Not Anymore, and Never Again
I want to feel the cold,
But in between.
I want to feel the blade,
Not in between,
I want to feel the pain,
But in waves.
I don t want to see a slice,
I want to see a chunk.
Stolen from me,
As my feelings were taking so easily.
I want to feel blood drip from two places,
The gouge of the gaping wound,
And the bottom of my lip.
I want to hold back my tears,
I want to know this doesn t hurt,
I want to know that I can walk away before they take it away.
Like a lemon on a cake,
It goes by the slice.
The slits in my legs,
Are surrounded by eyes.
Watching as my pain escalades,
To a wall too high to help.
I wish I could punch a hole,
So I cant say I fell.
To Be Me
So you want to be in my head,
to see whats inside my brain
You want to know what i think about,
to confirm that im insane
Judgeing by the looks of it,
I think you might be right.
as I sit here and think about the things I do at night
I cut myslef on my arm and watch how much i bleed.
I watch the blood and get envoius wondering when ill be free’d.
The depression is always there it lingers over head.
I constantly think about
all the things youve said.
The thought of death is on my mind, its always in my thoughts
but what do you expect for all the things ive been taught
Ive been taught not to love and never give out trust.
That when I do open up I put up such a fuss.
When I look around I see all the friends ive lost.
Giveing and never reicieving ,loosing love must be the cost.
Why do I do the things I do, you would like to know?
For that minute that I have the knife in hand I feel like im in control.
Everytime you see a smile know that it is fake.
I put it on for if I dont its your feelings I forsake.
Mostly I can hide the pain deep inside my chest.
but if one drop leaks out it pours out all the rest.
I apologize for the the way I feel I dont want you to feel any pain.
I love you so much ide die for you even if you are ashamed.
So as you sit back and wonder what it is you cant see.
This is what it feels like everyday to be me….