Copyright, Tempest

I first cut myself when I was twelve. I have been cutting ever since then for a total of five years. My cuts started small, but eventually my pain tolerance became extremely high. I would have to either cut deep (requiring stitches or surgery) or cut many many times. I was first hospitalised my freshman year, age fourteen. I was hospitalised eight times during that school year, but nothing could make me stop. I burned myself with ice and salt in the hospital and the burn became infected. At that time, I would cut myself an average of six hundred times per day. There was not an open piece of skin on my arms, legs, stomach, chest, breasts, and lower abdomen, resulting in terrible scarring and many many trips to the emergency room. At the age of fifteen, my parents flew me from Illinois (where I live) to Florida, and put me into an extensive residential treatment facility. I was there for five months, and finally I found some ways to deal with pain, anger, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, and emptiness. Although I am now doing better, I still cut about once a week, but I’ve come a long way. I just want you to know that you can do it! I have been through hell with cutting. I’ve lost a total of over two years of my life being in treatment, but it’s worth it. I don’t think cutting is bad. I also don’t think it is a good coping skill, but for some of us, it’s the only way we’ve made it this far.


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