Copyright, Vicky

I’ve been cutting since the age of thirteen and now I’m almost sixteen. My brother got killed, my mum’s an alcoholic, and well, I just found out that the man I thought was my dad, actually isn’t. My real dad is in jail for I don’t know what reasons since my mother refuses to talk about him. The people who killed my brother (local mafia, since I live in Italy) forced us to leave Italy and first escape to another part of Italy, then Paris, then New Zealand (where I learnt English) and finally we settled back in Italy in another part of the country from the previous two (hopefully I’ll stay here until I’m eighteen and the God knows what will happen to me). While I was in New Zealand my mum started drinking and she basically blamed me for the death of my brother. She always said that I was supposed to get killed and not him, then she and what at the time I thought was my dad split up and my “dad” moved back to Italy leaving me and my mum alone, my mum doesn’t work, so we had a few financial problems. I started drinking because of her, I always got to school completely drunk and eventually I started to do all kind of drugs and have sex with guys. I got in trouble with the school and even the law for having $20 worth of hash on me. Later on I thought I was pregnant and that’s when I seriously started to think about suicide, so far I’ve tried three times. And almost succeeded once (overdose of cocaine). In the end the pregnancy tests were wrong thank God. My mother decided to leave New Zealand because she realised I was making a mess out of my life and her own wasn’t any better. Since I came to Italy I just couldn’t socialise with anyone because I seriously had enough, I got round to getting to know some people and eventually became addicted to heroin, my mum found out a few weeks ago and now she’s going to send in some kind of rehab centre. Lately I’ve been cutting myself really badly and I ended up in hospital with twelve stitches. If any one thinks they can relate to my story or just want someone to talk to I’d be happy to do so. My e-mail is


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