Life and the way it goes

Copyright, Pixxy

My name is Pixxy for my own safety’s sake and I’m eighteen. I started cutting at eleven. More or less looking back on the reasons as to why I cut myself I see it’s because I had no control over my life. I grew up in a very controlling home where I was and still am not allowed to express my opinion even in my own life. Emotions are not shown and I have no say in the things I say or do. Now I haven’t self injured in about a year so. I self mutilated for about six years. I have scars all over my body and burn marks, piercings and tattoos. I never thought it would get as out of control as it did. I thought I had the control which made me feel good that I finally had a say in something and could control the depth the pain. I was the one in control of my body. But I think I kind of went on a power trip. I would cut every day multiple times. And I became numb to myself and my feelings and it hurt, it really did. All I wanted was to feel again to be able to become ‘normal’ to have the feelings and emotions my friends had and to be able to express it. But I didn’t know how so that lack of knowledge led me to self destruction. So why I’m telling you this is so that you guys and girls can realise that it’s not the end of the line for you that you’re not hopeless and that if you truly want to stop, you can. It takes a lot of tries to stop and it’s hard but it can be done. If you think that this is stupid and I don’t understand your pain, let me tell you a little secret about my life. I’ve been raped three times and molested by over seventy-nine guys multiple times each so don’t tell me I can’t understand. If you want to reply or talk, my e-mail address is


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