Copyright Deepacut

Hey guys, I wanted to tell a bit of my self-injury. I guess it all started in my childhood. Nervousity and emotional stress because my parents fought and my dad is an alcoholic and brutal husband. Screams and broken doors. That’s what I remember. As a child I scratched my arms and legs so badly that they are all over blood. It’s out of control. At night when I sleep and it’s still that way, even if the past is past and I don’t have that fear every night. My parents are divorced, but still I cannot stop scratching. And all that consciously self-harming thing started four years ago. Just to get a taste of it, just to get to know how a good friend feels when she cuts herself. And then I couldn’t stop. And I didn’t want to. It makes me feel happy. It was the first secret I could have. Just for my own. Nobody could stop me. It wasn’t the desire for attention. It was the incredible big desire for feeling. I was emotionally abused. I felt like I am misplaced, I still do. And now I am cutting with razorblades. My feet, my arms, my legs. But when I get myself together and stop me from doing it with a razorblade or knife. I scratch at nights. It’s nothing I am really proud of. I am proud when I consciously cut myself. But not when my body has so many bloody holes. I want to have control of it. Therapist said I should leave home. No way. I cannot describe why but I wanna stay. Take all the pain.


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