Copyright Haze

I am a self-injurer. No matter how many times I say that it just doesn’t seem real. I didn’t know anything about cutting until I seen it on a show. That is where it all began. Somewhere along the way I tried it and it was like a drug, I was addicted. I loved the feeling. It was like for once in my life I was in control of something. I could control whether or not I was going to hurt.

I always made good grades and was very involved in the school but I didn’t have very happy home life. I had really bad fears and panic attacks that I couldn’t seem to control. So when I was about twelve I guess the pain and hurt became too much and I needed something or someone to help me. Since that someone never came along I turned to something. When I started it felt great but it really scared me that I was actually doing this. So I decided to talk to my cousin, she just kind of blew it off like it was a normal thing so I didn’t put much more thought into what I was doing. Then last year I was talking to someone and I just kinda blurted everything out. I felt so stupid that I had said something but she seemed to understand. I used to write things down in a notebook and my grandma found it and passed it to my aunt and uncle and then on to my mom. I was so angry and them knowing only made things worse. But like my cousin,the to blew it off like it was nothing. I’m glad on one side but on the other side it makes me feel like they don’t care and that my hurt isn’t worth there trouble to help. I know cutting isn’t gonna help in the long run and while I am tryying to figure out what I am gonna do, it is my temporary solution. I want to stop and I have hopes that some day I will.


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