Psyke.org

Kathryn

Untitled

Copyright, Kathryn

It was an accident
Really
I burnt my wrist on my lights
By accident
Truly
You believe me
Right?
I din’t mean to
I just slipped
And slit my arm on my locker
I couldn’t have done it on purpose
My knife got taken away
But there are other things
To hurt me so
Who knew a harmless bookmark
That everyone gets
Could hurt me like this
I didn’t think it could
Thats why I used it
Are you going to take it away too
What about my needles
They hurt too
Anything can hurt
By accident or purpose
Mine are by accidnet
Just like I said
Believe it or not
The truth is not
But believing is the better choise
The safer choice
Safert for me
So I don’t go insaine
Safer for you
So you son’t know and worry Meaningless worries
I’m fine
Can’t you see
It was an accident
Now let me be
Until the next accident
Let me be

I did it again
I ruined someones day
By pissing them off
In a mysterious way
How the hell do I manage this
Why must I always make people mad
I don’t like doing it
So why do I
I don’t know
I never mean to
Why is everybody so angry
Can’t you see I’m sorry
For what I said
Whatever I said
That made you mad
Please forgive me
Or just know that I’ll punish myself
To save you the trouble
I’ll inflict more pain that you would
So you can be happy again
Happy at the sound of my pain
My silent pain
That only I can give to myself
All so you can be happy again
And forget what I said
Then let it slip into history
And be another pain-filled event
That you did nothing but get mad at me
in
The rest will have been my doings
That will still be there in the future
A painful reminder
Of a painful event
Of a time I made you mad
And took it out on myself
Because I’m not right
Then it will happen all over again
At a different place in time
Again and Again
Until there’s nothing left
Of me

I’m alone again
Whats new
I just told another lie
Whats new
It was half true
Like the rest
I cut
Yes
Thats true
But did my friend and I have faith
No
So why did I say that
I don’t know
Attention seeker
Whats new
Just another sin
In my sinful life
Where is everybody
Where are my friends
Why wont anyone talk to me
Please God
Help me
Send someone
For me?

Hey
Look at me
Yeah me
The ass hole
I’m alone yet again
But this is different
I don’t want to be alone
But I’m too lazy to get up
And approach anybody
That takes more effort than I poses at
the moment
It would repuire voice skills
Skills that I don’t have
At least not right now
GRRRRR
I’m mad
Shit I’m stupid
I’m not looking at you
Stop thinking that
I know you are
This is bull shit
Life is bull shit
Damn it all

Cry

Copyright, Kathryn

I want to cry
But I can’t
I want to cry all my troubles away
That doesn’t seem to be possible though
Why can’t I cry
Like every other person
I don’t understand
Why must I keep all my feeling inside of me
And let them all build up
Until I explode on myself
All of this because I couldn’t cry
I couldn’t make myself let it out in normal water tears
Instead I let it out in big crimson tears
Falling from my wrists and legs, not from my eyes
I hate this
Why won’t he make me cry more often
I wish he would
Yet I wish he wouldn’t
He’s the only one who can make me cry
But he’s so scary when he does
Must he be so powerful
Must I be the only one he can make cry
Is he proud when he make’s me cry
He tells me to suck it up
That it didn’t hurt
But it does hurt
It hurts deep down
In the depths of my soul
So bad I don’t know what to do
I guess thats why I cry
But only when he yells and grabs
He’s a monster that I’m supposed to love and honor
I suppose I should since he grants my wish to cry
Why can’t I make myself cry though
There’s a tear
But it’s crimson, not clear
I’m crying the wrong way
SHIT
I need to cry right
And right now

The Door

Copyright, Kathryn

There’s a door
It can be used for many things
It can protect
It can hide
It can close out
Sometimes it’s open
Most of the time it’s closed
I like it closed
I like my pricacy
My family likes it open
They don’t trust me
They son’t think I should be by myself
They have to moniter and watch me
To make sure I won’t cut
I find that pointless
If I have to keep this door open
Why can I close the rest
They trust me in a bathroom with razors galore
But not in my own room with nothing to hurt myself with
I treasure my door
It helps me in a lot of ways
More than you would thing
More than I care to list or tell
No one would listen to them anyway
So I’ll leave it at I love this door
It covers me up
And I love it

Untitled

Copyright, Kathryn

I feel like crying
I feel like dying
I need to talk
But to who
No one wants to listen to me
I’m an attention-seeker
Everything I say is for attention
Right?
People thing I don’t know this
Like I son’t know I’m annoying
I hate being an attention-seeker
I’m a hypocondriac
I don’t like being one though
I hate feeling all the aches and pains that arn’t real
But they feel real
I try not to complain
But it’s so hard
Even if I son’t complain
I still find ways of getting attention
By making people feel sorry for me
I hate this
I know I’m a bad person
But I hate being one
Yet I can’t change
I don’t know why
I just can’t
I can’t stop the thoughts and plans
Plans for getting attention
Attention can be good
But not my kind of attention
My kind is negitive
I love negitive attention
But I hate making people give it to me
I hate being myself
I don’t know what to do any more
I need to talk
But no one want’s to listen to me because I have no real problem
I just pretend I do
I HATE THIS
I HATE LIFE
I MUST KILL MYSELF
Or at least cut
And bleed my troubles out
Right now

Untitled

Copyright Kathryn

Blood is good
It keeps us alive
How I wish I wasn’t alive
How I wish my blood would disapear
Evaporate out of my veins
I can’t seen to do that
So I’m stuck with cutting
Oh sweet cutting
My way away
Away from life
Away from every little thing that could hurt
Hurt is such a bad feeling
Yet in some ways it is the best feeling I’ve ever felt
Cutting hurts
But so do people
PEOPLE suck
LIFE sucksv
I want to go away
Away from everything
I need to CUT!

Untitled

Copyright Kathryn

I need to cut
I don’t know why
It’s this fucked(screwed) up addiction of mine
Sure I can control it
Tell myself not to
But that doesn’t stop the need for pain
I wish it would all go away
All disapear out of my sight
So I wouldn’t have to fight
This burning desire in my veins
To bleed it all away
To watch as all my troubles melt away
In a big crimson tear
Falling from my body
Into a puddle that is too large for any river
To watch it blend and fade like my whole life seems to be
Oh the burning secret
Burning a hole right through me
Like a burning knife pierced into me

 

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