Feeling Like Normal
Everyone doesn’t and won’t understand self-harm. My parents are one of them. I try and talk to my mom, about how scared most of us get, and how numb we feel until that blood drips down.
With me it’s the one thing I have right now that has kept me here today. I was sexually assaulted by 2 older guys and molested most of my life. I’m terrified of many guys, and still get shivers every now and then. I cry every night, and sometimes I actually have no reason to cry. The tears just roll town my bonnie cheeks. I quit eating because I began to look at myself and just see fat.
I never knew there were so many people out there that understand what I’m going through. I’ve ended talking to many girls in my situation, and I’ve even tried telling my parents. They just don’t understand. My mom even told me straight up she doesn’t understand how I can feel so unwanted, and alone.
I still cut today, and I still don’t eat. It’s not a phase and I know that. It’s something that someday will teach me a valuable lesson, and I know that when I look back at my scars I will know I’m a survior for making it.
I just want to tell you girls and guys out there don’t be afraid to speak up about anything. This world is about free speach even though I know sometimes it feels like it’s not. It’s hard and I know that. Suicide is not the answer even though many of us think it is.
I’ve had 2 suicide attempts to this day, and they both taught me so many things. I wouldn’t have had all the great memories I have today. I wouldn’t have had all those bad moments. Which have only made me stronger.
Hang in there! Seriously become a surivor, and talk to someone. You can always e-mail me if you just need to really talk, and express yourself.