My Pain

Copyright, Debi

It all started when I was fourteen. I had been through a lot with my family; moving, sexual abuse, mind games, things like that. I started cutting, at first to try to get attention. No one noticed, eventually, I started hiding the cuts and scars, and all went into remission until just this last year (2003). I started dating this guy, and he made me feel like I was so special, so beautiful. I stopped cutting for him. But we broke up, because I lied to him. I let my entire existance become based on him… and it’s still killing me. I have begun cutting deeper, more often, and using newer ways to self inflict. I was sent away for six days, but I don’t really feel that it worked that well. I know I’ll always have these feelings and thoughts, but I have to control them. It’s so hard to control them, when no one will listen and talk with me about it. I still harm myself to this day. I wish I was stronger, and I wish I could stop. But I have began to accept the fact that this is a process, I can’t just stop. I have to try. I know it will take a while, and I want to give up, but I have to do this, I have to prove to everyone that I am better than the things they say when they think I’m not listening. I’m better than that… You can be to. We need to stick together, and rise against their harsh words, and be above it all. Survive.

Debi, age 17


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