Copyright, Dre

I remember it all started when I was in grade eight. I had two best friends and I learned about cutting from my one best friend. I tried it and it hurt at first, but it also felt good, so I did it more to get rid of the pain I was feeling. I didn’t use cutting as an attention grabber, I never wanted all that attention that comes with it. One of my best friends and I began cutting every day in grade eight, we would do it many times in a day, before school, during first recess, lunch and last recess then after school and before we went to bed. We’d use broken glass, staples, kitchen knives and didn’t bother to clean it or anything. In the summer people began to find out about our cutting and no one believed our excuses. We began getting teased daily. I rememeber it so well, the people would encircle us and tease us. Calling us names like psycho, slice-girls, witches and others like that. The teachers just watched and did nothing. they said that they couldn’t do anything about it. I remember the day in the bathroom when me and my best friend attempted suicide together. Our “tool” was a staple, the stupidest thing. The cuts on our wrists were, obviously, not very deep, but my parents found out and I was sent to the hospital. I hated it there and I lied to the staff to get out of the hospital. In grade nine we began to use X-Acto knives, and my other best friend (the one that wasn’t cutting in grade eight) began to cut herself. Our depressions got worse and better and worse again over the three years it’s been since we were in grade eight. We barely cut anymore, only once a month or less, but it’s so hard to quit, because cutting has become a part of me now, a part of me that I don’t want to give up. I went through S.A.F.E. (a ten week program to help you stop self-abusing) and this program helped me find other ways to cope, but I don’t want to quit cutting completely. I guess that sounds weird. But it’s a part of me, I am masochistic, and I don’t want to change that part of me.


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