I want to tell you my experiences of living with a self harmer and the effect it can have on you. People sometimes don’t realise how hard it is not to be the harmer and just the outsider watching, praying and hoping.
I met Dan in a cafe almost three years ago. Now, he was always open about his cutting and often I saw his scars. We went out a few times and we fell so in love with each other that I looked past the scars and loved him for who he was.
After about a month or so he cut in front of me. It was hard to see and it made it worse by the fact he was an alcoholic and the police often got involved. I can’t describe how hard it was to watch the one person I loved being dragged off by the police screaming for me to hold and help him.
We often had good spells together for a few weeks when nothing would happen. I just couldn’t understand why someone so full of life and funny and sweet could be in so much pain inside. We talked a lot and we both tried to help each other but our relationship was doomed before it began. We broke after four months and I miss him every day. If I’d had the support I needed I wouldn’t have given up.
I’m now a self harmer cutting to try and forget the man that showed brillant courage and love. All I can say is that if anyone else has or is experiencing what I have is: don’t give up, have stregnth, get help. Because dealing with self harming is easier than dealing with a broken heart.