Black Death

They Just Don’t Understand!

Copyright, Black Death

I am turning fourteen in 2 months. I started cutting myself when I was 11 turning 12 in 2 months. I had just gotten back from a camp that I went to with part of my sixth grade class. I had made a really big stupid decision there and lost my boyfriend who was one of my great friends. He wouldn’t talk to me at all. I was so down I found a box cutter in my brothers room. I knew a girl who had tried to kill herself before and she said cutting let all the pain out. So I cut little gashes into my hips. And it helped so much. Instantly I felt better. So I did it more and more. Finally my parents found out and took me to therapy. My parents were so embarrassed with my “problem”. My grandparents don’t even know about it to this day.

I am in 8th grade now and I am still cutting. One day my two best friends took me into the bath room at lunch. And they told me basically they thought I was lying about everything in my life. They didn’t believe that I went to therapy or that I cut myself at all. Even when I showed them the scars they were like, “the things you do for attention, Angel, that’s sick” It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. When I got home I got online hoping to talk to my new boyfriend. He dumped me. Said I wasn’t thin enough for his taste and to call him when I lost 10 pounds. I had never been so depressed in my life. I started cutting so much because of them. And now I think my parent are ignoring it. They don’t want to have to deal with it anymore. No one understands the pain that they are putting me through. If I kill myself then they won’t have to deal with me anymore. It seems like a good plan.


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