Raven with the Broken Wing


Copyright Raven with the Broken Wing

I am sixteen, almost seventeen years old and have self harmed on and off since I was fifteen. I go for monthes without doing it and then all of a sudden everything will blur and all I can feel is anger and rage, manily directed towares myself. I have never been as others are, I guess, when I see how ‘normal’ people treat others and it makes me sick. if ‘normal’ is to take other people’s self esteem and slice into it like a knife until it completely dismantles. I can do without being normal. Unfortunately in our society, that’s not premitted, lest you be riddiculed. Both me and my younger sister have been bullied since a very young age. I am bisexual, dyspaxic and dress ‘alternatively’ (spaz, spastic, freak, dyke… bla-di-bla, whatever). My sister is constantly unfairly targeted because of me and that makes me feel as if I have failed her. I feel as if I have failed a lot of people, actually. I am extremely dependent on my family because I have a lot of health issues, incuding an illness with an unknown cause which causes me to puke up when I eat. My family are supportive and loving but I can tell I’m a strain for them. I used to wish I wasn’t around anymore, seemed it would be the only relief for everyone. The last time I SH’d was four days ago. I felt as if I would burst with all the emotion going on inside me. We were having a lot of family arguments and I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to smash up everyhing in sight but instead I did that. I forced a pin into my flesh and made a semi deep slit, going over it again and agian until I drew blood. I felt numb while I was doing it. Then released for a while and then gulity. I have a lot of close friends who SH and I am so much better off then most of them in so many ways. I always do all I can to help my best friends because my life would mean very little without them. My friends have brought light into the darkest times of my life. I realised, after I had cut, with extreeme clarity that I also have a lot of good things in my life. That although my family is broken, there is a lot of love in it. That alough I am ill, I am not unable to live, even though I stuggle to rope. That alough I hate eveyone who picks on me and shuns me because I am different to them I can prove to them I am stonger than they think. I want desperately to talk to someone about SH, but I can’t think of anyone. So I wantend to share my story with you all.


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