Copyright, Fran

Hey, thanks for the site. Maybe I feel a bit more connected now. I first remember ‘cutting’ with the metal edge of a screen door when I was about 4 or 5 years old. Back then such a thing was unheard of. I cut a few times a year until I was a teen, when I started doing it more often — but not cuts that would leave scars. After all — the sixties were a pretty scary time for people classed as crazy. My Dad had almost 30 shock treatments… Really sent him over the edge. I started sleeping with a knife under the mattress from the age of 15. Used it sometimes, but mostly kept it for protection. Now, the thing is, I eventually got married and had four kids (they’re wonderful!), but the cutting continued off and on. Imagine how I’ve felt all these years, thinking I was such a freak — afraid to let anyone know. A few years ago, someone filled me in on cutting when I was rushed to hospital by ambulance as a suicide case. The doctor who told me about it wasn’t very nice. So now, here I am… In my late 40’s and still cutting. Believe me, I’ve tried to stop. It’s a pretty ‘dicey’ time when I get started again. I take hope from those who say they have been able to stop for years — and not start again. It’s great that people like you can have open communication about this. I’ve never dared to write anything on internet before, although I have got 14 chapters of a book ready to publish. Maybe… Someday… If I get up the nerve.


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