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Threads 776 to 800

um..
Posted by chelle on Fri May 31 10:24:16 2002 (#3587)

sorry for my last message.
i really didnt know what i was doing.
if i offended anyone with anything im truly very sorry.
.....
if someone can....
will you help me...?

Re: um..
Posted by KAT on Fri May 31 17:13:33 2002 (#3589)

help how?

...I can try

KAT

Re: um..
Posted by chelle on Fri May 31 21:12:33 2002 (#3593)

just someone to talk to....
somebody that would listen......
just a little....

Re: um..
Posted by Eleanor on Fri May 31 21:16:04 2002 (#3595)

Hey hun. If you want someone to talk to I'm here. You can email me any time or we can arrange to go in the chat room on this site or whatever.
What kind of tattoo by the way? I'm thinking of getting one.
Love el x

Re: um..
Posted by She on Fri May 31 21:41:44 2002 (#3599)

Im here if you ever want to talk .
Yeah i think ill get a tatoo to.
Lots of love
She

sorry i havent been around
Posted by Vapor on Fri May 31 18:32:25 2002 (#3592)

but i had a really bad time the other day and ended up cutting. 27 stiches later my arms are sore i dont feel like typing much.
Later, Vapor

Re: sorry i havent been around
Posted by Eleanor on Fri May 31 21:17:17 2002 (#3596)

Hey sweetie. I'm sorry, that really sucks. I hope you feel better soon hun.
Love always, el x

hmm
Posted by stranger in the night on Fri May 31 21:18:57 2002 (#3597)

had such a shitty day yesterday..... cut loads and well just pretty much felt like complete shit! argued with my "family" about my current lifestyle....ie. i dont have one......but thats my desicion there just ashamed of me cuz i dont live up to the whole families expectations. you see they all want me to be a genious....... they want me to go in to law. i said no. i wanted to be a doctor but for fucks sake you have to be good at science and well im not...... im shit and i was entered for foundation gcse last year so ive got no chance. i got a c but still not good enough i have to get As and then get As too in chemistry a level sooooo....fuck that!!

today was ok...i went out with my one firend and had a good laugh hanging out down the arcades......sad i know lol!! im so fed up though...... arrrgh i cant explain it....only that i feel empty? kinda as though im not really here if you get my meaning. i dunno its just weird.

oh and by the ways my email is working sort of now...... so just thought id let you nkow...not expecting emails or anything but well you never know huh. fuck im lonely, freaky and just pathetic....im now gunna go fuck off and leave you all to it whilst i watch big brother. see yas xxx

Re: hmm
Posted by Eleanor on Fri May 31 21:32:46 2002 (#3598)

Hey hun,
Sorry you're havin a bad time. I thouroughly fed up with everything at the moment.
Hope you enjoy big brother!!
Talk to you soon sweetie,
Love ya loads!
El x

Re: hmm
Posted by She on Fri May 31 21:42:44 2002 (#3600)

love you loads
She

Re: hmm
Posted by liverpoolfc on Fri May 31 22:02:28 2002 (#3601)

Sorry your having such a shitty time. I've been there before too. There is nothing you can do to snap yourself out of it. You just have to wait it out.

Re: hmm
Posted by unknown on Fri May 31 22:32:03 2002 (#3603)

thx all im feeling much better and am enjoying my life atm

Pile of pants
Posted by Kayleigh on Fri May 31 23:38:26 2002 (#3604)

So I finally went to a therapist, or a psychiatric nurse anyway. The guy just asked me a lot of questions before saying things like...so you cut to act out your agressions...uh, duh! And...you can't express emotions very well...you think???

What a dumb ass. I'm not going back. I was looking forward to that as well. But hey, I'm doing okay right now. Except that I tried to slit my wrists in a shop today. lol. Not literally, just...minor cuts. I was in Miss selfridge, don't know if anyone outside UK would know that shop, but it's got amzing fashionable clothes in and the biggest size is too small for me. Everything is for way skinny people. So I got depressed.

Cut the other night to when I got drunk. And I was doing so well...

This is dumb, I think I'll just stop because I know the cutting is no longer helping and the pills have stopped me from getting down.

God darn it, I'm cured! lol...except for trying to kill myself in a shop. That's not normal is it?

Re: Pile of pants
Posted by She on Sat Jun 1 22:56:20 2002 (#3620)

he he god i hate miss selfriges its almost anought to kill myself .
I wouldnt give up with the psyke yet they always ask loads of questions for the first few sesions then they star5t to do stuff about them.
Loads of love
E mail me if you every need to talk
She

Jealously
Posted by ¸.·*¨°·.¸ CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs ¸¸.·*¨°·.¸ on Sat Jun 1 02:30:42 2002 (#3607)

Hi guys
Im in a real low mood, I dont know what the hell to do...
Ive just had a big row with matt, it all started because basically I am very insecure, and get very jealous, I cant stand him looking at other women, Holly Valance popped up on TV and imediately he said "OOOOH"... and it annoyed the fuck out of me, he knows it makes me feel like shit, insignificant, as I know I wont ever be that gorgeous, or have that perfect figure as she has, and I cant help but feeling shit after a comment like that, he claims that it was to do with the ozzy osbourne thing after it but anyway... I didnt think and stormed out, he came out after me about 5 minutes or so afterwards, I proceeded in saying.."matt you know it makes me feel like shit"... and he stormed off upstairs..
I went up to talk to him and didnt get very far, the conversation ended in him saying "oh i dont care".. me replying with.."obviously not".. and walking out again...
I dont know how to explain my feelings.. I have confused the fuck out of myself, I feel like shit and have caused a row with me and matt..
why can I never get things right??
Love Roses and Empathy
CrïM§øÑ*TëÅrs

Re: Jealously
Posted by Eleanor on Sat Jun 1 13:56:46 2002 (#3610)

Hey. I know that feeling, I always manage to cause rows with people cause I'm so insecure. Don't beat yourself up too much aboutit. When you don't like yourself very much and somebody close to you does something like that it's hard not to react.
I hope things get better between you two. From what I've heard and seen, you two seem pretty good together.
Lotsa love, el x

Re: Jealously
Posted by She on Sat Jun 1 22:58:34 2002 (#3621)

I get really jealouse of stupid things .
Loads of love and hugzzzzz
She

GORY **CAUTION**
Posted by Vapor on Sat Jun 1 02:35:26 2002 (#3608)

now that i've gotten a taste, i want more.

CAUTION, graphic details

youve been warned!

i made 8 cuts the other day, not too bad... they are all stiched up. now i want to cut through the sutures and just keep digging. one time, about a year ago i just kept cutting and cutting and when i finished i had this amazing cut. i keep seeing it in my head. i want to do that to myself again. i want to make it deeper. i want to make it biggert. i want to kill myself NOW. i had a paticularly sharp razor and i just kept digging and digging into my arm. first i got through the skin and the under skin then the fat just started pouring out, it kinda bubbled out. it was so gross and i got to the muscle and it was so relaxing. it was kinda purplish and had stripes and when you touched it it would contract... i just keep picturing it in my head. i want to get lost into myself like that again... i just keep seeing mysel sitting there with my arm open. in that state of peace. its like a high of no compare. i want to feel that but i dont want to feel the depression that i am spiraling into still. where is my strength? why am i letting myself stagger? i need something to cling onto...
::sigh::

i feel like such a disgustingly morbid individual these past few days. i need to start thinking about other things. i want to - well, i think thats the problem. i dont really know what i want at all. i've had a minor set back and now its time to move forward. i just dont know where forward is. maybe i need a trip... i think i need to get away. some time to think and decide whats gonna happen before college starts in the fall. who knows though?
Later, Vapor

Re: GORY **CAUTION**
Posted by ~Lone WOlf~ on Mon Jun 3 06:12:37 2002 (#3650)

I know how you feel...such peace when you reach that far...*thinks* I wish i could fall into that same state to...but now i have someone to hang onto. Even though I wish I didn't aand I wish I did. It's all so strange. So far away to...sometimes i can just mkae it go away...and thats when I make my move. But I can never seem to go that far...there's something pulling me back up for air. Oh how wish it would just go away. lleave me be....SET ME FREE....
Lone...All ALone

What do you think
Posted by Jules on Sat Jun 1 15:17:03 2002 (#3611)

i used to cut myself to release my anxiety. i had stopped, & now i have started again for some reason. nothing seems to work to releas this at all. Any ideas.
ive tried elastic bands even,
do you think i will ever stop this,

Re: What do you think
Posted by jennyfer on Sat Jun 1 18:18:50 2002 (#3612)

hay i mean i think you can stop you just have to want to...you can do anything you set your mind to...or i dunno...just try not to think about it so hard u know??

Re: What do you think
Posted by KAT on Sat Jun 1 18:23:27 2002 (#3613)

you've done it once, you can certainly do it again.

Just remember back to when you weren't doing it, what helped you through.

KAT

Re: What do you think
Posted by stranger in the night on Sat Jun 1 18:27:55 2002 (#3615)

hey hun.... its hard to say but i think if you really want it you will leave the cutting behind at some time in your life.....have you tried ice cubes in hand? hurtd like hell but leaves no marks...worth a try....

hey all a Q...
Posted by stranger in the night on Sat Jun 1 18:26:08 2002 (#3614)

hey all.....how is everyone??? thanks for the replies earlier by the way...much appreciated! feel a little better today i must say..hmm...

so why am i here again?? oh yeah...hehe silly me lol! erm just had this idea...more for myself....to give me something to do you know? how would i go about setting up a website?? any technological geniouses around?? i was gunna do one about self harm i guess...i know theres loads already but itll keep me occupied. anyone know? me aint got a clue!! lol...hope everyones doing ok..take care xxx

Re: hey all a Q...
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat Jun 1 19:39:25 2002 (#3618)

Hi
Yeah I started on a website, but as sepression then took a turn for the suicidle it abondoned for the time being... But yeah, typing in HTML is hard, there's loads of books about it in the libary, just make sure your server has space for a free website. Good luck!
Ella x

Re: hey all a Q...
Posted by stranger in the night on Sat Jun 1 20:45:48 2002 (#3619)

yep hun, this is how bad it is.....i dont know what the fuck your talking about....html?? fucki should really get someone ot help me at home shouldnt i? eeek am i too thick to set up a website....after reading stuff on the net it looks mighty complicated but i dont wanna give up though.......

just thought i'd let you know...
Posted by jennyfer on Sat Jun 1 18:29:05 2002 (#3616)

hay guys it's been like what 9 nine days i think it is now and i still haven't cut but i sleep alot now...hmmm i dunno if that's a good thing...but like i dunno lately...i've been feeling...i dunno...like i'm falling...i dunno like i'm all i'm all on my own...and i want to cut soooooo bad some days but then it's like you've come this far you can't quit now!!! but then like i just want to feel what i so badly needed to in the begining...i dunno...i've worked so hard for this and then it's all just gonna go down the toilet just like that...grrr...i dunno...any ideas??

news
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat Jun 1 19:35:49 2002 (#3617)

Hi
My mum can see I'm falling apart now, I look in her eyes and I can see she's so scared. She's so scared of how selfish I'm being, falling apart when she needs me to play mummy. She can't ignore the hours locked away and inability to construct sentences. Same as the insomnia and roboticness of my reactions.
She knows it could just be a matter of time, but thats a risk she's willing to take. I'm tired of my sister calling me mum by accident cuz I look after her so much. Im tired of playing happy familys, who are we trying to fool?
I went to see Catherine, my friend who's in a psytriatic hospital, they're still trying to diagnose her... she had a release date for next week, but she tried to electricute herself so its been postponed. She hates being in there, But it cant be worse then being out here.
Earlier this week I felt okay, I really felt normal... in fact I was scared that I'd lost the pain, that I'd recovered unawares and that there would be nothing to fill the gap where torment once lodged.
Needn't have wooried.
Ah well, thats my news...
Ella x

Re: news
Posted by She on Sat Jun 1 23:01:54 2002 (#3622)

ohh sweetie that sux you shouldnt have to have so much responsability yet .
Love you loads and loads
Hugz and a hell of a lot of support
She

Re: news
Posted by chelle on Sun Jun 2 00:43:40 2002 (#3623)

hey there,
I know how it is trying to play happy family.
it useless and full of shit.
you can talk to me whenever or email.
drink warm milk or hot chocolate.
it kinda soothes me down sometimes.

chelle

Re: news
Posted by Death on Wed Jun 5 22:27:32 2002 (#3741)

your message really touched me. i'm really sorry to hear how hard you life must be at the moment and i feel very selfish for saying my life was shit. may i ask how old you are? because you seem so brave and it has inspired me.
Thank you

Millie x

motives for cutting
Posted by czarina on Sun Jun 2 01:27:27 2002 (#3624)

I read somehwre that people who are regarded or see themselves as beautiful cut themselves to get rid of teh attention but I am just sure that I'm the opposite and am wonering if anyone feels the same ever. I truly hate my looks nad just myself in general. And it's not through any expereinces of abuse or anything but I just feel I might as well make myself more ugly sometimes by cutting myself... the way I am no-one should ever want me so for some reason I get it into my head that making myself look worse will make me feel better. Of course it invariably doesn't. am I mad or does anyone else feel like this. thanx . czarina xox

Re: motives for cutting
Posted by KAT on Sun Jun 2 04:33:11 2002 (#3626)

on my bad days It hurts to look in the mirrir because I see all of my faults and it makes me want to cry.
Back when I was cutting there were so many times that I wanted to slice my face to pieces because I hated looking at it. I have cut on my stomach many of times because for some reason in my mind this was like cutting off the piles of fat although it didnt work like that.

I have cut my neck ..I guess kind of trying to severe the rest of my body from my head but it wasnt deep..

You're not mad, and Im sure we are not the only ones who feel like this.
I dont know if it's low self esteem or if Im just plain ugly, but I hate looking at myself. I wont go anywhere without make-up on..and It just really sucks.
Everywhere I go I look at other people and think about how much prettier, skinnier, and maybe even richer they are then I am.

I feel the same way you do..
but don't worry..I try not to so much these days although Im still hurting over this.
take care hun

KAT

Re: motives for cutting
Posted by laura on Sun Jun 2 22:48:14 2002 (#3640)

i cut myself cuz i hate myself. Im fat ugly and nasty, wish sum1 wud kill me!!! Take care love laura xxx

Re: motives for cutting
Posted by Green Egg Sam on Mon Jun 3 23:26:00 2002 (#3658)

Personally, I think cutting can be really beautiful. It's sort of like art you can wear, like a tattoo but cheaper and more personal. I know how it feels, though, to hate everything about yourself. You might be surprised how normal thoughts like that actually are. Hang in there.

Sam

i'm sorry
Posted by *me* on Sun Jun 2 02:46:53 2002 (#3625)

ARGH I feel so damn guilty because I barely post here anymore!!! I'm sorry, I really really am. I come on here at least once a week to read the messages, but I just feel...I don't know...I'm just sorry. I'm here. Even though almost none of you know me anymore, I still thank God for all of you and for this board. Ok....but now I actually have a qustion for this post...

So it's almost summer. It's really warm and stuff outside. I can only wear long sleeves so long. My mom is already bugging me, "Why are you wearing THAT? It's so hot." She's getting weird about it and I have to find another way to hide. Any ideas? If I wear a watch I can SORT OF cover the scars on my wrist. Makeup doesn't work because I'm literally SO pale that even the lightest makeup I can find is too dark on my arms. Trust me, I've tried like 5 brands. What can I do to hide? My arms really aren't that bad, just my wrist and a burn scar on one arm. I've tried to contain cutting to my hips and thighs, which I can hide with no problem. Any ideas for my arms though? Please? Thanks bunches, love you all!

Re: i'm sorry
Posted by KAT on Sun Jun 2 04:39:32 2002 (#3627)

Hi there *me*

Ah..I had this same problem while I was in school, fortunatly my parents know so I dont have to hide it in the summer.
Maybe some bracelets? well what I did before I started school my mom took me and we bought those studded arm bands..don't know if you're into those though.
Maybe some hair bands, dont know how bad your scars are.
These lots of different creative ways you just gotta find them out.
a watch with a bracelet or somethin.
Take care hun!!

:)
KAT

Re: i'm sorry
Posted by Jade on Sun Jun 2 06:58:13 2002 (#3629)

Hey, I have the same problem with make-up and the only way that I've found to work that out is to tan your arms a bit, or put that sunless tanner stuff on them. But if you cuts are completely scarred (white) then that will make them more prominate when you're not wearing make-up, so you have you be really careful to keep them concealed.
If you're 'alternative' then you can get arm covers and just say that it's your style, or if you're really overly trendy and only cut on one arm then you can do the whole sleeveless-on-one-side-thing. Your best bet is probably lots of bracelets or scrunchies, etc. Oh, also, there is one make-up that I know that works, but it's a bit odd :) As far as I know you can only get it in chinatown and it's about paper white. It's for traditional stuff. Matching pretty well with skin that hasn't seen the light of day for years. That's about all I can offer. Good luck, Jade

Re: i'm sorry
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Jun 2 21:33:44 2002 (#3638)

It may sound stupid, but would tanning help any?
Would it make the scars stand out? I don't really
know since I don't tan, but I have a sister-in-law
who tans and she uses that self-tanning stuff. If
anybody else knows if this will work, let me know.
Sorry if this doesn't help any. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

don't u hate when...
Posted by diana on Sun Jun 2 05:59:14 2002 (#3628)

don't u hate when guys take advantage of u when u r drunk. i went to a party.. im nothing near to a slut.. but when im drunk im weird.. guy took me up to a room.. i said no, im scared, stop, ...n i thinrk u cna take it from ther abou t what happened. im sooo upset. he was drunk n high too so i guess that shis excuse...but im upset.. i was crying n everythign. i hate thsi bullshit

Re: don't u hate when...
Posted by laura on Sun Jun 2 22:54:57 2002 (#3641)

sorry, this has nothing much to do with wot u said but i went out with this lad and we were just messing on in bed, he knew fine well i didnt wanna sleep with him but he 'put it in' wen he was going down on me and then i said "no...stop" etc etc and he carried on, by that time i was no longer a virgin :( and i had been raped by my b/f, but because i was seeing him i thought it wasnt rape. I hate him for it now, he raped me then dumped me! what a bastard! hope ur ok hun! take care, love laura xxx and if u wanna email me feel free!

Poem, not sure if I've posted before
Posted by Broken Girl on Sun Jun 2 13:23:10 2002 (#3630)

Dad's a sinner
Mum's a winner
The past is always near
Neither can see
The pain in me
I will not reveal my tears
Mistakes still new
But pardons few
Still so fuelled by their hate
Both were wrong
Affairs too long
The rest was down to fate
He was too blind
Money on his mind
He would not ever heed
She was brave
A living slave
Did not see what I need
Past is done
It's not been fun
But we must all move on
You only care
When all is fair
This has been going on too long

Re: Poem, not sure if I've posted before
Posted by KAT on Mon Jun 3 00:08:39 2002 (#3642)

poems help release the past..but we won't ever forget it

that was nice.

KAT

JADE!!!!!!!!
Posted by She on Sun Jun 2 14:38:15 2002 (#3631)

hiya sweetie
Ive missed you girl.
How are you???
Im sooooooo glad youve come back on here thank you sweetie.
Love you loads!!!!!!!
She

Re: JADE!!!!!!!!
Posted by Jade on Mon Jun 3 23:41:42 2002 (#3661)

hey sweetheart!
I've missed you too! I've missed the whole board. I came back just to check in and everything was different, there are SO many new people who won't even recononize me, and so few of the people that were here before, and I know that this might sound pathedic, but I'm afraid that they aren't even going to remember me. I figure that I'll check in a few more times and respond to a couple of posts. I'm so happy that you're still around and I hope that you're doing okay. Loads and loads of love to you and eveyone else that was here when I was around, you all made an impression on me. (((((((HUG))))))) ~Jade

Re: JADE!!!!!!!!
Posted by She on Tue Jun 4 17:48:46 2002 (#3684)

hiya
He he he your back whooo.
Ive missed you loads ive missed you so much it dosent matter if everyone eals has cause ive made up all there missing you in one person . He he im mad.
I know what you mean there are loads of new people on here i dont know half of them and i havent been any where:o).
love you forever and a day
She

Re: JADE!!!!!!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Thu Jun 6 18:36:29 2002 (#3763)

hey jade!
For what it's worth I remember you and missed you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's good to see you back girl!
Love ya loads,
El xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Is it normal
Posted by Jules on Sun Jun 2 15:53:23 2002 (#3632)

hi you guys
jsut a question
do you think self injury is a mental issue, if it is continuos, or....

Re: Is it normal
Posted by Kayleigh on Sun Jun 2 17:16:58 2002 (#3635)

Self injury is totally mental. It's all about dealing, in my opinion. If you do it, something is making you unhappy. Which makes it a mental thing. It is actually a disorder, but hardly anyone has heard of it. Think of it like bulemia (?).

Kayleigh

broken girl
Posted by stranger in the night on Sun Jun 2 17:06:24 2002 (#3633)

hey ella!!! how are you?? i have just been trying to email you and it said that there was an error at your end....just thought id let you know in case you didnt know already. hope you are doing ok love donna xxx

Re: broken girl
Posted by Broken Girl on Tue Jun 4 20:31:25 2002 (#3688)

Hi
Wierd, I get other emails! How are you doing then???
Ella x PS I miss your emails girl!

What's wrong with me?
Posted by Kayleigh on Sun Jun 2 17:12:11 2002 (#3634)

There's something so wrong with me. I want to die. i can't take this feeling. I can't breathe sometimes. i'm so fed up of smiling and pretending everythings okay. I just want to slit my wrists and be done with it. I'm so scared that I'll never be free of this feeling. I often wish I could be more screwed up just so I didn't have to deal with the constant confusion of whats wrong with me. Who i am. I know when I post, I rarely make sense, contradicting myself. Some days I want to day and cut, etc. Other days I feel normal and like a faker...like I don't deserve to be posting here. That I'm making it all up. I just need a friend who will sit with me and hold me as I cry, because I can't cry...I haven't cried for a while and I feel so numb. Does anyone else feel so alone whilst surrounded by people?

Re: What's wrong with me?
Posted by Green Egg Sam on Mon Jun 3 23:31:47 2002 (#3659)

DUDE!!! I'm totally with you! I never feel more alone than when I'm in a crowded room. I sort of wish I had the "I-can't-cry" syndrome, but I've been having a lot of trouble lately with the opposite problem. Some days I can't get through a sentence without crying. It's so embarassing, I just want to curl up and die. Everybody has those moments when death seems so peaceful, but all I can say to help you through them is that I'm here if you need to vent or whatever.

Stay well,
Sam

Re: What's wrong with me?
Posted by Kayleigh on Tue Jun 4 02:09:13 2002 (#3668)

Thanks Sam, appreciate that. :o)

Bye for now
Posted by Kayleigh on Sun Jun 2 18:10:11 2002 (#3636)

Hey,

Thought as I ws on-line, I'd stop by and sayu hi. or bye actually. i'll probably be back soon, cause all my suicide attemts go wrong. but since you guys keep (or kept even) me sane, thought i owed you a tahnks. look after urselfs cause no one else will,

Kayleigh

Re: Bye for now
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Jun 2 21:36:31 2002 (#3639)

Please be careful honey, you know I care about you
and what happens to you. Take some time if you
need it, but keep in touch with us, okay? I'm always here if you want to talk. Take care honey.
LOve, Rhonda

Hi
Posted by Sarah on Sun Jun 2 21:08:17 2002 (#3637)

Hi everyone,

I'm really sorry for me being away for so long, Ihaven't been to good with my legs. I'm back now though.

I have only ever posted here once, so It;'s pretty scary doing it again. I haven't really fitted in with everyone yet, but I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone. please message me!

Love sarah xxx

Re: Hi
Posted by KAT on Mon Jun 3 00:12:42 2002 (#3643)

Hi there, don't worry about "fitting in"

we all understand.
Take care
:)
KAT

Rant -It's been a while
Posted by KAT on Mon Jun 3 02:06:57 2002 (#3644)

So I guess this is what this bored is for.
A distraction from the outside world.

I want to cut myself so fucking bad right now.
It's hard to deny it especially when you know all it's going to do is make things worse. But in a situation like this, I have no where else to turn with all this rage I feel.
I haven't felt this way in a long time, but I'm so fucking irritated right now.
My parents are so obvious that they feel something for one of their children and something else for the other.
The screw up, the one who made us "poor" because all of the medical bills. me..
I need to go out on my own.. I can't take this rejection from my last hope in life.

fuck life, you know?

KAT

Re: Rant -It's been a while
Posted by ~Lone WOlf~ on Mon Jun 3 06:39:35 2002 (#3654)

Kat...i don't even know what to say. If i was by you i'de give you a hug.

Re: Rant -It's been a while
Posted by Rhonda on Tue Jun 4 00:45:22 2002 (#3666)

I'm sorry you're in a bad place honey. I would
have sent you a cute little card to make you smile, but I lost your email address. I'm thinking
of you and hoping things get better for you soon.
Write me if you want too. Take care honey.
Love, RHonda

Amazing
Posted by KAT on Mon Jun 3 04:53:04 2002 (#3645)

this is just great!!! something else has happened that just makes me want to shoot my goddamn brains out and splater them all over my light blue bed spread.
It's amazing how life can turn into hell in a matter of minutes, hours.

I have a feeling this will be the night I lose it..

not in a good place -KAT

Re: Amazing
Posted by ~~~ on Mon Jun 3 05:02:25 2002 (#3646)

I don't know how much help I can be, but If you want to talk I'm in the chat room.

Re: Amazing
Posted by chelle on Mon Jun 3 05:10:58 2002 (#3647)

hey there,
I lost it man...totally.
but hey, you can lose it with me anytime uknow?
spit all the shit out and see whet we can crush?
it might be something new to do.
just a thought, before my brains hit the floor,
im here if you need someone to bitch at.
anytime.

chelle

Re: Amazing
Posted by ~Lone WOlf~ on Mon Jun 3 06:30:29 2002 (#3653)

Oh please be carefull. You keep up with most of these posts more than the rest of us.

Re: Amazing
Posted by liverpoolfc on Mon Jun 3 23:58:19 2002 (#3663)

Why don't you write and tell us what has happend and maybe it will calm you down some.

It's a long story
Posted by KAT on Tue Jun 4 02:31:08 2002 (#3672)

well I would , I talked about it some last night with "~~~" and that helped me through the night!

I dont know it's just the bullshit of life, and why does my life have to be like this.
Why do bad things keep happening!!!

but thank you all for replying
:)

KAT

someone shoot me...
Posted by chelle on Mon Jun 3 05:17:05 2002 (#3648)

doesnt it suck when people you hate wants attention!!! dammit....
i so dont know what im doing....where the hell am i headed for....oh god....im so tired.
oh....i wonder whats going to happen tommorow...
that kinda scares the shit out of me.
argh....if i had a gun, id probably be dead by now..........
i dunno.......i guess ill nap now.
tata..

Re: someone shoot me...
Posted by KAT on Mon Jun 3 06:14:28 2002 (#3651)

hey there
yah..Ive calmed down now.
but I know what you mean..when people you hate want attention, want anything at that.
It sucks to hate someone so much you wish them dead.
my mother has a gun ,it gets scary at times, in glad your safe from guns.
take care chelle

KAT

Re: someone shoot me...
Posted by ~Lone WOlf~ on Mon Jun 3 06:26:47 2002 (#3652)

Sleep well and sleep tight.
Hope you sleep with peace for al night.
~Lone~

missing you
Posted by She on Mon Jun 3 11:52:47 2002 (#3655)

Hiya eleanor ella donna and Jade if your still around.
Im really missing you all so i thourght i would come on here and give you a
(((((((((((((((((((((huge hug)))))))))))))))))))))
Its strange how its changed so much here ohh well .Im not really making much scaence im i sorry .
Well ill get to the i wanted to tell you all how much i love you and care about you.
I just downloaded aload of songs there really true.
I dunno if n e of you have heared broken girl by Kittie its good.
Ok well ill e mail you all in a minute.Till then have another
(((((((((((((((((HUG!!!!!))) ))))))))))))))))
She

Re: missing you
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Jun 3 15:03:50 2002 (#3656)

Hello my alaskan princess!!
I miss you too, sooooooooooooo much!!!! I know what you mean about it having changed on here. Oh well......
I love you all!! Hiya Jade by the way, it was good to see you back the other day!!!!!!!
I'm off to london this afternoon :-(
But I'll be back on thursday. I'll miss you all!
I wrote back to your email baba, and thanks for what you wrote last night. It really made me feel better. I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope he rings!! :-)
((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
For all of you. Take care of yourselves til thursday!!!!
I love you She!! Your my bestest friend, never forget that!
LOADS of love!!!!
El xxxxxx

P.s, I'm just gonna write back to your email donna. Thank you for the baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe!!! Hope you have a good day at the seaside.

Another ((((((((((((((((((((((HUG!!!!) ))))))))))))))))))))
For you all!!

Re: missing you
Posted by Jade on Tue Jun 4 00:03:55 2002 (#3664)

Hey She and everyone,
It's really nice being back and responding again, it feels like it's back to normal almost if that makes any sense. When things got really hectic I had to stop coming on, that's when I lost contact with all of you (except She) so it's really comforting. But I can't get over how different it seems. Anyways, I just want to say hi to eveyone, Eleanor, I want to give you a big (((((((HUG))))))) and I hope that you're doing great, Elle, I remember you're amazing poems and I miss you posts, Rhonda, I to this day I am speechless at the love and care you have as a mother, you're indisputably amazing, Donna the last time the I was here, first you were leaving worrying posts with no email addy, then your mom came on to say that you were in the hospital, She says that you're doing better and I geniunely hope that you are, I'm sending lots of love your way and of course my She~berry, you're wonderful and I love you and I'll email you in a bit. And there are tons of other people that I remember, but I only have so much space. I love you all and I miss reading your posts and I hope that you're all doing alright. I've been gone so long and I wasn't here for years like some people so I don't know if you guys remeber me much, but I just wanted to say 'hi' and if any of you would like to talk I'd love to get an email or something. Take care ~Jade
((((((((HUG)))))))))

Re: missing you
Posted by She on Tue Jun 4 11:16:47 2002 (#3676)

I love you to
more hugz for everyone
((((((((((((((((hugzzzz))))) )))))))))))))))
She

Cutting an Anorexia
Posted by Anonymous on Mon Jun 3 22:09:20 2002 (#3657)

I Really need to know if there's a connection between anorexia and cutting.
In the way that cutting gives me in a sence power, control, it makes me feel relieved even for a little while.
But I can not cut anymore, this is not an option, so am wondering if anorexia gives you the same kind of feelings?
of course they both have their down sides and neither cutting not starving yourself is healthy by all means, but my god..I need something.
Please someone respond.
thank you

Re: Cutting and Anorexia
Posted by Green Egg Sam on Mon Jun 3 23:37:15 2002 (#3660)

In my experience, anorexia only makes you more depressed, more catatonic. I guess it takes your mind off of life because you're dizzy with hunger, but it's definitely not as exhilarating as cutting, at least not for me. My advice: write. It calms fidgeting hands that want to cut, and it lets you get out frustrations. Even if you're not a great poet or anything, write letters to yourself or to other people that piss you off. It helps me, especially in the summer, when I have to try my hardest not to cut.

Peace,
Sam

Re: Cutting and Anorexia
Posted by liverpoolfc on Mon Jun 3 23:55:22 2002 (#3662)

I don't think anerexia is a good ting to move onto. It only makes you feel worse. And anerexia is also a lot more unhealthy.write me if you need to talk.

Re: Cutting and Bulimia
Posted by laura on Wed Jun 5 00:18:30 2002 (#3705)

Im bulimic aswel as i cut. How dangerous is bulimia? I mean, im not completly bulimic, dont throw up after eating evrything- usually just after eating at night when my parents go out. Is this even bulimia? I try to do it as often as i can but recently i have been getting worse and worse. I just feel so fat, some people tell me im fat, others say im fine and shit, but with me being me, confused and think evry1 is lieing. Sum1 plz reply, thank u, love LaUrA xxxxx

Re: Cutting and Bulimia
Posted by KAT on Wed Jun 5 03:37:51 2002 (#3722)

I have learned a lot of a lot about eating disorders and what I heard from a doctor is that bulimia is worse then anerexia because it not only ruines the liningof your throat but your stomach too (or something like that) it's extremly un-healthy.. well so is anorexia, but be careful!!

People tell me Im fat allthe time too..I dont know what to do ,it makes me sad

KAT

Re: Cutting and Bulimia
Posted by laura on Wed Jun 5 22:21:37 2002 (#3740)

shit, didnt know it was THAT bad, i havent told my psych either, only about my cutting, think i should tell her? Im not sure! Plz, i know im annoying but u think i should tell my psych? Thanx for post! Love LaUrA xxx

PS dont let them make u sad,k, lol, fucking hypocrit that i am, but hey! Take care xxx

Re: Cutting and Bulimia
Posted by KAT on Wed Jun 5 23:13:16 2002 (#3742)

hI there...yeah I thought anoerxia was worse too, until I heard that food nutritionist talk..

Okay Im going to be a hypocrite now! YES!!! Tell your psych that you are having trouble with bulimia, I mean I tell my psych a few things and other things I leave out, but with situations like that that could possibly become life threatening I would definently tell her, and ask her for advice (or him)

so take care!
love
KAT

Re: Cutting an Anorexia
Posted by Jade on Tue Jun 4 00:27:09 2002 (#3665)

There is a huge connection between the two. I cut myself for years and it always worked, and a few months, my best friend went missing, and now it just doesn't help, I can't explain it. I response to pain like an average person would. It was terrifying. So I kinda substituted with ana, and for me it has absolutely nothing to do with image or anything, it is very much a replacement for cutting. And there and tons of health things that factor into it, and tons of psychological things, many more then with SI.
It's strange how the safer of the two is so much more taboo. I've been ana for a few months, and I was for a long time before I started with SI, and I would definately go back if I could make it work again.
It is something that I would STRONGLY advise to avoid in the first place because within weeks it will be too late. If you get found out the treatment plans are just about the worst things that you will ever have to endure, you health will almost never be the same, shit if I get started on the negative side I probably won't stop.
SI is horribly hard to try to get away, but you'll have better chances with that then with anorexia. Cutters often want to stop but can't, ana's DON'T want to stop, they keep going until someone stops them or they die.
I have to strongly and personaly advise you against ana. Find an alternative way to have control. Do the suggested things in Psyke and take up a hobby or something , I don;t know. Be an artist, but with ana you'll eventually realize that you're really giving up control. Take care and good luck. Email me if you need to talk ~Jade

Re: Cutting an Anorexia
Posted by melz on Tue Jun 4 06:19:44 2002 (#3673)

I *was* bulimic, does that count?

*asterik notes me having occasional slip-ups

Re: Cutting an Anorexia
Posted by chelle on Tue Jun 4 10:07:55 2002 (#3675)

hey there, I was anorexic.
even noe I suffe eating disorders.
but you know what, when I was anorexic,
it made me more miserable. it made me want to cut more and hurt myself more and more and more.
so...I dont know if that a good choice for you.
I started getting so depressed and loss of nutrition my body couldnt handle all the stress, so my hair started falling out, my period stopped, my skin became dry and wrinkley, my lips were always purpleish, and so much more.
I finally gotten better....but those times were like hell. not being able to cut is hard, because now I cant cut either. for various reasons....and that is so hard....so I just hit myself or slap myself and so forth. even though thats not healthy either......
Im sorry sweety, I dont think my response helped...
but please, being anorexic shouldnt be a choice.
Ill do all i can.