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Threads 126 to 150

Posted by on Thu Jan 1 01:00:00 1970 (#466)

Posted by on Thu Jan 1 01:00:00 1970 (#467)

this d@mn board wont let me read posts. grrr
Posted by elle on Sat Jan 5 23:34:17 2002 (#468)

this board wont let me read any of the posts. it is so annoying - has it happened to anyone else?

Re: this d@mn board wont let me read posts. grrr
Posted by jue on Sun Jan 6 00:01:24 2002 (#469)

the only post i can read is this one all the rest say internal error or something. grrr stupid thing.

Re: this d@mn board wont let me read posts. grrr
Posted by Erin on Sun Jan 6 04:07:19 2002 (#473)

same thing with me

Re: this d@mn board wont let me read posts. grrr
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Jan 6 19:41:58 2002 (#476)

That happened to me yesterday, but today I can get in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah, same with me *NM*
Posted by elle on Mon Jan 7 06:11:05 2002 (#487)

Re: this d@mn board wont let me read posts. grrr
Posted by *me* on Sun Jan 6 03:13:15 2002 (#471)

Yeah, it happened to me (besides the blocked ones, lol). It says something about an internal service error? I dunno.

are people better off without me?
Posted by *me* on Sun Jan 6 03:16:54 2002 (#472)

My mom told me today "life is better when you're asleep." Got me thinking. My life isn't exactly joyous when I'm awake. If it's no good for anyone else, either, what's the point of me being here? I don't want to off myself. But I was thinking (key word here is thinking) about running away. I don't know where though. I have no where to go. But I like my friends..my friends like me..I don't want to leave them.

Re: are people better off without me?
Posted by laura rose on Sun Jan 6 08:33:55 2002 (#474)

Well, I'd be the first to offer you a place to run to anytime you needed it. But I don't know that it would do you any good... See.. something I learned a long time ago - problems have legs... and they will follow you wherever you go. Even if you did take yourself out... if you kill yourself and you die the same problems you lived with... they will follow you even in death.

Bottom line.. running isn't going to help. But I am... so if there is anything I can do... let me know..

Oh.. and tonight I IM'd one of the people who was talking shit about Robyn... Don't make me kill people, okay? I'm so ready to kill whoever it was I talked to. Ugh... Good thing Hershey's uncle kept that gun.. hehe... any way. It's open season on Passerz. LOL.. I went in to all the chat rooms on aol and basically said "I'm a slutty whore, if you want to see my nude pics.. IM me on my other screen name, Passerz". Haha.. from what I can tell, they got a lot of IM's...

Good times...
I love acting like a 5 year old some times.

Sorry I"m being so random... I've been up for a very long time... so I might not make sense

take care,
~laura rose

Re: are people better off without me?
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Jan 6 19:45:35 2002 (#477)

Please don't leave us. I'm sorry your mother said
that to you. That wasn't nice. You have so many friends here and I hope you will continue to
come here and talk to us. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

GRRRRRRRRRRR laura rose, i'm blocked from ur post!
Posted by *me* on Sun Jan 6 22:17:42 2002 (#479)

:-( I HATE PARENTAL CONTROLS!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH!!!!! Would you mind C+P it into a new post so I can read what you said - that worked last time I was blocked from a response. Thanks a bunch!

Re: GRRRRRRRRRRR laura rose, i'm blocked from ur p
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 7 01:03:59 2002 (#481)

Bottom line.. running isn't going to help. But I am... so if there is anything I can do... let me know..

Oh.. and tonight I IM'd one of the people who was talking sh*t about Robyn... Don't make me kill people, okay? I'm so ready to kill whoever it was I talked to. Ugh... Good thing Hershey's uncle kept that gun.. hehe... any way. It's open season on Passerz. LOL.. I went in to all the chat rooms on aol and basically said "I'm a slutty whore, if you want to see my nude pics.. IM me on my other screen name, Passerz". Haha.. from what I can tell, they got a lot of IM's...

Good times...
I love acting like a 5 year old some times.

Sorry I"m being so random... I've been up for a very long time... so I might not make sense

take care,
~laura rose

(I hope that worked... let me know if it didn't... and I'll send it in an IM or something)

thanks laura, it worked! n/t
Posted by *me* on Mon Jan 7 23:21:08 2002 (#493)

n/t

I wish I felt nothing
Posted by cindy on Sun Jan 6 17:25:52 2002 (#475)

I'm scared not, all I want to do is kill myself...I'm not scared of dying to be honest I'm scared of living another day. to have to wake up another morning with this pain that has just now become me...this is all I am-painful. I have no personality I'm totally dumb except to the pain. it's as if something crawled into me years ago and from that point started eating up everything that made me a person. now I've been completely devoured-I am that creature that first inhabited me so long ago. no longer am a person who feels pain. I am pain, and I want to die. take care of yourselves. cindy

Re: I wish I felt nothing
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 7 01:33:13 2002 (#484)

Hm... I'm sorry to hear that you are in so much pain (or lack thereof). Perhaps reading my response to the post right above this one might help you a bit.. I don't know.

Just remember that you aren't feeling anything that hasn't been felt by someone else before... so there's no possible way that you are alone right now.

We're here for you....
Be well,
~laura rose

emotionless feellings
Posted by Amanda on Sun Jan 6 21:50:53 2002 (#478)

ok, so i spent the last week with my b/f and i felt amazing, we had a couple of arguments coz he hates seeing me hurt myself the way i do. he ended up telling me that if i dont stop then he doesnt know what he will do but it wont be very good. i know how that sounds but im glad he said it coz i think it might help. i wanted so much to cry in his arms and have him comfort me but i can not cry.....EVER. its really getting me down. im so used to switching myself off to physical pain that im starting to not feel emotional pain either. that used to be the only thing that kept me sane, as i felt emotional when people got angry about me cutting. but if i cant feel these emotions and that sort of pain, i have no mental way of stopping myself. i gave my friend my razor blades coz having those just made it to easy for me, but now im left to search my room for anything that i can find, saftypins, scissors anything. ive got to a point where i dont feel anything....i just sit in my room, an emotioongless shell....only feeling one single emotioon....fear. fear of myself and fear of the outside world. nothing else just fear.......it scares me to be anywhere, slight things scare me. the only place i feel safe is curled up in my bed under the covers, nothing can scare me there and i cant to anything to hurt myself or any1 else. its not helping me cope but it calms me down when im scared.

sorry for going on guys, i needed to talk to someone, thatnx for being here for me.

Love Trust and Pixi Dust
Amanda

Re: emotionless feellings
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 7 01:30:43 2002 (#483)

I'm sorry to say that I don't have all of the answers for me. I can say that I relate to what you are saying... as much as I can.

I didn't feel anything for a long time.. I was numb, and perfectly okay with that.

My boyfriend wanted me to stop cutting, because it hurt him to see me hurt myself. I thought "okay, I'll do it for you".. and I threw away all of my razors... BAD IDEA! I went frantic searching for ANYTHING to cut with, even if I didn't feel like cutting at the time. It was just knowing I had no razors.. It was awful. If I had them.. I knew they were there, and I knew I could use them if I wanted to.. and it was like a security blanket. It was like taking the security blanket and putting it in the closet. I knew it was there if I needed it.. and that felt good.. but if I had thrown that blanket away, I would have been so upset that it was gone.. well, I think you get the point. Just take small steps.. one step at a time.. and before you take another step... give your other foot time to catch up.

As far as the emotion goes... don't force it. But know that you need to eventually start unfolding... because awful things are ahead if you don't slowly let yourself unravel. At the time you least expect it.. your mind will force all of your emotions out all at once.. and you will breakdown faster than a 1976 ford pinto.

Take the painful things that are forcing you to not feel... write them down.. like a timeline.. from birth to now. Think of every major thing that happened to you... bad AND good. It's really important to have good things in there too... because after going through some of the bad things, you will welcome bringing up good memories you have. Any way.. after you have everything laid out in front of you... start at birth... and one by one.. talk about those memories... how they made you feel... why it still bothers you... and don't move on to the next thing until you have said everything you need to say about that event in your life. Who cares if you don't cry? Tears mean nothing. People can fake crying.... It's the emotion that's real.. even if it can't be read on your face.

*takes deep breath*...
I hope you don't think I'm trying to be high and mighty here... It's just that I've been through it... and I really think this could help you.

*hugs and kisses*
~laura

i have a question for every1...
Posted by diana on Sun Jan 6 23:12:50 2002 (#480)

i want to know why everyone cuts or burns themselves..or hurts themselves in anyway. is ur life perfect or are there problems. b/c i had problems in my past but i don't know whats wrong w. me anymore and i just wanted to know about everyone else...

Re: i have a question for every1...
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 7 01:16:21 2002 (#482)

Well, I'm pretty sure we all have a common tie as to why we cut... the usual "control" issue.. either you had something happen to you in your life where you had no control over a situation (for example, rape, molestation, abuse of any kind...).. Or we come from a family that puts all the pressure in the world upon us to be the best at everything.. and when we fall short, they are disappointed in us.

For me.. it's a few things, I suppose. Starting when I was 10 years old... I was repeatedly raped by my neighbor until we moved away... I didn't really start cutting then.. but I was very anorexic/bulimic for about 9 years after that. But when I was 14, that's when I decided I was going to start cutting. I think at first it was because of the thought "if I get rid of blood, then I will weigh less".. then it progressed in to a way for me to "relive" the pain from my past by creating it myself - only when I did it to myself, I could control the entire situation.

I kind of slowed down on the cutting for a while, but then I (of course) got in to abusive relationship after abusive relationship.. and then I started cutting about 30-40 times a day.

I've been hospitalized a few times in the past couple of years.. I've been on a lot of medications.. I had a few suicide attempts (some of you older members may remember the throat slitting incident.. ugh).. and I've been through some therapy.

I'm just now, at 24, getting off of the meds. I'm only cutting about once a month, if that. I hope to get better and better... I have a son to think about, and I have a man that loves me more than anything, and treats me like gold.

So I'm okay now.
Heh.. that's my life story!!!
~laura

Re: i have a question for every1...
Posted by Erin on Mon Jan 7 02:37:46 2002 (#485)

I cut myself because of my mom. she puts too much pressure and stress on me that I can't handle it. she insults me all the time, I feel like I'm worthless, nothing, a waste of time, etc... so I cut myself.

Re: i have a question for every1...
Posted by jue on Mon Jan 7 03:33:36 2002 (#486)

well...i sort of wonder why i do too....i can't remember a time when i didn't hurt myself. i remember as a little child digging my finger nails into my arms to suppress anger. i knew i was unhappy but one day i picked up a razor and cut myself i didn't know why i just liked the way it looked.i didn't feel it too much. after that i remembered hurting myself as a kid and things that had happened to me that made me feel powerless. i guess i don't really know...i learn more each day, but i think that it is basically that i hate myself and i let my evil mind take over my spirit and soul...
take care...julie

Re: i have a question for every1...
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Tue Jan 8 00:06:15 2002 (#494)

I dont know why I cut, well.. I like the look of the blood.. blood is beauty... and if nothing else is beautiful about me... my blood is.. so theres one reason.. urm.. anger, i hate myself.. so I punish myself when Im angry...
stuff like that
I duno its confusing..
take care
Love as always
CriMsOn*TeArS

Re: i have a question for every1...
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Jan 8 02:09:09 2002 (#503)

Tara started cutting after she was raped at 14.
We didn't know anything about it till several
months later. She said it was her way of dealing
with the emotional pain. That was 4 years ago and
last week was her last session with her therapist,
unless she wants to talk to him. She has also
gotten off her medication. I pray this holds up for her, but if it doesn't, she knows that I'm
always here for her. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

LOST AND laura rose
Posted by elle on Mon Jan 7 06:12:35 2002 (#488)

i cant read your guys messages, and LOST, my buddy! i have missed you...~elle~

Blast from the past
Posted by Strider on Mon Jan 7 07:59:24 2002 (#489)

LOST? Laura Rose!? Holy crap, time warp and a half! Dr. Who must have left the Tartas open or something (I can almost gaurantee nobody understands the Dr. Who bit desides me. If you do understand it, my hat off to you!). Been a while, that's for sure! I hope you two have been well. I haven't stopped SI. I try but it's pretty freaking hard. How about you? I don't really post anymore. No time to do it like I would like to. Military college is pretty demanding. Well, gotta go. Later.

Oh, here it comes, you know what's coming next!!.....

love and prayers, Colin

Ahh yes, that's the stuff!

I'm weak
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 7 08:31:08 2002 (#490)

After all of the words of inspiration and helping hands I have extended... I'm afraid I might try to kill myself tonight. Lol.. kind of ironic.. or two-faced. I don't know.. I'm sorry guys.. I'm just kind of sad tonight.

~laura rose

sorry... false alarm
Posted by laura rose on Mon Jan 7 15:11:07 2002 (#491)

Sorry guys... I'm okay now.
~Laura rose

Re: sorry... false alarm
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Tue Jan 8 00:08:15 2002 (#495)

hope you are ok xxx

Re: sorry... false alarm
Posted by elle on Tue Jan 8 01:48:04 2002 (#500)

are u sure? i looked at your webpage but i couldnt figure out the guestbook. you look so much like your son, he is so cute by the way.
hope your ok.

~elle~

Re: sorry... false alarm
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Jan 8 02:13:31 2002 (#504)

I'm so glad you're okay. Are you feeling better?
Remember, we all love you here. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: I'm weak
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 8 01:28:55 2002 (#498)

You are so not weak. hello my sister!! I am glad yo knew to come here when you felt that way. Take care of yourself. We love you!
Nuni

something I dont get
Posted by Erin on Mon Jan 7 22:49:42 2002 (#492)

I dont really understand the whole thing about god and everything. I just read on the other board about this girl that Linda knows about her acceping jesus and all that. I dont get what makes him so great. People talk about how he's supposed to make everything wonderful and fix everything and be your "saviour". when it seems that everything just gets worse. to me, he's just some guy that died a long time ago. I dont know what the big deal about him is. I'm not trying to offend anything but..I'm just a 15 year old kid that doesnt understand him at all. The only time I've went to church was when I spent the nite at my best friends house on saturday and she has to go to church on sundays. She's gone all her life and she dont understand it at all either. she thinks the same way I do.

Anyways, I just remembered a reason why I hate cold weather so much. I always get sick :( and when I get sick, I get depressed and when that happened, I want to cut. needless to say, I havent cut for about 5 days now I think. I went for 13 days (of not cutting) but I did it. I've been really sick all weekend and today, so I didnt go to school today. I'll probably go back tomorrow though. I keep thinking about cutting. I'm not really depressed anymore, I dunno why I'm thinking about it. just am.

Re: something I dont get
Posted by Linda on Tue Jan 8 00:11:09 2002 (#496)

Hey Erin! The girl I posted about was JUST 15 when I first began to talk with her. She, too, was very confused about church and God and Jesus and did not understand at all. We corresponded via email for a few weeks before she made her decision. It would be so great to try to answer your questions about God and Jesus if you want to go into it. You do not offend me and I don't take it personally if you disagree so let me know if you would like to discuss it. You may email me at any time.

Re: something I dont get
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 8 01:27:46 2002 (#497)

Hi,
I understand where you ae coming from. I resently accepted Jesus Christ in to my life. Believe me that it isnt a guarantee that its going to make your life wonderful. It means that even when you are at your lowest you will never be alone. Linda, I dont want to step in. Erin, Linda is one of the best people to connect with. I understand where you are coming from when you ask WHAT is the big deal. You have taken the first step. It is that you are interested in knowing. Ok, I will stop. It is just so exciting!! Luv you all!
Nuni

Re: something I dont get
Posted by elle on Tue Jan 8 01:54:04 2002 (#502)

Nuni, i love ya! erin, you gotta listen to Linda. nuni told me a while ago what an amazing person she is and i have finally come to see it for myself.

~elle~

Re: something I dont get
Posted by elle on Tue Jan 8 01:52:30 2002 (#501)

i wish i knew who that was. hmmm. i was looking at this post waiting for the huge speech. :o)

~elle~

Re: something I dont get
Posted by Linda on Tue Jan 8 02:46:24 2002 (#505)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH my! You girls are the best!!! Nuni, you won't offend me at all if you want to step in here. Maybe Erin would like to hear it from a person who understands her problems better. He's not MY Jesus, you know!!! He is OUR Jesus and we can share Him with EVERYO
NE!!!
And Elle!!! Girl, you have no idea how often I have prayed for you and really thought there was no hope. I'm sorry I kind of gave up. Just shows you that there is ONE who is working when the rest of us sleep!!
Erin, you've just got to let us tell you!

Erin.C&P of first message.
Posted by Linda on Tue Jan 8 03:31:52 2002 (#507)

LOST
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 8 01:31:17 2002 (#499)

Hi,
I havent spoken to you in so long. I hope you are doing alright. Drop me a line. I tried reading your post but I only saw an INTERNAL error! Bummer. Write me. I would love an update on how you are doing. Love, peace, and Chicken grease. BTW, you heard from melissa lately??
Nuni

Linda
Posted by Erin on Tue Jan 8 03:08:31 2002 (#506)

I'm blocked from your response...could you copy & paste it into a new message thing?

Anticipation...
Posted by Lither - Morbid Kitty on Tue Jan 8 06:26:26 2002 (#508)

Everyone must know by now they cannot have such pure theological conversation without me saying my piece... *smiles faintly*... Religion is fine and well when practised by oneself... I am simply curious as to why people as this attempt zealotism... vainly assaulting the already fragile mind with ideals and belief systems that are ones own and only that... mutilating oneself is a form of submission at best... why take a psyche that is so readily seaking solace and fill it with what calms you... I myself hate religion with a passion like no other... certainly there are a few good things about it... but not for everyone... And I cannot see why you cannot accept something different on this useless device... perhaps everyone should keep religion to themselves and use this for what it was meant for...

Seven more to the collection... and hell from those I live with... I punish myself and they punish me for it... ironic hmm?

This I am famous for... at least a few people should remember it...

Feel my hatred terror’s reign
Watch my steel blood falls again
Walk the night follow sin
Feel your heartbeat fast within
Draw the steel sever your limbs
Go ahead and sing your hymns
Considering there is no “god “
Your christian ways brutally flawed
Church doors open night floods in
Go ahead and say I sin
Stand erect and slach asunder
Steel carves sounds out thunder
Rain starts falling burn the cross
This night for you a total loss
Rid of faith and life and soul
Hacked down by something hardly whole
I’ll stalk your god and slay his kin
It’s here you stop and I begin
Spit on his carcass cut out his brain
For all the mind fucked have been slain
...I LIVE AGAIN...

-Forever yours - Kitty

Re: Anticipation...
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 8 06:49:44 2002 (#510)

Like I explained before. Morten Wulff hasnt a disclaimer. All I can say to you is if you dont like it, dont read it. Yes, you are entitled to expressing your own beliefs. Do so. But if some ask questions that are about or related to religion there is no reason why we CAN'T discuss them. Therefore, you should not try tell others that they cannot express. That would be unfair. Go for it if you want to rant about how you dont believe. Like you said abut using this place for what is meant for. Some may find comfort in discussing religion. This board is meant for those who self-injure. Self-injury isn't only about physical pain. There are those that habve suffered emotional and mental anguish. A little spiritualism is soothing to the heart and soul. I wish you knew.

Re: Anticipation...(for Nuni)
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 8 06:53:39 2002 (#512)

AMEN, SISTA!!!!!

~laura rose

Re: Anticipation...
Posted by Linda on Tue Jan 8 15:31:55 2002 (#514)

(((((((((Moridihn))))))) We are SO glad you are here "saying your piece"! I wonder if you have ever considered just why it is that you hate religion SO MUCH??
And, as for our zealotism, well, I can never keep to myself something that is good. I feel compelled to share that because I like to see others receive good.
I was talking with a young Jewish boy(15) the other day. We had met by accident and I had no idea that he was Jewish. In the course of the conversation, I mentioned that I, too, had a 16 year old boy. The Jewish boy was VERY intelligent and has aspirations of medical school and possibly psychology or pediatrics. I'm sure he will make it. My 16 year old boy has accepted God's call into the ministry. As I was answering his questions about how my son would find a church and such, he said "There is a question I have always wondered about Christians." I was very excited to answer it. His question was concerning the zeal. He wondered why we felt we must try to make others Christians. It was the first time I really realized that some people believe that religion is not necessary to life and that we each are born and raised in a place that will dictate to us what our religion must be and we should just live our lives and do what feels best. After all, if there is no afterlife and no punishment for wrong doing, what is the point? WELL, the answer to that is this. Christians believe there IS an afterlife and we believe that there IS a God, the creator of all that lives. We believe that ALL will bow before the very feet of that beloved Son of God who gave Himself to give you spiritual life. It is your choice if you do it now or later. I know that sounds very harsh but truth can sometimes be hard. To those that choose to yield to Him now, there are blessings beyond belief. And to those who refuse, there is no other choice than to be separated from Goodness for eternity. That, in itself, is very frightening. Can you imagine what this world would be like if there were no good at all. What if everyone hated! What if all people wanted only to use the other person for his own pleasure. What if there were NO chance that just one person would hear and understand and reach out to us. How sad! And another thing, there are many in this world who, just like Erin, do not understand because no one has taken the time to answer their questions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with questioning religion and finding answers. It is a God-given desire within each of us to know God. It gives foundation and direction in our lives.
Moridihn, you are my friend and I wish you the best. You challenge my faith and I like that! You know my desire for you, though I will respect you and not say it with words. Thanks for being here.

Re: Anticipation...
Posted by jue on Tue Jan 8 21:01:37 2002 (#515)

Linda....i know that you think i am wrong and everything but it just sort of bothers me...that you act a little self righteous...i am not trying to pick a fight i try to keep my mouth shut because i know we disagree but it just bothers me you saying you are always right.
...that's it...julie

Re: Anticipation...
Posted by Linda on Tue Jan 8 21:39:47 2002 (#517)

Awwwwww, kiddo. I have never meant to hold myself up as anyone to look too. I don't believe that I am never wrong. I do believe that God's word is never wrong and I stand on that. I know it is offensive. I hate that! I would love it if everyone loved one another and no one ever said a cross word BUT I do not apologize for standing before you and saying that my faith is in something much bigger than myself. If I have one time acted SELF-righteous, then I owe you all an apology. I am not righteous......if you only knew BUT......my sins are forgiven. I am only offering hope.....the same hope that I have and many others have. P. S. And I KNOW that you are not trying to start anything. There is nothing wrong with what you said. You have a right to express how you feel.

Re: Anticipation...
Posted by Strider on Tue Jan 8 21:36:26 2002 (#516)

I consider Lither to be a good friend of mine. True, we have had a falling out or two in the past, but such is life. I am a Christian; Lither is very adamant about his hatred toward religion of all types, so how can a friendship like this exist? Well, the thing is, I agree with much of what he has to say. I was once one of the zealots he speaks of, being overly psychotic in my attempt at spreading the gospel. Not that I'm saying evangelism isn't a good idea! That's one of the reasons Christians are here, but what I am saying is that in our approach we must be careful. Extreme evangelists are rather frightening, and do a better job at alienating rather than reaching those that they intend to help. So, before lashing out at Lither, realise that much of what he says is right, and his opinion comes only from what Christians have, on the whole, presented to him.

love and prayers, Colin (you knew that was coming)

Re: Anticipation...
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Jan 10 02:44:48 2002 (#534)

I know when religion is mentioned, things heat up, but that is just the way people are. Everyone
has their views and opinions. That's the way is should be. I can accept anyone's views as long as
they don't try to force their's on me. No one will
ever agree on everything and that is what I like
about this board. I get to see how others feel.
Of course, I believe in God and religion and it's
alright with me if some of you don't. I won't judge anyone, lest I be judged also. So, there's
my two cents worth. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Speaking of mean people... someone to bug if bored
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 8 06:49:37 2002 (#509)

So... speaking of mean people... I've been bothered lately by my boyfriends ex girlfriend.. Her name is Tiffany Self and she lives in Port Orchard, WA... she is HORRIBLE to me... so, I know it's really immature of me and stuff... but she really pissed me off tonight... Her Instant Messenger screen name is Pakelikaqueen - feel free to IM the hell out of her.. and be as mean to her as you can.... but just don't mention my name... cuz I'm sick of her... but I think it would be really funny if other people harassed her.. she's crossed the line with me sooo many times... Hey Kay... You're good at that sort of thing... LOL.. tell her she stinks or something.

~laurarose

Re: Speaking of mean people... someone to bug if b
Posted by Nuni on Tue Jan 8 06:51:36 2002 (#511)

Laura!!!! behave! ((((((((())))))))))).
How about we be mean to her by pretending she doesnt exist. Save your energy for Hersh and Cameron!! They love you.. she is nothing if she has CROSSED that line. Take care!
Love you!
Nuni

Re: Speaking of mean people... someone to bug if b
Posted by laura rose on Tue Jan 8 06:55:10 2002 (#513)

*pouts*
BUT I HATE HER!!!!!!! I'm entitled to be immature once a year... I want her to feel like sh*t.

I know, I know... it's wrong... but I never said I was without flaws....

Linda
Posted by Erin on Tue Jan 8 21:47:13 2002 (#518)

grrrrrrrrrr I still couldnt get to it. lol could you email it to me instead?

i'm feelin' better...
Posted by kae on Tue Jan 8 23:50:12 2002 (#519)

hey everyone....its been a while.

i haven't cut for a week. it would have been longer if shit hadn't happened between me and my parents, but a week is a week. i don't believe that i'm cured, because i know that this year is going to be hellishly stressful. it's my last year at high school, which means the most major exams yet.

if you've seen the movie "girl, interrupted", read the book. the book is actually nothing like the movie, all the producers of the movie did was take a few incidents and names from the book. but both are brilliant....and they offer a little perspective into your own state of mind.

hope everyone is happy and safe...

love, kae

Re: i'm feelin' better...
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Jan 10 02:39:27 2002 (#533)

Hey Kae,
You're right, a week is a week!! Sorry about stuff going on with your parents. Hope it gets
better soon. If you ever want to talk, just drop me a email line. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

A friend in need...
Posted by Alana on Wed Jan 9 06:27:41 2002 (#520)

A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with weed is better.
I friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend who bleeds is better.
- oh yes, very good song, I think it was written for me and all the other pothead SIers out there....oh ya, fess up and we'll go smoke a danka.

I'm learning something new. I'm slowly teaching myself how to cry when I need to. I don't necessarily force it on myself, I just don't hold it in anymore when I need to. This is such a huge help to me, no more cutting, just lots of crying and shaking. Which is better? Being seen as hysterical or a freak? I'm not sure. I like to cry, I feel better. Pain is still there, but each time I cry its been dealt with and understood a tiny bit more. I'm not making any sense. SORRY! I'll go back to my sad existence now. See ya later alligators.

Love, Alana

Re: A friend in need...
Posted by Nuni on Wed Jan 9 07:42:34 2002 (#521)

Oh, yeah the crying thing. It is an emotion we all need to PRACTICE until it becomes NATURAL. Because it is!!
Ummm i know this wont make sense but, HAPPY CRYING!! No thanks on the pot, never tried it, and I'm not interested.
I'm glad you came back. I missed you.
Nuni

Re: A friend in need...
Posted by jue on Wed Jan 9 22:23:42 2002 (#530)

wow. that's great. i used to hate crying too. still won't ever do it in front of people but do occasionally. love the song too.

Re: A friend in need...
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Jan 10 02:32:52 2002 (#532)

Crying is good for the body. It helps get stuff
out instead of holding it in. No matter what anyone says, it is not a weakness to cry. I hope
you feel better. Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: A friend in need...
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Fri Jan 11 00:30:10 2002 (#541)

crying is good, are you a placebo fan then?.. I hope so, such a good group, my sweet prince is a good song to cry too by the way.
Love, roses, and empathy.
CriMsoN*TeArs

please help me!
Posted by Melz on Wed Jan 9 16:53:38 2002 (#522)

ok, so on saturday i had an allergic reaction to something(dont know what, i think its the soap my mom got me for christmas) I have to go to the doctors at 2:15, and he'll probably ask to see my legs, cuz the rash is there, and I cut 2 days ago on my leg and its reallllllllyyyy bad, how am i gonna cover it. I could put big bandaids on, but what am i gonna say when he asks what happened? eeeeeehhhhhhh, help, please!!!

Re: please help me!
Posted by Nuni on Wed Jan 9 17:20:20 2002 (#523)

I always say the truth works. Just the other day my co-worker and old friend saw my arm. Scarrs, and a new cut. He asked me what happened? I said I cut myself. He asked how? I said like this. He said. Yeah right!! I don't know it seems that people believe what they want to believe. You never know this may be your chance to get better. Only you know where you are in your quest to stop cutting. Try not to be afraid. Dr's are DR's for a reason. I'm sure it wont be new to him. I hope you feel better. Let me know what happens. Huge hugs to you!!!
Nuni

Re: please help me!
Posted by melz on Wed Jan 9 21:27:01 2002 (#526)

he didnt see them, I wore jeans that were tight enuff so i couldnt pull them up to see my thigh, *sigh of relief*

Re: please help me!
Posted by Nuni on Wed Jan 9 21:31:43 2002 (#528)

Oh, I'm glad you pulled thorugh that. How are you?

Re: please help me!
Posted by melz on Thu Jan 10 17:14:45 2002 (#539)

im doing ok i geuss, i just ate like a thousand calories,and i didnt purge it,now im downloaded some pixies stuff and i have to go get blood work done for my thyroid, ya ya life suuuuuuxxxxxx

Hey Nuni......
Posted by Strider on Wed Jan 9 19:43:02 2002 (#524)

Hey Nuni, where's Maggie been? I haven't heard from her in a while, anything happen? Could you fill me in if you know aything? Thanks.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: Hey Nuni......
Posted by Nuni on Wed Jan 9 21:30:52 2002 (#527)

Hi,
I sent you an e-mail. Take care.
Nuni

im scared that i wont b able to do it........
Posted by Amanda on Wed Jan 9 21:06:37 2002 (#525)

the is a place near where i live, called the Y.E.S clinic (youth enquiry service) my doctor has recomended that i go there for counselling because they r there specifically for young people. BUT the first time anyone goes it is a drop in service. which means 2morro i have to make my self walk out of school and go into town to go to this place. but because i dont have an appointment i dont HAVE to go. i know i must but because i have no appt im scared that i wont be able to make myself go out of school. ill let you know how it goes.

Love Trust and Pixi Dust
Amanda

Re: im scared that i wont b able to do it........
Posted by *me* on Wed Jan 9 22:05:49 2002 (#529)

Hey, good luck! You'll be fine.

Lots of love, take care and stay safe!

Re: im scared that i wont b able to do it........
Posted by jue on Wed Jan 9 22:26:50 2002 (#531)

take care...i am hoping for you...it will probably be for the best.
julie

For Strider
Posted by Rhonda on Thu Jan 10 02:47:34 2002 (#535)

Hi,
Do you remember Tara? She wanted me to tell you
that she is doing fine and is out on her own. She
doesn't get on the board much anymore, but she
still asks me about everyone and when I told her
you had started posting, she said to say hi and she hopes you're doing okay. Soooooooo, Hi Strider! Take care.
Love, Rhonda

Re: For Strider
Posted by Strider on Thu Jan 10 05:33:18 2002 (#537)

Wow, Tara! Yes I do remember! I'm glad to hear she's out and doing good. In a way, that's good that she doesn't get to the board because that means she's doing other things that I'm sure are great. Thank's alot for telling me Rhonda. Tell Tara that I'm doing not bad and that I wish her the best in whatever she does.

love and prayers, Colin

ramblings
Posted by erica on Thu Jan 10 04:58:10 2002 (#536)

Hi All!
Well after a day at college I just feel the need to do a little rambling. Don't mind me.
So I'm sitting in abnormal psychology and the instructor puts up an overhead. On it is a small list of abnormal behaviors. Things like suicide and there was even one, I forget the name, but in this one country if a man does not make his wife orgasm about 6 times during their love making, then he's considered abnormal. Well anyway top of the list is "self-mutilation". I just about jumped out of my seat. I quickly hid my arm so no one could see it. Well my instructor went on to talk about some guy who's got tattoo's all over his body. That was what he meant by self mutilation. But I still am left to wonder if our type of self mutilation wouldn't be considered abnormal. I want to ask my instructor, but don't want him to know that I do it. I mean you can still see scars on my arm(I cut mainly on my lower leg)that have not faded yet. So I am wondering. If I ask him about this, and he see's the scars on my arm, will he put two and two together. I tell him a lot of stuff, and he knows a bit about me, but not this. hmmmm.....I don't know.
On the other hand I am feeling horrible everytime I see my leg. I broke a two month stint of not cutting when I was feeling really shitty. The worst I had felt in two months. So now I have to deal with the feelings to cut all over again. On the plus side I am taking an art class, so maybe that will help get rid of my tension. But still how do I deal with the feelings when I look at my leg. Oh well.
Anyways I'm going to close now. I'm sure this post is really long, so if you've gotten this far thanx for reading.

Erica:o)

Re: ramblings
Posted by Strider on Thu Jan 10 05:51:05 2002 (#538)

Well, after a day at college myself I feel like listening to some ramblings. And especially since I've got the same thing going on. My psychology teacher (guy's awesome) had us choose topics of our choise tyo write a research paper on. Of course, I pick Self Injury. Of course he puts two and two together since the uniforms we wear here at RMC (Royal Military College of Canada) have short sleves, he puts two and two together. He never approached me about it, but he's looked at me different since then. I think that if your psychology prof figured it out (which I almost gaurantee he did), he'll be ok about it. Psyke teachers seem to be pretty cool about stuff like this. I mean, they understand it better than any other non-SIer ever could.

As for the cut on the leg, I would say try not to look at it at all. Well, as little as possible any way. I know how hard it is to have that reminder there constantly. That art class may prove to be helpful. I know that it really helps some people. Mabey you're one of them. Good luck.

love and prayers, Colin

Re: ramblings
Posted by jue on Fri Jan 11 08:27:02 2002 (#543)

hey...sounds familiar
i wrote a journal assignment in pyschology about self injury my prof was super cool and offered to set me up with a counselor if i needed. he made me feel cared for which is generally lacking in the college classroom. if your prof has any decency he will be cool. he is teaching psych for a reason right?
take care julie

what a funny day
Posted by cindy on Thu Jan 10 23:42:36 2002 (#540)

I hate exams-it's not that they stress me I just hate having it affirmed just how little I know...I had to leave a.. 3 hour RS exam hald way through i felt so sick and dizzy-the shit in my head was getting to me so bad that I had to break a mirror in my pocket and cut myself with it...damn it was sore but it did help...well enough screwing on about how shit exams are I;m sure you all know it for yourselves...it's juts I know people will be disappointed, but they just dont seem to understand that I have enough difficulty to will myself out of bed in the morning never mind actually sit down for six hours and revise....godamn that suck. take care. cindy xox

just a thought...
Posted by CriMsOn*TeArS on Fri Jan 11 00:39:38 2002 (#542)

I feel like screaming.
My screams wont cry.
I dont know what I am anymore.
I have no purpose.
I have no regrets.
my exsistance is pathetic.
I live to love.
Wish I loved to live.
Love is confusion.
Confusion is hate.
Hate is depression.
Depression is life.
Life is eternal.
Until you die.
Death is reality.
Reality is clueless.
Clueless is lies.
Lies are untrue.
Untrue continues.
Why am I here?