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The Blade and Me
Copyright, Kel
i started self injury when i was about 13, right about the time my mom got sick with Multiple Sclerosis. I had a younger sister to take care of and a father who was depressed and a mother who was abusive and unable to do the chores, so i took it all on. i tried to be the perfect little girl. and to deal with the frustration and grief, i picked at my scalp and bruised my hands. Being raped by my boyfriend at 17 didnt help matters. For me self-injury came and went depending on what was happening in my life. as long as things werent too intense, i managed fine without it. then my senior year of college came and i was overwhelmed. i was diagnosed with Post Truamatic Stress Disorder from the abuse from my mom (sever physical beatings) and my father (who molested me as a child) and my boyfriend (who raped me). I used a safety pin to scratch my wrist. i was taken to the hospital, but not admitted. but it didnt stop. i even started using scarier things... xacto blades and such. For years on and off i struggled with depression, went to therapy, tried different meds.
and now... i am getting better. i havent cut in over 300 days. i have learned other ways to handle the pain. I am in a support group for people who have been abused. I take meds that work.
it was an uphill battle
but it is possible