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Blinders by 24 year-old woman About nine months ago my boyfriend of a year took his life. It was a gruesome scene and I was the one to find him. I will remember that night for a long time to come. The week following I helped his family coordinate the funeral arrangements. I spoke to our friends and families about all I knew and what they knew about what had occurred. What surprised me was how shocked they were at what had happened. I wish I could say the same. My boyfriend was on medication for depression but that is not what indicated the level of his despair. He had allowed himself to enter into a financial nightmare that grew each day and culminated in bankruptcy. In addition, as that problem consumed him, every other area in his life began to suffer. He missed more time from work and neglected relationships with others. As is typical with one who suffers from depression, each problem he encountered seemed more insurmountable. In the mind of a depressed person, problems are incapable of a solution. As for myself, I saw him facing these dilemmas yet I was torn between trying to help him solve his problems and wanting him to see my needs. On a day to day basis I did not see how severely he was affected by his problems. At the same time I have to admit I was not completely off guard like everyone around us. I also am aware that in my desire to fulfill my own needs I had blinders on just as the other people in his life did. In the months that have passed I have reasoned it all the best that I can. I understand his need for escape judging by how deep his pain must have been. Despite this understanding I do not condone suicide as a way out. Everyone has suffered a great loss from his death. Most of all he had an entire lifetime left to live. Whenever I feel down enough to think it cannot get much worse I count my blessings including the people in my life who care. I have gained a compassion deeper than ever before. We need to take the blinders off that hinder us from looking beyond the surface of people. This includes acquaintances and those closest to us. Top of page Webmaster: wulff@ratatosk.net |