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Jenny
Copyright, Jenny
Hi, I would Just like to tell you a story about my self!
I cant remember the day it all started "the S.I." it was as if it was yesterday, but I know that it is now well over a year since I started. I got a razor and tore the hell out of my arm, just because I was fustrated and my mum and Step dad had just had a massive row and for the second time he kicked her and I couldnt stop him. There was nothing I could do.
Before he touched mum Im talkin weeks I went to go and see the school councillers "keith and sallyanne" I couldnt trust them they knew my mum, what if they told her? I coulnt tell them anything.I hadnt started self harming by then.
The pain the 1st time I cut was enourmas, it wasnt deep enough to do any damage just to relive me. I think someone at school must have noticed because I had to go back to "them" again! they were ok about it,I still couldnt talk to them about it properly, i didnt trust them enough yet.
My life was going down hill fast.It was the 21st Jun 2000 when I first cut.
I went to See keith and sallyanne once a week for a little while.I must have been cutting at least nearly every day.I was going to the doctors by then and put on anti depressants,and seeing some sorta counciller.It came to a time in January 2001 that i couldnt keep it to my self much longer so I told mum! She had no Idea that I was seeing keith and Sallyanne or going to the counciller let alone cutting my self. It was a total shock to her.
Here is where the fun starts!
I can remember the day 9th Feb 2001,it was a friday.I was feeling really pissed off so I mentioned it to keith and sallyanne then It just sorta sliped out that i was going to killl my self, they made me go down the doctors and my doctor wasnt there so I saw some bloke he didnt think I would do it so gave me some stronger anti depressants! I went home and did nothing, I wasnt very well, had a cold so I didnt want to go Into hospital and see my grandad so I stayed at home. at about 6.30 I did it! took about 70 anti depressants,the rest came later when I coulodnt sleep,I panacked and foned keith and sallyanne they werent there so I did nothing. I just went to bed and couldnt sleep.
I went down stairs about 3 oclock and moaned to mum that i couldnt sleep and felt ill and asked for some papasotmol just to finish me off! We didnt have any! so I went to bed. I was sick during the night and then in the morning so I told mum what I had done and She took me to hospital. they did all the normal stuff and all that, That evening Sallyanne foned they had got my answer phone mesage and fone mum and now wanted to hwear it from me, visiting time was over but they came in anyway, i never cried so much in my life!
They were really nice,They came in everyday while I was in there 2 weeks and 3 days, I didnt go home to live with mum I went home 2 dads to live with him.
7 moths nearly to the day has passed, I mstill see keith and Sallyanne they are really nice peole and If it wasnt for them I would be dead!thay saved me. They are the best. I have come over alot over the past 7 months I havent cut myself for 6 months and dont feel like killing my self any more Im enjoying my self,I passed all my exams with exellent results concsidering what Ihave been through.
It's not nice to say now but my only regret is that i didnt use my brain before I took and overdose and bought some more tablets and took them to kill me but hey im here now and you cant change the past but keith and sallyanne are here for me now when ever i need them!