Pain, Torture

Copyright, Pilar

I’m going to start by saying I’m thirteen, turning fourteen in rwo months. My parents divorced when I was nine and after both of my parents got re-married. It started in 6th grade. I heard it from a friend and one day I tried it and after I was addicted. At the end of 6th one of my friends tried to rape me but didn’t succeed. After that my cuts were deeper and I hid them in long sleeved shirts and that was hard seeing that I live in Florida. A couple of my friends found out and told me if I didn’t stop they would tell my parents. People called me crazy. Some of them wondered how I did this I came from a good family they all loved me at least that’s what they said. By the end of the 7th it got out of control, I was cutting, burning, anything that was available, I used it. I was drinking, doing drugs and the funny part of all of this is my parents have no clue, and I hope it stays that way. I’m now in 8th grade and have moved, changed schools and it got even worse.

Last night I took a shaver apart, took the razor, cut myself. They weren’t deep just enough to bleed. I covered them with bracelets. One day I’m not going to be able to take it and I will probably try to kill myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. Please e-mail me or AIM at:

Help! Rerun

Copyright, Pilar

I know that I just wrote but things have gotten worse. My parents are starting to notice my mood swings. Last night I threw myself down a pair of steps and the sad part was I just started laughing. People at school are starting to find out.

I hate my life. I’m going out with someone in 10th grade and I’m in 8th. They call me every word you could possibly think of. I tried to kill myself last night (2004-09-20) by downing a whole thing of Aspirin and Aleve. Nobody seems to notice.

My state of mind sucks. I’m seriously paranoid. I think I’m invisible and see and hear things all the time. Yesterday in class I just started screaming because I thought there was a ghost in front of me. I’m starting to scare myself. Everyone already thinks I’m crazy so it doesn’t really matter. I’m just the one man freak show. Someone please help me I don’t know what to do anymore.

Gone to Hell and Can’t Turn Back

Copyright, Pilar

My 14th birthday just passes on (11-7-04). It was nice. I have been trying my best to stop cutting and I can’t. I don’t know what to do. These guys in my school are in a gang and have been pressuring me to join. They said that they are always there for eachother and if one person needs something then the others get it. I don’t have many friends and my best friend I were going to commit suicide together when we tried I lived she didn’t. She had a massive heart attack of all the shit we took. Now I’m cutting more than ever. Now my boyfriend tries to console me and tries to understand but he doesn’t. When I told him that I was bisexual he was speechless and understood. If it wasn’t for him I would be dead right now. I’m suprised that i’m actually here typing this.

Screeching tires shattering glass
Twisting metal,fiberglass
The scene is set,it all goes black
The curtain raised,the final act
Sirens raging in the night
Sounds of horror,gasps of fright
Intense pain,the smell of blood
Tearing eyes begin to flood

I start to scream i start to yell
But no one can hear me no one can tell
It was a stupid thing to do
I wish I could take it back
But the curtain is being lowered now
So ends my final act


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