I’m 26 years old and have been cutting myself since I was 12. I find myself asking why I do this. I come from a good family. I was never abused as a child, so why would I do such a thing to myself? I remember the first time I ever cut myself. I was on the phone talking to my friend and I was crying (upset; about what I can’t remember) and holding an X-acto knife. By the time I got off the phone I had cuts up and down my left arm and was bleeding bad, but the emotional pain inside me was gone and in a weird way I felt a lot better. My arms, shoulders and stomach are covered with scars and I’m still no closer to figuring out why I would do such a thing to myself.
I was almost cured once. I was prying the razor blade out of a Bic razor when I slipped and cut my thumb wide open. I was so zoned out that I hid the razor in the bathroom trash, walked into the kitchen and got out a knife and the sharpener, then woke up my (ex)husband telling him I cut my thumb while sharpening a knife. It didn’t hurt till we were on our way to the ER. I ended up with 8 stiches in my thumb. I stopped cutting for a year after that and then I tried to OD one new years eve and ended up in the psych ward 2 days later when I admitted myself.
Through all the doctors and medications in the last two years (which now I don’t take any) I still find myself cutting. What worries me the most is sometimes I don’t remember why I did it or when. Anyways, that’s part of my story if you want to know more just e-mail me.