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Threads 626 to 650

ne one there?
Posted by She on Mon May 6 23:05:08 2002 (#2758)

Is ne one here??
Hello??
Ohh well
Luve you all
She

Re: ne one there?
Posted by liverpoolfc on Mon May 6 23:18:38 2002 (#2759)

I'm here.

Re: ne one there?
Posted by Eleanor on Tue May 7 01:23:58 2002 (#2763)

i'm here now but you're probably not! hehe! oh well, love ya sweetie! x x

Re: ne one there?
Posted by kae on Tue May 7 13:17:15 2002 (#2774)

I've seen you guys do this "Anyone here?" thing a lot....why don't you just use the chat room thing on this site?? It'd be a lot easier, surely..!

lol
kae

scars
Posted by Anne on Tue May 7 00:16:01 2002 (#2762)

I was just wondering, is it normal for scars to itch really bad?

My scars never used to itch, I always used to cut on the top of my lower arm. But last year I had to move to the bottom of my lower arm and to my upper arm, and even though the scars are over a year old they still ITCH LIKE HELL!!! It's driving me fucking insane!!!

Has anyone else experienced this???

Re: scars
Posted by Eleanor on Tue May 7 01:25:46 2002 (#2764)

hi! Yep, my scars itch all the time, especially the deeper ones. I was actually wondering whether that was normal as well so it's s relief to know I'm not the only one! love el x x

Re: scars
Posted by Erryn on Tue May 7 02:53:54 2002 (#2769)

yep mine itches when they are healing i just put vitamin e cream and it helps take care xxxErryn

Re: scars
Posted by KAT on Tue May 7 04:26:31 2002 (#2771)

yes.
All I can say is itch around them, well I have to or Im afraid my scars are going to bust open..
but yah, if you get some lotion or cream or somethin the itching might decrease
KAT

Re: scars
Posted by Jason on Fri May 17 07:58:57 2002 (#3121)

Yup, I've got a bunch of scars that itch. I think it's the nerve damage or something. I've noticed that they're not as sensitive as they used to be. It should go away in time - albeit, a long time.

--Jason
..wanna see the scars? ..
www.darkhosts.com /iammisery/

I'm new here
Posted by Loopylass33 on Tue May 7 02:18:38 2002 (#2765)

Hi,

I'm new here, this is my first time in posting here. My counsellor gave me the address. I've been self harming for about a year now, but have done it on and of since I was 10. I'm 18 now.

Sarah

Re: I'm new here
Posted by Erryn on Tue May 7 02:52:18 2002 (#2768)

Hey welcome my name is Erryn im 26 and have been self harming for 11 yrs. if you need anything just write take care xxxErryn

Re: I'm new here
Posted by Eleanor on Tue May 7 13:50:59 2002 (#2776)

Hey, it's good to have you here! I'm eleanor, I'm 17 and have been cutting for 2 and a half years now. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me. Love el x x x

Re: I'm new here
Posted by She on Tue May 7 16:32:01 2002 (#2777)

Hiya:o)
Nice to have you here.
Loads a love
She

Re: I'm new here
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue May 7 17:09:05 2002 (#2780)

Hi
I'm Ella, I'm fourteen (younge I know!) I've been cutting (burning too sometimes) for 2 years. Welcome to the board, we're all very nice I assure you!
Ella x

Re: I'm new here
Posted by Rhonda on Wed May 8 00:51:34 2002 (#2803)

Welcome to the board. My daughter cuts, or she used to in the past. She is almost 19. She started when she was 14. This is a good place to
find support when you need it. Write me if you ever want to talk, till then, take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

bad day
Posted by Erryn on Tue May 7 03:18:22 2002 (#2770)

I had a bad day at work, i dont know what to do anymore! Erryn

Re: bad day
Posted by Eleanor on Tue May 7 13:48:31 2002 (#2775)

oh sweetie I'm sorry! What happened?? How are your kids? I hope you're ok!! Loadsa love, el x x x

Re: bad day
Posted by She on Tue May 7 16:33:22 2002 (#2778)

Nyuh work its so horrible .
What happend?
Loads a love
she

Re: bad day
Posted by Rhonda on Wed May 8 00:48:55 2002 (#2802)

Anything I can do to help you out? I hope things
go better for you tomorrow. Take care honey. Oh,
how is your little boy doing? Give me an update.
Love, RHonda

when does it go away?
Posted by some girl on Tue May 7 05:39:00 2002 (#2772)

I've been struggling with anxiety which what seems like forever. I've been labeled with enough disorders (anxiety & depression) by my doctor. I went through a period of cutting. The urges have almost completely gone away. I'm trying counsilling now instead of going through med after med. But it's times like these *which are becoming more frequent* that I wonder if it will ever go away. Because if it doesn't... I want out.

Re: when does it go away?
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue May 7 17:06:01 2002 (#2779)

Hi
I can't tell you if it ever goes away, it hasn't for me yet, but there are plenty of people who have got through it so it must do. I've got more personality and mood disorders then I knew existed. As well as depression and paranoia. Oh yeah, how could I foget, insomnia too. So your not alone in this, I'm still cutting though, that's getting worse. Email me if you ever feel alone, cuz your not.
Ella x

Re: when does it go away?
Posted by jue on Tue May 7 19:35:21 2002 (#2787)

hey hon.....
i don't know your situation but i do know what anxiety and depression feel like....anxiety was huge for me...i went on a lot of meds and could barely do anything without having a panic attack or trying to hide somewhere....(i loved to curl up in a dark corner to gain control of my fear)....BUT....that has all changed for me now....sometimes i still get pretty anxious but most of the time i can deal....

i know it sounds fucking depressing but maybe sometimes it just takes a lot of time and hard work....try to hang in there....i really really know what it feels like to want out...

try to take care
hugs
julie
p.s the link at the bottom has some great info..

No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue May 7 17:21:49 2002 (#2782)

Hi
Sometimes I wonder if its worth it. No one cares, apart from you guys... I mean, my mum can only take this whole denial thing so far. Does she want me dead? Does she really hate me that much? My friends as well, they pretend nothings wrong... but something is VERY VERY wrong. So no support from any one, then please tell me what the piont is... If I stay alive, isn't it selfish cuz none of them seem to want that. Am I just staying to spite them? I dont know, I dont care, neither do they. I'm talking shit now, I'm sorry but as Dido says 'I'm so lonely I dont even want to be with myself anymore'
How very very true.
Ella x

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by jue on Tue May 7 19:47:27 2002 (#2788)

hey Ella....
i'm sorry hon.....
life is a bitch sometimes....i certainly know that.....i don't know what to say except that i hope you will give life a chance...and that i really seriously hope things get better for you...i believe they can---sometimes it takes patience though which is very frustrating i know..
be careful
hugs
julie

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Eleanor on Tue May 7 20:04:27 2002 (#2789)

sweetheart there's so much you can be and do, if only you give yourself a chance. Maybe it seems like your friends and family don't care now, but if you give up then you'll never have a chance to find the people out there who will care and who will be your proper friends. I know there are plenty of them and in time you will find them. Please don't give up yet. Love you girl! el x x

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Nicke on Wed May 8 11:42:41 2002 (#2811)

I love Dido,

"Safe in my own skin" is my fave song on her album.

I also like Pink and Natalie Imbruglia when I am feeling down.

Stay strong, Nicke.XX

P.S. There is always a point, you just have to WANT to find it. I hope you find something to hold on to. I think of my little sister when I feel really sad, and how much I would miss her.

Just a thought!!

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 22:47:23 2002 (#2825)

You've got good taste in music!! I love pink's "don't let me get me" because it's like the story of my life. Natalie inbruglia's "smoke" is another of my favourite's and anything by dido's got to be good!
Sorry, music's one of my passions, I had to reply! Love el x

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Nicke on Thu May 9 09:48:40 2002 (#2850)

Of the 3 artists mentioned, you picked my fave songs too. Have you heard Pink's album! Misundaztood! It is excellent.

I also like some songs because I feel like I can relate to them, also that in some way they highlight points in my life!!!

Music helps me when I am down.

Nicke

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 15:18:10 2002 (#2853)

yeah, I've got that album, it's great! I drove everyone mad coz I played it all the time when I first got it.
Sometimes I think music is the only thing that keeps me sane. Even when it seems like noone else understands, when I listen to some song lyrics and they describe exactly how I'm feeling I think well someone must have writtn those lyrics so maybe someone out there does understand. That probably makes no sense but hey!
El x x x

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 9 17:32:10 2002 (#2864)

Hi
Of course that makes sense! Im sorry if Im interupting a conversation but music is my life so I have to but in! haha, I havnt got anything by pink but Natalie Imbrugia is great! Does anyone like Elbow here? Cuz no ones heard of them where I live! I love the Verve too...
Sorry for interupting!
Love Ella x

There is power in Music
Posted by Nicke on Thu May 9 17:56:22 2002 (#2866)

I have heard of elbow, but I haven't heard any of their songs, if that makes any sense!

I love Natalie Imbruglia's first album, but her second one is cool. It is called 'White Lilies Island' it is not maybe as good as her first but is really good none the less.

Have you heard of Tracey Chapman. She sings about some really deep stuff. Mainly Black slaves in Africa, but her songs are really really good.

I listen to songs for their lyrics, more than their beat. a song has to have soul, meaning, feeling and emotion.

I believe you have to be able to feel the music. A bit weird but music always makes me feel a certain way. So if I am down I will listen to one particular songs. If I need cheering up I will listen to someone else. If I want to sing my heart out I will listen to someone different.

Do you ever feel like that.

There is power in music.

I wonder if the song writers ever consider what impact their songs may have?????

Nicke.

Re: There is power in Music
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 18:09:54 2002 (#2872)

Most people think I'm weird for listening to lyrics rather than the beat etc. Music means so much more to me than just something to dance to though.
I love natalie Imbruglia's first album but I've not heard any of her second.
Tracey Chapman's got an amazing voice, don't get me started or I'll be here all day! Ella knows what I'm like with my music!! lol!
I love all kinds of music and I listen to a lot of old stuff too.
Ok, I really will shut up now!!
Love El x x x

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 18:05:21 2002 (#2869)

hey sweetie pie! god girl, you and your interrupting!! lol! I love elbow and the verve, but we've had this conversation many times before so I'll shut up now! hehe! I'm still waiting for Bob Dylan to come and rescue me by the way, If he comes to you first don't forget you promised to share! :-)
Love ya loads!! elle x x x

Re: No one cares... so whats the point?
Posted by Nicke on Thu May 9 20:22:16 2002 (#2878)

I am just soooo glad to know that someone feels the same as me about music!!!!!!!!

Well, gotta go and listen to Natalie.

heeeellllloooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Posted by writing on behalf of donna!! on Tue May 7 17:43:29 2002 (#2783)

hello everyone, this is donnas sister. mum told me about the board so that i could type a message for dona because mum is crap at typing. im only 10 by the way so lol!!

she woke up sunday morning. shes feeling a bit shit but knows where she is n everything now. she cant come home and type so i said i would for her. she wrote this down this morning........here i go.....

""" hiya everyone!!!!!!!!! oh my god have missed you!!!!!!!! was so shocked when found out where i was n how long id been sleep!! my first thoughts were with you guys. how are you all???? im obviously not there to read your posts so i dont know?!!! please tel me all the news if there is any! is there any new people? please reply so i can get my sis to print off!!!!

im sorry for doing what i did by the way

luv ya!!! donna xxx

Re: heeeellllloooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue May 7 17:49:25 2002 (#2785)

Heeeellllloooooooooooo!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!
I'm SOOOOOOOO glad shes better,tell her for me that I miss her SOOOOOOOOOOO much and I love her SOOOOOOOOO much!
Don't be sorry donna, We'd all love you no matter what happened... But Iam really glad your feeling a bit better, email me as soon as you get a chance PLEASE!
Please tell Donna I love and miss her,
Love Ella x

Re: heeeellllloooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Tue May 7 20:08:29 2002 (#2790)

hello!! Please let donna know that I love her and miss her soooo much. Tell her that she's got to get better soon and come back quickly so we can have our group of three back again(me, donna and She!) lol! Don't be sorry girl, just don't ever do anything like this again d'ya hear me?? I've been so worried! Loadsa love, el x x x
P.s, please tell her to mail me as soon as she's well enough!

Re: heeeellllloooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Rhonda on Wed May 8 00:45:39 2002 (#2801)

Please tell Donnna that I pray for her every night. Give her a big hug for me also. I hope
she is doing okay and that she will get the help
she really needs. If you or your mom ever want to
talk, I'm here for you. You sound very mature for
a 10 year old! Take care sweetie and tell your
sister I'm thinking of her.
Love, Rhonda

Re: heeeellllloooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Posted by She on Wed May 8 19:06:10 2002 (#2813)

Hiya Sweetie
Donna talked alot about you hiya:o)
Give donna a huge hug from me and tell her i love her.
SHE

New?????
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue May 7 17:52:34 2002 (#2786)

Hi
I don't meen to swamp the board with my posts but I've noticed recently there is a HUGE number of people who seem to post once, saying thier new and thier so glad they have found the board etc etc... then never come back! Maybe I'm just being paranoid, am I?
Love ya
Ella x

Re: New?????
Posted by Eleanor on Tue May 7 20:10:10 2002 (#2791)

we must scare them off! lol! I've noticed that too....

the past is back
Posted by anya on Tue May 7 21:18:35 2002 (#2792)

The first time i ever cut was because i had to punish myself for all the mistakes that ive made and that was 4 yrs ago. I let someone in to my life and he raped me. but now hes back and hes brought everything with him and im so scared. i managed to stop cuttin for a while and i was recovering from depression but its all back now worse than ever.
i dont want to die cause i know he'll win but i just want out. i really want to leave this place and get away, forever.

sorry
xx
anya

Re: the past is back
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 00:18:38 2002 (#2797)

don't give up girl. You have the right attitude, you can't let the bastard win. I can't pray for you because I'm not religious, but I will always wish that you get through this. keep fighting. love always, el x x x

Re: the past is back
Posted by Rhonda on Wed May 8 00:57:30 2002 (#2804)

Eleanor's right! YOu can't let this guy win. Keep
fighting! I know it still really upsets Tara when
she sees the guy who raped her running around
town. She always calls me and I can usually tell
what has happened. But she has been fighting back.
The last time she saw him and he saw her, she flipped him off right in front of his friends. I just had to laugh. Take care sweetie, I'm here if
you ever want to talk.
LOve, Rhonda

hiya
Posted by sarah on Tue May 7 21:23:00 2002 (#2793)

hi everyone,hope ur all okay.just wanted so say that im new here and u havent scared me off(ive been reading ur posts 4 months but never had the confidence to post ne thing).i had the weirdest of days on sunday, got pissed wiv my mate,had a good time 4 the first time in ages just 4 it to get reined on the journey home.should have know sumin bad was gona happen 2 me.always does wen sumin makes me laugh and i start to enjoy myself.its like i can never have fun,aint it allowed or sumin have i been sentenced to misery without anyone tellin me, just have to realise 4 myself.wont bother u wiv wot happened just thought id say hi ended up wiv a moan but hey sorry.
love ya all sarah

Re: hiya
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 00:22:23 2002 (#2798)

hey!! i'm so glad we haven't scared you away! hehe! I was only joking before by the way, I know there must be lots of reasons why people don't come back, we aren't that scary! :-)
It always seems like something is there to get in the way and stop you being happy, but that seems to be the way life goes. I hope you're ok! If you want to tell us what happened I know that i'd be happy to listen even if noone else is. Fell free to email me, I love chatting and I'll help in any way I can. Take care of yourself. Love el x xx

RELIGIOUS - but thought i'd post
Posted by *me* on Tue May 7 23:12:51 2002 (#2795)

I got this from a friend:

FIRST LINE SLOWLY, LET IT SINK IN: This is simple, and important. Read on....This first line is deep."If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it." Lord I love You and I need You, come into my heart. For without You I can do nothing.

Re: RELIGIOUS - but thought i'd post
Posted by Erryn on Wed May 8 00:14:26 2002 (#2796)

Thank you xxxxErryn

Re: RELIGIOUS - but thought i'd post
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 00:25:57 2002 (#2799)

I'm not religious but I've always thought it must be great to believe in something so strongly. I'm glad you posted that because I'm sure it will help a lot of people, even if it doesn't help me. Love always, el x x x

Re: RELIGIOUS - but thought i'd post
Posted by Rhonda on Wed May 8 00:42:22 2002 (#2800)

I couldn't have said it better. Hope you're doing
okay honey. I think about you every night. Take
care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

you can do it
Posted by unkown on Wed May 8 02:20:28 2002 (#2805)

it is getting really hard now its been a month without cutting but im scared the slightest thing will trigger me again. I know i would feel so much beater if i did it now but i also know i would be letting myself and my friends down that are helping me through it i wish you all luck if you are trying to stop and you can do it just have faith and im saying that after 7 years of solid cutting deep as i could with a blade be strong and work out what you want from life theres something there for everyone you just have to find it

Re: you can do it
Posted by Rhonda on Wed May 8 02:27:29 2002 (#2806)

That was wonderful! I can't say I personally know
how hard it is to stop, but I watch my daughter
and see how hard she works every day on this. She
has been cut free for almost 1 full year!! I'm so
proud of her, but if she were to cut again, she
knows that I am there for her in evey way possible. She has come a long way and still has a
long way to go. Take care everyone. I love all of
you very much.
Love, Rhonda

Re: you can do it
Posted by unkown on Wed May 8 02:42:22 2002 (#2807)

and just a added sentance i have also let people in to help me which i found hard to do for 6 years i wanted to keep myself to myself it was my problems my fault etc but talking to someone can really help as its helped me realised how much life i have and how much i dont want to waste it.

ill post back occasionally to tell you how i am getting on but i think im going to finally free of cutting by getting it out and talking and not thinking noone cares because alot of people do

take care xx

Re: you can do it
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 09:08:05 2002 (#2808)

thank you. it's really a great help to know that someone is getting through this and to hear words of support. I hope you get what you want. Love always, el x x x

New, but not really!!
Posted by Nicke on Wed May 8 11:21:56 2002 (#2809)

Hey guys,

I used to post here about 14 months ago. I got better so needed the board less, until it could do no more for me.

Now I am breaking again. I started SI'ing again about 1 1/2 months ago. The doctor put me back on meds, but it doesn't matter how many pills they force down my throat, it wont take away the pain in my head and heart.

I just wanted to say hello, and hope that you guys wont mind me posting occasionally, if I feel really down.

Thanx guys!!

Stay strong, Nicke.XX

---------

Hell is living within me,
Tormenting me every day.
Trying to break, make me crumble,
Leaving scars along the way.

Re: New, but not really!!
Posted by KAT on Wed May 8 23:25:37 2002 (#2827)

hi, welcome back..I dont remember you but thats okay, my memory sucks.

Welcome back, Im sorry you've gotten back into SI but you know how it works, you just gotta get yourself Out, if that makes sence.
I know exactly what you mean though, about the meds.
No matter how much or what meds I take the things that have happened in my past still haunt me.

take care
-KAT

Second Post!! LOL
Posted by Nicke on Wed May 8 11:29:01 2002 (#2810)

Well, I just read the post "New???" and well, I guess as this is my second post, it makes me an exception to that rule.

I know how much support one can offer when they are going through the same problems. You don't have that 'understanding' barrier to get through. Everyone on the board, knows what it is like to experience first hand, or live with, and support those who are experiencing SI.

That is more support than and psychiatrist or therapist could offer.

Stay strong, Nick.XX

Re: Second Post!! LOL
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 8 20:53:20 2002 (#2819)

Hi
NO!!!! I wasnt being bitchy or anything! lol! I was only saying that some people come on and go on for ages about how great it is to have found this site then never come back! I didnt mean you or anyone imparticular!
Love ella x

Re: Second Post!! LOL
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 22:31:09 2002 (#2823)

I'm glad that you're an exception!! You make a lot of sense. Lots of love, el x x x

Re: Second Post!! LOL
Posted by Nicke on Thu May 9 09:46:28 2002 (#2849)

I didn't think for one minute that you were being bitchy!!LOL!!! I actually got the joke!!

Hi
Posted by Vapor on Wed May 8 17:16:35 2002 (#2812)

Hi I've read messages here for a bit, but this is my first post. I'm 18/f. I don't really remember when i started cutting. The first time i remember i was 12. from the time i was 14-17 i cut almost everyday, but last year the depression got to be too much for me to handle and my life fell apart. i hit rock bottom and worked my way up and have been doing pretty well for the past year. i haven't cut myself since last july. im posting here because for no real reason i have been feeling so low lately. i can feel the urge to cause myself pain creeping slowly back. i dont know anyone in real life who understands...
later, Vapor

Re: Hi
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 20:30:07 2002 (#2815)

hi. I can understand. I can't say that I know exactly how you feel because everyone's circumstances are different, but I know some of what you're going through and what you have been through. I hope you're ok and you manage to resist the temptation. If you want to talk or anything then I'm here. Love el

Re: Hi
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 8 20:50:57 2002 (#2818)

Hi
I really know how you feel, I have no one out side this board.
But remember feeling low doesnt have to have a reason, it is an emotion not a concequence.
But i can really relate to what you say,
Love Ella x

Re: Hi
Posted by Erryn on Wed May 8 22:13:19 2002 (#2821)

Hi
I hope we can help you in any way, im a 26/f and have been cutting for 11yrs if you need anything just write xxxErryn

Re: Hi
Posted by greeneggsam on Wed May 8 23:29:18 2002 (#2828)

Hi,

I'm a 16-year-old girl and I've been cutting on and off since about age 12 and I know exactly how you feel. Lately I've been pretty deeply depressed, having nightmares, and feeling suicidal, but about a year ago, I was the happpiest I had ever been. It's funny how emotions can take you up and down and turn you inside out.

I think it's great that you've been getting better, which I hope means happier, but there's no shame in feeling "down." It's just a matter of how you cope with it. Myself, I haven't found a healthy way to do that, but if you can, I support you all the way. If you ever need to vent, feel free to e-mail me.

Sam

inside
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 8 19:45:04 2002 (#2814)

You look at my scars in fear
Then you should see inside
Dejection and misery leer
Malice, hurt and spite reside
Any love has all been torn
These scars are but a mark
Of past anger and scorn
Those feelings are too dark
The outsides repulsive too
But tears surge threw my soul
Emotionally scarred till death drew
Not a heart but a shallow hole
Burning comets of rage sent
Dotted along my skin in rows
By my slashes of torment
Signs of hurt that no one knows
Hope is in here that I'm sure
Something to protect me
From this anger so pure.

Re: inside
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 20:31:05 2002 (#2816)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Re: inside
Posted by Broken Girl on Wed May 8 20:49:12 2002 (#2817)

Thanks
Love ya
Ella x

Re: inside
Posted by Erryn on Wed May 8 22:10:34 2002 (#2820)

thanks for sharing XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXErryn

Re: inside
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 22:29:00 2002 (#2822)

Love ya too! x x

Re: inside
Posted by Rhonda on Thu May 9 00:51:15 2002 (#2833)

Beautiful! Do you mind if I print it out and show
it to Tara? I know she will like it. Keep up the
good writing. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

Re: inside
Posted by She on Thu May 9 16:34:27 2002 (#2857)

Thats was sooooo nice
Thanx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Love She

Re: inside
Posted by Vapor on Thu May 9 02:37:15 2002 (#2839)

wow, that was great! i'd like to read more of your poetry...
Later, Vapor

round in circles
Posted by Eleanor on Wed May 8 22:43:27 2002 (#2824)

I went to the doctors today and she changed my medication....again.
It seems like a never ending circle, I start on one lot of tablets and they make me feel shit for 3 or 4 weeks. Then my body gets used to them so even though they aren't working, at least I don't feel even shittier on top of everything else. Then they up my dose because it's not working and I feel shit for another 4 weeks. Then they go and change the bloody tablets so i'm back to square one again.
She also keeps asking to look at my scars, like she's checking up on me. I always feel so vulnerable when my scars are on show. I don't know, it's just weird.
Sorry for the rant folks but it's been a long day. Hope everyone's ok. Love always, el x

Re: round in circles
Posted by Rhonda on Thu May 9 00:54:51 2002 (#2834)

I'm okay, I just hope you're feeling better. I
kind of know about changing medication because of
my youngest daughter, Tasha. She has seizures and
it took about a year and half to get her medication figured out. She's taking something
called Zonegran, but she's at the max level for it. If she has another seizure, we will have to
start all over!!! God, I don't want that to happen. Okay, that was my small little rant for the day. Seriously, I hope you're feeling better
honey. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

Re: round in circles
Posted by She on Thu May 9 16:33:25 2002 (#2856)

Stupd doctors .Youd think they would be a bit cleaverer with all there training huh. Yeah they are like that with me.
Nyuhh
Love you LOADS N LOADS N LOADS N LOADS
She

Re: round in circles
Posted by Vapor on Thu May 9 02:39:36 2002 (#2840)

I hate being on meds. i found mostly that none of them work. the ones for OCD i was on helped slightly. the day i turned 18 i stopped taking everything. i would rather feel life than live it through a cloud.
Later, Vapor

Question....
Posted by Sar on Wed May 8 23:23:35 2002 (#2826)

I gotta question or five

Why do people self-mutalate. I mean, I have done my share of it..not much but a bit and I don't know why it's going on. So someone help me understand?

Re: Question....
Posted by KAT on Wed May 8 23:31:36 2002 (#2829)

theres a lot of different reasons people have concluded that others self injure.

Maybe because the pain you are emotionally feeling is so strong and overwhelming that you need to distract yourself with physical pain..

It's commonly called a coping mechanism to things going on in life, sometimes people feel so ashamed and angry that they take it out on their own body so that they wont harm anyone else, in any way.
I mean like I said theres a number of reasons everyone does it, And Im sure everyones reason is a little different in some way.

Self injury is just a quick easy fix like drugs, or sex, or whatever else.

You need to feel that hurt that pain, you need to see your own blood to reasure yourself that you are still a living person on this earth, and you are worth even a little.

It's a tough thing to go through and its hell to try and stop., Im sure you know.

Read up on it, thats what I did, and still do.

-KAT

Re: Question....
Posted by Sar on Wed May 8 23:34:03 2002 (#2830)

Yeah I've been reading up on it and shit but I've not done it like with anything but a tac until yesterday. But I mean when I do it, it hurts, and it hurts afterwards, and I know I shouldn't do it but I do. *growls* I'm so friggin lost.
But thanks for replying.

Re: Question....
Posted by KAT on Thu May 9 01:42:43 2002 (#2837)

well I guess you've just got to look inside yourself and your past and see whats making you so hurt, so tore up that you feel the need to hurt yourself.

I'd say (if you havent gone very far into it)
look into it now and stop now..it'll be much easier.
take care
-KAT

Re: Question....
Posted by Vapor on Thu May 9 02:42:52 2002 (#2841)

It seems like the more i try to figure it out the less i understand it. there are so many complex reasons... sorry i cant help much. right now i want to hurt myself to justify the hurt i feel on the inside. make it real. like i dont trust my own emotions. when i am hurting myself i know i am feeling hurt and i know i am in pain. i dunno, make any sense to anyone? i do it also to prove that i still have control. that no matter how much other people hurt me, they cant hurt me more than i can hurt myself. anyone relate?
Later, Vapor

History Teacher
Posted by greeneggsam on Wed May 8 23:56:23 2002 (#2831)

The other day, I took a bunch of caffeine pills before school, and I was in history when I came down...hard. My teacher came up to me and asked me to go out into the hallway with her. I panicked, because I was afraid of what she might know. She asked me what had been going on and even said that she worries about me.

In a way, I want to open up to her and tell her everything, just because I never really confided my secrets in anyone before. My mom saw my scars twice, but she thinks I'm "better" now, even though we could never afford to go see a professional.

I'm afraid that if I open up, my teacher will tell my mom, and everybody will think I'm crazy and my home life will get even more fucked up, but a part of me knows that she is the only person who can help me. She is also a psychology teacher, so that makes me think she might understand, at least a little bit. What do you guys think?

Sam

Re: History Teacher
Posted by Sar on Thu May 9 00:08:35 2002 (#2832)

Babe I seriously think you should talk to her. You could go on a vow of confidentiality. You could make up a contract and have her sign it and have a friend witness it or someone else. This way you could get her in a lot of trouble if she ratted you out. But You should talk to her if you want to and if you would feel better.

Re: History Teacher
Posted by Erryn on Thu May 9 01:01:44 2002 (#2835)

If you think that you trust her i say go for it, becuz you will probably feel better if you talk to someone, it did me i thought everyone would think im a freak, but they kinda were nicer, if you need anything just write take care xxxErryn

Re: History Teacher
Posted by Vapor on Thu May 9 02:45:32 2002 (#2842)

Listen to me, i KNOW how tempting it is to open up, but you CANT trust teachers. sure, they care. but they have to cover their own asses. if they dont tell there are legal reprocussions... they want to help you, and are usually not quailified to do so in the way you need so then feel obligated to help and then try and dump you off on therapists. trust me, its a bad idea...
Later, Vapor

Re: History Teacher
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 09:00:31 2002 (#2846)

I just thought I'd warn you, I told one of my teachers becasue he asked what was going on etc...BIG mistake. He sadi I could trust him and all that shit, but it turned out in the end that everything I told hime he had to tell my parents and a doctor and all that shit for legal reasons. Apparently if something bad happened because of my si and they found out he knew and hadn't said anything then he could be in a sorts of trouble. If you're ready for that then go for it, but in my experience it aint a good idea unless you're ready for you're parents etc to get involved. Love el x

Re: History Teacher
Posted by Sar on Thu May 9 12:38:45 2002 (#2852)

Vapor that simply isn't true. I've had a friend confide in a teacher about something very important because she wanted help and she had to talk to someone. Not all teachers are all code and shit. Sometimes taking that risk though can help.

Re: History Teacher
Posted by Vapor on Thu May 9 18:42:26 2002 (#2875)

i was just saying that there are laws out there. teachers can get in big trouble - there's not that many willing to risk jail time and shit.
in my experience, from confiding in teachers, they say they care and want to help, find out how messed up i am, dont want the responsibility. i was just trying to tell her not to get her hopes up too high. i have had all sorts of expectations when it seems so tempting to confide in a teacher and things have never once worked out. it has always made things worse.
your right though, some teachers are great. i had one who was amazing and she truly cared about me... we were very close and it took me a long time to build the confidenc to tell her my secrets and when i did, after all the other things i had told her, she said she felt she wasnt qualified to help me and i needed help. which i did not think was true at the time... she told a school psychologist who told my parents and basically ruined my life at that point. it was a mess... and i trusted her. truly trusted her. i still do. we remain friends now, but its not the same... i wish i hadnt told.
Later, Vapor

Re: History Teacher
Posted by Nicke on Thu May 9 12:14:51 2002 (#2851)

Listen it is sooooo good that you feel you will be able to open up to someone.

The only thing is though that although you have your right to confidentiality, there are some circumstances where the teacher HAS to breach that right. Unfortuneatly, it is when they believe the person is at risk form someone, either themselves or others, or by someone.

My advice is to first establish the fact that you parents have knowledge, be it limited. And see if you can come to some arrangements. Despite this clause in the confidentiality you could get away with it.

But it is very good that you feel that you can open up. Try to sort this thing out while you have the motivation to do so.

Stay strong,Nicke.X

Re: History Teacher
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 9 17:20:54 2002 (#2862)

Hi
Of course it is really up to you in the end, but opening up to someone can be such a weight off your shoulders.
My mum thinks Im better now too, but thats only cuz she refuses to believe other wise... But as for not being able to afford to see a councellor, my families in debt and I do.... its free!
Either go see a doctor, Im not sure what happens with that... Ive never seen a doctor. But I dunno if your still at school, but if you are do you get these youth workers who come round with infomation and stuff? If so, talk to them, thats what I did. Then you get free and confidential councelling... its by the Benjamen something Foundation. But opening up can really help, unfortunatly Ive never been in a position to do so!
Ella x

Please Read
Posted by Maggie on Sat May 11 08:41:37 2002 (#2909)

Hi Sam,
My old French teacher is one of the few people I trust in this world. When I was 14 she called me behind after class on numerous occasions because she was concerned about me. I would reassure her that I was fine, but she was persistant...even calling me at home one evening to see I was okay when I went home sick.
I told her that I would only tell her stuff if she promised she would keep it a secret. I started by telling her a few minor details, and I made her realise over time that I was very serious that she couldn't betray my trust. Eventually I had told her EVERYTHING, and she never ever told anyone else. She kept it secret on the premise that I continue to talk to her...and for 4 years we had regular chats. It's been another 4 years since I've left school and I still keep in contact with her, and still I can tell her anything.
I've seen a therapist for a year, and even that has never been effective as one conversation with my ex-teacher.

Any teacher that makes the effort to check the wellbeing of an individual student, obviously cares about you and has your best interests in mind. It's kinda up to you to ensure that she doesn't freak out and refer you to someone else.
If you assure her that you are somewhat in control and just need her for support, they'll keep it a secret. If you outrightly said "I'm suicidal and I'm planning to kill myself" they have a legal obligation to tell someone.
You can work your way up to confiding more deeper things... she's a psych teacher so you'd be less at risk of her 'freaking out' and getting professional help.
Anyway, your gut feeling will tell you whether she is trust-worthy, and keep in mind that talking really DOES help.
I love my teacher soooooooo much...dunno what I would've done without her.

I say that you start by telling her a few things...maybe bring up the problems and issues,rather than your SI reaction to them.
Later you can mention the cutting, once she knows you're not a nut-case.

Anyway, hope that helps.
Best of luck.
Luv Maggie.

Re: Please Read
Posted by Vapor on Sat May 11 21:23:52 2002 (#2921)

thats so cool. very similar to my one teacher... she would call me all the time and was always leaving me notes in my box and stuff. i opened up to her slowly though. i told her about my father doing drugs and she didnt tell, i told her so much stuff. i told her i thought about suicide and she didnt tell. and then when i finally told her about cutting, i told her how i felt about it, that i didnt want to die or kill myself or anything and i tried to explain it and she listened and was really supportive, but told me she had to tell the school counselor - i pleaded with her not to, told her i could handle it and all, but she said i needed more help than she could give and that it was her responsibility to inform an authority figure since i was clearly a danger to myself and she would feel so bad if i didnt get help and even worse if something horrible, be it intentional or accidental, would happen. after initially telling the counsellor, she never breached the confidentiality i asked for ever again. she was great to talk to and great to have as a friend, but telling the counsellor ruined my life. the counsellor decided that it was her responsibility to tell my teachers, ALL of them, tell my parents, school officials etc... she also found me a psychiatrist which has helped a bit, but having my parents know is the absolute worst thing ever. i would endure every painful event in my life a thousand more times rather than have my parents know...
Later, Vapor

Hey
Posted by Erryn on Thu May 9 01:06:59 2002 (#2836)

My son is doing okay now, we ahve to go back for tests thurs, i found a lump on hus neck, it just doesnt get better for him, it sucks i feel so sorry for him, he is so beautiful. He has had Cancer for 8mths. I cut today, my job sucks, my life sucks. Take care everyone xxxErryn

Re: Hey
Posted by Sar on Thu May 9 02:08:27 2002 (#2838)

*hugs* I may not know what is going on but i am here if you wanna talk hun.

Re: Hey
Posted by She on Thu May 9 16:30:25 2002 (#2855)

Ohh thats so unfair
Huve a (((((((((HUGE HUG))))))))for you and your son.
Love ya
SHE

Re: Hey
Posted by Vapor on Thu May 9 02:46:36 2002 (#2843)

oh, im so sorry. i will think good thoughts for him...
Later, Vapor

Re: Hey
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 09:02:48 2002 (#2847)

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry!!!! That's so awful. I hope things get better for him and you. ((((((HUGZ)))))) Did you ever get things sorted out at work? Take care of yourself, I love ya honey.
Love always, el x x

Re: Hey
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 9 17:14:46 2002 (#2861)

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((HUGZ))))))))))))))))))))

so GOOD its BIZARRE...
Posted by kae on Thu May 9 07:20:05 2002 (#2844)

The last two days have actually been good...I can't believe it!

First good news - I auditioned for our school show and yesterday I found out I got the main part...I didn't expect it at all. What wasn't so great about it was that my friend, who is basically THE actress of our school, was with me when we checked the cast list. She's pissed off about not getting the main part...

The second thing is that I re-sat my driving test today....and passed with 97%!! (to pass you have to get at least 80%) Its incredible...I'm so stoked. I know what I would have done if I'd failed again...my counsellor knew as well, and she spent most of the afternoon trying to find out how my test had gone. My goddam mother had rung her and told her exactly when it was...that really pissed me off.

Anyway I'm feeling 'okay' at the moment...but for every high there is a low....so I'm waiting for something to go wrong again...!

luv 'n hugz, kae

Re: so GOOD its BIZARRE...
Posted by melz on Thu May 9 07:54:04 2002 (#2845)

Hey!
Glad things are going a little better. Try not to worry about the next thing bad that will happen, just live in the moment, and be happy for a while!
xx
melissa

Re: so GOOD its BIZARRE...
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 09:04:46 2002 (#2848)

I told you you'd pass!!!!!!!! Well done girl, I'm proud of you! You get up on that stage and knock em dead! Love always, el x

Re: so GOOD its BIZARRE...
Posted by She on Thu May 9 16:29:08 2002 (#2854)

WELL DONE!!!!!!
thats soo cool .What kinda car you gonna get??
Love ya
SHE

Re: so GOOD its BIZARRE...
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 9 17:13:42 2002 (#2860)

Hi
I know what you mean, whenever anything is going well I get so uptight about waiting for it to go wrong that I ruin it! lol! Anyway congrats for the main part and driving test,
Ella x

HIYA !!!!
Posted by She on Thu May 9 16:41:13 2002 (#2858)

HIYA!!
I just got on the bord and it was like welcome back she there are 130 new posts so i have tryed to answer as many as possible but i have LOADS of work to do i will try to come back to them all soon.
I saw loads of new names of people on here to so HELLO new people nice to see you here.
Loads of love n hugz n more hugz n ore hugzzzzz
SHE

Re: HIYA !!!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 9 17:11:06 2002 (#2859)

HIYA SHE!!!
I know its well wierd when you log on and theres 100 and something messages! Quite scary too...
Ella x

Re: HIYA !!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 17:56:14 2002 (#2865)

Hey Princess!!!!
How are you?? Love ya loads and loads baba!
Elle x x x

Re: HIYA !!!!
Posted by She on Thu May 9 18:07:04 2002 (#2870)

Hiya peeps.
Ohh my god i can not reavise i think its physically impossible for me to .nyuh ive decided in gonna work for 5 mins and the have a 15 min breack untill 7.00 then im gonna go out . Nyuh.
HELLO!!ella n Eleanor :o)I LOVE you to:o)
((((((((((((hugz )))))))))))))))
She

Re: HIYA !!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 18:18:26 2002 (#2874)

hehe! Wow, that's one hell of a revision plan! lol! Hope you have a good time. :-)
Love you. x x x

Re: HIYA !!!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat May 11 12:30:09 2002 (#2916)

Hiya She
How'd the night go? Now thats wheat I call revision! Hello Eleanor too, you are both my bestest best friends here and dont you forget it! lol! Anyway, how are ya both?
Love Ella x

Re: HIYA !!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Mon May 13 19:14:37 2002 (#2970)

hey sweetie!! I know this is a bit late but I'm good thanks. Had a great weekend, will tell you all about it later!! Speak to you soon honey! Love ya always, el x x x P.S You and She are the bestest friends in the world!! Love you both loads and loads!!!!

???
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu May 9 17:26:18 2002 (#2863)

Any one ever felt so over crowded yet so cut off from every thing? I feel suffocated by them all yet so alone that I cant even tell whats real anymore...
Sometimes I tell myself something so much I believe that its true, like I thought about telling my mum about the cutting so much I actually thought that I already had because I'd ran the conversation through my head so much.
Maybe its just me...

Re: ???
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 17:59:34 2002 (#2867)

hey sweetheart. I do that all the time. The other day I was talking to Stuart and I said something about seeing my counsellor and he said that he didn't know I was seeing one. I was sure I'd told him, but afterwards I realised that I'd meant to tell him for so long and I'd had the conversation in my head so many times that I was sure I'd already told him.
Hope you're ok hun. Loadsa love, el x x x

Re: ???
Posted by Nicke on Thu May 9 18:02:04 2002 (#2868)

I know exactly what you mean.

I can feel so alone in a crowded room

I can feel so complete in a field all on my own.

I was thinking about things like that the other day.

How many people look at things but don't actually see what is in front of them???

How many people listen to things but can't actually hear what is being said to them???

I guess we are all guilty of it at times, but i take the time occasionally to see and hear what is going on around me!!

Sorry went off on a tangent there!!!!

I totally know what you mean about the whole, have I said that or haven't I? thing. I do it all the time.

Stay strong, Nicke.XX

-------

If the world didn't suck, would we all fall off!

Re: ???
Posted by She on Thu May 9 18:09:49 2002 (#2871)

God yea i do that alot im allways so scared im gonna hurt someone i have to discuss in my brain what im gonna say and all the possible outcomes of it .
it wastes alot of time dosent it?
Love you
SHE

Re: ???
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 18:16:44 2002 (#2873)

Hell yeah. I feel so much less alone when I'm on my own than when I'm in a room full of people. I feel people staring at me all the time but they don't really see me, they look straight through the things that really matter. I guess lots of us are guilty of that though.
El x x x

Re: ???
Posted by Vapor on Thu May 9 18:51:43 2002 (#2876)

yeh, i know what you mean. like sometimes when i get real down i try to be around other people and it just makes me feel more alone because its like none of them truly understand me at all and i have to hide what i'm really feeling. and the thinking things are true, sometimes i have these dreams that seem so real that the next day i cant remember if things i am remembering have actually taken place or if i dreamed them. sometimes too, i think i have dreamed something and it turns out it has really happened.
Later, Vapor

Re: ???
Posted by liverpoolfc on Fri May 10 23:33:57 2002 (#2900)

I have done that so many times where it gets to the point that I have no idea what I told anybody. It makes me feel like I have amnesia.

Re: ???
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat May 11 12:17:15 2002 (#2914)

Its good to know I'm not the only one.
Thanks

hey
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu May 9 20:21:07 2002 (#2877)

hey....erm...he he he so yeah.....

erm how is everyone???

shit my minds gone blank. erm..... in fact ive fucking forgotten why im here now??!

ok so im gunna go? erm yeah..im home now...i know i came to say that? sposed to be resting apparently. hmm.

awww shit i give up anyways yeah ill cum back when i know what im pissing talking about.
till then.... donna xxxx
shit i know there was something else to fucking say its bugging me........awww itll come back to me later i guess anyways
cya
xxxx

Re: hey
Posted by Eleanor on Thu May 9 20:49:16 2002 (#2879)

hey baba! How are you sweetheart? it's so good to hear from you. You just concentrate on getting better yeah? There's no rush, we'll all still be here when you're ready. I love you girl!! Don't do this to me again yeah, promise? I've been so worried! Love always and forever, el x x x

Re: hey
Posted by Rhonda on Sat May 11 03:53:43 2002 (#2904)

HOw are you doing honey? I'm here if you need me
for anything. YOu just take care of yourself and
I'm saying prayers for you every night.
Love ya,
Rhonda

Re: hey
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat May 11 11:26:00 2002 (#2910)

Hi Donna
I've missed you, email me sometime please? How are you doing then?
Missin you
Ella x

long time but im back
Posted by snoopy on Fri May 10 04:42:18 2002 (#2880)

hey all
just to let u know im back sorry i have not been on for ages but ive been real busy and have now got the flu dam it all
i have not cut for three weeks now but am really missing it its such a pain cause i seem to substitiute it for something else and that is my obsession with hanging and suicide and also starving myself to look thin and pretty but hey hopefully i can get over those things too but it will just take time i guess or hey i might have it for the rest of my life i really dont know
anyway enough of my rambling
take care
snoopy

Re: long time but im back
Posted by Vapor on Fri May 10 06:31:43 2002 (#2881)

hey! three weeks is great! its always that first week or two thats the hardest. its funny, cutting is self-destructive and i see it as something that makes me physically uglier. starving, also self-destructive, is, to me, something that makes me more attractive... same emotional logic behind the two but opposite intended results i guess...
Later, Vapor

Re: long time but im back
Posted by She on Fri May 10 23:05:10 2002 (#2894)

Three wekkes is wonderfull .Yeah i look for other things to do instead of cutting I think i have to addicted to something . He he im addicted to addictions.
Good luck
SHE

Re: long time but im back
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat May 11 12:19:59 2002 (#2915)

Hi
3weeks is great! theres always something in my life Im addicted to, I just fade in and out of cutting, eating disorders and hash... I blame it on my dad, he's got one hell of a addictive personality!
Love Ella x