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Happy But Sad

My Story

Copyright Happy But Sad

My story begins when I was fourteen. I had a boyfriend, who I now hate and he hates me too.

We had a fight, and I just cut myself on a razor blade. That was how it all began. I kept doing that every time we had a fight. But never so to deep, I never bleed.

We were together for about a year after that. We did not have a healthy relationship at all. I was too young, and na´ve. We had sex very early on. And I regret it so much. I had not even got my period yet. Neither my body nor my mind was ready for it.

I finally got the courage to break up with him when I was fifteen, right after Christmas. I finally started to get my life back to normal. I had lost almost every friend I had during that year I was with him. Now I spent much time getting them back. I got to see who were real friends, does who came back too me.

I met a new guy on New Year’s Day. But he was much older than me. We met in secret for almost a year. I had continued cutting myself when I had a fight with him or if my friends did not have time to spend with me. But now it had gotten much worse. I cut so deep that I bleed.

I did not do it to kill myself, but to get pain out. To feel alive. To know that I was alive.

I broke it off with him and had a one night stand with a friend. I regret that so much.

Then I started to have a relationship with a new guy. We only had sex when we met. And it ended very quickly. I thought it was romance and feelings, but he said I was not his type. I was so sad. And the cutting started again. But not any worse than before.

Then finally I thought my luck had turned. I met this wonderful guy. He became my boyfriend. He said he loved me. I was so happy. And had lasted a half year without any cutting. I waited until we had been together almost two months before we had sex. It was at Christmas day actually. And two days later he broke up with me. Said he did not love me. He only had thought so. I was so crushed. And the cutting started again. The worst case so far. I even hit the wall so hard that I began to bleed on my hand. But then he and I continued as friends. We had more sex (I was glad that was not the reason he broke up with me). But then he found out that I still loved him. And did not want to do it any more. I was fine with that. But One day when I was out with my friends I got so drunk, that I blacked out. I don’t remember any of the things I did that night. One of my best friends had found me in the kitchen of the party we were, with a knife in my hand. I was bleeding from my hand.

And I cried so fucking much. I broke down. Screamed. Everything was wrong. My best friend carried me home. My other best friend stayed over the whole night. She laid down beside me and said everything was going to be OK.

But a few days later I cut my self again. On my arm and leg. But this time I used my work knife. I bleed the most I ever had bleed from cutting. It might even be a scar after this. My friends are so disappointed in me. But they will help me get past this. I love them so much. I have a great life, with great friends and a great family. (My family doesn’t know about me cutting myself) I am turning seventeen in about two months.

I guess what I am trying to prove with my story is that you can have a normal life filled with love and good friends. But still be a self injuring person.

 

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