Copyright Poppy

I am now going to be thirty-one tomorrow and have been a self harmer for seventeen years on and off, the last five years more so. Because of this and the way I am I have lost my four children and am still fighting to get them back with me as I am a good mummy to them. It’s been two years now since they went but I shall never give up. The big problem is I have never been able to get proper support for anything. The chideren going, my self harm, nothing. Just trying loads of different antidepressants that haven’t made any difference. I now have a loving partner who supports me in everything, so why do I still do it? Twice I’ve put him through major shit with it since July this year, first by taking an overdose and cutting real bad and the only reason he knew was because he heard my head bang the floor when I collapsed and it woke him up, the second just two weeks ago. I feel so guilty as I know he can’t understand but I can’t stop although I have got a bit better. I come from a family of seven and out of them all only my mum and one sister talk to me but they live in different countries to me so I don’t really see them just e-mail and phone calls, not very helpful when you’re feeling bad though. I have a job now but it requires a uniform with short sleeves and because my arms are a mess people can’t help but stare, that makes me feel way bad and shameful, but still it won’t go away. Being a self harmer is so lonely and I need to stop because all I’ve got left to loose is my life and I pray to god that don’t happen as I do have so much. My babies and my new partner. Is there any one out there that can help me in this? I do want to live just don’t want to be me.


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