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Anonymous
Copyright, Anonymous
The first time I ever did any major injury, where blood was present, was in the 6th grade. Before that, it was the usual scratching, bruising sort of thing. Then it evolved into cutting and burning. It wasn't due to stress or parental stress, because I live with my grandparents. I was just bored. I have always felt pain. You see, I have PTSD from watching my mom die in a car accident when I was 2. Anyway, this may seen strange about the first time that I did anything major. I was watching the Disney channel, when I just got up, went to the bathroom, broke apart a leg razor, and had at it. It was so sweet watching the blood trickle down my arm. The look like cat scratches at first. No body in my family noticed them until I was a junior in high school, and when they asked, I blamed it on the neighbors cat. I am a senoir now. My grama knows that i did it once because I told her, but she said "don't do it again". A few of my friends know, but they say dumb shit like "wasn't that trendy like 3 years ago?" like it was some sort of fashion statement. If they only knew that I was imagining them bleeding and someone saying somehting like that. I started on my legs, my quads. No one can see them there, because I never wear shorts. They just keep getting bigger, and somethimes I like to sit in a tub of hot water and do it. I think it's pretty when the water changes color. I will always do it, no matter what anyone says or does, if they try to stop me, I will find another way. That's the problem with addictions of any kind. The emotional pain that you feel goes away and the pysical pain seems to numb everything. It takes over your mind. But the funny thing is, that after a while, the pysical pains starts to subside and you have to do more to get the same affect as when you first started. That leads to bigger and better scars. Half of my wants to stop, then the other half outwighs the other. It's like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. Who do you choose? I don't know, maybe I'll just keep doing it until I accidently slit with my razor and die. They will notice the scars then, won't they?