What Led To My Pain

Copyright, GeminiJynx13

Twelve years old. That’s how old I was when I started cutting. I started cutting with a pocket knife, and it developed from there. When I was twelve I was sexually assaulted by my step brother who I had lived with since I was three. Since then, I have been raped again at the place I worked. It was different this time, this time I was raped at knife point by a black man. This ruined me. I am no longer the same person. Since I was twelve, I was prescribed seven medications for various psychological problems brought on by the rape. I am on medication to be happy and that is the worst. I don’t feel anything that isn’t prescribed anymore. I am numb to the world. I don’t cut to feel pain, I cut to feel anything. Recently, however, I met my current boyfriend who has helped me through any tough time I may come across. He is everything to me. Now I look back on it and I wonder why I didn’t just look to someone who loves me to help me with my problem. That is my advice to anyone with the same problem as mine. Go to someone, anyone who might understand. It will help, I promise. When I found out how much it hurts my boyfriend when I hurt myself, I just cant cut myself as much as I did. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone but myself. So don’t hurt the people you love by hurting yourself. Please take my advice, what do you have to lose?

Where I’ve Been

the knife in my arm
does me no harm
the knife in my side
all thoughts collide
im not insane
because i like to feel pain
dont judge my mind
there’s no escape i can find
better than eternal blood red
stained on my skin
i cant sleep in my own bed
dont judge until u know where ive been
the scars remind me
what i could not see
this battle of life i cannot win
dont judge until u know where ive been


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