I’m 17 and have been cutting for the last 2 years.
It all started after me and my first love broke up. I was out with a mate, her name was Hayley, she grabbed a rock and told me when I got bored to rub it on my skin. She was pretty twisted I thought but I took the rock anyway.
The next day I went to school with scratches on both arms and it looked like I had fallen over so that’s what I said. I had realised that when I was hurting myself I didn’t feel it. I was taking control of my life which was falling out of control. I was taking drugs and all I wanted was Michael back!
I started to scratch every night when I went home and would cry myself to sleep! It didn’t get much better after that. Only 4 months after we broke up, him, his sister and mum moved in with my family. I thought I was handling it well. Except for the fact that I was high everyday and cutting every night. But he was doing drugs too and he noticed the cuts. He told me he still cared for me and didn’t want to see me hurting myself. I told him he didn’t have to watch. I was mad at him. I didn’t want to be near him. I just wanted to be over him. They moved out 3 weeks later. We started to kiss. And it took me another 5 months to totally back off and tell him to leave me alone.
My parents broke up the year after that I was only 16 and I had no one to talk to. It seemed like I was all alone. I had kicked the drugs by now but was still cutting because it was the only thing I could control.
Well I’m 17 now I’ll be 18 in 2 months. I’m still cutting every day and I’m still crying myself to sleep. I keep making friends with people that only end up hurting me and I’m tired of being told I’m nothing. I’ve been suicidal so many times, mainly this year.
But I understand how it feels to be alone, and scared and hate people. I just want to say that if anyone needs help they can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.