Tabitha C


Copyright, Tabitha C

I’m nineteen now. I’ve been a cutter since I was eleven. I’ve done tons of research and wrote a lot of stuff about SI and poems that I’ve chosen not to share because I don’t want others useing them as their own. I don’t talk to many about my obsession because I don’t like the negative reactions. I like to hide my scars and fresh cuts, I don’t strive for attention like many others I’ve met. I conseal them. When I was little, like from seven till now, I still bruise myself with anything. I don’t know why I do that, let alone the cutting. When I get angry I spaz out bad. I punch shit and cut and break stuff. Anything helps me be happy. I definately do not like telling people what happened to me from the time I was six to thirteen but that is probably why I’m so fucked. If you want know everything just e-mail me, I’ll get to know you then I might tell. But anyways. Cutting to me is a realease, a break from the real life and what goes on, it’s what makes me feel in control of myself. I’ve also suffered with bulimia. I used to weigh 180 and now I’m like 110. I’m still not happy with my body or life. No one has ever tried to get me help although I know I need it. I wonder how long I’m going to live from day to day, I don’t know where my life is I don’t know myself. All I know is my obsession and the happiness it brings to me. Each cut brings new meaning, a new story to myself. The blood is pure. There is no pain, no shame, no hate nor fear just utter happiness. I’ll write more later maybe but there’s a lot…


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