by suzie on Sun Apr 15 00:37:07 2001 (#6087)

thank you alana,

you just proved my point

love

suzie

Re: Interesting
Posted by alana on Sun Apr 15 00:40:35 2001 (#6089)

screw your opinion, you're opinion is recognized and accepted by everyone. When does mine become acceptable? As long as your "innocent" presence is around, it never will. SO Screw off.

Re: Interesting
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 00:44:17 2001 (#6092)

alana, the reason, my opion is accepted is because i dont flip on everyone about everything. if you just learned to calm down, im sure you would be really respected, i remember you, from befor, i remember how nice you were, and how cool you were, you were AWESOME!!! i dont know whats happening to you, in your life, but if you just, just act like the you i once knew, everyone would, jump all over you for your opion!

love

suzie

Re: Interesting
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 00:47:43 2001 (#6094)

Excuse me, i don't flip on everyone, look back in the posts suzie, I do belive that was the first time I flipped. And it is only directed at like 5 of you, so you can't really say everyone and everything. And by the way, that person you remember, was unhappy and cutting everyday. I'm not now, I'm honest about this, and about who I am. I'm happy. I know who I am.

Re: Interesting
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 00:50:12 2001 (#6095)

when i talked to you, you seemed so pleasant,true, you may have been sad, but you acted differently, way differently. I dont understand why you are being or, atleast acting so hate filled. just move on.

Re: Interesting
Posted by alana on Sun Apr 15 00:53:23 2001 (#6097)

I am not filled with hate, if I was I wouldn't even be here. If you knew me, and I mean actually knew me, and known of you do, and that means everyone, you would know that I am the last person to say something, but sometimes you guys get on my last nerve, and enough is enough, things have to be said or you guys will never see it.

Re: Interesting
Posted by venessa on Mon Apr 16 18:08:39 2001 (#6300)

you people are stupid, alana was just confronting a bunch of people about a flaw in you guys, what fucking poor sports you are, cant you take some fucking truthful critisisim venessa

Re: Interesting
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 00:39:16 2001 (#6088)

why come here and be so harsh, maby the reason we are ass holes to you, is because you are so harsh, and un excepting.

you really need anger management

love

suzie

Re: Interesting
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 00:43:59 2001 (#6091)

I don't need anger management, considering I'm not angry. And why would I need anger management, when you guys do the same thing that I do. There you go, being hypocritical again, well done suzie! Oh yes, learn how to spell, you're 14, there's no excuse for it.

Re: Interesting
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 00:45:21 2001 (#6093)

im not 14,

Re: Interesting
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 00:50:24 2001 (#6096)

Sorry, 12, 13, 15, whatever! Does it matter! NO! Learn how to spell!

NEW RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 04:44:35 2001 (#6119)

ok, since i am older than both of ya, i am making a new rule....DO NOT respond to each other's posts if you are not gonna say something constructive, choose your words wisely so as not to offend...hopefully you can rebuild a freindship that once existed or at least stop the squabbling

Lost you kick ass..
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 01:23:38 2001 (#6106)

Lost I just want to say you are a god sent to this board. You make me laugh and cheer me up. YOu seem very mature. YOu're great. I just wanted to tell you that.

Re: Lost you kick ass..
Posted by NONAME on Sun Apr 15 02:25:49 2001 (#6109)

me again, nope not baleigh... rather not say actually. its over now. the board is filled with hypocrites ALANA you are right. look deep inside within you, all of you..you have the power to quit you. you wil find that this place triggers you. leave now while you have flesh to spare.

Re: Lost you kick ass..
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 02:41:10 2001 (#6110)

I just haven't talked to Baleigh in a while. I miss her. Oh well. Thanks!

Re: Lost you kick ass..
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 04:47:06 2001 (#6120)

the only reason i have been able to stop at all is becuase of the people here...i need a release...if not cutting then posting what i feel here, this board can be constructive, it can offer distraction and hope to those who want it.

Re: Lost you kick ass..
Posted by NONAME on Sun Apr 15 05:56:08 2001 (#6131)

I am not saying the board doesnt help. ask LOST, once upon a time she said..."the board triggers people to cut" came out of her mouth. later a lot of the others stopped visiting. i dont have problems i use to cut profusely. and after i came here i found i was cutting more. the board helped because i didnt feel lonely. the proof is in the scars. as soon as you stop visiting in a while you will find it easier to stop cutting . anyway, ALANA i dont need to e-mail you, anything you need to "talk" about you can keep to yourself or not !!!! thank you please!!

Weenies....
Posted by LOST on Sat Apr 14 18:56:14 2001 (#6050)

Is it just me or does anyone else hate all the words that are used for boys and girls THINGYS... like Di#* and P*$$y and T*ts and all the other ones... i mean BLEH they are such disgusting words!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahah i know i sound like a dumb ass saying "thingy" or "wee wee" or "boobs" but for some reason those other words are so gross to me. does anyone else think that way?

ok u guys, i have NO idea why i just talked about that.... it was just in my head... bye bye

Re: Weenies....
Posted by Doris on Sat Apr 14 21:20:43 2001 (#6057)

lol

Girl, you are WAY too funny. I hate those words too. lol, I can't stop laughing. You're hilarious. :)

Doris

Re: Weenies....
Posted by Jue on Sat Apr 14 21:58:48 2001 (#6064)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! ha ha ha . they always sound so dumb i hate thenm too.

Re: Weenies....
Posted by suzie on Sat Apr 14 23:08:10 2001 (#6073)

haha, i dont think ive ever had a problem with Di** but i do with Pu*** and t*** i just dont like them. i also have this weird thing with food words, like Smack, and slerp. and Mayo and smear and smush and all the words that are like, food adjatives. i HATE THEM!!! lol, im queer, lol

love

suzie

Re: Weenies....
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 01:20:09 2001 (#6105)

Yep. The worst in c##t.

Re: Weenies....
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:08:33 2001 (#6136)

LOL!!

this one time i was babysitting and this littlle 2-year-old girl grabs my boobs and yells "BOOBIESSSS!!!!!" and then the whole night she wouldnt stop shouting that word it was hilarious. glad it was only her and me though or i would have been really embarassed

Re: Weenies....
Posted by *me* on Sun Apr 15 23:10:27 2001 (#6206)

LOL Elle I have a funny story that I was reminded of by your post. One time I was babysitting this little boy, he was ohh...about 3. And we were watching a movie, and he kept looking at me, and all of a sudden he pokes my boobs and says, "what are those?" OMG I froze. What do you tell a 3 year old when he asks that?? So I changed the subject. Hehe.

do u eva get the feeling?
Posted by Angel on Sat Apr 14 19:59:58 2001 (#6053)

right now i feel like: Fuck this shit why bother? If noone else gives a shit why should u? Why does everything go wrong for me yet right for others? Am i fucked up? We all die some sooner than others, why not sooner? Fuck.. angel xx

Re: do u eva get the feeling?
Posted by Doris on Sat Apr 14 21:19:01 2001 (#6056)

Angel,

I used to feel like that ALL the time... like 24/7. What I can say to you is that things WILL get better. Life is hills and valleys. You're in a valley and it may seem long and never-ending. But, "this too shall pass." You don't want to die. Life and so many possibilities - why not stick around and see what happens? And trust me, NO ONE has everything go right for them. And, for the record, I give a shit. I don't know you but I care about you an aweful lot. And if anything happened to you I'd be heart-broken. You are so valuable on this earth. I know it's hard to believe in your state, but you are. Be strong... it does get better (it did for me, it will for you).

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: do u eva get the feeling?
Posted by *me* on Sat Apr 14 21:23:58 2001 (#6059)

I feel that sometimes too. Hey, that's why I si!! I think that maybe people would be better off without me, but then I try to remember that this time shall pass, and that other people feel crappy too. If I've learned one thing from being on this board (even thought I've only been on for a couple days!!!) it's that I'm not alone in what I do, and that things can get better. And while I don't know if I can quit cutting or bruising, I do know that I have a place on this board where I can come and talk if I need help. So keep on posting and know that we care!!!!

Re: do u eva get the feeling?
Posted by Angel on Sat Apr 14 22:57:20 2001 (#6066)

Thank u everyone xx

Re: do u eva get the feeling?
Posted by Suzie on Sat Apr 14 23:11:07 2001 (#6074)

sweetie,m

i get that feeling all the time, its insane, it sucks so bad, but just forget it, because its not true, not true at all, just ignor it and move on, lots of luck

suzie

Re: do u eva get the feeling?
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:10:36 2001 (#6137)

everything goes wrong for me....i think God hates me or somethin. maybe i did something bad in a different life

sadness
Posted by *me* on Sat Apr 14 21:47:14 2001 (#6060)

Hi! Ok, I didn't write this, but I found it somewhere and it (for the most part) definitely describes me so I thought I'd post it in case it applied to anyone else!!

~You see the smile i put on, Never see the tears I hide. I'm talking and laughing along with you, While i'm silently crying inside.~ ~You see no one seems to care, They never notice anything's wrong. They just ignore the look in my eyes, Because they all think i'm strong.~ ~I'm bleeding from wounds torn open, But you all think i'm perfectly fine. But i'm quietly crying out for you, While i'm silently crying inside.~ ~You hurt me far beyond belief, But i'm good at hiding my tears. I always keep my emotions pressed deep inside, And never express all my fears.~ ~Please come back to me please come hold me and let me cry tonight. Even as i wish this, i know it won't happen, I'll always be silently crying inside.~~

Mirra Leigh

Re: sadness
Posted by *me* on Sat Apr 14 21:49:05 2001 (#6062)

Oh by the way, I'm assuming Mirra Leigh is the author?? I dunno. It was at the bottom of the poem so I included it!

Re: sadness
Posted by Jue on Sat Apr 14 21:52:02 2001 (#6063)

that is soo perfect i love it. sometimes i just can't open my heart and let them see so i put on the smile and they think it is fine. thanks for sharing.

Re: sadness
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:19:09 2001 (#6141)

i am a pretender, i am one person to the world and one person to myself

Re: sadness
Posted by *me* on Sun Apr 15 19:29:48 2001 (#6188)

I just found that poem to fit me so well. Everyone I know thinks that I am such a happy person. I always act happy and never let anyone see the pain I feel.

Last week at school my friend was joking around (don't ask why, it somehow turned into a joke with her) about me being depressed. And my other friend who was with us thought that she was serious, and was like, "NO SHE'S NOT! She's the least depressed person I've ever met!" And it totally caught me by surprise, and I wonder what they would do if I had just lifted up my sleeve and shown them the scars.

Ok, went into a bit of a tangent there! Sorry!

Re: sadness
Posted by Doris on Sun Apr 15 20:03:42 2001 (#6190)

I know exactly what you mean. A few years ago, in the height of my depression, I was called by many people "the happiest person they'd ever met." I couldn't believe it. So, I know how you feel. Stay strong.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: sadness
Posted by gnimia on Sun Apr 15 23:16:35 2001 (#6209)

Hand up - thats happened to me too. you just want to shout out, dont you know what the fuck is going on, the hate i feel for myself that makes me do these things, and the lies i tell to not admit it to others. sorry. ignore me. im just ranting a bit. dammit all. xx

Re: sadness
Posted by Suzie on Sat Apr 14 23:14:06 2001 (#6075)

tahts so sad, yet, its so true,

thank you

love

suzie

PHONIES
Posted by Jue on Sat Apr 14 21:48:48 2001 (#6061)

the world is full of phonies everywhere you go there they are in your face. if anyone wants to read a good book read The Catcher In The Rye it will knock your socks off. heh. heh. also just curious if anyone on this board is from Canada it seems there are not too many. I am from B.C. and i am in high school (Last year) in this hick town that has absolutely nothing to do in it. Except sports which i indulge in. it is finally warm today . spring has sprung the grass has riz i wonder where the flowers is. i think i am going hiking today.

Re: PHONIES
Posted by Suzie on Sat Apr 14 23:16:28 2001 (#6076)

colin(strider) is from canada

im from america, Ny

love

suzie

Re: PHONIES
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 01:11:25 2001 (#6100)

Hey Jue

I'm from Canada, Toronto! I was over in BC, last winter....you are so lucky, I love it there, I think once I finish university I'll moving over there, probably whistler. Snowboarding all the time! Its warm here too, it was about 20 today. I just hate winter over here, its way too cold. And about the phonies, yes they are everywhere!

Talk to you soon, Alana

Re: PHONIES
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:21:41 2001 (#6143)

i love spring. new lease on life. not from canada though

Eating Disorders
Posted by Jue on Sat Apr 14 22:12:05 2001 (#6065)

sorry to bring this up on this board but i think it is relevant. i have heard a lot about eating disorders being related to SI. anyways here is my dilemma: when i stop cutting i stop eating. i don't want to go through the crap i did a couple of years ago and also not eating is slightly more noticeable then cutting. i'm in a tight spot. i think it is all related to destroying myself but i am not sure what is better or worse. Does anyone else have similar motives?

Re: Eating Disorders
Posted by Angel on Sat Apr 14 23:00:17 2001 (#6069)

really? i'm opposite i stop cutting, i start eating. like chomping away and shit loads of food xx

Re: Eating Disorders
Posted by Jess on Sat Apr 14 23:04:35 2001 (#6071)

i also eat loads when i stop.I've started again.this time it is'nt giving me the rush i need,making me cut deeper.oh well

Jess

Re: Eating Disorders
Posted by Suzie on Sat Apr 14 23:18:35 2001 (#6077)

i dont have an eating disorder. i did last year a bit, but, heh, it wasnt like, a big one, it was nothing, but i know how it feels,. i hate eating, i hate it so much, but yet each day i eat. so i kinda understand you, i guesse

love

suzie

Re: Eating Disorders
Posted by Alana on Sat Apr 14 23:39:32 2001 (#6083)

Jue, when I stop cutting, I stop eating too...I don't really know why. Just a sense of control in my life. But its ok, cuz I'm finding the good and life and focusing on that, instead of bitching to myself about all the bad. I guess I've just learnt how to accept it and deal with it. I hope you're ok with everything, and that you don't cause too much harm. Good luck, Thanks.

Alana

Re: Eating Disorders
Posted by glitteringstar on Sun Apr 15 00:53:57 2001 (#6098)

same as, i gave up cutting and started throwing up again, my wrists are perfect but i weigh a stone less than i used to...i think it's a self destructive trait. you're not alone, just try adn fight the desire. xx lots of love xx

Re: Eating Disorders
Posted by butterfly on Sun Apr 15 01:38:58 2001 (#6108)

glitteringstar, is that you Fran?... i know you had a thing about glitter :) how are you? if it's not i appologise.

butterfly. xx

Re: Eating Disorders
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:27:20 2001 (#6145)

yeah, i dont have an eating disorder persay but the two are connected...i am skinny to start with but since i have been trying not to cut, a little over a month, i have lost about 12 pounds....

apologies to Kate
Posted by simon on Sat Apr 14 23:29:58 2001 (#6079)

i'm sorry you found my remarks "sexist", but as i didn't mention anything about peoples sexes, aren't you on a bit too much of a guilt trip, to the point that anything "bad" on here is dedicated 100% to women? if my words came over wrong, i do apologise, but i was refering to everyone on here, reguardless of sex, that there was just too much pointless repetitive agueing going on, which was turning into who could say the scathingest remark competition. this probably might sound a bit snotty of me to write all this, but hey, i'm not sexist, so just thought i'd set the record straight.

Re: apologies to Kate
Posted by gnimia on Sat Apr 14 23:33:12 2001 (#6081)

if u r referring to what i think you are - i didnt think it was sexist, more a statement of fact. it seems to me that most of the people who post here are female, were being bitchy and in a fight. i think thas what it was anyway. i asnt around when it was going off tho. Just my tuppence worth. no need to tell me if im being out of line!

Re: apologies to Kate
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 01:11:03 2001 (#6099)

I honestly was kidding. I give my guy friends a hard time of it. I guess thats why I don't have a boyfriend. They are all afraid of me. I'm the one who has been sexist towards them. I didn't mean to imply anything.

Bible stuff, sorry if you are not into religion
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 00:00:35 2001 (#6086)

The healing of a demon possessed man
:see Matthew 8:29-34: Luke 8:26-39

5 They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes* 2 When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil** spirit came to meet him. 3 This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. 4 For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5 Night and among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

6 When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7 He shouted at the top of his voice "What do you want with me Jesus, Son of the Most High Go? Swear to God that you won't torture me!" 8 For Jesus had said to him "Come out of this man, you evil spirit"

9 Than Jesus asked him, "What is your name?"

"My name is Legion," he replied "for we are many" 10 And he Begged Jesus again and again not to send him out of the area.

11 A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. 12 The demons begged Jesus "send us among the pigs: allow us to go into them" 13 He gave the permission, and the evil spirits came out and went into the pigs. The heard, about Two thousands in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lank and were drowned.

14Those tending the pigs ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, and the people went out to see what had happened. 15 When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the Legion of demons, sitting there dressed and in his right mind: and they were afraid. 16 those who had seen it told the people about what had happened to the demon-possessed man - and told about the pigs as well. 17 then the people began to pled with Jesus to leave their region.

18 As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him, 19 Jesus did not let him, but said "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has mercy on you. 20 So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis*** how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

· * 1 Some manuscripts Gadarenes: other manuscripts Gergenes · ** 2 Greek unclean; also in verses 8 and 13 · *** 20 That is, the Ten Cities

by the way, its about cutting,
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 00:42:02 2001 (#6090)

just saying that the stuff i just posted is about cutting, incase you just skip on over it

Re: Bible stuff, sorry if you are not into religio
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 05:08:23 2001 (#6122)

How the heck is that about cutting? All I got from that was demons. I don't believe that we are all possessed by demons and thats why we cut. I think we are just looking for an easy way out. Thats why its so easy to take.

Re: Bible stuff, sorry if you are not into religio
Posted by suzie on Sun Apr 15 05:33:29 2001 (#6124)

i am personally, extremely religious. and it made it easier to deal with myself, knowing that cutting was actually in the Bible, and that Jesus healed him. I had been told, i was like a freaking walking sin, and to hell is where i was going to go. so it just helped me.

love

suzie

Re: Bible stuff, sorry if you are not into religio
Posted by gnimia on Sun Apr 15 05:44:24 2001 (#6129)

sorry, suzie, but i dont get it either. i read it, even tho religious stuff is one of my major triggers. but couldnt see anything actaully about curtting, tho i could see things that could be translated as having relevance. dunno, its hard for me to be objective on this one. xx

Re: Bible stuff, sorry if you are not into religio
Posted by suzie on Sun Apr 15 06:17:05 2001 (#6139)

its ok. hmm lemme try one more time

the fact is, that a man in the bible cuts him self and that Jesus healed him, forget all the demon stuff. and all that crap. The fact that Jesus healed him. Hes not a sin, but even if he was he was forgiven.

that helped me, because i was told i was a major sin! so to find that Jesus helped and healed someone that has the same prob as me, helped me. by knowing that, hey Im not a sin, im not going to hell. im fine!

well ok, hope you understood that one

suzie

Re: Bible stuff, sorry if you are not into religio
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:59:12 2001 (#6153)

i am a dunce...i know he is supposed to be cutting himself now but i have no idea where you are getting that! i must be stupid, or somethin. maybe its just me. i dont get how jesus heals him either. its just like magic? owell

Re: Bible stuff, sorry if you are not into religio
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:52:16 2001 (#6152)

yeah, i didnt really get it either. i dont think cutting is an easy way out, for me it was the only way out for a long time. considering my situation NOW it would be the easy way but for so long i did not understand anything enough so in many ways it was my only option

I'll clear it up a bit
Posted by Strider on Sun Apr 15 08:34:06 2001 (#6167)

What it baisically says is that there was this guy in the bible that cut himslef and cried out (i.e. SI and crying). If you read what Suzie wrote, it's in the first paragraph.

As to your question elle, the point of it is that there was a demon making this guy cut himself and feel bad, and all Jesus had to do was to tell the demon to leave and that got rid of it. All Jesus had to do was speak and the demon left. Now, I'm not saying that ALL people that SI do it because of demons, there are other reasons. Just thought I'd help shed some light on that.

love and prayers, Colin

It starts again
Posted by Meaghan on Sun Apr 15 01:19:05 2001 (#6104)

Sorry to the rest of you, but I think that I'm going to have to agree with Alana on this one. You guys didn't care to realize that someone was faking names on the board, but the second it happens to someone else, you guys get all defensive and mad, saying how wrong it is. I think that if Alana wasn't here that you would all be going on in lies, she brings truth to this board, unlike anyone has ever done here. I think if she left, that you would all be worse off. Also realize that the world isn't a nice place, and you come across people that you disagree with. I happen to know that they are just as many people on this board that agree with Alana, that disagree with her. They just don't say anything, in case you all turn on them. Thats all I have to say. You guys are the best, keep strong and keep true to yourself and you'll be fine.

Meaghan

The First Move
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 03:48:33 2001 (#6112)

this is just really my opion.

ive been here just as long as alana, and personally, i think it was better, when she wasnt so, opionated.Not saying that its great that shes here, maby it gives a little live to the solum board, but thats just my opion. I dont think that we are living lies. I dont think that we are all phonies. I dont understand, that how we can be judged on what we are, if you dont actually know us in person. Maybe i have contradicting ideas to Alana because i was brought up differently, and i view Alana's opions and thoughts differently, yet, they may be true, but they can be said in a different way, in a different tone. Comming to this board after a hard day, to be told the things we are by alana, is actually, very hard. Words from people you dont know hurt alot, more than you would actally thing, trust me, ive lived through it.

about the Phantom of Fake names, who ever it may be, be that it was not alana and was not Lost. I think the reason all of us jumped on Alana was because of the current weeks post,. All, or frankley, most of us were offended by her words, and hurt, well, i was. i cant speak for others. And i know that i personally didnt belive her. Maby it really wasnt her, maby it was, i wont ever know. and actually, i shouldnt really care.

Meaghan, others have "brought the truth to this board like no other" There have been many people who have been on this board, in times past that tell the truth,. out right and out said,. some say it in a passive way, others in a loud way. but most say it calmly, with out hate filled words. True, i must admit, that Alana, dose have a sister on this board, who spoke in the same words and thoughts and feeling as alana dose. but i think that everyone has time to grow, and not just alana, i do to.

so alana, when you read this, know that i do apologise for being a bitch to you. it was wrong, and i am sorry. You have every right to exspress you opions, be what ever they may be. I know i was wrong to jump on you, and it was extremely immature to do that, and again, i am sorry.

love

suzie

Re: The First Move
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 04:29:38 2001 (#6115)

thank you. But, who is my sister? My sister doesn't come here.

Re: The First Move
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 05:37:45 2001 (#6126)

well not your REAL sister, but you talk like Laura, well, atleast you exspress you opions the same way,

Re: It starts again
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:33:01 2001 (#6148)

i think alana could have posted this too, it sounds like her

Re: It starts again
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 06:49:34 2001 (#6151)

I didn't post that! Why do you think shit like this?

Re: It starts again
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 07:02:27 2001 (#6154)

i didnt mean anything by it, i am sorry. i just meant that she sounds very similar to you. i know you didnt actually post it i just meant that it sounds like u... i dont think thats bad. i think she is right about most of what she says there. life is not easy and you gotta deal with people who have different views.

Re: It starts again
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 07:10:10 2001 (#6156)

Oh alright. I'm sorry that I jumped to conclusions, I really have to work on that. I'm trying! thanks for replying!

Alana

Re: It starts again
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 07:11:42 2001 (#6157)

its ok. i wasnt very clear. i just took my sleepy meds and i am waiting for them to take effect and i am not being very articulate.

testimony of pain
Posted by necrosis on Sun Apr 15 04:28:48 2001 (#6113)

Right, this is ridiculous. It's happened yet again. The internet breeds misinterpretation. Some 'get' you, some don't. That's fine, but it hurts like hell for me if I unwittingly offend another & they refuse to hear me out

This is the deal OK. I DON'T go around huring people, I'm too familiar with the repercussions to involve myself.

I DON'T hate people, I talk to understand their hate

I AM not religious at all

I don't CARE about others beliefs. I am 100% tolerant

My humour is TOTALLY insane

Know this & talk to me, otherwise please don't be surprised if you are offended.

love

xxx

Re: testimony of pain
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 04:51:34 2001 (#6121)

Necrosis,

I thank you for your honesty. It was good to hear that on this board. Well considering I talk to you, I know what its about, and I think the person should catch on too. But to all of you who don't, juts htink about it, its life. I think its completely honest about how some things are, and should be accepted. Necrosis, also knows who he is and where he stands. I raise my hand to you sweetie, I like who you are! I think you are a great person. Talk to you...now!

Alana

Re: testimony of pain
Posted by you know who on Sun Apr 15 05:40:20 2001 (#6127)

sorry if i made you feel like that. but that last conversation we had was just insane, and ive got alot of stuff going on recently. so i am sorry if i made you feel bad

NONAME....read
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 04:42:05 2001 (#6118)

Hey Noname!

I think you should email me, I'd like to talk to you!

Alana

ALANA...READ
Posted by MELISSA on Sun Apr 15 05:41:25 2001 (#6128)

GOOD COVER UP!!! I HATE DUMB BITCHES. YOU REALLY NEED HELP. AND YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO LIFE HUH? FUCK OFF ALREADY. SHIIIT!

Re: ALANA...READ
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 05:54:16 2001 (#6130)

who the hell are you?!

Re: ALANA...READ
Posted by NONAME on Sun Apr 15 05:58:23 2001 (#6132)

Shows how much you know. Melissa has been around the board a lot longer than most of you. Except for LOST of course, I think LOST has been around the longest. MELISSA, how are things since Marcus went away? How are you doing?

Re: ALANA...READ
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 06:00:01 2001 (#6133)

who is noname? Man, I'm confused!

Re: ALANA...READ
Posted by NONAME on Sun Apr 15 06:02:27 2001 (#6134)

Someone you all have chosen to ignore. I tried to help but you ignored me. I survived and moved on. I came back to see how things were going. Not too great apparently. I hope things get better.

Re: ALANA...READ
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 06:05:52 2001 (#6135)

well noname, I'm sorry if I did that. I wasn't a happy person awhile back, and was messed up, I only cared about myself. I don't ever want to ignore you. I want to hear about who you are and your opinions. I'm happier now, so if you need someone to back you up, here I am. God knows I need that on this board eh?

Re: ALANA...READ
Posted by NONAME on Sun Apr 15 06:15:34 2001 (#6138)

Sounds good to me. I back anyone up that has something to contribute. Im not totally full of shit you know? Only when i get insecure and grow afraid.. I hate when that happens.

WOAH NELLY
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 06:20:59 2001 (#6142)

first of all.

its my job to fight and argue with alana sorry, lol, j/k

and second of all.

r u laura Rose?

and third of all

this board had changed alot since you were here, people have come and gone, and each person is differnt.

well, ok

byebye

love

suzie

Re: WOAH NELLY
Posted by NONAME on Sun Apr 15 06:27:16 2001 (#6144)

Please dont bother trying to figure me out. Nope not Laura, although I know her as well. It isnt important who I am. I will leave you all now. Keep taking care of one another. Stop bickering amongst yourselves. You are all going to survive this!! I can tell.

Re: WOAH NELLY
Posted by Suzie on Sun Apr 15 06:28:19 2001 (#6146)

ok thanks!

love

suzie

Re: WOAH NELLY
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 07:14:46 2001 (#6159)

i so want to know who you are...did you post the 'ephemeral' one and all the ones with the other funky names?

so dramatic!!!
Posted by lys on Sun Apr 15 08:19:42 2001 (#6164)

this whole little line of messages is amusing me and confusing me, because it is like some fucking love triangle type thing with fucked up names, different people being the same people (I remember laura rose vaugly from in january, just a name though), and I am so confused. Dude, this would make for one hell of a shakesperean play. I think of a midsummers night dream when I get this confused (I read that play in the midst of heavy narcotic painkillers, and I still didn't understand it!). lys

I am so confused....
Posted by lys on Sun Apr 15 08:14:25 2001 (#6163)

okay, a quick question: this long period of time that it seems lost and (i think) noname have been at this board, how long has that been?? noname, you inferred that you were here and left and then came back again, when was that?? I have been here since right after new years, but I was in the hospital for a major chunk of that, so I have missed a lot!! lys

Alana is what we needed
Posted by necrosis on Sun Apr 15 06:31:15 2001 (#6147)

I've avoided the arguments as it can be very painful to be a participant when things get personal. I will say this , Alana made some very pertinant points & shook a few of us up. It's damn hard to get help & accept you need it even though it's for the best.

Largely the board is disillusioned by Alana's style. She's VERY direct & ascerbic. She also has a lot of love inside her. If you read through the posts you will see that.

Do NOT condemn Alana for her abrasive tirades. If anything, condemn her for the truth she speaks that NONE of us can entertain

We ARE ALL needing help & assistance. At least Alana had the guts to speak up on behalf of us.

I say without her the board would miss a true heroine

love you allxxxxxxx

Re: Alana is what we needed
Posted by ???? on Sun Apr 15 08:27:58 2001 (#6166)

since when did we decide people as heroines judged by their level of bitchiness on internation message boards?? I think it is safe to say that by feeling a little angry because we feel insulted, it is a far cry from say, crucifiction or burning at the stake, or something like that. Plus the fact that if Alana says things that may be offensive, she still has the choice to say them and also must suffer the consequences. Whether or not she was or is of assistance to people here is debatable. To say she is a heroine?? Not even close

Re: Alana is what we needed
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 16:50:09 2001 (#6171)

Hahaha, you're funny

Re: Alana is what we needed
Posted by ??? on Sun Apr 15 17:34:58 2001 (#6177)

are you being sarcastic, or what???

Re: Alana is what we needed
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 19:04:13 2001 (#6185)

nope, I actually did find that amusing. Amusing because you obviously aren't a strong person if you can't even say your name when you express your opinion. Its funny. Hahahaha.

Re: Alana is what we needed
Posted by WeaZLe on Mon Apr 16 01:06:06 2001 (#6219)

i consider ppl who have guts pretty cool , i wouldnt say heroines but thats because i dont really beleive much in heroines, or heros, cept personal ones. but anyways my point Alana has guts, she said what was needed maybe a little harshly, but she got it out and she spoke the truth. you havent guts, you canmt even use your fucking name, stupid bitch.

Re: Alana is what we needed
Posted by ??? on Mon Apr 16 06:53:31 2001 (#6250)

well, I guess I could make myself a name, however since this is the only time I have ever written on this board, I see little point. And i know, I don't have guts. I am a complete fuck up making a pathetic attepmt either to put my life back together or end it completely. Who gives a shit. I have never read any of these letters or posts that alana posted, I just responded to some post about her being a heroine, which I disagree with. So, if you say she is cool, i can agree with you on that front, as a personal opinion of yours. Whether or not this makes alana better than me is questionable - what drove her to this board in this first place? something drags people down, and shit happens and and I would hate to see it start coming from her too.

Re: Alana is what we needed
Posted by melissa on Mon Apr 16 02:46:28 2001 (#6233)

so true!!!

DAMN I'M CONFUSED!
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 06:44:37 2001 (#6149)

oh man, i am so lost, who is who....i have no idea what of anything is going on. so much about WHAT this board is that nothing is really happening through all these words...today i had a great day with a friend...happiest day in years! i just want you all to know i am thinking good thoughts for you and to anyone who celebrates it have a happy easter!

xxlovexxellexx

Re: DAMN I'M CONFUSED!
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 06:48:25 2001 (#6150)

Happy easter to you too! I'm glad to hear that you had a great day, I'm very happy for you. keep it up elle!

Alana

Re: DAMN I'M CONFUSED!
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 07:09:33 2001 (#6155)

thanks alana. i am sorry about mean things i have said in the past to/about you...i had no right to say a lot of it. and you are free to express your opinions even when i dont like them...you are right, how on earth can this board help if we dont listen to the truth? it needs to be there....you are a strong person. i would have left but you stayed to show people that just becuase they dont like reality doesnt mean it isnt reality and they cant escape it by cutting or anything else...i guess i had a good day becuase i am finally begining to see that it is okay for things to not go my way and i dont have to like it, i just have to deal with it, move on, and keep living. a good easter lesson i guess.

NO NAME
Posted by LOST on Sun Apr 15 07:27:45 2001 (#6160)

i'm pretty sure i know who u are (one of two people)... so whats up girl?! get at me sometime ok?

MELISSA
Posted by LOST on Sun Apr 15 07:30:16 2001 (#6161)

my niggggggggggggggggggggaaaaa!!! whats up dawg? how the hell are u? i tried to get at u today, but ur dad i guess said u weren't home (stank ass ho!) so get at me soon so we can talk k?

cold hearted bitch
Posted by LOST on Sun Apr 15 07:31:35 2001 (#6162)

i'm not a cold hearted bitch like most of you probably think i am. just thought i'd let u guys know... and also don't eat bologna if its green... i needed to share that with u guys so u don't make that BIG mistake :)

Re: cold hearted bitch
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 08:21:13 2001 (#6165)

i dont think youre a bitch at all! you are hilarious!

stupid question
Posted by ** on Sun Apr 15 15:02:28 2001 (#6168)

I going to ask a stupid question.

"How do you know that you're really depressed?" I don't know much lately. I question everything in my live. Maybe I should seek help but I'm scared that they would say that it's just a phase.

Re: stupid question
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 15:57:04 2001 (#6169)

Are you on medication? If not maybe you have depression. When I'm depressed I find nothing to live for. YOu feel weak and listless.

Re: stupid question
Posted by Alana on Sun Apr 15 16:54:25 2001 (#6172)

I thought the same thing, but my doctor made me fill out this questionaire, and it said I was depressed. I thought that depression was much worse than that, but I was wrong. I suggest you go to a doctor, it doesn't even have to be your own, and talk to him or her about how you feel, and then you can start from there!

Hope it works out, Alana

Re: stupid question
Posted by gnimia on Sun Apr 15 17:12:09 2001 (#6173)

Hey! there a loads of "symptoms" for depression, and you dont have to have all of them to be depressed, if u see what i mean. i dont know how old you are, or where you live, but if you are depressed then a responsible doctor will not say its a phase (even if it is!) and will really try to help you. i was diagnosed when i was 12, they said id be out of it in a few years but im 19 now. (20 next month - scary!). but seriously knowinmg someone CAN help you may make a lot of difference. Good luck, and shout if u need anything. xx

Re: stupid question
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 17:17:44 2001 (#6174)

when they told me i had depression i was shocked. i thought i was just a lazy stupid fuck. i always felt so hopeless and didnt understand anything about my life and my actions...i felt so lazy and tired and i never wanted to do work or go out with my friends

Re: stupid question
Posted by ** on Sun Apr 15 17:28:06 2001 (#6176)

I feel the same way. When friends ask to go out I just say that I don't have any money so that they wouldn't ask why.The only thing I do all day is lay in my bed and think about my life.

I have a teacher who said that if I had a problem i could always talk to him. I wrote him a letter, I haven't gave him yet.Should I give it to him? In the letter I wrote that I feel depressed and that I cut.

Re: stupid question
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 17:52:49 2001 (#6178)

does anyone know you cut? becuase if you are under 18 then he would probably tell your parents...but you are very brave if you do give it to him. the hardest thing in life is to ask for help.

Re: stupid question
Posted by ** on Sun Apr 15 18:14:47 2001 (#6180)

It's going to be hard to give it to him but I'm going to try.

A lot of people have seen my scars but they don't care about it.My mother have seen them too but she only said that I shouldn't do that.She thinks I'm trying to be like Marilyn Manson (don't ask why because i have no idea where she gets it)

Re: stupid question
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 18:16:55 2001 (#6182)

i hate the mass misunderstanding...i am very lucky i have found a therapist who has dealt with si before and is very understanding. good luck with your teacher. tell us how it goes!

Re: stupid question
Posted by *me* on Sun Apr 15 19:19:34 2001 (#6186)

Hey hunny! I don't know how to answer your question, but the reason I'm posting to you is to let you know that I feel the same way! I took this quiz thingy online and it told me I was severely depressed...and I've been SIing since I was 12...I suppose I should tell someone, but, like you, I'm scared as heck to tell anyone. But if you're braver than me, I say go for it and get help (isn't this very hypocritical of me?? lol. Well, that's what I'D like to do, but I have no guts, so...). Ok, anyways, good luck and know that we care!!

Re: stupid question
Posted by sara on Sun Apr 15 21:18:13 2001 (#6195)

i felt the same way. one day i was just really scared and a good friend asked. and i couldn't lie and she has figured everything out by then b/c i was acting completely different (but she was the only one who seemed to notice...). we talking for hours one day, she's in her last year of college majoring in social work and psychology so we talked alot... but it felt good to talk to someone. but i was scared..very scared. but i'm glad i told her, i mean she probably saved my life. -sara-

Re: stupid question
Posted by Doris on Sun Apr 15 20:17:33 2001 (#6191)

Like some other people here, I was diagnosed with manic depression several years ago. I remember seeing a video in Health class about depression and I realized that I fit all the symptoms. I found that I was completely unmovitvated to do ANYTHING in life - school work, hang with friends, even the simplest of tasks. I would think about suicide all the time. I would focus on ending my life instead of changing it. I would cry myself to sleep without knowing why I started crying in the first place. I would blow up randomly at my family. I would push away my closest friends (not sure why). Anyway, those were my symptoms.

If you think you do have depression, don't hesitate - go see a doctor. I really doubt it's a "phase" but if it is, then the doctor will tell you ways to get out of it. And, if it is depression then you can seek help (medication, therapy, etc.)

Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to ask for help. When my SI got really bad all my friends got together and had sort of an "intervention" and told me how much my cutting was hurting them. They spent hours talking to me about how horrible what I was doing to myself was. It was that night that I decided to tell my parents. I went home for Christmas break, told my parents that night, and said that I was going to quit school until I got better. That I would stop everything until this part of my life was under control. Believe me, that was the hardest thing I have EVER done. Everyone - my counselor, my friends, my parents, my brothers and sisters, would not stop about how strong and brave I was. The next few weeks they rallied support around me until I started to get better.

Sorry for the story, I just wanted to share that if you reach out and ask for help, things get so much better. Well, they did for me. A huge weight was lifted off my chest and I finally got the help I needed.

I hope you find the strength to go to the doctor. Depression is really serious, so I hope you check it out. Be well and strong.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: stupid question
Posted by gnimia on Sun Apr 15 20:24:02 2001 (#6192)

Just wanna say how incredibly brave you are. i could never have told my family. htey probably still wouldnt know if they hadnt seen the scars. youre amazing! xx

Re: stupid question
Posted by Doris on Sun Apr 15 21:30:03 2001 (#6197)

Wow, thanks. That means a lot to me. Thank you. :)

Doris

Re: stupid question
Posted by *me* on Sun Apr 15 22:59:49 2001 (#6204)

OMG Doris, hunny your story made me cry! I fit a lot of those symptoms. And I hate the shame I feel after I cut. But I don't think I'm brave enough to tell someone yet. For those who are braver than me, I admire you so much. And thank you Doris. When I do find the courage to tell someone, I will remember what you said.

Re: stupid question
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 06:06:36 2001 (#6247)

Aww, *tear* you're welcome sweety. I'm so glad to help you if I can! Stay strong!

Love and strength,

Doris

question
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 17:43:53 2001 (#6288)

um... i dont know, i dont think that i am REALLY depressed, personally, i think i am fine now, i made some boo boos, but they are all healed up now. and i am fine, though my parents, think the opposite. i am viewed as some manic depressed psyco freak. which is so not true. they send me to mental hospitals and stuff. currently, i am in intensive out pationt thereapy.

anyways

ive been cutting myself for about... going on 3 years now. so,, thats that!

love

suzie

hey sorry its been so long
Posted by Lost and Lonly on Sun Apr 15 16:10:51 2001 (#6170)

sorry i havent been able to get to a computer and i wont be able to for a few days. i have been staying with a friend for the easter hols and i wont be going home till wednesday. then i will try to read and reply to as many of your posts as i can. Love and Hope Amanda

Re: hey sorry its been so long
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 17:19:49 2001 (#6175)

have fun with your friend!

Re: hey sorry its been so long
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 17:45:35 2001 (#6289)

hey girl

no need for apologise!

love

suzie

i finally got it!
Posted by elle on Sun Apr 15 18:19:27 2001 (#6183)

hey, i finally saw that thing that says NEW next to a message! yeah me!

Re: i finally got it!
Posted by *me* on Sun Apr 15 19:22:01 2001 (#6187)

How come I don't see that? Am I losing my mind??? haha.

Re: i finally got it!
Posted by Angel on Sun Apr 15 19:37:31 2001 (#6189)

See what?? xx

Re: i finally got it!
Posted by sara on Sun Apr 15 21:31:33 2001 (#6198)

i don't see it either...i'm confused (but it doesn't take much)-sara-

Re: i finally got it!
Posted by *me* on Sun Apr 15 23:04:32 2001 (#6205)

Apparently when someone posts a new message, some people see the word "new" next to it. Or something like that?? Anyways, I don't see it but I'm glad I'm not the only one! LOL I thought I was psycho!

Re: i finally got it!
Posted by gnimia on Sun Apr 15 23:14:07 2001 (#6207)

well, i dont think ive got it.l but new posts come up in blue, and ones ive read are purple, but the word new doesnt come into it. very strange. perhaps it all depends on thre computer or something (not my forte surprisingly) xx

Re: i finally got it!
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 17:48:08 2001 (#6290)

haha!

you go girl

love

suzie

ALANA is a cunt
Posted by ???? on Sun Apr 15 20:28:37 2001 (#6193)

Thats right, alana, you are a such a failure, I wish that you would just leave this board already and kill yourself. You mean nothing to noone here. We all hate you. Fucking cunt.

????

Re: ALANA is a cunt
Posted by ???? on Sun Apr 15 20:41:58 2001 (#6194)

oh yeah, we all know what happened between you and strider. He told us allllllll about it. That is hilarious, talk about rejection. Get over it Alana.

Re: ALANA is a cunt
Posted by / on Sun Apr 15 21:28:55 2001 (#6196)

Speak for yourself when you say that she means nothing! I don't know her but I sure don't hate her.

Re: ALANA is a cunt
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 21:34:46 2001 (#6200)

Stop this now. I don't know you but please stop this. I hate the word cunt and there are no rejections on this board. because there are only about two guys on this board and I scared one away. IF you just came to this board to torment Alana you can leave right now. If you haven't noticed that some people really need help and I am trying to help them. It doesn't that there are fights going on. I don't even know how they started. Noticed I used my name because i don't care if you hate me. I have been quiet long enough.

...
Posted by sara on Mon Apr 16 02:02:12 2001 (#6227)

i'm sorry, it may just be me...but how can you fight with people you can't even know or see? how can you hate a person you don't know. i have also been quiet long enough! you're having a fight against somenone who doesn't even post a name. there are people on the board who need and want help, but how can they ask (or feel comfortable asking)a question or express their feeling (that are hard to express as you all know) without being afraid of backlash. not just with this fight, but with all of them, they need to stop here and now! that is all, -sara-

Re: ...
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 02:26:57 2001 (#6231)

Are you talking to me? I tottally agree with you.

Re: ...
Posted by sara on Mon Apr 16 02:41:34 2001 (#6232)

i was talking to anyone whiling to listen, but mostly, yes. and thanks for agreeing -sara-

Re: ...
Posted by sara on Mon Apr 16 02:51:21 2001 (#6235)

due to my "creative" spelling.."whiling" should be willing..anyway..have a good day! -sara-

Re: ALANA is a NOT a cunt
Posted by Doris on Sun Apr 15 21:34:05 2001 (#6199)

Whoa, that is not true. Alana, I have no idea who that is but she/he is not speaking for all of us. I care about you a lot on this board (I'm sorry if I ever acted differently) and I don't want you to leave.

Can we just stop fighting? WHY are we still talking about this? Just get over it, people. PLEASE!!! We need peace on this board. And, if you're going to say something horrible, it's not right to say it behind someone's back by not saying who you are. ALANA had the guts to say what she was feeling and ADMIT who she was! Please just stop all this, it's getting ridiculous. Please!

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: ALANA is a NOT a cunt
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 21:36:03 2001 (#6201)

Amen to that.

Re: ALANA is a cunt
Posted by WeaZLe on Mon Apr 16 00:13:22 2001 (#6217)

well wasnt that an intelligent remark. you dont even have the nerve to say who you are. you need to get a fucking life, whose the cunt? if you want her off the board, then you must visit here a lot. and i must say, seeing as this place seems to have turned into some christian community (not that i have a probelm with that) arent you gonna go to hell for using languagwe like that? awww poor baby :¬( i hope you are alive while I (satan) rot you apart and bury your remainders.

Re: ALANA is a cunt
Posted by WeaZLe on Mon Apr 16 00:15:13 2001 (#6218)

and dont even bother attempting to reply, your lack of brainpower will insult me.

Re: ALANA is a cunt
Posted by Linda on Fri Apr 20 00:44:31 2001 (#6521)

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....I just had to reply to this one WeaZLe......There is a big mistake in your reply. No one goes to hell for saying something bad. We go to hell because we are sinners by nature and we refuse to accept the only remedy for our sin.....Jesus' death, burial and resurrection in substitution for our own sinful life. And ya know what else.....good news....that is a once in a lifetime acceptance. God knows your heart. If you have come to the place that you understand your sinful condition and you accept His subsitute for you then that will produce a changed life. That doesn't mean you will all of the sudden become perfect but it will mean that there is a conscience that will convict you when you do things that are against the Holy Spirit. By the way....I sure am glad you don't mind this becoming a Christian community!! : )

I Am Ashamed!
Posted by Linda on Fri Apr 20 00:48:33 2001 (#6522)

Sorry I did not change the subject line to the previous post. Please forgive me, Alana, I would never have said that!!!

Re: ALANA is a cunt
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 01:21:41 2001 (#6220)

i know i havent always said nice things to alana but this was totally uncalled for. to follow my own advice, i will not say anything nasty about you, you are entitled to dislike her....but take it up with her instead of wasting everyone's time by posting such stupid remarks.

HEY HEY HEY!!!!!
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 17:51:56 2001 (#6292)

that is not very nice. We have all moved past this who "alana"thing, and we have all forgivin gher, and she has forgiving us, and we are all just dandy now.

dont go starting a riot again.

AND

dont say anything unless you have something nice to say. lol

sorry, my mother always used to say that.

love

suzie

JUST TO LET U GUYS KNOW,...
Posted by LOST on Sun Apr 15 23:14:36 2001 (#6208)

none of these unidentified people are ME... i've never posted (nor will i ever post) under any other name besides LOST... so i'm just getting that out in the open... so if any of u think its me, then STOP IT :) happy easter everyone :) bye bye

Re: JUST TO LET U GUYS KNOW,...
Posted by gnimia on Sun Apr 15 23:21:23 2001 (#6210)

not many of you know me. but im going to make the same promise. basicaly cos there seems to be too much distrust at the moment for a board like this to work properly. im not accusing or anything, but if no one wants to come forward then doubts will remain.

WOuld the mysterious poster please (honestly) identify themselves, i doubt there will be recrimination, possibly more understanding than u expect. xx

Re: JUST TO LET U GUYS KNOW,...
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 23:35:17 2001 (#6212)

I defintely know that. IN fact I don't think they are any of our old friends, like Nuni, Fran, DB, Laura, Melissa, and any one else.

Re: JUST TO LET U GUYS KNOW,...
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 01:31:18 2001 (#6222)

i knew it wasnt you...and i just want to say its not me either. curiosity is killing me. i want to know who has all this pent up anger that they want to fuck with the minds of people they dont even know. whoever you are i hope you get help and find peace in your life.

Re: JUST TO LET U GUYS KNOW,...
Posted by MELISSA on Mon Apr 16 02:50:24 2001 (#6234)

dito

Re: JUST TO LET U GUYS KNOW,...
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 06:14:01 2001 (#6248)

I hope you guys know me well enough to know that I would NEVER do anything like that. Dishonesty is the ONLY thing I hate in this world. So, I will never post under another name or slander anyone else's name. I'm sorry this is happening, I truly am. It's a shame. And, I for one, sincerely hope that Alana stays.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: JUST TO LET U GUYS KNOW,...
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 17:53:15 2001 (#6293)

happy easter, though a day late, to you too!

love

suzie

LYS
Posted by LOST on Sun Apr 15 23:22:52 2001 (#6211)

Well ur question about how long we've been here... i can't answer for "no name" because i'm still not quite sure who they are, but *I* have been here for uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm a year and a month or 2... i don't remember the exact date, but i think it was somewhere in february or march of 2000. If "no name" is one of the people that i think it is, then they've been here anywhere from 6 months to a year...

Re: LYS
Posted by Kate on Sun Apr 15 23:41:01 2001 (#6214)

I've been here since this summer.

Re: LYS
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 01:34:19 2001 (#6223)

why does it matter how long people have been here? i guess i just dont get it.

Re: LYS
Posted by lys on Mon Apr 16 06:57:24 2001 (#6251)

there was some question about identities and stuff, I wanted to know if anyone was here when I was before. It doesn't matter, I was just so confused and curious and everything. thanks elle lys

me
Posted by Jess on Sun Apr 15 23:52:42 2001 (#6215)

ive been getting so nervous over the past few days about nothing at all.Its even got to the point where i'm shaking like mad (im in this state now) I'm not on any meds.i started cutting again.I can't seem to live without it. love you all Jess

Re: me
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 01:36:48 2001 (#6224)

oh i am so sorry, i hope you are ok. i shake a lot too - panic attacks. mostly just my teeth. i hate that feeling. i hope you figure out what is behind it so you can get it under control. lots of love!

Re: me
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 07:57:28 2001 (#6254)

Jess,

I get panic attacks too - got a major problem with anxiety. It's really scary, I'm sorry you have to go through it (and you too, elle). Maybe you could see a doctor about it. Maybe go on some meds to relax you a bit. And, maybe the relaxing would help with the cutting. I dunno, just a thought. Be well.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: me
Posted by suzie on Mon Apr 16 17:57:25 2001 (#6295)

if you are talking about the same thing the elle has, than its nothing to bad, ive had that for ever. it scared the crap out of me in the beginnign though

well good luck

love

suzie

does anyone know?
Posted by gnimia on Sun Apr 15 23:55:12 2001 (#6216)

Does anyone know if tourniquets are allowed if you are in control. im not going to pass out but i really need tpo stop this bleeding.

Re: does anyone know?
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 01:38:24 2001 (#6225)

what is a tourniquet?

Re: does anyone know?
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 18:00:44 2001 (#6298)

tourniquets are NOT good, they are used,like if a limb is cut off, it dosent let the blood through through, so it kills the part of the body you are not letting blood to, so NOO dont do it, try this

take to small pices of like, medical tape, and tape the cut closed. DONT go parallel to the cut, put the tape ACROSS the cut, to hold the skin together, than APPLY PRESSURE.

well good luck

love

suzie

Re: does anyone know?
Posted by gnimia on Mon Apr 16 18:58:42 2001 (#6312)

thanks for the advice. when i can i use steristrips, but these ones where too close together. so i didnt have much choice. the only way to stop the flow was to tourniquet. luckily itr stopped in about 15 mins so i didnt leave it on that long. i know its not really allowed, not a good idea. but i needed to stop it then cos i waS going to get visitors, and i dont think he would have liked to see me actually bleeding. anyway, theyare healing and closing slowly now. but thanks. xxx

This place is getting bad!
Posted by simon-very burnt and very fucked off! on Mon Apr 16 01:28:37 2001 (#6221)

Over the past couple of weeks, i've been coming here less and less. It used to be somewhere i could come and get some non-patronising help,friendly chat, advice, and to help others who i hope have benefitted from what i've said. but it's getting nasty on here, for seemingly NO reason at all. i'm getting really pissed off with this, as where can i turn now when i need help cuz a couple of you just seem to want to stir up trouble, which people respond to, cuz our feelings are bad enough already, and we don't need you making us feel worse about ourselves, so we enter the discussion/venomous rantings, to try and just end it, so we can all get back to what this board is for, but it just never seems to end. i for one, HAVE HAD ENOUGH. Oh, and whoever started on the personal insults, keep 'em to yourself, or put your name to them at least.

Re: This place is getting bad!
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 01:46:00 2001 (#6226)

i hope you are ok, you said very burnt. i am still here to help you and i need your help... i am sorry for anything i have said that was not in the "spirit" of helping and aiding others. i would like to ask everyone to just ignore any mean/personally insulting posts. if people want to express their opinions thats ok, but none of us have to waste our energy replying to them. just say to yourself, hey i dont like what ______ said about me/anyone else, oh well, thats their opinion and therefor their problem...so just ignore it. i think that our attention and energy will be better spent helping people deal with the issues in their lives that are tied up with self-injury rather that fighting over what the board is supposed to be and who is saying what.... i dont see and rules. this board is for us to support/listen/realease so please, lets move on to new issues.

Re: This place is getting bad!
Posted by sara on Mon Apr 16 02:11:15 2001 (#6228)

i agree. i agree completely. usually i am silent but not when people are being hurt by people they don't know. we all have saddness, but we can also have the joy. we should be here for each other, helping each other to find that joy...but we need to stop fighting...just stop. listen, anyone can e-mail me (saramf14@aol.com) if you're afraid to make someone mad...it takes alot to make me mad and that won't.. :-) smile! -sara-

Re: This place is getting bad!
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 02:25:35 2001 (#6230)

Don't leave.

Re: This place is getting bad!
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:00:58 2001 (#6255)

Simon,

You are so right. But, please PLEASE know that you can always come here for help. Despite all the ugliness of the bad posts, there ARE people here that want help and who can give it. Please don't live because of all this shit. I was going to too, but I like the girls here and I would never abandon them. Please stay with us, Simon.

Love and strength,

Doris

i was thinking...
Posted by sara on Mon Apr 16 02:16:16 2001 (#6229)

i was thinking (you know most people get scared when i say that, but anyway...) about dreams and goals and the like. i saw this somewhere by anne frank--the hopes and dreams you had; to be of some small use in the world; have become a wish fulfilled; hopes and dreams are powerful dreams. do you have dreams? what are they? i think that those are the things that keep everyone alive...something to strive to achieve no matter how significant or menial it may seem. -sara-

Re: i was thinking...
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:03:17 2001 (#6256)

life is so confusing you have nothing to live for unless you have dreams....

Re: i was thinking...
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 18:05:51 2001 (#6299)

thats great!

there is this thingy on tv that is going to be on about anne frank, look for it

love

suzie

WHAT THE FUCK
Posted by MELISSA on Mon Apr 16 02:55:51 2001 (#6236)

this board has turned to shit i have been here for likw what??? a year. it was never this bad. it used to be so peaceful with lost blue rose joe and jemma and all the originals. you immature people came here, looking for help? or looking to start shit? because i really cant figure it out. everyone was like all pissed at alana and when that died down the befriended her to piss everyone else off, it seems. i dont care i hate everyone. well ive always been a hater not a lover...i think. has anyone cut? does anyone cut? cuz this board is a SI bored just incase nobody noticed that...

love peace and chicken grease... melissa

p.s HAPPY EASTER

BLEH

Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Posted by LOST on Mon Apr 16 03:41:31 2001 (#6240)

LOL oh yeah... this IS an si board.... hehehe i forgot... and aparantly so has everyone else... hehe

Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:09:19 2001 (#6259)

sometimes the best way to keep from cutting is to throw your thoughts out into this board...then you dont have to deal with them in reality but you still get opinions reactions. whatever the thoughts may be....who says what this board is supposed to be? let it be a reflection of what the people here are dealing with and whatever they want to share with the world in a place where people listen and hopefully understand. things change. it would be sad if this board was the same as it was a year ago becuase if people here are truly looking for help then they are not going to stick around forever, not that thats bad, they are going to make progress and new people will come and things will change. the spirit remains, the body changes....

Re: WHAT THE FUCK
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 18:08:50 2001 (#6301)

i remember the board from befor, and true the board has chaned. but so have people. people have come and gone. and this board is different. because the are different people. im sorry if you dont like the board. but times change,.

love

suzie

The weather
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 03:54:24 2001 (#6241)

Does anyone get depressed in bad and cold weather. Whats wrong with me? WOuld tanning help?

Re: The weather
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:13:18 2001 (#6260)

depression has been shown to have a correlation to light and dark...you spend time in the dark and you are more depressed....i am not sure how much i believe that but maybe thats it. get a good tan! i wish i had one!

Re: The weather
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:18:27 2001 (#6263)

They say the suicide rate is higher in Seattle, WA cuz of all the rain. Weather does have an effect on people. My uncle was really depressed (he lived in Belgium and I guess it rains a lot there?) so his doctor told him to put this lamp in his office so that his office is always bright. That seemed to help his depression. So, yeah, that's normal. :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: The weather
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 18:11:07 2001 (#6302)

i do all the time,. its like, winter = evil. lol

i can tellyou why we all get more depressed in the winter and stuff-

becuase there is less sun light in the winter, we become more depressed, because we need sunlight, it makes us happy.

no i swear its true. they did tis huge resear progect and put some lady in the dark for like, 6 monthes and she came out manically depressed. i mean, like SUPER depressed, the biggest depressed that you can get, so SUNLIGHT = GOOD

love

suzie

THE END!!
Posted by david on Mon Apr 16 04:51:54 2001 (#6242)

OK. This is a SUPPORT board. I backed up Alana as I started talking to her & found her to be a kind soul with a confrontational style that alienated others on the board. I 'get' Alana & understand she felt verbally assaulted & therefore was reactionary in her caustic retorts

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! FORGET THE ARGUMENTS & MOVE ON! Alana woke us up to the fact that we eschew help & wallow in pity, despite the assistance available. We see it as the enemy so often when it's the fear we have of others perceptions of us being freaks or admitting we NEED help. - I did it all the time. The barbed opinions are her frustration at seeing everyone seemingly victimise her. Trust me, it's all a MASSIVE misunderstanding.

Simon is a great guy that is considering leaving the board over this shit - & he ain't the only one! Whoever is prolonging this debacle under nameless names - feel free to e-mail me or anyone else - you clearly need to talk - I'll listen & PROMISE I won't tell a soul who you are. This MUST STOP.

We have learnt a lot about each other & ourselves from the recent explosion of posts - please, we need no more.

If another posts so offensively under an elusive psuedonym can we please ignore the thing.

Love & crumpets

stay safe y' all!!

xxxxx Let us give the board back to ourselves OK

necrosis x

Re: THE END!!YES PLEASE
Posted by Jue on Mon Apr 16 05:52:40 2001 (#6244)

Thanks david. i agree. love julie

Re: THE END!!
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:04:01 2001 (#6257)

well said, david. :)

doris

Re: THE END!!
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:15:51 2001 (#6262)

i thought we had moved on.

BOYS...
Posted by LOST on Mon Apr 16 05:46:55 2001 (#6243)

why is it that GUYS are the only ones that can hurt my feelings? a guy can say ONE word or look at me a certain way and i will DIE inside... and its not any specific guy either... its just males in general. If guys are unaccepting of me or something i can't handle it. but if a girl were to do the same thing 3820284 times worse, i wouldn't even think twice about it. I'd probably laugh or something. i don't know WHY that is... it sucks big huge ass though. anyway, is anyone else like that? or does anyone know why that might be?

Re: BOYS...
Posted by Jue on Mon Apr 16 05:55:12 2001 (#6245)

have no idea why that might be, but i totally know what you mean. i crumple inside and my eyeballs grow cold. heehee.love julie

Re: BOYS...
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:18:28 2001 (#6264)

i can take anything girls say and usually laugh it off....when it comes from guys it just hits so much harder. i dunno, its like somethig primal or instinctual hurt.

Re: BOYS...
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:20:59 2001 (#6265)

When my girl friends call me names like "whore" or something I'm like "Haha, bitch! Haha" BUT, when a guy friend calls me a whore I'm like "WHOA!!! That is SO not cool!" and I take it all seriously and get sad. I don't know why. It's weird though.

Doris

Re: BOYS...
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 18:17:30 2001 (#6304)

boys suck.... well some boys do

love

suzie

STARK NAKED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Jue on Mon Apr 16 06:05:51 2001 (#6246)

okay,in case anyone was intrigued by my title, don't think i am sitting here typing in the buff but what i want to say is: FROM NOW ON I AM GOING TO COMPLETELY BARE MY SCARS.(emotionally and physically) no more wearing long sleeves, no more making up stories when people see a scar. i am julie and i don't care if you think i am a freak or screwed in the head or just plain weird that is irrelevant and it will no longer affect my character. with the exception of shutting up when i might hurt someone i will speak what i think. so here is to me, completely honest. anyone care to join me????????????????

Re: STARK NAKED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Alana on Mon Apr 16 06:38:51 2001 (#6249)

I'm following the same road as you...Minus the short sleeves, not quite ready for that! Love ya, Alana

Re: STARK NAKED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:05:56 2001 (#6258)

GOOD FOR YOU, JULIE!!! That's a big step, I'm really proud of you. Amen, sister! :)

Doris

Re: STARK NAKED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:24:15 2001 (#6266)

first off, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

second, i have been wearing t-shirts and tank tops for the past few weeks and have not lied about any scars so i am 100% with ya! i went dress shopping and tried on a sleevelessdress and then stepped out of the room to show my friends and the lady who works there came over o ooh and aah and tell me to buy it and then i noticed her looking rather horrified and staring at my red scarred arms...i was like "GET A GOOD LOOK? WANNA SEE?" and i shoved my arms out and she was like, oh i am so sorry and ran away. i cracked up and my friends thought i was screwed in the head but i thought it was hilarious!

Re: STARK NAKED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:25:54 2001 (#6267)

LOL!!! Elle, you are TOO much!!! That's awesome. You're great. :)

Doris

Re: STARK NAKED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 09:02:01 2001 (#6277)

i also get those funky "you freak, i am so sorry for you" looks on the bus....people just STARE at my arms, and i am like you admiring my new watch? or somethin. besides my scars i look so normal nobody would ever guess..... this one old lady asked me the other day what happened to my arms and i was like, what so you mean? what is wrong with my arms? and she was like, well you have hundred of cuts and scars, and i was like no i dont what are you talking about are you going crazy? it was so funny....i could barely control my laughter but i kept a straight face!

Re: STARK NAKED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Butterfly on Mon Apr 16 15:09:30 2001 (#6283)

WOW, i wish i just had a little bit of the courage you lot have. good luck to you all!

butterfly.

Re: STARK NAKED!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Linda on Fri Apr 20 00:26:46 2001 (#6520)

Elle.....that could have been me on that bus and I would have been so embarrased if you had brushed me off like that. Did you understand that she was taking a risk in asking you about the scars. She could have stared and shook her head disgustedly and looked away as some would have done. She could have made fun in some way but she didn't. She was respecting you by giving you the benefit of the doubt and allowing you to express your hurt to her. I am sure she would not have even spoken if she had not been the kind of person who would have been glad to help. She probably suspicioned that you were in some sort of emotional need to have hurt yourself like that. It is very hard for someone with another personality to understand just what would motivate you to harm yourself. Just wanted you to think about the other side. Remember I am not a cutter, so I offer to you all the other side of the coin, so to speak. Love to all!

ELLE DID YOU READ THE ABOVE MESSAGE??
Posted by Linda on Fri Apr 20 17:32:12 2001 (#6577)

Just wanted to draw your attention to my reply since I realize this is old and you probably have not looked back at my message. Thanks!

Re: ELLE DID YOU READ THE ABOVE MESSAGE??
Posted by elle on Fri Apr 20 23:28:32 2001 (#6602)

i read it, i didnt like it. thanks for the guilt trip but the way she asked me was insulting and degrading and rhetorical...she was not looking for me to open up, she was judging and criticizing.

Re: ELLE DID YOU READ THE ABOVE MESSAGE??
Posted by Linda on Sat Apr 21 03:34:15 2001 (#6622)

Oh my! I am sorry if you got a guilt trip from that. It was unintentional! I was not there but it just sounded so like something I might say in the same situation but I would most assuredly not have said it in a degrading or insulting way. So if she said it in the way you mentioned then I understand more your reaction. Sorry you had to go through that.

I gave a name (re: alana)
Posted by sara (???) on Mon Apr 16 07:01:38 2001 (#6252)

okay, I posted as ??? to a thing with alana, I was quite argumentative and possibly insulting, I don't know. However, I DID NOT write the post saying that alana is a ****, as that goes beyond everything I hold as some sort of moral code. my name is sara, I just didn't want to give a real name before. I now know that unless I want to be associated with disgusting comments as was posted before, I have to. sorry for the confusion

Re: I gave a name (re: alana)
Posted by sara on Mon Apr 16 13:17:07 2001 (#6279)

but its not this sara...just to let you all know! -sara-

Re: I gave a name (re: alana)
Posted by sara(???) on Mon Apr 16 20:16:45 2001 (#6318)

I guess I will just have to keep the ? marks too!! sorry

uninteresting
Posted by blue rose on Mon Apr 16 07:36:44 2001 (#6253)

Hey you guys, long time no post, huh? I can see I came back at a bad time, with all the fighting and stuff, but fighting's okay, whatever keeps you occupied, right?

Anyhoo, I suppose I don't really have much to say, I'm just a little lonely. I went back and read some of my old posts and it's unbelievable how much I've changed. Lost and Melissa, you two rank nasty smelly girls should go back and read your old posts too (if you haven't already,) they're pretty interesting. ;o)

Something I learned: Life is shitty, and it can get shittier. But, it can also get better, it just depends on how much effort you want to put into it. For a long time I didn't want to get better, all I wanted to do was crawl into a corner and slice myself to pieces. Nothing was wrong but everything hurt. I don't know what changed all that, maybe it was just time, but I do know that it changed for the better. Maybe that'll give some of you hope, maybe it'll just piss you off, but either way, you'll get by.

"You know there's always more than one way to say exactly what you mean to say."

stay safe

Re: uninteresting
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:29:05 2001 (#6268)

i was feeling so down tonight becuase i have been stuggling with trying to get better and accept help and you truly gave me courage and hope...thank you! all my love!

Re: uninteresting
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 14:52:51 2001 (#6281)

I'm glad your back. I missed you.

Re: uninteresting
Posted by melissa on Tue Apr 17 01:03:51 2001 (#6344)

i missed you chicken head, welcome back

:*(
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:15:01 2001 (#6261)

Hey guys,

Ok, everyone knows it's been almost four months. Well, that's all gone to sh*t. I cut tonight. My dad just started yelling at me and swearing at me (he NEVER swears at me). I just freaked. Now I hate myself for what I've done. My dad convinced me that I was an inconsiderate sh*t. So, I punished myself. I can't believe it - four months, and now look at me.

I'm sorry if I let anyone down. I'm supposed to be the one that quit right? I'm sorry.

For the way I feel right now, I know I'll never do it again. Cuz I just end up HATING myself and wanting to cut more. F*CK IT!!! F*ck cutting, f*ck my demons, f*ck self-punishment - You may have gotten me this time but I'm not going to let you f*ckin win. I'm stronger than this sh*t, so f*ck off!!!

Ok, sorry for the insane ramblings. I just feel horrible right now and I'm trying to vent. I called my boyfriend right after I cut - he calmed me down. I can't cut anymore, I can't do that to him anymore. I can't.

Ok, I think I'm done. Sorry if anyone read this and was like "big f*ckin deal." Well, it was a big deal to me. Night everyone! Love you all! Stay strong!

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: :*(
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:35:52 2001 (#6270)

it is a big deal...so dont feel that it is unimportant. but it will be ok. you have been strong for four months, this does not ruin that, you are still strong. hon, i love ya, you mean so much to me and you have not let me down in any way i just want you to know i love ya and i wish i could come beat up your dad for making you feel so bad that you wanted topunish yourself...you can continue to be strong. hang in there

p.s. i wont really beat up your dad. i make threats to beat up lots o' people but considereing i am only about 5'2" and 95lbs i dont think i could take on your dad but i would try if it would make ya feel better! heehee ;o)

p.s.s.
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:37:40 2001 (#6271)

if you are still there and wanna talk, i noticed youve been posting at the same time as me tonight, mail me at cutter_elle@hotmail.com and i will give u my AOL SN if you wanna talk (wow, that seems more complex than it did in my head)

Re: p.s.s.
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:44:10 2001 (#6274)

I promise I'll email you tomorrow, but I'm headed to bed now. Thanks for your posts. Love you! :)

Doris

p.s.s.s.
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:46:39 2001 (#6275)

ok, never mind, if anyone wants to talk you can IM me at "cutter elle" ~hope to talk to ya sometime~

sweet dreams doris!

Re: :*(
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 08:41:55 2001 (#6273)

Thank you, Elle. Your post really meant a lot to me. I'm trying to be strong but I feel so weak when I cut - like I'm so pathetic. But, I feel better now (aside from the stinging pain in my cut - I forgot about how much these f*ckers sting!). Seriously, I'm okay now. Thank you so much for your kind words. I love you too!!! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

my *kinda* relapse
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:54:54 2001 (#6276)

today i fell down when skating today and cut my arm open...not too bad but it bled a lot...i then spent an hour picking at it making it continue to bleed and slamming it into a stone wall....i guess thats hurting myself in some way but i dont feel any guilt for it because i didnt cut it on purpose. just thought id share....in case anyone cared. heehee

Re: my *kinda* relapse
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 20:00:18 2001 (#6314)

Elle,

Of course we care. Never think otherwise. I'm sorry about your relapse. It's true - you didn't cut yourself on purpose, but not letting it heal and keeping it bleeding is an extended form of SI, I'm sure you know. It's ok, honey. We still love you. :) Stay strong.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: :*(
Posted by Alana on Mon Apr 16 17:54:21 2001 (#6294)

Doris, I'm sorry this happened to you. 4 months is such a long time...but think of it this way...now you can even go longer. I know it sounds so stupid, but think of it as a competition with yourself, always strive to do better each time you fall. I went about 2 1/2 months without cutting and than I came back everyday and did it for about 3 months....so I know where you are coming from. But please don't start doing it everday for 3 months..ok? Haha. Anyways, stay strong. I know that you are already, you just have to find it within yourself!

ALana

Re: :*(
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 19:57:18 2001 (#6313)

Alana, Thank you so much. That makes me feel a lot better. I don't think I'll be doing it everyday at all. I hate the feeling I have afterward. I *think* I'll be okay... I know I have you guys to talk to if I want to cut again. Thank you so much.

Hey, I'm just curious - are you still in that 3 months or have you stopped again?

Love and strength,

Doris

thank you
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 20:15:51 2001 (#6317)

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone. Even people who didn't respond to my pyschotic ramblings. You guys give me strength - whether by saying "it's ok, Doris" or by posting things like "things to do without cutting" (you rock, elle). Everyone here is so strong and it fills me with so much strength and hope. I just wanted to thank everyone. I love you guys.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: :*(
Posted by *me* on Mon Apr 16 21:11:51 2001 (#6325)

- Doris -

I don't quite know what kind of advice to give you, considering I've never quit (except for these weeks now while I'm waiting to go to the doctor, and honestly, I'm counting down the days until it's over!) The only advice I can give is to stay strong. I admire you for quitting for those four months, and from what I have read on this board you can stop again. You seem so brave and courageous to me, and I really admire your strength. I believe in you, and I believe you can quit again!!

Now I also wanted to say that I understand why you cut. Because the main reason I cut is because my mom yells at me a lot. She always makes it seem that everything I do is wrong and I feel like a complete idiot and piece of crap around her. Whenever she starts yelling I go upstairs and cut myself, and it turns the pain I feel inside into pain on the outside. So I completely understand.

Ok this was really long. I hope you weren't totally bored by it! I tend to ramble sometimes.....

- Lots of love -

Re: :*(
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 21:51:45 2001 (#6330)

Thank you. I don't think I'll be cutting again any time soon. Thank you for your kind post. :)

Doris

very much under
Posted by necrosis on Mon Apr 16 08:33:03 2001 (#6269)

Found out I was the average height for a british woman. Obviously that's comforting, but being a man it's a touch irritating.

Thought about hanging myself but I was to short to reach the noose. So unfair!!!

At least I'm goodlooking. Fuck, forgot about the mirrors. Damn

Must eat the economy. Marx would be so proud

Re: very much under
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 08:40:53 2001 (#6272)

i dont think i understand the eating the economy....

interseting post

Re: very much under
Posted by Alana on Mon Apr 16 17:50:19 2001 (#6291)

David,

I think that I'm the average height of a 10 yr old, so I know how you feel. Hahaha. YOu weren't really thinking of hanging yourself were you? Please tell me you weren't! And yes you are goodlooking....fuckin gorgeous (in my irish accent) and I'm sure that Marks and Spencers will happy to here you're going to eat the economy..........

Talk to you soon hun, Alana

Re: very much under
Posted by bunker on Mon Apr 16 18:24:44 2001 (#6308)

well hi,that sucks,dont you just hate that, trying to kill yourself is harder then people think.

Re: very much under
Posted by necrosis on Mon Apr 16 21:17:31 2001 (#6327)

no, I was just being silly. Alana's right as well, I am 'drop dead gorgeous!' someone once told me. Or was that 'drop dead'? Unsure. Bad night last night, but I'm better today. Thanks for being concerned

love you peoples

xx

Re: very much under
Posted by elle on Tue Apr 17 04:43:58 2001 (#6355)

you crack me up!

tHInGs tO DO iNstEaD Of CuTtiNg
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 09:09:36 2001 (#6278)

1. post at psyke 2. dance naked in your house 3. sing britney spears music 4. stand on one foot for as long as you can and then try over again until you break your record 5. quack like a duck 6. bark like a dog 7. stand on your head till you turn red as a rose 8. email me :o) 9. make a stupid list of things you could do instead of cutting 10. make up recipes and see if you actually come up with anything edible 11. fart 12. pick your nose 13. get grossed out 14. tap your foot until it hurts 15. laugh at the people who tell you to hold ice 16. perfect your backflip 17. eat cafeteria food! (yuck that could be considered SI maybe) 18. count your teeth with your tounge 19. read the dictionary 20. find the person who wrote this and shoot them for being so annoying!

Re: tHInGs tO DO iNstEaD Of CuTtiNg
Posted by Angel on Mon Apr 16 13:27:02 2001 (#6280)

I'm sure singing to britney spears would drive me insane! I actually find playing guitar quite soothing. Angel xx

Re: tHInGs tO DO iNstEaD Of CuTtiNg
Posted by LOST on Mon Apr 16 14:59:45 2001 (#6282)

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i swear on everything i actually laughed OUT LOUD when i read that! That was totally the coolest thing i've seen in a while :)

Re: tHInGs tO DO iNstEaD Of CuTtiNg
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 16:59:36 2001 (#6285)

Thank God. I hate Britiny Spears. Her music makes me want to stab myself in the eye. But whatever works for others is fine.

Re: tHInGs tO DO iNstEaD Of CuTtiNg
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 17:10:47 2001 (#6286)

i HATE HATE HATE her too....it was a joke!

Re: tHInGs tO DO iNstEaD Of CuTtiNg
Posted by Jess on Mon Apr 16 16:56:10 2001 (#6284)

That was so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.LOL LOL LOL Thankyou Love you all Jess

Re: tHInGs tO DO iNstEaD Of CuTtiNg
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 20:03:58 2001 (#6315)

Elle,

You rock, girl. Anyone who can come up with a list like that is going to be okay. :) You're a strong one. Keep it up. And you better remember your list too!! :)

Love and strength,

Doris

Holy cow poop
Posted by Suzie on Mon Apr 16 17:34:03 2001 (#6287)

woah, i leave for ONE day and look what happens, 80 million posts, lol

love

suzie

Re: Holy cow poop
Posted by Alana on Mon Apr 16 17:57:52 2001 (#6296)

And I didn't cause any of the shit! Keep it up alana! Hahahaha! Sorry guys!

Alana

Re: Holy cow poop
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 18:19:24 2001 (#6305)

you didnt, neither did i, its all these funky people....they are tryin to screw with our heads...

Re: Holy cow poop
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 18:15:10 2001 (#6303)

i have way to much time on my hands....maybe i should try to do some actual work....or not

Re: Holy cow poop
Posted by *me* on Mon Apr 16 21:19:12 2001 (#6328)

I KNOW! And I was actually on last night! I come on this afternoon and there are a whole buncha posts. LOL.

now its like this
Posted by bonker on Mon Apr 16 18:20:47 2001 (#6306)

last night i made a huge gash on my leg.now my cutting has got to the point were i dont have to feel sad or mad or depressed to want to cut, now i just crave it, i like to do it, and i dont want to stop, and every one is on my back about stopping. ITS MY FUCKING BODY,im, realy starting to feel like the government ouns my body. like my legs are courperet sky scrapers, and the razor blades are little theves trying to steel bloody credit cards. any one feel like that.

Re: now its like this
Posted by elle on Mon Apr 16 18:23:52 2001 (#6307)

i go between half the time thinking its my body and i want to cut and the other half trying to rember why i actually want to stop. good luck

hay, shes notthatbad
Posted by MALLORY on Mon Apr 16 18:42:03 2001 (#6310)

you know, i like female pop artists. besides the fact that that they arent all that original, that are womyn who flant there sexuality, and who ARE confortable with their bodies. at least theyer not deGradeing the other sex, like all the other rap male artists. that fuckin pisses me of the fucking wall, britney spears comes out on to the stage in a flesh tone out fitt and the magazines leep on her like a murder sene, while fuck heads like "nutorious BIG" and idiots like eminem talk about rapeing and beatin womyn in a fasion sence, then have the mejority of kids cheering cheerin cheering away for these sick perverts, and no, of fucking course the poperazie dont get all over them, oh no, couldnt DO THAT.

Re: hay, shes notthatbad
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 20:51:28 2001 (#6323)

I think you make a good point but I just hate the music and I think she has no talent. But the fact she came out in that outfit shouldn't matter to people. Talk to ya later.

Re: hay, shes notthatbad
Posted by mallory on Mon Apr 16 21:55:58 2001 (#6332)

oh, i hate her music too, she has no talent, music wise buti just respect her.

Re: hay, shes notthatbad
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 22:22:46 2001 (#6334)

Good for you. YOur right women get a bad rap in music. But guys can say whatever they want. I like your views on things.

Re: now its like this
Posted by blue rose on Mon Apr 16 18:35:41 2001 (#6309)

The government doesn't own your body. Fuck the government. This may be bad advise, but if you *want* to cut then slice away, my friend. I am a firm believer that self-injury is a coping mechanism and people do what they need to do to stay alive. Fuck society and it's "norms", fuck how you're supposed to act, fuck stereotypes. Everyone here; we are all normal people with avarage or above average intelligence and we can make decisions about what to do with our own bodies. I'm not in any way saying "go out and cut yourself" but, whatever floats your boat, right?

stay safe

Re: now its like this
Posted by mallory on Mon Apr 16 18:45:58 2001 (#6311)

yes, someone has graced this land with intelegance

Re: now its like this
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 20:11:00 2001 (#6316)

blue rose,

I just wanted to put my two cents in. I agree with you to a certain point. The things I worry about are people whose SI is completely out of control. They go deeper and deeper and can't stop themselves. I worry about that and I worry about people who WANT to stop but can't. I think those are two good examples where it's not okay.

And, one other thing - SI usually reflects (I may be wrong here) some sort of self-hatred or suicidal intentions. And, if it does, then I think that those issues have to be dealt with and can't just be left alone and continue SIing. I don't know, I could be wrong.

Anyway, interesting point. Got me thinking.

Love and strength,

Doris

Re: now its like this
Posted by mallory on Mon Apr 16 20:49:57 2001 (#6322)

yes, thats what i think too. its a hell of a lot more serious when someone cant stop, or want to die. but i think the majority of cutter dont do it to kill themselfs,no dout there are people who choose to do it ina suicidal idea, but some do it to let themselves know that thay are still alive, because they feel so numb. but youur right, usualy cutting follows some sort of self asteam issue or depression,obviously, and thats what needs to be delt with, the depression, sadness, whatever caused you to cut is the root to the weed and the weed is the cutting, (to be medaphoric)you need to get rid of the root/depression before you try to get rid of the weed/cutting. im just sick of hearing doctors say, "did you cut, did you cut did you cut" rather thenaskin if you felt sad or depressed the night before.if you look at the statistics of how many cutters kill them selves and how many depressed people kill themselves, i bet you would find that there are more just depressed poeple that kill themselves then cutters. my theory is just that peoples feelings are so much more important then what they do to deal.

love mallory

Re: now its like this
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 21:55:35 2001 (#6331)

You make a really good point. You have to get the root of the problem first. And I like you're theory - it's not important that we cut, it's important why we cut. Last night I cut becuase my dad was yelling at me - not because I was depressed or suicidal or anything so I'm not worrying about it. Very good point! :)

Doris

Who are they?
Posted by Kate on Mon Apr 16 20:57:10 2001 (#6324)

I know the fights died down and I'm glad but who are some of these people. Some one I never heard of or saw again just said I had bad taste in music because I like Godsmack. If they are here to say thats fine but if people are just lurking they need to get a life.

MIA?
Posted by Doris on Mon Apr 16 22:02:21 2001 (#6333)

Does anyone know where blackrose (Christine) is or Falling Hawk or Julia or anyone who used to post? Maybe I'm being overly paranoid, but I'm worried.

Doris

Re: MIA?
Posted by Little baby nothing on Tue Apr 17 01:10:17 2001 (#6346)

I wonder where blackrose may be....but falling hawk probably just realised what an annoying slag she is and sent herself off to a nuns convent where they dont have any technology so therefore no computers...nothing against nuns....just a bit against fallinghawk. and julia? well to be truthful youll have to refresh my memory of who she is but i also hope shes ifne since she has done nothing to agrivate, irritate, hurt or plain old piss me off.

Re: MIA?
Posted by Doris on Tue Apr 17 06:03:59 2001 (#6361)

Hey! I was wondering about you too! Welcome back, where you been? How are you?

Doris

Re: MIA?
Posted by Little baby nothing on Tue Apr 17 19:48:38 2001 (#6377)

I aint been nowhere and i aint done nothing. im so interesting aint I? :) lol ah welll...nothing much to say....well, seeya,

PS anyone joining me in the ridding of Jennifer lopez from planet earth? she just...needs shooting. lol.

Re: MIA?
Posted by Kate on Tue Apr 17 20:50:39 2001 (#6380)

While were at it can we do Britiny and Christina too. Just kidding. They all bug me though

Permanent location: http://www.psyke.org/archive/ratatosk/032

© 2002 Ratatosk - Page generated by Yggdrasil, Fri Oct 4 2002 (20:00:45)
All stories, poems and comments on this site are owned by their respective authors.