I’m 36 years old and I’ve been cutting since I was 13. I don’t know why I started. I don’t even know what made me think of cutting myself. I’ve always felt different from other people but I don’t know why. I’ve always found it difficult to make relationships with people.
If I feel myself getting close to someone, I push them away because I know I will always end up hurting them. So I guess I take it out on myself and hurt myself instead. I look at myself and I think “Why the hell would anyone want to be friends with me? I’m horrible!” I hate myself. Cutting is like an addiction for me… Sometimes I don’t need anything to trigger me off, I just know that I need to do it. It scares me. I’m 36 years old and I shouldn’t be doing this now but I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop but at the same time I do want to stop. I can’t explain anything. I told you I was stupid and useless. I can’t even explain to you why I do this. I’m shit. I know I am. I’m sorry.