How I Ruined my Life
I started SI in April 2004. I had just watched Degrassi and an episode where Ellie was cutting herself. I thought that was interesting and I loved how she freaked Paige out. Anyways, at first I tried scratching but I was too scared to so instead, I got a metal ruler and scraped at my arm. I scraped until it was red and stung. The scar is still there.
Then, I did this five more times. I loved how worried my friends were. Then with a paper clip, I started scratching. Finally, once I scratched until it bled. I don’t know if this would be qualified as cutting. Guess not. Then, on my upper left arm, I did it a lot and deep. I was amazed at how easy it was to scratch there. It bled but the blood never left the cut. But it was enough blood so that when I put my finger on it, my finger would be red. Would this be qualified as cutting? Anyways, as I did this six times on my upper arm, I started to do it on my legs. Same amount of blood. Just enough blood to get my finger red. I was also amazed at how good I felt after I made each scratch or cut. I felt… happy. Then I decided I wanted to stop. And as my friends prevented me from stopping, I had to push myself away from them for a while. I ignored everyone for two weeks. I stopped. Apparently, I scar easy so the scars are still there. All the scrapes and most of the scratches. I hate them. The scars ruined my confidence. I wish I could go back as I see that this was not worth it. And my scrapes are now brown thanks to the sun. I can still wear a t-shirt but I’m always self-conscious and the ones on my upper arm really get to me. This was not worth it. Even though all of this only lasted a month, I might be affected the rest of my life because of it. I advice no one to start this. And I also lost all my friends as they didn’t like the idea of me ignoring them. And I get urges to scratch or cut. I know that it will always be there to make me feel better and I hate that. I am now more depressed than I ever was.