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Beginning
These stories describe how and why people begin to injure themselves.
Danielle's Story
I'm Danielle. I'm 14, and living in Annapolis,Maryland. I have been diagnosed with MPD (multiple personality disorder), Bipolar Disorder, and I am blessed with constant suicidal thoughts, as well as the need to bring harm to myself.
My childhood was that of a typical American family that wanted a daughter but chose to adopt. That American family happened to be my blood grandparents. As an infant, my birth parents gave me up for adoption, truthfully, because I was a mistake. My birthfather's parents adopted me. My adopted father has always been an alcoholic, and always physically,verbally, emotionally, and sexually abusive. My adopted mother is literally his slave. I'm a prisoner in my own friggin life.
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Living with Self-Injury
Although everything seemed to be fine on the outside, I was beginning to fumble on the inside. My attitude had been changing for some time, my values and morals. Beneath that confident air that I exhumed, I was insecure, frightened, paranoid, hypochondriatic, depressed, innocent. I knew nothing of anything, even though I was a "brain". I made friends quickly, but I was very insecure about losing them. Still, I was full of energy, tough as nails like my daddy had taught me to be.
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Shaniece
I started getting depressed back in my freshman year of high school. It took its tole the beginning of this year. In January, I was sooo depressed, I thought I was going insane. I didn't know what to do. I tried to talk to my mama, but she only yelled at me. That was the first time I cut. It was with a razor. It was dull, so I cut many times til blood started to surface. It really didn't hurt, for the simple fact that I felt numb inside.
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Anonymous
Well this is my story oh how my cutting startted. I started cutting when I was 13 years old. I remeber that I was being mad fun of as usual and could't take it. It was seriously messing up my brain. I felt like I was going crazy. So I took my nails down my arm as deep as I could and draged then across my arm. I remeber feeling at ease. The pain felt so much better than the pain that I was going thru inside my head. Then latter on I started cuttting myself with my pocket knife. It just makes me feel better. I don't know how to explain it.
Berrie
Copyright, Berrie
I started SIing when I was 12, it was meant to be a homemade tattoo. When my best friend died the following year, I remembered how it felt. So in the days after she died, I cut several times, many from which I still have scars today. I stopped for a little while when I started going out with my first boyfriend.
But when he cheated on me 4 months later, i turned to cutting again. I stayed with him for another 14 months, during that time I cut a fair few times. Also that year my mum went into hospital for a pacemaker, the only thing that stopped it was SI.
And just today, I broke up with my new b/f of 7 months, for fooling around behind my back. He told me a week ago he wanted to "spend time apart", I knew, so I cut 19 times.
I'm not ashamed of my SI, it's a coping mechanism, not a problem to be brushed under the carpet.
Em
Copyright, Em
I was 11 years old when i first cut myself, i didnt do it on purpose but it felt good and i kept that feeling with me by purposly fallin over in the play ground and things like that just to feel the blood pumping. It wasnt till i got to high school when i seriously started self harming, my best friend had died from cancer while i was on holiday i knew it was goin to happen but it still came as a shock. The nite i found out i went downstairs and took a knife out of the drawer. the cut was so deep i still have the scar. i dont regret what ive done in my life as its made me who i am and i wouldnt change that. im dealin with it in my own way, and its working i havnt cut myself for a month i would say thats good?
Copyright, Anonymous
Everything started when i was six-years old. My sister got bulemia, clinical depression and she started to self harm. i didn't understand because of my age.
When i was 11 i started to self harm... the first time i got a knife and i cut myself. It felt good i did it because i was being bullied at the time. phsyical and verbal abuse. and i hated myself so much that i needed to inflict pain on myself. My dad also hit me a couple of times... this carried on till i was 13. I don't really cut myself so seriously anymore i cut myself last night with a knife. But it just looks like cat scratches and it didn't really pierce the skin. I'm glad to say i have started the long hard road to recovery... you should too.