Just Fuck Up My Life

Copyright, Tami

You know I’ve been self harming for about two years now and not long ago there have been things that have made it worse. I used to cut about two or three times a week but now it’s every day and a lot. I thought I was mad I thought I was the only one that self harms but now I see there are a lot of people out there who do. Yeah, I know that we have have different reasons to do it but we can help in little ways. Like people I know have died in the past month and it’s really hard for me so I have self harmed more. But I don’t want to talk to anyone about it you know like a shrink or something like that because they just take away the ways that you are used to doing things. So if I cut then that’s the way I cope with things.

My Fucked Up Life

Copyright, Tami

My name is Tami and I started self harming three years ago. When I started I thought I was some kinda of freak, that no one did it and that if people knew I did it then I would be hated. Then I come across some people and they told me all about self harming. Since then I’ve had a better understanding. Well I can’t say that I know how every self harmer feel. That’s a lie if I said that and I know when someone lied to you half the time it fucking hurts. This were just so fucked up when I started self harming. The first ever cut was deep and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to carry on just to let out all the pain and anger but I didn’t know how to stop this feeling.

I know as you are reading this you might think that my life just started and it can’t be that bad well trust me it is. Well don’t trust me because people that say that just bullshit too much. In the past two months I have had four people die that I know. Two of them have been suicide and then the other two have been illnesses. But this is what a lot of people don’t get. I don’t self harm to hurt other people I do it as a release. It just feels like there is nothing left and that I shouldn’t bother anymore.

Then one of my mates helped me to stop self harming after going to a fucking shrink and everything and I did. I stopped. I think she knew how to help me and some of the feelings that went along with the words. Then when she died I just started self harming again and I’ve just felt worse about everything. Well I kinda dont’ know what to say.

If people tell you that you’re a freak and that you shouldn’t self harm just tell them to fuck off. If you have people that know you self harm and they don’t like you doing it and they can’t be supportive then they aren’t very good friends. People can’t have all the answers to things but just having other things to show you that there are people out there and they can see where you care coming from, from some things can help. If you ever want to chat or anything I am here for you and even if you wanna let out your anger at me if it helps I’m still here.

Shit Life

Copyright, Tami

There have been alot of issues and things that I have been left to deal with on my own and things like that. Then four years ago I started self harming. I remember just sitting at home angry and upset, and I don’t even know what made me cut. But it made me feel better. It was for me at the time a release and it felt good. I have had a lot of issues with friends, family and lots of other things that have gone wrong. But what I didn’t like about two years after I started the school told my parents and that made problems for me. I went throught the ‘fuck everyone’ stage just so I wouldn’t get hurt. Then still people found ways to hurt me even more. And that for me was hard because not as a cry for help but just to let things out and just to get the chance to speak up. When I was in primary school I also tried to work out who I was like with where I came from and who I wanted to be and that was hard for me as I was adopted and I had things that were being kept from me. I then had to lie and say that everything was OK. Like to me and the outside world, that was difficult as I knew that there where things I had to sort out. Still now I know that there are things I need to sort out but I don’t know how. there are also the annoying things and I’m sure you know what I mean about that. Like people wanting to talk to you about what’s going on when they don’t understand, telling you that you shouldn’t self harm and things like that.

I don’t really know how to put it as I haven’t really talked about it much and it’s not the kind of thing that I would talk about with people that don’t understand. But I don’t really know what to say so if you would like to chat better I am here. You can drop me an e-mail or chat on MSB if you have that:


Copyright, Tami

i see hell in your eyes
taken in by suprise
touching you makes mefeel so sick.
touching you makes me wanna die inside.

walking waiting
alone without a care.
hoping and hating
things that I cant bear
did you think it would be cool to talk right up
to take my life and fuck it up.
well did you?



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