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Threads 926 to 950

Dust
Posted by Chrysti on Wed Jun 26 03:56:09 2002 (#4367)

So glorious, the time to come, when I can shed this shallow skin and be released. For now, what seem so real to me does not exist and I know it is all in my head. A constant question, a yes or no answer, waiting for oblivion, readying the parting breath, letting go. What is so wrong? What do you care? Interaction has slowed to a trickle and the waterfall of unsaid anguish surges inside my mind. My head hurts.
What will come of this situation?
What is there to gain?
A single thought, a resolution,
To never reveal myself again.
Dancing on their toes around me, though it has been long that my illusions stood firm. A smile here, a skip-hop-jump there and all that was made into a mountain- dust.

Re: Dust
Posted by Nicke on Wed Jun 26 11:14:20 2002 (#4375)

Beautiful...

Re: Dust
Posted by ~lone wolf~ on Wed Jun 26 22:57:22 2002 (#4384)

That's awsome

Re: Dust
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 20:51:39 2002 (#4430)

woah.....too over my head! no really..that was lovely.take care.......oh and hiya btw, dont think weve met...

What I love.
Posted by thecutthatneverheals on Wed Jun 26 07:34:54 2002 (#4370)

Know what I love about you guys.
The consistency in it all.
I haven’t been here for a very very long time, but from what I can see I don’t need to catch up on anything at all. It’s all exactly the way I left it. Just with new people and old problems. Kinda makes one feel secure in knowing no-matter what happens in life when I’ve got nothing else to do I can always come here and reflect on my life just by reading you posts. In a way that’s kind of sad but I just wanted to stop by and say hi……… ok how’s it go???? Oh yeah you can do it. I was just like you I believe in you, all you have to do is truly want to quit cutting and you can. You guys are awesome. Sorry if I sound like I’m patronizing you but I gotta keep it vague when talking to a bunch of people.
Ummmm, I’m bored now and must go throw hamsters at a wall. Toddles.

p.s. I’m kidding. But take care everybody.

L8ers

Drew :)

Re: What I love.
Posted by Nicke on Wed Jun 26 11:16:17 2002 (#4376)

Thanx,

Glad to hear that things are going good for you now...

Keep us posted on how you are getting on and keep providing us with inspiration to achieve our goal.

Nicke

Re: What I love.
Posted by *me* on Wed Jun 26 21:02:43 2002 (#4383)

Hey Drew...dunno if you remember me but I remember you. It's good to hear from the "old" people every now and again. Hope everything is going ok! Lots of love, take care and stay safe!!

Re: What I love.
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Jun 27 13:14:45 2002 (#4407)

Hi
dont know you but I wanted to reply anyway. nice to here you got through cutting. Hope things carry on being good.
Ella x

Re: What I love.
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 20:53:17 2002 (#4432)

hello, dont know you but glad things are good for you at the moment, take care xxxxxx

um...
Posted by jennyfer on Wed Jun 26 08:29:55 2002 (#4371)

hay guys yeah sorry i kinda haven't posted in a while i dunno i just haven't been up to it...and like yeah i still haven't cut...i don't know why i just really haven't been up to it either...it's too much damn troubel takin apart the razor and stuff u know?? and then i guess i dunno i promised my best friend that i would "never cut or burn myself on purpose" and that if i did the whole world would go uo in flames...heh right...and then i promised like 2 of my other best friends and they swear it's somehting i can just do...but i can't i just can't and they don't seem to understand that...and well i finally told my mom about the whole thing with my dad and then all hell broke loose...i dont even think u all wanna hear the details...but yeah i told my mom bout all the shit that happened and for some reason or another she sent me to california...to live...so i'm here...there now and my family is looking at me like "poor lil kid...sucks to be her..." and i absolutely depise it when people feel sorry for me...and well like yeah so i'm over here and my future looks fuzzy right now i dont' know what's gonna happen to me or what the fuck is going on...i want to cut...I NEED TO CUT...but like i said i promised too many people that i wouldn't do it anymore but shit like they care anyways right?!!? WELL FICK THEM!!!!!!!!!! damn the only one that i can honestly say i miss right now is julie but sometimes i don't even think she gives fuck...and shadae...well i miss her too what can i say...she tried she told me stuff that i didn't wanna here sometimes but i guess it helped...and vanessa...well she tried too...but i guess she only gave a fuck when she wanted to...and sam...sam sam sam...i fucked her over sooo many times and she was still there somewhat i thank her for that...and donna...well i still talk to her and she was like the best she i feel like she understands me and she really wants to be here for me and stuff well at least it looks that way but looks can be deiceiving...i think i can honestly say that i have grown love her in a way...i haven't known her all that long or anything but it's just something about her...and then there's tiffany...my ex girlfriend...she fucked with me so bad...i think the thing with her was that i fell too hard for her too fast...she could be the sweetest person when we weren't arguing...but it just sucks to feel that i wasted my time being with...her loving her...i dunno sorry for the rant it just came out that way

Re: um...
Posted by Nicke on Wed Jun 26 11:22:45 2002 (#4377)

Sounds to me that you need a boost of self esteem

How bad would it be to think that there is actually something to like about you???

You think these people don't like you or don't care about you, because it is easier than thinking that there is something that they could like about you.

Am i making sense??

You need to build your self esteem. I am still working out how to do this but one way is to ACCEPT a compliment when someone gives you one instead of wondering what they are after!!

G2G, let me know how things go...

Nicke

Re: um...
Posted by ~lone wolf~ on Wed Jun 26 23:21:04 2002 (#4385)

sometimes they really do care...

Re: um...
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 16:15:59 2002 (#4413)

hey hun, ive pretty much said everything in emails and IMs but wel just to let ya know i aint ignoring ya posts! love ya loads, take care of yourself yeah? will reply to your email later tonight

((HUGS))
donna xxx

BOO!
Posted by stranger in the night on Wed Jun 26 18:03:52 2002 (#4379)

BOO! did i scare you?.....thought not...*sighs*...i try!

hehe sorry im just very pissed off at the moment sooo i decided that this post has to be a happy positive post!!!!!

positive things that have happened today

1. i went out of the house for fresh air (first time for everything)

2. i bought the new Korn album....is brilliant...anyone got it?

3. i havent cut myself...so far...today

4. im having a chinese for tea tonight and i wont throw it up...instead ill cut tonight as my punishment

5. my mum is starting work again next week so ill have the house to myself

woah positive optimism over with now...im gunna go eat my chinese

take care all, just felt the need to be positive

(HUGS TO ALL)

donna xxx

Re: BOO!
Posted by Rather Not Say on Thu Jun 27 04:52:30 2002 (#4389)

Just thought id say i agree that the new korn album is awesome... Im a HUGE Korn fan.. i bought the album the day it came out.....i also get to go see them in St. Louis on July 20!!!!

Re: BOO!
Posted by moi on Thu Jun 27 11:01:51 2002 (#4393)

Whhhhhooooo
cool your so sweet hunnie Korn huh hee hee i used to like them . I missssssseeeeedddd you im gonna try to reaply to your e mails really soon ok but i cant 4 a while (sorry sorry sorry)
Keep thinking happy thourghts :)
(((((((((((((huggle))))))))) ))))
From
S~Berry

Re: BOO!
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Jun 27 13:11:03 2002 (#4406)

Hiya Donna
How are ya? nice to hear some positive thoughts, we all need them now and then! I will try to email youbut have very low energy at the moment but as soon as that changes then expect a flurry of emails!
Ella x

Long time...
Posted by elle on Thu Jun 27 03:12:38 2002 (#4388)

hey! I've tried to stay away but every once in a while i end up back here... i doubt any of you know me but that doesnt matter, i used to post at the old board like a year and a half ago... I've been feeling kinda down lately but been keeping myself busy. Just stopped by to see if anyone remembered me... Hey *me* -- long time hun! IM me sometime or i'll get at you. owell nothing new. its been ages since i actually cut but i think about it all the time still. I'm off now...

~elle~

Re: Long time...
Posted by Nicke on Thu Jun 27 12:15:50 2002 (#4398)

I think I remember you, I was at the old board but if I remember rightly then I left not long after you joined.

Yeah, I always find myself back at the board.

I am so happy that you haven't cut in a long time...just keep yourself busy when you start to think about things again...you know the drill, keep yourself occupied until the urge passes...

Take care, Nicke

Re: Long time...
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Jun 27 13:08:36 2002 (#4405)

Hi
I dont remember you from the old board, I was only on there a month before it broke, but I know you come on here now and then. Hope your not feeling quite so low.
Ella x

Re: Long time...
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 16:07:44 2002 (#4411)

hey hun, dont remember you as i wasnt around back then but hello anyways. hope you are as good as can be, take care
donna xxx

Re: Long time...
Posted by *me* on Thu Jun 27 20:14:37 2002 (#4424)

Hey Elle...just replying!! I haven't talked to you in such a long time! It's craziness. I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling down but HANG IN THERE!!! I'm so proud of you that you haven't cut in so long. You know that you can always email me whenever you need someone or even just out of boredom! lol. Hope to ttys!

Re: Long time...
Posted by KAT on Thu Jun 27 20:28:33 2002 (#4426)

hey there, the name sounds familiar, but I have no memory, so eh!
glad to hear you've been getting better..

we all fall down sometimes but that's okay.
take care
KAT

Re: Long time...
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Jun 28 03:14:05 2002 (#4440)

Hey Ella,
I remember you. Glad to hear from you. How are
you doing? I'm always around if you ever want to
talk. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

Sickness in the gut
Posted by ~lone wolf~ on Thu Jun 27 10:37:35 2002 (#4390)

God, I can't sleep for the fiftieth time this week. It's 3:00 am here now. I just read over something...now i can hardly see the screen because my tears are comming on so thick. I NEVER CRY! i just cut...i need to cut now...maybie then I can sleep...YEAH! Good Idea. But I have a date on Friday....ooooooohhhhh. *Shivers* Make up my fucking mind. THat it's. He'll understand. I'm cutting. I need the releaf.

Re: Sickness in the gut
Posted by Nicke on Thu Jun 27 12:18:04 2002 (#4399)

Aw hunny, I am sorry that you feel so bad...I understand about needing the relief, but you should try to find different ways to get that relief....

Good thing that you posted though, we are here for you.

Email me if you need to...I don't mind.

Nicke

Re: Sickness in the gut
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Jun 27 13:06:41 2002 (#4404)

Can't sleep either.
I woke up at four this morning. ahh, I hate being an insomniac. Is that how you say it? oh well never mind, I hope you got some sleep.
Ella x

Re: Sickness in the gut
Posted by Vapor on Sat Jun 29 01:11:40 2002 (#4459)

hey im sorry. try taking some tylenol pm...
Later, Vapor

long time
Posted by moi on Thu Jun 27 10:50:41 2002 (#4391)

Hiya wow i havent been on here for ages i missed yoyou . Guess where i am i be in this little room in school typing in a tincy incy box so if my typing is crap and confusing sorrrrryyyy.
How are you all doiung n e way .
(((((((((((((huggles 4 all)))))))))))))
Love you loads and loads and loads
From
Haa haa not telling try and guess who it is (sorry im in an odd mood plus i dont want then to fine out who came on here if they cheack the history or something
Loveyou for ever and ever hurrmm
Bye

Re: long time
Posted by Nicke on Thu Jun 27 12:19:39 2002 (#4400)

I don't remember you, but it sounds like you are not giving anything away about who you are.

If I do know you then HELLO>>>

If not then HELLO>>> anyway.

Nicke

Re: long time
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Jun 27 13:04:44 2002 (#4403)

Hi
mmmm...
hello anyway, I'm not too good at thinking just now!
Ella x

Re: long time
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 16:06:26 2002 (#4410)

hello she.......hopefully (lol)

hello anyways

hope oyu are ok xxx

Re: long time
Posted by Jade on Thu Jun 27 18:46:21 2002 (#4421)

Well, you signed the last reponse you wrote as S~Berry and there's only one person I know that I can go to if I need a 'huggle' so I have to say that's it's about time a start building that paper-mache house huh? I missed you sweetie, I was afraid you were mad at me! But El said a day or two ago that you just had to go away. You alright?!? I won't say your name in case they check the history, but, you are the only one who knows about the house. (Hugglesforyou)~Jade

ps
Posted by Jade on Thu Jun 27 18:47:41 2002 (#4422)

your name ought to be poi :)

Re: ps
Posted by Guess! on Thu Jun 27 21:47:05 2002 (#4435)

HIYA!!!!!!!
Ohhhh my god i missed you all . JADE ahhh honnie i love you im allways here for you and there will always be a big huggle waiting .
Hee hee yep i went away .........again and when i went things were really really bad to the point i was not gonna come back but now things are just bloddy wierd :) i think my life is a little odd :).
LOVE you allllllllllllllllllllll
xxxxx

Some way out
Posted by ~lone wolf~ on Thu Jun 27 11:03:19 2002 (#4394)

I need some way out NOW. NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW! There are so many things i can do at this very momment it's intoxicating. There's 24 bottles of beer downstairs...there's a razor in my hand....theres the old 30 foot barn outside...and i know how to climb the silo in no time. There's I don't know how many pills i could swallow in no time downstairs to...but i hurd that hurts the worst....and not to mention it's only 4:00 AM!! *Laughs Insainely*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!*keeps thinking* I Need a way out NOW. I got to go find one...bye

Re: Some way out
Posted by ~lone wolf~ on Thu Jun 27 11:10:17 2002 (#4396)

Fuck...no one is here. No way out...no one to talk to...not even on chat. *shivers* GUess it's on....now i'm really going....i think i've made up my mind now to....*Smiles* And it won't hurt. Nighty NIght and GOodbye

Re: Some way out
Posted by Nicke on Thu Jun 27 12:23:45 2002 (#4401)

I hope you weren't serious or thought again about it, well basically I hope I am not too late...

You sound like you are in a really bad place right now, and if you let me then I would like to help you get out.

Are you receiving any professional help at the minute...are you seeing a school counsellor or anything????

You should consider it, go see your doctor...most importantly just hold on, if you can get through these shitty days then you can make it through anything. You don't have to be alone though because me and everyone else on this board will help you through it.......

Please, email me...let me help you.

Nicke

Re: Some way out
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Jun 27 13:02:53 2002 (#4402)

Hi
I know what you mean. But if I have to put up with living then you do too.
I hope its not to late, think about it.
Love Ella x
PS email me anytime

Re: Some way out
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 16:18:04 2002 (#4414)

hey hun, i hope im not too late, i hope you thought twice about it, i hope i see you post soon, thats all i can say really....i just hope you are ok. take care xx

Re: Some way out
Posted by Guess! on Thu Jun 27 16:26:30 2002 (#4416)

xx

Re: Some way out
Posted by KAT on Thu Jun 27 20:31:26 2002 (#4427)

you need a way out of the misery and suffering, but you don't have to find a way out of this life, because yeah life gets better over time.
I know right now it seems like theres no other way, I FEEL like that too but I KNOW it's not true.
so many ways to make yourself die, maybe find some to make yourself live.
keep in there

KAT

Re: Some way out
Posted by Vapor on Sat Jun 29 01:13:41 2002 (#4460)

stop talking like that. chances are it will only make things worse. try to find reasons to keep going instead of permanent solutions to temporary problems. im always here if you need to talk/vent.
Later, Vapor

100% fatal
Posted by Broken Girl on Thu Jun 27 13:24:24 2002 (#4408)

Hi
last couple of days have been hard.
Last night was the worst night of my life.
Know why? I saw a trailer on channel 4.
Trailer for a programme called death.
It said:

"Life is 100% fatal"
Not too big a deal, huh? But it lead to chain of suicidle thoughts. If I took another OD it wouldn't be me I was killing, it would be the depression. There's nothing left of me to kill, it all died a long time ago. I find myself being nice to the point of forgiving to those around me. Because depression is killing me. I'm not going to make it.
Depression is like wearing a pair of sunglasses, except you forget you are wearing the. No matter how long you look for the light at the end of the tunnel you will never see it as the sunglasses have darkened it.
I think I read that theory somewhere. More likely though, its been stuck in my self concious for a while.
I hate attempting suicide though. Its so hard and I have no energy (that is the reason Im not emailing much, sorry).
I want someone to help me and hold me, tell me its alright. But no one ever does. No one cares. Apart from you guys, but your not here telling me to leave the pills alone. No one tells me to stop cutting either.
Damn. What a depressing post.
Broken Girl

helloooooooooo ella!
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 16:13:34 2002 (#4412)

just got your email, cheers, will reply later. awwwww hun, if you want me to tell you to stop taking pills and to stop cutting then i will! i never do that because i feel as though its not my place..and hehe you wouldnt pay attention to me anyway so...

but ill let you know that i want you to stop taking pills and would love it if you stopped cutting because that would make you closer to happy than sad! am i babbling? yeah i think i am, so yeah, i hope you feel better soon and it was so nice to hear from you again! take care hun, here if you want me
donna xxx

Re: 100% fatal
Posted by Guess! on Thu Jun 27 16:24:32 2002 (#4415)

HIya
Hurrmmm i whish i saw that but i no longer have a telly .
I love you Ella i know i can say that so many times and it may not mean much but i really do i didnt realize how much i missed you all till i got back on here today .I went on in school and then i got a message mail from you and now i relize how much i misssssssssed you.Things can be so nasty at times and i figured that there will be no light that way i cant get dissapointed if there isnt .
((((((((((((((((9really big hug)))))))))))))))
from
Well Guess i cant really put my name on here cause i think someone is cheacking what ive been going on .

Re: 100% fatal
Posted by KAT on Thu Jun 27 20:34:11 2002 (#4428)

Ellla.......PLEASE don't let this DISEASE take over your life and consume you to the point of non existence.
I know it gets reallly low, God Ive been so low I actually believed I couldnt be helped, but it took about a year and I got helped, even when no one was around to care for me.
Please stay in there, know you dont see any point of this life, because the depression, but remember its the depression, its not you.
and you are still there, just sleeping because your tired from all this shit.
take care
love you
KAT

Re: 100% fatal
Posted by Broken Girl on Fri Jun 28 13:52:12 2002 (#4444)

Hi
Thanks, I guess your right...
Ella x

Re: 100% fatal
Posted by laura on Sat Jun 29 23:14:30 2002 (#4481)

how very true!!! LOVE lAuRa XXX

Broken Girl...pls read.
Posted by Nicke on Mon Jul 1 13:02:21 2002 (#4511)

Reading that post brought a tear to my eye...

How can someone who is so young have these strong feelings...it makes me angry at the world for letting you down...

I want to hold you across cyberspace and tell you that everything is fine. I don't want to pretend anything though...that is why I would be telling you that everything is going to be fine because is it true...you just have to believe it. You have to give yourself the permission to be helped. It is such a bummer about your parents not wanting you to have help but I will try to help as much as I can.

Only thing is...I am powerless to do anything if you don't want the help...You have to be strong and not let it win...don't let it beat you...think how good it will feel when you remove the glasses and you see the sun for the first time in a long time. It will be blinding at first..that will just be a little struggle trying to adapt to what it feels like to be happy. But after awhile...it will be sooooooooooo good. You just have to want it and believe it.

I will never give up on you...you just have to let me help you.

Nicke.XXX

Eleanor
Posted by Guess! on Thu Jun 27 16:30:41 2002 (#4417)

Wheres eleanor has n e one heard from her i havent been round 4 ages cause some urmm odd stuff happend ...........again i just got on here today and theres been non messages from her for agas an she hasnt e mailed me or n e thing if n e one is still in contact with her can you tell her that shes the coolest pola queen a alaskan princess could have and i lovvvvvvvveeee her.
El if your here please get in touch with me i love you.
xxxx

Re: Eleanor
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 16:38:25 2002 (#4418)

and a hug from me if anyones in contact with her please...

thankyou kindly....

"ELEANOR?!!!!"

(i dunno i just thought that maybe she could hear me or something...hehe hmm)

Re: Eleanor
Posted by Guess! on Thu Jun 27 17:04:09 2002 (#4419)

maby if we huged and shouted to her together she would hear us .
btw hiya and huggles to you to ((((((((donna)))))))))missed you.
xx

Re: Eleanor
Posted by stranger in the night on Thu Jun 27 17:58:09 2002 (#4420)

ok then.....on three.....

1......2.......3.....

"ELEANOR!!!!"

i think that maybe that was loud enough...hehe

btw missed you too...hugs back sweety pie xxx

Re: Eleanor
Posted by Jade on Thu Jun 27 19:00:50 2002 (#4423)

Last I talked to her was I think two days ago, but I haven't seen her around here for longer, then again I have been having trouble getting on as much because I don't have the time or energy. If you talk to her tell her hi. I probably won't be on too much, I dunno. By the way She, I haven't talked to you in ages either! I missed you! Take care, Jade

Re: HELLO GUESS!!!
Posted by Broken Girl on Fri Jun 28 14:02:21 2002 (#4449)

SHE!!!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! I have MISSED YOU!!! sorry, if I wasnt supposed to say your name but Im so excited! (sad i know) How are you?
I emailed eleanor yesterday, i think she's alright. I hope she is...
HIYA SHE!!!
haha, love ya girl and you too Donna + Jade!
Ella x

Re: HELLO GUESS!!!
Posted by Guess! on Fri Jun 28 18:07:03 2002 (#4452)

Hee hee i LOVE YOU ALL sooooo much to and i misssssseeed you loads and loads and loads and loads i didnt know wheather to come back or not cause i thourght yoou would all have forgotten about me :( but you didnt :):):):):):whooooooo
((((((((((many huggles 4 you all)))))))))))))))
xxx

Re: HELLO GUESS!!!
Posted by stranger in the night on Fri Jun 28 20:11:08 2002 (#4455)

how could we forget you she........dont be silly!!!

hehe we couldnt forget you if we tried lolololol, you are way hyperactivo (a word?!)

but really love ya!!!!!!!!!!! woah i fink maybe your hyperactivo is rubbing off on me..hee hee

mwah hugs to all xx

Re: HELLO GUESS!!!
Posted by Guess! on Sat Jun 29 16:40:00 2002 (#4472)

Sorry about rthe whole rubbing of thing.
I love you
xx

Re: HELLO GUESS!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Jul 1 20:48:08 2002 (#4525)

hey.
erm....i'm sorry i haven't been around for a while. i've not been good. i missed you all so much. i guess, oh i don't know. you don't all hate me do you?
I love you.
El x

Re: HELLO GUESS!!!
Posted by She on Mon Jul 1 20:58:31 2002 (#4528)

I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH EL
XXXX
she

Re: HELLO GUESS!!!
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Jul 1 21:01:07 2002 (#4530)

i love you too! I'm so sorry. xxxxx

Re: HELLO GUESS!!!
Posted by She on Mon Jul 1 22:40:02 2002 (#4543)

Y r u sorry hunnie theres nothing to be sorry about .Really there isnt I love you hunnieeeee.
She

dam..
Posted by chelle on Thu Jun 27 20:51:48 2002 (#4431)

sometimes i wish i could stop the time.
like at the very best moment....
or i wish i could turn back the time..... to the very best...or something.....
being how i am now....is just nothing but crap,
a little girl asked what happened to my arm, i couldnt say anything but "a cat did it" some cat huh? i so wish i could go somewhere....so far away and never come back......just run far far far away......being alone and stuff,it went to the ground already. i really dont want the life im living....i really dont.
i just dont like living..

Re: dam..
Posted by KAT on Thu Jun 27 21:38:38 2002 (#4434)

Living under the circumstances we do, and with all the regret , sadness, and the past of our lives, ...yah then living sucks.

Im sorry chelle, you know I love you, and people who don't understand can't seem to see what we are going through, until unfortunatly it's tool ater in one way or another.

E-mail me if you ever want to talk.
Someone in my school asked what happened to my arm, and I said I got hurt..wow what a responce huh!
people don't need to know.
take care
Im here if you still wanna talk
love ya much
KAT

Re: dam..
Posted by Dawn on Thu Jun 27 22:46:06 2002 (#4436)

Hi, I just wanted to reinterate Kat's point that you don't Need to tell everyone, however, at the same time keeping it secret takes a lot more energy than my replying "That's what I do when I get upset". It stops them cold and they are not as likely to ask someone else about themselves.

My way, works for me because for too many years I held secrets upon secrets and feeling ashamed of who I was because I believed there was something BAD about me that kept me being the victim of sexual assaults, but now while I own up to the making of my scars I can deflect the idea that I am bad and place the Badness on the men, boys and girls who sexualy assaulted me then threw me away like used, dirty trash.

I understand this better than when I was younger and being suicidal because I was me and the things "I" did was BAD. I am not Bad and deserve the treatment I inflict upon myself, but psychologically cutting myself up is not so bizarre a response to the assaults I've survived.

Boiled down we all have to do whatever CAN or Say whatever we say in response to the Questions we are asked about our wounded hearts that show up on the outside in scars. My way is "MY WAY" your's is "your's". No one responds the same because we are all individuals. Try becoming at peace with who you are and peace will follow you.
Hope this helped. Love and Hugs...Dawn

Re: dam..
Posted by Vapor on Sat Jun 29 01:16:20 2002 (#4461)

i wish i could freeze time into one moment with the man i love and spend eternity in his arms... those are the moments i live for.
Later, Vapor

Re: dam..
Posted by Nicke on Mon Jul 1 13:09:22 2002 (#4512)

Sometimes I wish I could stop time also...but memories are not a bad second best...that way they are at your mercy to fiddle around with and take out the bad bits.

It works the other way though...if a particularly bad memory stays then we could always just remember the bad bits and tend to focus on these.

Take care, email me if you want...Nicke

Re: dam..
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Jul 1 21:17:16 2002 (#4535)

i went through the same thing only it wasn't little girl, it was my little sister. it's shit. i wish i could be anywhere but here, anyone but me. but i can't. so we carry on.
there are the best times though, and even if we can't stop or rewind time we can always remember. take care of yourslef chelle.
love always,
el x

Lone....
Posted by DreamerBoy on Thu Jun 27 23:21:17 2002 (#4437)

Lone...Come on and answer me! You won't answer my e-mails...or your phone...or any Instant Messages...but I don't think that's you who is on. It's probebly your brother or something who just forgot to turn off your IM. Oh GOd Lone PLEASE! I hope you didn't do anything stupid last night baby. Please answer me in SOME way if your still alive. I know You are...baby please respond in some form or another Please! I'm worried sick!
d

Re: Lone....
Posted by Vapor on Sat Jun 29 01:17:33 2002 (#4462)

i hope shes ok....
Later, Vapor

Re: Lone....
Posted by Nicke on Tue Jul 2 10:20:19 2002 (#4568)

Let us know if she is okay...pls.

Winning The Battle
Posted by Dawn on Thu Jun 27 23:36:13 2002 (#4438)

I have just went back in time sampling some of the posts and responses and discovered this board is like everyone's diary froth with reponses from others who are fighting the same battle.

I am not drowning anymore, however, there are times when I sink a little and find it overwhelming and need a verbal hug and I can come here and post it.

Sometimes I'm this STRONG person and wonder why I even come back here. Then, like a blink of the eye I'm back n the trenches gulping for air and hoping someone will email me and give me a word of encouragement. But far too often a week or two goes by and no one written to offer me a hand up.

But I don't rely on you all, I dare not do that. We all have our good days and bad days and hopefully we don't all have a bad day on the same day. In my strole down the index of our diary I saw that Elanore posted last Saturday which relieved the anxiety from the last couple posts questioning where she is. And it let me see the we are all winning this battle of the mind and sences which is why I keep coming back.

Thank you all for being here to support me with your support I know I will win. And the prize each day is the same for everyone of us. Life, crappy or floating on a cloud life is a wonderful gift, because every morning is a new day.

Hope your's is a good one, but if it isn't and you need help someone will lift your spiirits as they always do. Love and hugs... Dawn

Re: Winning The Battle
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Jun 28 03:22:41 2002 (#4441)

Keep fighting the demons Dawn. I need you in my
life like never before. My grandma is just getting
worse and worse and you always say something to
make me feel so much better. Right now I have a
major migraine headache after spending the day at the nursing home cause we thought she was gonna
die. But she has stabilized and who knows what
tomorrow will bring. I love you so much my friend.
You make me smile by sending your beautiful
cards to me. Keep me in you prayers and thoughts
and I'll hold you up in mine. Take care of yourself Dawn. YOu mean the world to me.
Love you always,
Rhonda

Need advice
Posted by liverpoolfc on Fri Jun 28 01:37:38 2002 (#4439)

I've been doing good with my cutting for a while now only slipping up a couple of times, but lately I've felt a major urge to do it. I keep thinking it will eventually fade but the urges keep getting stronger every day. I don't know how long I can hold out.

Re: Need advice
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Jun 28 03:24:49 2002 (#4442)

I can't tell you not to cut because that is your
decision. If you don't want to and have the urge,
try emailing me or something like that. Stay
strong honey and know that I'm thinking of you
every day. Take care of yourself. Sorry if this
didn't help much. It's been a bad day for me today.
Love always, Rhonda

Re: Need advice
Posted by Broken Girl on Fri Jun 28 13:55:37 2002 (#4445)

Hi
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
I KNOW YOU CAN!!!
AND IF YOU DON@T THEN ITS OK, EVERYONE SLIPS SLIPS UP!!!
love you, Ella x

Re: Need advice
Posted by stranger in the night on Fri Jun 28 14:00:54 2002 (#4448)

yep everyones pretty much said what i was going to say......just hang in there hun, i believe in you. take care xxx

Re: Need advice
Posted by Guess! on Fri Jun 28 18:13:00 2002 (#4453)

Ohh keep going honnie tak each day as it come and if things get to hard use........
Ice hold it where u normally cut and umm well it dosent exactly give tyhe same efect but its better then nothing
Love you
xx

Re: Need advice
Posted by Vapor on Sat Jun 29 01:19:47 2002 (#4463)

at first its so hard. you think about it every second and just as it gets to the point where you cant see any other alternative it gets to the point where suddenly you just dont want to cut and it doesnt seem like a fesible option. like you might still want to but its been so long you just wont... you gotta trust me. just stay strong, it gets easier!
Later, Vapor

cutting, suicide
Posted by leroy on Mon Jul 1 05:32:37 2002 (#4507)

Go to Health recovery .com. the treatment they have discovered has really made a difference for me. Really. hey I know the net is so big that How can We Really Know?

What Can I SAY< we have to be vigilant but there are useful answers.

These poeplee have really helped.

the best

leroy

Re: Need advice
Posted by Nicke on Tue Jul 2 10:24:23 2002 (#4569)

Aw hunny, you need to keep yourself occupied...find other things to do with your time, I know you have probably heard that a thousand times before but that is because it works...just find something else to do and eventually in time, the urges will gradually fade.

If you need anything...email me, even if it just to tell me what a shitty day you are having.

Nicke

FUCK
Posted by Jamie on Fri Jun 28 04:41:34 2002 (#4443)

i have no fucking idea what to do...i wanna cut so badly...it's incredible..i have this urge...it's almost unstoppable...this is so terrible right now, i have two friends sleeping over and im going fucking insane....ANY SUGGESTIONS AS TO ALTERNATIVES...OR WAYS TO FUCKING CALM ME DOWN!?!? I LOVE YOU ALL
-JAMIE

Re: FUCK
Posted by stranger in the night on Fri Jun 28 13:58:46 2002 (#4447)

hey, well youve probably had your sleepover and that but well..just to let you nkow im here for you and if you cut then it doesnt matter, its not the end of the world, but if you didnt then welldone hun. take care xxx

Re: FUCK
Posted by Vapor on Sat Jun 29 01:21:55 2002 (#4464)

not really... just stop thinking about it. watch TV, read a book, run, talk to a friend (not about cutting), anything... just stop thinking about it.
Later, Vapor
p.s. sorry there's no magic cure.

Re: FUCK
Posted by leroy on Mon Jul 1 05:25:05 2002 (#4506)

Jamie,

read the material at Healthrecovery.com as well as Watchtower.org. Both have real life stuff for me. I hope it is the same for you.

Only the best

leroy

Re: FUCK
Posted by Jamie on Mon Jul 1 21:41:43 2002 (#4538)

thanks all of you, for your responses...i'm working through...as i'm sure mostof you are too.

shitty (trigger?)
Posted by stranger in the night on Fri Jun 28 13:57:07 2002 (#4446)

just cut myself again, *sighs*

whats the point in life huh? dont bother answering that Q. i desevre everything thats happening to me, i deserve to cut and it is all my fault. i let him do all those things to me, its al my fault, i shouldnt have allowed him, i should have made him think it was ok to abuse me. its my fault and i hate myself for it.

sorry i needed to vent that one out of my system so that i dont cut again right now, the urge is quite bad actually

anyways take care all, i care a lot about yas. xx

Re: shitty (trigger?)
Posted by Broken Girl on Fri Jun 28 14:04:45 2002 (#4450)

Hey donna
ahh, I know how you feel about the cutting but I need to put you straight on one thing:
It is not your fault.
Got that?
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
hope your ok, email me, yeah?
Ella x

NOT YOUR FAULT
Posted by Broken Girl on Fri Jun 28 15:56:32 2002 (#4451)

Hi donna
Just got your email, I have replyed so be prepared.
I wish you could do big old writing on this thing... anyway, imagine what Iam about to write is MASSIVE:
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! Check your emails and prepare your self!
Love Ella x

Re: NOT YOUR FAULT
Posted by Guess! on Fri Jun 28 18:18:43 2002 (#4454)

Haya donna
I love you hunnie Ellas right it really isnt your fault please dont blame you to lovely to do that :O).
((((((((huggles))))))))
Ok the point of life well the point of life is for us to climb a really big hill and then when we get to the top we can find loads of nice stuff there and happy lifes .(ok im odd)
Nah there probably isnt a point to life some one was bored and put us down here and is laughing at us (its like big brother) .
love youuuuu
xx

Re: shitty (trigger?)
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Jun 28 23:54:37 2002 (#4457)

Keep your cuts clean and dry sweetie. Hope you feel better soon. If not, email me. Take care of
yourself.
Love ya, RHonda

Re: shitty (trigger?)
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat Jun 29 11:19:48 2002 (#4466)

Hi Donna
Me again, hahahaha!
See, I have a whole army behind me and we will fight till the end proving IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Ella x

Re: shitty (trigger?)
Posted by Jade on Sat Jun 29 20:02:17 2002 (#4475)

hi, in regards to ella's last response
I'm here to enlist
~Jade

Re: shitty (trigger?)
Posted by Nicke on Tue Jul 2 10:33:45 2002 (#4570)

Don't EVER think that you are to blame for what happened to you. If you had the choice, if it were for you to decide at the time, would you have CHOSEN to let him do it...NO!! I didn't think so.

The first thing you have to do is to realise that you were powerless in those situations...that this person abuse your trust and the authority and power they had over you.

You may not have told him to stop because you thought it better to lie there and take it...that doesn't mean that you LET him do it...you were just portecting yourself from a resulting situation that could have been much worse.

Email me next time hunny....

Nicke

Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by Rhonda on Fri Jun 28 23:53:05 2002 (#4456)

Went to her doctor today and they decided to keep
her on 700mg of Zonegran. Since it's been a little
over 1 year since her last seizure they want to
see how she is going to react on this dosage. It's
basically just a wait and see what happens game.
She does have to go back in 6 months instead of
her normal year. The driver's test is blown, but
she can try in 6 months. Thanks again for asking
about her. I'll let her know you all care. Ya'll
take care of yourselves.
Love ya all, Rhonda

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by KAT on Sat Jun 29 00:45:15 2002 (#4458)

I hope she remains well and doesn't have to go back to the doctor anytime real soon.
take care Rhonda, that must be hard on you .

Im going through something really hard at the moment aswell.
I'll e-mail you.
take care
love KAT

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat Jun 29 11:24:43 2002 (#4468)

Hi Rhonda
My wishes are the same as Kat's, I hope things stay well and continue to improve. I wish you and her all the luck in the world,
Love you,
Ella x

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by Guess! on Sat Jun 29 16:42:10 2002 (#4473)

Hiya
((((((((huge huggle 4 u and tasha)))))))))))
Im thinking of you loads through it all
Love ya
She

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by laura on Sat Jun 29 23:11:22 2002 (#4480)

All the best man, love LaUrA xxx

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by *me* on Sun Jun 30 01:13:21 2002 (#4488)

I hope everything goes ok and that the new medication works. I'll keep her in my prayers!

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by Jade on Sun Jun 30 08:26:27 2002 (#4492)

Give her tons of hugs alright? Luckily she has you for a mother, I hope that you have a good support system too. Hugs for you too, Jade

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Jun 30 18:15:39 2002 (#4497)

Thanks everyone! I do have a good support system
myself. I couldn't get through everything without
one. My husband, parents, in-laws and everyone
help me so much. And all of you help me also.
Knowing you care and wish the best for Tasha, Tara, and me means the world to me. If I could, I
would adopt all of you and bring you home with me.
Wouldn't that be a riot?!!!!!!! Think of all the
things we could do. Anyway, take care everyone.
I'll be on and off through the next several days
since I'm spending lots of time at the nursing
home with my grandma. Don't ever give up. I'm still keeping an eye on you cause I still read the board at least every other day, so be nice!!!!!
Love you all very much, Rhonda

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by Nicke on Mon Jul 1 13:12:01 2002 (#4513)

Thanx for keeping us up to date on Tasha...I hope you win the game...

Also, I think you said in one of your posts that it was sweet because it had nothing to do with SI, that makes no difference, it was still a worry for you and it helped you to share...

Nicke

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by stranger in the night on Mon Jul 1 14:45:30 2002 (#4520)

sending huge hugs through computer screen to rhonda and family.

take care all xxx

((((((((RHONDA + CREW)))))))))))

Re: Update on Tasha for those who asked about her
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Jul 1 20:53:01 2002 (#4526)

hey rhonda.
I haven't been around for a while so I didn't know about tasha. I feel bad because you've done so much for me. I just wanted you to know that i've been thinking about you. i'm sorry.
love always,
El x

Numb
Posted by Chrysti on Sat Jun 29 08:00:56 2002 (#4465)

Cold, tingling, lost of all emotion... I have become. So long it has been since I last cared for myself, others are so much better, I am nothing. I feel as if I am in a constant state of comatose and what is happening around me is only an echo of what I experieced while awake. Torn apart inside my own head while my body lives only because of the mechanical influeces outside my control. If I am here, with no physical presence, I can only let myself go if I sink into the depths on inexistance and truely become all I know I am: nothing, nothing, NOTHING. If gone, what would the difference be? The surface relationships of my life would soon forget and get on for that is what people do. The deeper I go, the more I become numb. nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing .......

Re: Numb
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat Jun 29 11:22:55 2002 (#4467)

That is exactly how I feel.
I wish I could tell you things get better and we all live happily ever after, but I am in the same position as you and can see no light beyond this darkness.I am the walking dead.
Talk to Kat, she is good with this stuff.
Love Ella x

Re: Numb
Posted by KAT on Sat Jun 29 16:17:22 2002 (#4470)

you know what? I feel the same exact way right now.
Im functioning because I am breatheing but I am not here, I am gone somewhere...gonna ruturn? who knows.
Im here with you though
take care
KAT

Re: Numb
Posted by Jade on Sat Jun 29 20:08:26 2002 (#4476)

I can relate so completely right, and it got so much worse a few days ago. It's like I'm just waiting, to be woken up or to finally rest I don't know. I'm this hollow shell that I'm looking out of. God I could relate to that so much. The only comfort that I can offer is that apperantly there are enough of us that one of us ought to figure it out. God, we need someone who is out of this to response! Take care, Jade

Re: Numb
Posted by Nicke on Tue Jul 2 10:39:39 2002 (#4572)

Another who is good with words......

You described exactly how I used to feel... like I was walking aropund in a daze, everything going on around wasn't really happening or wasn't affecting me.

It is easier to go into what I call a 'safe bubble' just you and no-one else to hurt you. That is okay until one day you step out, and see what you have been missing...

You just need the courage and strength, us on the board will help you find that if you wish...

Nicke

talking to mum?
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat Jun 29 11:28:32 2002 (#4469)

Hi
I'm not down all the time.
But when I am low, I fall into a long spiral of suicidle thoughts. I get so close to death I almost taste it. I think I'm gonna tell mum I want to die. I told my therapist on Thursday, now I'll talk to mum for the first time.
But I'm so scared.
I dont know if I have the courage.

What will she say?

But I guess things can only get better. I dont want to wake up every morning scared I'm gonna live anymore.

I'll talk to her soon.
Love Ella x

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by KAT on Sat Jun 29 16:19:14 2002 (#4471)

Ella...it will be difficult to tell your mom but it will help you more then you can see right now, Im sure.
Holding all that shit in is what really kills you, please be strong, it takes courage, and you have it.

I too go into those spirals and when get down I get way the fuck down, it really sucks.
take care
best of luck
*hugs*
KAT

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by Guess! on Sat Jun 29 16:44:24 2002 (#4474)

wowh your so brave hunnie xx
If you tel your mother i guess it may make her think about things then she can help you loads
Love you forever
S~berry

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by Jade on Sat Jun 29 20:13:09 2002 (#4477)

Be careful with what you say, you can get your point across, and let her know the severity of the situation without being very dramatic. It can be very hard to hear things like that, even if she doesn't act like it is.

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by Broken Girl on Sat Jun 29 20:13:49 2002 (#4478)

Haning second thoughts...
so scared
*shiver*
Ella x

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by Guess! on Sun Jun 30 00:35:54 2002 (#4486)

I love you
((((((((huggles)))))))))
She

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by Jade on Sun Jun 30 08:11:44 2002 (#4489)

when you're ready.....don't rush it, but don't expect to ever find the idea thrilling and inviting either. It'll be tough, but hopefully it'll help in the long run. Take care, Jade

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by Broken Girl on Sun Jun 30 13:31:27 2002 (#4494)

Hi
Yeah, but then I lose my freedoms, then I lose my knife...
I don't think its worth it any more. I think I'll have to think about it.
Ella x

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by She on Sun Jun 30 13:33:44 2002 (#4496)

(((((((((((((((more huggles)))))))))))))))))))
and anothere hug
(((((((((((((((((((hug)))))) ))))))))))))))
and a really big
((((((((((((((((((((CUDDLE)) ))))))))))))))))))
Love you loads and forever
She

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Jun 30 18:31:03 2002 (#4499)

Tara lost a lot of freedom when we found out, but
I never once hated her for what she did. I only hurt for her cause I didn't know what to do for her. You can only tell your mom when you're ready.
See, Tara didn't tell us about her cutting. We found out only after she threatened to kill herself. I don't know, maybe that is how she wanted us to find out. She looked at us like she
dared us to say something bad about it. All we did
was cry and the look on her face told us that this
was not the reaction she expected from us. Question, how do YOU think your mom will react?
You won't really know for sure till you talk to her. Maybe she will have a "postive" reaction and
maybe she will fly off the handle. NOthing is for
sure till you do it. BUT, until your ready, it
probably won't work. If I can help in any way, please let me know. I would be glad to send you an
email you could show to your mom or something like that. Let me know if I can help. Until then,
take care of yourself sweetie and know that whatever you decide to do, I'll support you all the way.
Love ya, Rhonda

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by liverpoolfc on Mon Jul 1 02:24:53 2002 (#4502)

I think it's great that your telling her. But if she doesn't understand don't get down. It's a hard concept to deal with. Let us know how everything goes. Good Luck.

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by stranger in the night on Mon Jul 1 14:43:28 2002 (#4519)

(((((ELLA)))))

sorry if im late in responding to this, i hope that whatever you decide works out for you ok. tkae care hun xxx

me...i think id chicken out of telling my mum but we are all different so do what you thinks best hun

donna xxx

Re: talking to mum?
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Jul 1 20:44:51 2002 (#4524)

hey angel.
I hope you go for it. it might make things a little better. you're srong honey, i knoe you can get through this.
shit, i don't know what to say, i'm a little out of practise i guess :-)
I missed you.
Love always,
El xxxx

for peepl who hav nothin beta 2 do
Posted by laura on Sat Jun 29 23:09:40 2002 (#4479)

this is my journal, its shit and stuff but i thought id post it so y'all can read it. Sorry to be so boring love LaUrA xxx

http://www.de adjournal.com/users/bollox

Re: for peepl who hav nothin beta 2 do
Posted by KAT on Sun Jun 30 00:25:53 2002 (#4485)

hey there, Id like to read it, I think I have before actually. I have my own dead journal now, but Its so fucking personal I dont think I could put it on here, maybe one day.
if anyone wants it just ask ( hahahaha no one will want it)

I'll come check yours out laura.
:)
KAT

Aha...Lifes Like this
Posted by ~lone~ on Sat Jun 29 23:24:33 2002 (#4483)

Chill out...
Times will come and go,
Sometimes it won't be fun,
but hey, thats the way life is.

So you take what you get,
Laugh when you get the chance,
Sometimes you have to act like someone else,
But hey, Lifes like this

Chill out...
What you yellin for?
You try to be cool,
but you look like fool,
So act like yourself...and it'll all flow
Just because....
Life's like this.

Aha...lifes like this.

Re: Aha...Lifes Like this
Posted by ~lone~ on Sat Jun 29 23:43:49 2002 (#4484)

I'm sinken slowly...
so hurry hold me....
So lonely inside...
So busy out there...
Yet all we wanted...
Was someone Who cares!

Aha...lifes like that...

Re: Lone!
Posted by Jade on Sun Jun 30 08:18:27 2002 (#4490)

Lone, you alright? You had me worried there! What happened? You feeling any better? If you need anything or anyone to talk to just email me, yeah? Take care, Jade

Re: Lone!
Posted by ~lone~ on Mon Jul 1 02:25:13 2002 (#4503)

I don't mean to be rude, but i hate reaching out. I won't email anyone if they tell me to. Not unless I really want to. You really worry about me like you say, and you really want to get to know ME...then ask me for my adress...and then we'll e-mail.

Re: Aha...Lifes Like this
Posted by stranger in the night on Mon Jul 1 14:39:39 2002 (#4518)

oh thank god you are ok! nice to see your name popping up again! take care hunni

hope you start to feel better soon till then have a hug

((((((LONE)))))))

donna xxx

Re: Aha...Lifes Like this
Posted by leroy on Mon Jul 1 22:20:59 2002 (#4540)

aha...thankyou i guess.

Re: Aha...Lifes Like this
Posted by ~lone wolf~ on Mon Jul 1 22:27:41 2002 (#4541)

Oops. THat was saposed to be my post. My dad's name came up. Guess he's posting here now to. Wierd.

Re: Aha...Lifes Like this
Posted by Nicke on Tue Jul 2 10:52:05 2002 (#4573)

That was really cool, keep posting your poems, I for one like reading them and others on the board.

nicke

new idea
Posted by *Poison on Sun Jun 30 00:50:37 2002 (#4487)

I was in emergency services the other day trying to convince this lady that i didn't need to go in the hospital when a sudden piece of advice came up. to help stop cutting do something that gives you a rush, stop the DBT shit and just do something that scares the shit out of you. -sounded pretty good to me! :)

just thought i'd try to help

Amanda

Re: new idea
Posted by Jade on Sun Jun 30 08:23:34 2002 (#4491)

I've actually never heard that one before. You certainly have my attention though. It seems a bit risky to go that way though if you're in a really upset state of mind. But if it's just 'I can't get the thought out of my head' or whatever, it sounds credible. Any examples? Wow, new theories always put me in a weird state of mind. hmmm.........Jade

Re: new idea
Posted by Nicke on Tue Jul 2 10:58:16 2002 (#4574)

Thanx...I might try that...I used to take a lot of ecstacy and cocaine but have been free for 2months... that would give me a rush but even after taking them for 2 and a half years, they still scared the shit out of me...I wouldn't reccomend them though...FUCK you up pretty bad...depression, memory loss, the works...

But I will try to find another method that gives me a rush.

Nicke

suicide
Posted by jill on Sun Jun 30 11:24:35 2002 (#4493)

i dont know what to do al my friend talks about is killing herself and i dont know what to do, i couldnt imagine losing another friend to suicide and i dont know what to do please help

Re: suicide
Posted by Broken Girl on Sun Jun 30 13:33:43 2002 (#4495)

Hi
Tell her that you need her. I'm suicidle and no one ever tells me they need me to stay alive. Talk to her and help her understand that she is loved and people care for her.
Just be there for her basically. But dont take it all on yourself, get her to tell someone.
good luck!
Love Ella x

Re: suicide
Posted by Rhonda on Sun Jun 30 18:22:29 2002 (#4498)

Let her know that you want to help in any way you can. But also realize that she needs someone who
can help her physically and mentally. Try to get
her to find someone to help her with that. Offer
to help her find someone then do it.Suicide is
something to be taken very, very seriously. I took
my daughter seriously and she is alive today
because of it. Talk to her, tell her how important
she is in your life and how much you want to be
friends for a long time. Let her know that you want her to stay alive. If I can help in any way,
please email me. Take care of yourself.
Love, Rhonda

Re: suicide
Posted by liverpoolfc on Mon Jul 1 02:21:12 2002 (#4500)

Maybe you should tell somebody that can do something about. Even if she turns out hating you, you know that you saved her life. I'm sorry that is not the best suggestion but suicide is a hard topic.

Re: suicide
Posted by leroy on Mon Jul 1 05:15:29 2002 (#4505)

I am 45 years old. Your thoughts are so much like the ones I have had since I was ...... 10, 8,. 6. I guess I don't remember exatly. I wish there was a one thing I could say.

There is not.

My 16 year old daughter is the reason I am here. I look over her posts from time to time to see what she's doing.. Not to pry or be sneaky, but to see if I can do something to stop her haveing to live with the same pain I have.
\
Gratefully, we can talk, and she seems to be OK that I check on her, yes she gets irritated too.

I dont blame her, I'm just glad we still talk.

Re: Suicide.

So many days, rather,....so many moments after........ moment,after,...... moment after,........................ ....................moment.... ................... after............... you get it (please) , it would seem to be so much more siple if I could only just wake up dead tomorrow. Or I would rather say, could I just wake up without the pain tomorrow..

It seems so simple yet so many comlications.

In my mind I have seen so many who care even tho they don't comprehend.

that helps.

However the real reason that I hang on to breathing vs. stopping breathing is that there is a solution that is real yet not widely known.

I will share this reason with you if you want.

I know there are many scammers here.

I offer this to you only because it has given me a reason to keep reaching for another breath, and the next and ....

Re: suicide
Posted by Dawn on Mon Jul 1 08:01:34 2002 (#4508)

It is tough knowing how someone feels and knowing you need to do SOMETHING but you are not sure what. All the sugestions are good ones and leroy's poem hits the nail straight on. Be there, be strong. be supportive, and most of all walk with your friend through the process of seeking help as Rhonda did with her daughter. It is difficult to find the right words so pray first and remember there are a lot of others on here whom I am sure have already been praying. Mine has gone up as I type. Its good to be a friend when someone you care about is hurting because it brings you closer both to your friend and to God. Love and Hugs ...Dawn

Re: suicide
Posted by stranger in the night on Mon Jul 1 14:37:52 2002 (#4517)

tell her that you are there for her no matter what...and try not to tell her that you dont want her to die because youve already lost friends through suicide...becasue i think that may have the opposite effect, like your turning it all on you ya know? BUT im not critizizing you for feeling like that because i lost a friend through suicide recently and its horrible. just let her know that you care, thats all you can do

take care and congrats on being a good friend by trying to understand.

donna xxx

Re: suicide
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Jul 1 21:13:18 2002 (#4534)

my best friend tried to kill herself and it was one of the hardest thing's i've ever been through in my life. then i put her through the same thing and hated myself for it. the thing i've learnt through my experience with her and myself is just be there. give her a hug and let her kniw you're there for her, but don't force her inot anything. hope it works out ok. love el x

JILL, PLS READ.
Posted by Nicke on Tue Jul 2 11:03:22 2002 (#4575)

If your friend is talking abot it chances are she is feeling pretty shitty and sees it as the only way out...but, i know this might sound weird, but as long as she IS talking about it then that is better than nothing.

I have learnt that if they tell someone, then the feeling they have are very strong, and have a desperate feeling that they don't know what else to do. But if someone is actually going to ACT upon these feelings then they wouldn't tell anybody, they don't usually say anything to anyone, for fear that they might stop them from achieving what they are setting out to do.

So, tkae heart in the fact that she is TELLING you what is going on and just be there for her...talk to her aboutgetting some kind of professional help to help deal with these feelings, maybe see the doctor...

Nicke.

email me if you want anymore advice, or even just a chat.

problems
Posted by liverpoolfc on Mon Jul 1 02:23:31 2002 (#4501)

I still cut, but I've also started drinking real heavily. Morning, noon, and night. Everything is just getting worse. Should I tell my therapist or do you think she would make me do some sort of alcohol therapy.

Re: problems
Posted by ~lone~ on Mon Jul 1 02:26:08 2002 (#4504)

She'll do what's best for your health.
Tell her.

Re: problems
Posted by Nicke on Mon Jul 1 12:51:14 2002 (#4510)

The best thing you can do is to tell your therapist, because they can't help you if they don't know what is going on...

I know that there is a tendency to battle with therapists because they want you to do all kinds of things that you don't want to do. However, their goal is still the same...to help you to get better.

Stay strong, email me to let me know how you are getting on...Nicke.

Re: problems
Posted by stranger in the night on Mon Jul 1 14:34:58 2002 (#4516)

hehe cant really comment after my post above! but i understand your doubts and reasoning for questioning (making any sense?)...hmm....well whatever you do good luck and take care of yourself hun hugs to you

donna xxx

Re: problems
Posted by KAT on Mon Jul 1 20:34:47 2002 (#4521)

Id say tell your therapist she might be abl;e to help you out insome way, but if you really cant control the drinking, she might send you too AA. but let me tell you, thatplace works miracles.
Its a great place, good people..you'll like it thereif you have to go, or just if you want to.
take care
KAT

Re: problems
Posted by Eleanor on Mon Jul 1 21:08:22 2002 (#4533)

hey hun.
I think that you should tell her. if the drinkings that bad then maybe alcohol therapy might not be a bad idea? I just want you to be ok. sending you a (((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))) )))))))))))))
love always,
El x

I'm trying to be strong...BUT
Posted by Dawn on Mon Jul 1 08:30:33 2002 (#4509)

I know you all are battling with deep emotional thoughts and feelings and your lives are often in the balance. But right now its my body that is my enemy. I am still surviving on water mostly, and my body is feeding on me. And like the other day when I drank 4 cups of hot decaf coffee thinking it would help my body elimainate its wastes and I only acheived looking death in the face because my ulcers, gallbladder and stomach can't stomach hot coffee and the physical pain left me reeling for almost 4 hours.

It seems so odd how suicidal I've been for the past 16 years '16 years' and now that my body is hastening toward my 50th birthday those traumatic years seem to have been easliy survived and whatever is wrong with me is ruling my life.

Maybe it is the control issue. When I was suicidal and cutting 3-4 times a day. I was in control and liked it. Now I can't even force my body to work right. And there is nothing but tests and more test and no diagnosis.

So you all stop sometime and say a thank you when you wake up healthy, because it can all change and you may start looking through life as I do. Pray for me. Pray that the doctors can find out what it is. It appears to be my digestive track from my esopagas(?) to where wastes leave. only it is like my colon has gone on strike.

You might not think my health is appropiate discussin on a self injury board. But I think it is because maybe my subconscious is messing me up because I'm not physically doing it lately.

Re: I'm trying to be strong...BUT
Posted by stranger in the night on Mon Jul 1 14:33:20 2002 (#4515)

hey dawn, well i dont really know you nor am i an expert in medicine or anything so i dont particularly have any answers...but i hope that everything works out ok for you hun, i hope that you find all of the answers to your questions and all i can really do is give you loads of hugs.

take care dawn (((((((((DAWN)))))))))

donna xxx

Re: I'm trying to be strong...BUT
Posted by KAT on Mon Jul 1 20:36:45 2002 (#4522)

If it concers your well being its appropriate dont worry about that.
I will pray for you and find some time to send you an e-mail.
gosh its been busy
love
ya
get well soon
KAT

Re: I'm trying to be strong...BUT
Posted by Jamie on Mon Jul 1 21:28:01 2002 (#4536)

hey dawn, i actually don't know anyone on this message board, and i can't even imagine how hard that must be for you, but my prayers are with you...fate will take the turns that were meant to be in your life, just stay strong, we're all here for you
hugs, jamie

Thank You all
Posted by Dawn on Tue Jul 2 06:01:59 2002 (#4558)

I don't know most of you on the board because of my health, but I read posts and although I do not comment on them much my heart is stirred for you all.

Where I am now is totally different from where I was a year ago. For one I'm turning 50 and I am in a place of peace of mind as far as my past goes finally. But it hasn't been that long since I last cut or felt suicidal. Actually it has been almost a year that I've not been overwhelmed by my frashbacks and nightmares of my past and been in a state of peace.

Now the I'm force to live in the present and deal with my health, which I guess isn't a bad thing. In fact there are several good things coming out of this health crisis. For one I can bend my knee while sitting in my reclyner and touch my but with my ankle. I can feel the bones in my face. My clothes either fit great or are four sizes too big. And I'm not out spending all my money trying to find the perfect thing to make my life worth living. And I guess I've given all of you who read my posts something other than SI to read about........tanks again :)