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When You're Not Here

Copyright, Jenni

In front of you, I try to make you proud;
But when you're not here, I drip with shame of what I've become.

In front of you, I try to be strong;
But when you're not here, I can't fight anymore.

In front of you, I try to look brave;
But when you're not here, I'm afraid of myself.

In front of you, I try to be what you want me to be;
But when you're not here, I am real.

Because when you're not here,

I hurt
and I cry
and I cut.

When I don't have to hide

I remember that I hate myself,
and that I am a waste of your time,
and that I don't want to live.

In front of you, I don't need anyone;
But when you're not here,

I just wish someone would hold me,
and wipe my tears,
and make me forget who I am